“Sam” Josh prodded.
“Sammie?” Josh said, shaking his son’s shoulder softly.
“Sam, baby come on wake up” Josh said a little louder this time. Sam’s silver blue eyes opened slowly looking up into the eyes of his father.
“Hey baby, let’s go get something yummy k?” Josh asked knowing his son would be much more awake after hearing that. The eyes that opened fully and the smile that came onto his face proved him to be right.
“Yay!” Sam yelled excitedly, bopping in his chair.
“Come on then” Josh urged as he released the straps of the carseat and lifted his son out of the car.
“Me walk” Sam stated, letting his father and his travel companion know he was a big boy and could do stuff himself. Josh smiled and set him on the floor, taking his little hand in his as a repercussion. He stretched inside to get the changing back before shutting the car door and locking it behind him with Justin looking wistfully at the scene in front of him. That was how a father and a son should be….
“Let’s go” Josh announced, leading Sam to the small store of the gas station. Justin abandoned his thoughts to walk beside Sam, he smiled down at the little boy. Sam stretched up and out of nowhere placed his little hand in Justin’s. Justin looked down at the small, soft hand in his and was overwhelmed with pride and happiness, happy Sam was allowing him to be apart of the tight father-son relationship they had. Josh looked at his son proudly, the kid probably didn’t even realize what he’d done but Josh did. With a simple gesture Sam had made Justin feel welcome, accepted. Josh could see Justin was feeling that exact way as they shared a smile over Sam’s head. In between the two happy adults Sam wobbled towards the store where they bought a few goodies and extra food for the hours they’d have to spend in the car till they would reach yet another town where they could spend the night.
When they returned to the car, Josh picked Sam up and settled him on his arm seeing he was getting tired. They’d spend quite some time in the little store, deciding on the food and some other extra things and Josh noticed how Sam trudged behind them and how he was growing more quiet. Josh’s thought was confirmed when Sam didn’t protest when his father picked him up and Justin just smiled.
They walked back in silence, both taking in their surroundings and the people there. Justin’s eye fell on a young couple with a young boy from about five years old of to his left. The two young people were talking, a scowl on their faces; probably fighting about something and the young boy trudged behind them silently. He had sweet blond hair, soft baby fine cheeks and Justin could see a few tear streaks on the small boy’s face. His eyes were on the floor, wrapped in his own little safe world and Justin stopped dead in his tracks. He watched in silence as the boy kept on walking, his father turned around swiftly,
“Don’t wander behind boy! Stay with us!” he scolded as he grabbed his son’s wrist and harshly pulled the small boy towards him. The child whimpered and the boy’s eyes shimmered with tears as he cowered away from his angry father.
“Stop that!” his father said angrily pulling the boy with him by his wrist. The small boy stumbled along side his father, trying to keep up but his steps where to small and he was left to run beside his father as his mother acted like there was nothing wrong. She pulled her hands through her hair and adjusted her sunglasses on top of her head. Justin stared intently. The young boy turned his head as he felt the gaze on him, their eyes met; finding recognition. Tears came to Justin’s eyes as he looked into those miserable blue ones of this young child. He offered the boy a small smile which was shakily returned as he and his parents reached the small store. The threesome disappeared inside. The sliding doors closed after the family, closing off Justin’s view.
Justin blinked, a few tears dislodged and slid down his cheeks as he continued to stare towards those sliding doors where the little boy and his parents had disappeared through.
“Justin? You ready?” Josh called once he was done settling Sam in his seat and noticing Justin wasn’t behind him. He searched for the boy with the golden curls and found him halfway between their car and the store.
“Justin!” Josh called again when Justin didn’t respond to his first call.
“I’m coming” Justin softly called back over his shoulder not totally with it. Josh stood and waited, observed the boy who was standing in the middle of the parking lot, wondering what was wrong. Justin blinked back the few tears that threatened to escape and he wiped his cheeks to get rid of the tears that did manage to escape. He glanced at the small store one more time, swallowing hard before he turned and walked towards the car where Josh was still waiting for him.
“You ready?” Josh asked carefully, seeing the look in Justin’s eyes.
Justin nodded once, barely seeable, “Yes” he said softly before he opened the passenger side door and got in. Josh followed suit before he started the car, with one quick glance to the boy on his right he pulled onto freeway.
Josh was curious, hopefully he would get to know what happened later.
He would give Justin some time, he would tell him in his own time; that is, if he wanted to share it.
“Are you alright?” Josh asked softly, not wanting to startle Justin who had closed himself off. He was folded in the seat, his shoulders slumped and his gaze was directed towards the floor. It had been more than half an hour and Justin hadn’t said a word which made Josh worry. He always worried even about an almost stranger. It was just the way he was.
