Josh stared at the phone, it had been three days since Howard Timberlake paid him a visit, telling him he couldn’t see his son anymore. Josh had understood that somehow Justin’s parents had found out that they weren’t just friends, something that Justin had feared since the beginning. Instead of disowning their son they’d blamed Josh, thinking that if they’d cut Josh out of their son’s life he would be normal again, normal as in not gay. Josh was grateful they hadn’t disowned Justin because he’d be devastated but he wondered how long it would take before Justin couldn’t fake it anymore. How long would it take for them to realize that he couldn’t be changed and then they would disown him after all. And by the time that happened Josh wouldn’t be there to comfort him and tell him that even though his parents didn’t love him, he loved him.

What would happen to him then?

When he didn’t feel loved…. would he kill … himself?

No!

Josh shook his head to get rid of those thoughts, he couldn’t face those. Not again, he’d promised himself he would do better this time but it didn’t look like it, he failed once again.

He wondered what they had said to Justin to keep him away from him, what could they have said?

Justin was staring at the phone the same way, although the phone still wasn’t working he was hoping for a telepathic message or something to let him know that Josh was alright, to tell him that he didn’t steal from them. That he really loved him. In his heart he knew that Josh really loved him but the lectures from his father at the diner table echoed through his head and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore them.

The day after his father had told him that Josh had stolen from them he’d planned to go by the deli after school to confront Josh with the information his father had provided but a car had been waiting at the entrance of the school gates, waiting to take him home right after school. He understood the message then; his father really didn’t want him to see Josh again.

But should he listen?

Josh was biting his nails nervously, two weeks had gone by. Two weeks since Howard Timberlake had made it perfectly clear he didn’t want his son to be involved with another man. He hadn’t seen Justin in two weeks but it seemed so much longer.

He anxiously peered through the bars of the gate, searching for a sign of brown curls and the smile that almost made you blind. It was 4pm, knowing Justin was done at this hour he waited for him. He just needed to ask Justin; he needed to know what Howard had told him to keep Justin away from him. He was standing out of view, discreetly at the side entrance of the school, not the main entrance. No, he wasn’t that dumb, he could be seen from the street there and Howard Timberlake was a determined man, he would do whatever it took to keep Justin away from his lover.

A laugh he would recognize out of a thousand sounded across the playground and Josh’s gaze swept over the open space, quickly settling on the boy with the sparkling blue eyes, even from a distant they couldn’t be overlooked. He watched as Justin walked towards the main entrance, Josh following, walking around the school walls so he could meet his lover at the front. He carefully peeked around the corner, feeling like a stalker but quickly forgetting that thought when he saw Justin getting into a car. Justin greeted the man reluctantly as he opened the door for him, he got in and Josh’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Josh recognized the car, he’d seen it parked in front of Justin’s house.

Mr. Timberlake was letting him be picked up?

He drew his own conclusions and watched helplessly as the car drove off, he stepped onto the sidewalk and walked in the other direction not knowing someone had seen him.

Justin turned around in his seat, staring out the front window without actually seeing anything.

“Everything alright, Mr. Timberlake?” his driver, James, asked.

“Oh… uh… yeah everything is fine. Just a little tired” he lied, covering for his absent behavior.

“Sit back, sir, we’ll be home soon” James reassured him, politely and caring. Justin nodded before settling in the soft cushions.

He’d seen Josh, he knew it for sure. Josh was there to see him, he wanted to talk to him. His heart started beating faster and he hoped James wouldn’t hear it. He’d seen Josh stare after the car but Josh wasn’t able to see him; the car had tinted windows, but Justin was able to see Josh and it brought a smile to his face no matter how many lectures he’d gotten.

“Hi mom” Josh greeted his mother with an ever present smile.

“Hi sweetie” she said wincing in pain, Josh was at her side in a heartbeat.

“Are you alright mother? Can I get you anything?” he asked concerned.

“No sweetie, I’m fine” she said trying to smile, trying to comfort her son. “You sure?” he asked not completely convinced. “

Yes sweetie, now give me a hug I missed you” “I missed you too mom” he said smiling gently, leaning in for a hug.

“Now where is that sweet boy of yours?” she asked when they parted, looking at the door to see if he was lingering behind.

“He’s not coming” Josh mumbled softly.