Sam had fallen back asleep after the small diner they’d had and Josh had deliberately waited a little longer till he asked the question, giving Justin time for himself, to leave it up to him if he wanted to share whatever happened to him at the parking lot. However almost 45 minutes later Justin still hadn’t said anything and Josh couldn’t look at him anymore. Justin’s posture was hurting him and the look in Justin’s eyes cut right through him, forcing him to ask what was wrong. Justin didn’t answer him immediately and Josh just waited, giving Justin some time before he would repeat his question.
“It hurts…” Justin whispered. There was a pause as Justin took a deep breath to keep himself together.
“It hurts so much” Justin breathed without looking up. On a contrary he lowered his head even more, a few tears escaping. Josh turned his head in confusion, waiting for further elaboration.
“It is the worst feeling in the world, the most hurtful thing, when your parents turn their backs on you, when they make you feel unwanted” he whispered softly, elaborating on his statement as he stared at his hands in his lap. Josh said nothing but released his right hand to cover Justin’s hands, giving it an encouraging squeeze.
Justin blinked, a few tears escaped and he let them fall this time. He looked up, meeting Josh’s warm, loving eyes right on. He blinked again, a tear falling on Josh’s hand which covered his own as he miserably said,
“I’ve always felt unwanted”…
“He’s so cute” Mrs. Swanson purred over Justin, the small boy with the playful curls, the beautiful blue eyes and the soft smile.
“Yeah” Andy agreed reluctantly with a fake smile.
Four year old Justin gazed up at his brother, hoping for a reassurance but all he got was a scowl making him lower his head immediately.
Why can’t my brother be nice to me? Justin wondered miserably. Everyone in town always said how cute and sweet he was but his brothers thought of him as anything but sweet.
“Excuse us ma’am, we need to do some shopping before the grocery store closes” Andy excused them.
“Oh sure boys. Bye sweetie” Mrs. Swanson said friendly, patting Justin’s cheek softly before turning around and walking away. Andy forcefully grabbed his younger brother and pulled him with him towards the store on the other side of the road. Justin stumbled along, Andy was going too fast and Justin’s short legs couldn’t keep up.
“Ow, Andy you’re hurting me” he whimpered softly trying to get his arm out of his brother’s firm grasp. Andy pulled him towards him,
“Shut up” he hissed before dragging his brother with him. Justin didn’t dare to say anything after that and he ran next to his brother to keep up with his angry strides.
“Ah! I can’t do this anymore” Peter sighed dramatically, dropping his pen on the table and leaning back in his chair.
Six year old Justin looked up from his puzzle he’d been trying to solve on the living room floor and watched as his five years older brother Peter stormed out of the room and pounded up the stairs frustrated with himself and the assignment. Justin put down the puzzle piece he’d been holding and pushed himself up from the floor. He walked towards the kitchen table and pulled himself into the seat Peter had vacated just moments before. He sat on his knees as he looked at the piece of paper in front of him. He recognized the letters but was at a stage where he couldn’t actually read them. He looked over at the page, bending forward to scrutinize the few paragraphs that were written on the page. Cocking his head to the side and squinting his eyes he took a few minutes to look it over. He then saw the pen that lay about a foot from him where Peter had thrown it and he stretched over the table to reach for it. He scribbled a few letters he already knew, the letters of his name to begin with and a couple of numbers after it.
Petey would be happy, he thought happily as he repeated the few letters and numbers he’d written down. After a few lines he sat up and looked at his work; satisfied he dropped the pen next to the paper and looked at the sheet again.
He nodded once, happy with himself he’d helped his older brother.
“What are you doing?” Peter asked suspiciously as he saw his younger brother sitting in his chair, in front of his paper that was due tomorrow. Justin looked up somewhat startled but got over it quickly,
“Look” he exclaimed as he held up the piece of paper. He jumped out of his chair and turned towards his brother. Peter was there in three quick strides as he saw the scrawl at the bottom of the page from a distant.
“What did you do?!” Peter exclaimed scowling as he ripped the paper out of Justin’s hand.
“I ‘as helping you” Justin replied innocently, convinced he’d done a good thing this time. Peter rubbed a hand over his face,
“Great! Now I have to do the whole thing all over again” Peter groaned.
“I ssorry” Justin said softly, ducking his head, understanding his brother was not happy with him helping him.
“Just get out of my way” Peter said angrily before he pushed passed Justin, leaving the little boy by himself with the thought that he really couldn’t do anything right.
He screwed everything up…