Two days ago he’d been waiting for him at the school gates but there was no chance in hell he could speak to him, showing up at his house wasn’t an option, calling him wasn’t an option and he was thinking if this man went to so much trouble of giving him a driver he wouldn’t hesitate to open his son’s mail, just to make sure. He had no way of contacting him and he was beginning to realize that.

“Oh baby, what happened?” Mary asked sympathetically, she might be in pain but she didn’t care. She could see her son was hurting and she was still the parent although he was taking care of her.

“It’s nothing we just… we broke up” Josh said, saying it out loud for the first time. He didn’t want to believe it at first, he kept telling himself that there would be a way around it but it wasn’t looking like that. Mary wouldn’t believe ‘it was nothing’ she saw the look in his eyes, he was hurting, badly.

“I guess we just weren’t meant to be” he said, trying to force back the tears but his mother saw right through him. She saw him trying to hide his tears.

“Oh baby, come here” she said extending her arms slowly, inviting him for a hug. He accepted it gratefully, crying on his mother’s shoulders as reality struck him:

He would never see Justin again.

“Joey, please!!” Justin begged his friend. Joey shook his head wildly,

“No Justin forget it, your dad hates me as it is”

“I really need to see him, Joey, please…” Justin whispered the plea.

“If you want me to beg, I will” Justin said determined. Joey eyed him, wanting to know if he was serious, when Justin lowered himself to his knees he knew the boy was dead serious.

“Justin!” he scolded.

“Get up, idiot” he hissed, imagining how this looked, the boy on his knees in front of him.

Justin didn’t get up, he stayed on his knees looking up at Joey with pleading eyes. Joey grabbed the younger boy by the arms and hauled him up angry but moved.

“He really means that much to you?” he asked, his eyes softer, more gentle. Justin nodded with tears in his eyes,

“I love him” he admitted.

“Woah” Joey said taking a step back, Justin hoped Joey wouldn’t pounce on him now. He was the only one who knew about Josh, he’d told him when he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He couldn’t tell anyone and he was hurting so badly, he needed to get it off of his chest and Joey had been there. Listening to him and trying to comfort him when he’d collapsed in the hallway after drama class.

“I’ll do it” Joey said softly when he saw the scared expression on his friend’s face. He hadn’t meant to scare him but it kind of took him off guard that he could admit he loved another man and at such a young age. He himself had never really loved anyone, apart from his family that was. Sure he’d dated girls but he couldn’t say he loved them, so for someone to admit all honesty that he really loved someone was tough stuff which made him cave in.

“You will?” Justin asked happily, throwing his arms around his friend’s neck.

“Yes, I’ll cover for you, tell your dad you’re tutoring me at school”

“Oh thank you Joey!! I owe you forever” he exclaimed.

“That’s ok, just make sure you get him back” Joey assured him, Justin nodded grateful,

“Thanks Joe” he said before he went to the gate of the school, telling the driver he was staying at school to tutor his friend Joey and asked James to inform his father. James said he would inform Mr. Timberlake before he drove off, Justin pretended to return back to the school’s building but when the car was out of sight he turned back around and ran towards the mall, hoping Josh would be working at the deli, pretty much knowing for sure that he was.

Josh had a blank expression on his face, he moved through the store almost like a zombie. He wished he could have taken a couple of days off to sulk in his misery, instead he was working again. In a way he was grateful for the work; it kept his mind off of Justin although it only worked for a little while. The minute he had time for himself, his mind automatically went to Justin.

Justin and his golden curls, Justin and his amazingly blue eyes, Justin and his blinding smile, the face of an angel that haunted him in his dreams and appeared at every weak moment during the day.

He knew he was supposed to let go of him but how could he?

In his dreams they were living together in a cozy little apartment, cuddling and lying in each other’s arms. They would visit his mother at her own house. She wasn’t sick and she free from pain. She was at home baking cookies like she used to and they were all laughing and joking at the kitchen table, the three of them happy, blissful.

He usually woke up with a smile on his face but it slowly fell off his face as he glanced around his one room apartment, no Justin, no happiness. That was when reality hit him, hard, because his dream would never become reality.

Josh vaguely heard the jingle of the bell above the door, indicating another customer. He sighed automatically, wanting this day to be over so he could go back to sleep and be happy in his dreams. He was replenishing the chicken sandwiches when a sweet soft voice asked,

“What can you recommend?”

Josh’s eyes widened and his head snapped up forgetting his head was in the showcase. He bumped the back of his head against the top of the showcase, letting out a moan but forgetting about it quickly as he retracted his head completely while rubbing the soar spot on his skull. Looking up, he was staring into gorgeous blue eyes and the smile that blinded him.

“Justin” he breathed, letting the hand fall at his side.

“Hi, Josh” Justin said nervously all of a sudden, he’d been giggling when he saw Josh’s bump in with the showcase but now that they were eye to eye the seriousness of the situation dawned on him. He pulled the cap he was wearing further down in a nervous gesture, he couldn’t help but think that his father was watching him from every corner and by just covering up his curls, the most striking thing about him, he hoped his father wouldn’t recognize him, if he happened to walk by. Josh couldn’t get over the fact how sexy he looked with the cap, casual and just… Justin.

“Can we talk?” Justin asked softly but determined.

“Um, yeah” Josh agreed, he’d been hoping this day would come but he was afraid Mr. Johnson wouldn’t let him take a break if it wasn’t time for one.

“Now?” Josh asked, rubbing the back of his head thoughtful, wincing slightly as he hit the bump that was forming there. Justin nodded.

“I don’t have much time” he said apologetically, knowing it wasn’t likely Josh would get a break.

“K” Josh nodded, he was going to try anyway. He walked the few steps towards the older man who’d been watching them for a while, Josh could see it by the look on his face.

“Mr. Johnson can I take an early break?” Josh asked trying to sound casual but knowing he was failing. Mr. Johnson snorted.

“No”

“Please” he pleaded with him but he was looking into cold hard eyes, his shoulder slumped as he turned towards Justin, the defeat written clearly on his face.

“Mr. Johnson?” Justin addressed the man.

“Yes?” he asked bored.

“I’ll give you 500 bucks if you let Josh take a half hour break” Mr. Johnson stood dumbfounded, 500 dollars? That was a lot of money! Josh also couldn’t believe his ears, that Justin could afford it in the first place and second; that he was willing to pay that just so he could talk to him. Justin nodded, grabbing his wallet and taking out the bills, waving them in the man’s face.

“1000” Mr. Johnson tried and till his surprise Justin nodded and pulled 5 extra hundred dollar bills out of his wallet, handing them over to the man who couldn’t believe his luck. Mr. Johnson greedily snatched the bills out of Justin’s hand and nodded.

“Come on Josh” Justin said pulling a frozen Josh with him to the back of the deli, settling in one of the corner tables, out of sight. Josh stared at Justin, the boy he thought he would never see again.

“Josh, hello” Justin said playfully, waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention. Josh blinked, bringing him back to reality,

“Yeah?”

“We only got half an hour” Justin reminded him.

“Yeah I know… I’ll… pay you back, you know…” Josh stammered, ashamed, feeling guilty and proud at the same time.

“Ah! Forget about the money! I want to talk to you,” Justin said dismissing the money issue.

“I don’t have much time so we’ll have to do it quick” he added.

Josh just nodded, he was at a loss for words; here he was sitting opposite of his lover.

Ex-lover, he corrected himself. But then again they never officially broke it off….

Screw that!

Josh could barely contain himself from kissing him.

“Did you steal from my house?” Justin blurted, seeing Josh was lost in thoughts once again. It got Josh back to earth in a mere second,

“What?” he asked confused.

“My dad told me you stole stuff from our house”

“Is that what he told you?” the answer to his question finally revealed; Howard Timberlake had told Justin he stole from them.

“Yeah” Justin nodded.

“Is that why you didn’t come and talk to me, that you didn’t want to be with me?” Josh asked hurt, Justin did know he wouldn’t do something like that, did he?

“No it’s because my dad has been making sure he knows where I am, what I’m doing and with whom every second of the day” Justin informed him.

“But then how did you get here?”

“A friend is covering for me”

“Oh, I’m sorry” Josh said, ducking his head a little.

“Josh you didn’t steal anything did you?” Josh didn’t answer but Justin just waited, finally Josh shook his head no.

“Did he threaten you?” Justin asked, he knew his father, knew what he did to get his way, he used it in his job too, because let’s face it hardly anybody gets rich by being nice. Again Josh didn’t answer right away,

“Josh?”

“Yes, yes he did” Josh finally told him. He’d debated about telling Justin about his father’s threats and he actually hadn’t wanted to say anything about it, surprisingly he didn’t have to. Justin already knew. Justin dropped his head in his hands,

“I’m sorry Josh”

Josh reached across the table, grasping Justin’s hands, pulling them away from his face and gently holding them in his, resting their entwined hands on the table between them. Justin slowly lifted his head so he was looking into Josh’s eyes,

“I’m sorry” he repeated.

“It’s not your fault Justin” Josh reassured.

“But you didn’t do anything and he just… asshole… you just can’t… I can’t believe it… I just…” Justin stuttered, the rage he was feeling making it impossible to make coherent sentences.

“Justin,” Josh addressed him, squeezing his hands.

“It’s ok, I just…” he paused, a sigh escaping,

“I can’t believe you’re here” he said his voice choked with emotion.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner, I just didn’t know what to do, I knew you didn’t steal anything I knew you wouldn’t do that and I couldn’t come… but I wanted to and I just didn’t know what to do…. ” Justin said in a rush, feeling the need to explain. His shoulders slumped,

“I still don’t” he finished.

“I love you Justin” Josh stated, trying to make things a little less complicated because to be honest he didn’t know what to do either. All he knew was that he loved Justin and didn’t want to loose him. But maybe by loving him he only made things more complicated. Justin looked up happily,

“I love you too Josh” he said, letting his heart speak.

“Then we’ll figure out a way, Guppy” Josh assured him.

Justin smiled, the nickname was back, he loved the nickname; it made him feel loved and just that Josh was the only one who called him that made him feel special as well. They had been looking into each other’s eyes, forgetting reality and ignoring everything that was going on around them. They weren’t aware of the fact that Mr. Johnson had made his way towards them and was now standing directly in front of them,

“Half hour is up Josh” he said harshly, bringing them back to reality.

Josh blinked, absent-mindedly saying, “Yes sir” but his eyes were still on Justin.

“Time to say goodbye to your little boyfriend” Mr. Johnson scoffed, Josh now turned his full attention to the man who was mocking Justin. Justin saw the look in Josh’s eyes and squeezed his hands to get his attention, preventing him from doing anything he’d regret later,

“I have to go Josh” he said which made Josh turn his head back towards Justin.

He nodded reluctantly.

“When will I see you again?” Josh asked sadly, almost desperate.

Justin shrugged apologetically.

“As soon as possible, I’ll think of something” he said with a reassuring smile.

“K” Josh accepted but not happy about it.

“We’ll figure out a way Josh” Justin reassured Josh the same way Josh had reassured him.

“Ok, that was all very endearing and all but get to work now or I’ll keep it off your paycheck” Mr. Johnson said ruining the moment with his harsh comment.

“Yes sir” Josh nodded while getting up, he held Justin’s hands and pulled him up with him.

“I’ll be there in two seconds” Josh assured his boss, willing him away. Mr. Johnson nodded slowly.

“Two seconds, a second longer and it will cost you 5 bucks for every second” he threatened before slowly backing out from the small space.

Josh turned his back towards his boss as he pressed his lips firmly but gently on Justin’s lips who accepted the kiss greedily. The kiss ended too soon for both of them but Josh really needed to get back to work and although he knew his boss had witnessed the scene he didn’t care. He couldn’t let Justin walk out of here without knowing when he would see him again, not before he’d tasted Justin, he’d missed him so much and he needed to feel him. Josh brushed away a loose curl from his lover’s forehead before pressing his lips to Justin’s forehead; Justin sank into the kiss and savored it.

“Five bucks!” Mr. Johnson called indicating his time was up and he just lost five dollars of his paycheck. Josh pulled back looking into Justin’s eyes apologetically.

“Go” Justin urged him, reassuring him it was ok when he smiled his precious smile. Josh gave him one quick kiss, he couldn’t get enough of this boy, before he rushed towards the front and took his place behind the counter. Justin followed moments later and he smiled all the way to the door, not breaking eye contact with Josh who stilled his movements to watch the beauty he could once again call; his boyfriend.