“Where were you?” Howard asked once Justin stepped inside. Justin backed up, he’d been rehearsing what he was going to say all the way home but had to swallow hard not to break down and tell him everything just by his posture.

“Sit down boy, I want to have a word with you” Justin cringed, maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to let the driver give him the message. Maybe he’d better called or something.

Howard gently but firmly pushed Justin towards the living room when he realized his son wasn’t moving, Justin startled at first being deep in thought walked towards the living room when he remembered his father’s words. He walked out in front of his father to the adjacent living room and sat down on the couch. Howard sat on the opposite one just like when Howard had questioned him about his friendship with Josh.

“Good, now where were you?” Howard fired the first question. Justin forced himself to stay calm and to answer the question with confidence.

“I was at school”

“What were you doing there Justin? You should have been home two hours ago” Howard asked, because he had his office at home, took care of business from there he was home practically 24/7, something that he himself liked very much. It gave him the privilege of watching Justin’s every move, Howard had convinced himself he needed to keep an eye on Justin if he wanted to make it to the best university of the country. Howard always checked Justin’s homework, asked what he learned in school to make sure he paid attention and whenever Justin had had a test and brought it home they always went over the questions and answers. If he’d made a mistake his father would make him try the question again till it was right.

All these things his father did to ‘help’ him as he called it, made Justin wish his father was like most of the father’s of the kids in his class, never home and when they were they didn’t bother with the kids. Because being under the scrutinizing eye of his father day in day out drove him nuts, not that he could do much about it. Once he tried to tell his dad that he would appreciate it if he gave him a little more space, a little privacy because he needed it. He’d end up being grounded and lectured till his ears almost fell off. It was no use telling his father that he could take care of himself because he simply wouldn’t listen and he always ended up being punished.

His mother was no help at all, she approved the strict upbringing, thinking it was in his best interest and besides she was never there to witness just how far it went sometimes. She spent her days either at the country club, the fancy shops, buying yet another pair of ugly shoes she didn’t need or you could find her at the beauty parlor.

Justin often wondered if maybe he was switched at birth because he didn’t look like his father nor his mother.

“A friend asked if I could tutor him” Justin answered with confidence.

“Did I say you could?” his father asked knowingly, he wanted his son to be home doing his homework, working hard to get in the right college.

Justin didn’t answer, just shook his head no.

“I can’t hear you Justin”

“No you didn’t” Justin said softly but loud enough for his father to hear.

“Then why did you?”

“I just thought it would be ok since I told James where I would be, it’s not like I simply didn’t come home without telling anyone where I was” he defended making sure he kept his voice low, yelling at his father was unacceptable at least that was one of Howard’s many rules.

“I know and it’s good that you did but you haven’t answered my question” Howard said knowingly, seeing through Justin’s attempt to avoid the question. Justin sighed.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry but he helped me out a lot and I just wanted to return the favor” he offered as an explanation. He knew what his father’s next question was going to be and he knew he wouldn’t be happy with the answer but apart from Joey he didn’t have a lot of friends.

“Who did you tutor?”

Bingo!

What did I win, he asked himself sarcastically before answering his dad’s question.

“Joey”

“Oh that boy again, I don’t like that boy Justin” Justin nodded in acknowledgement, he knew his father didn’t like Joey but that was one of the reasons he did like him.

“Originally he’s from the east and that’s not the part of town where you should find your friends, son” Howard lectured and Justin wondered if he ever got tired of his own lectures.

Joey’s parents got rich at a late stage in their lives, when Joey’s dad finally made it big in the music industry they moved from the east side of New York to the rich part and got their kids to expensive schools. Howard hated people like that, simply because they grew up in a poor neighborhood. He himself had been born rich, his father had a successful business and now the business was his.

“But he’s not as bad as you think dad” Justin argued still remembering to keep his voice low. Howard shrugged it off, not even bothering to get into that one,

“I don’t like the fact that you stayed at school without asking me”

“I’m sorry” Justin said although he wasn’t sorry at all, drama lessons finally paid off he thought as he waited for his father to continue.

“You’ll come home straight after school and spend the next two days in your room doing your homework and nothing else. I’ll have Louise come up and the day after tomorrow I want to see what you have been doing, we’ll go over that together understood?”

“Yes father” Justin answered trying not to sigh in exasperation although he wanted to.

“Good now go up to your room, Louise will be there in a second” Howard instructed.

Justin nodded standing up slowly, hesitating.

“Dad?” he asked, taking a chance.

“Yes Justin?” Howard asked tilting his head so he could look at his son.

“Can I still tutor him?” Justin asked carefully, trying not to sound too desperate but if he couldn’t, he didn’t have an excuse to go see Josh. He didn’t even know if Joey agreed, because yes he said he would cover for him once but would he be willing to do that more often? Justin wasn’t sure but if his father didn’t agree he didn’t even have to ask Joey. If his father said yes he could deal with Joey, no matter what it took.

“I don’t know Justin, I’ll think about it. We’ll talk about it later” Howard said to his son whose shoulders slumped. Well he didn’t say no he tried to reassure himself but then there was this tiny voice which said he hadn’t said yes either. Justin nodded, accepting his father’s answer. If he pushed it too far now he could kiss his time with Josh goodbye so instead of arguing he quietly headed upstairs for his room.

“Hello youngster” Louise greeted him as he entered Justin’s room.

“Hi Louise” Justin said friendly, propping himself up on his elbow to watch Louise move through his room. He liked Louise, he was one of his father’s servants but had been there since the day Justin was born.

“What did you do?” he asked caring, he was always willing to listen to Justin if he needed to get off some steam. Whenever his father pissed him off Louise was there to listen and he’d made sure he didn’t make it worse for himself more times than Justin could count. Louise understood how Justin must be feeling but tried to tell him his father was doing it in his best interested, if he didn’t care about him he wouldn’t go through so much trouble. Justin often snorted at that but Louise didn’t give up with the excuse and in his heart Justin knew that his father loved him, that Louise was right but then why did his father went so overboard with his rules. Justin shrugged,

“Didn’t come home straight after school” he answered the middle-aged man as Louise went about the room, unplugging his stereo, TV and Playstation before carrying it outside to a cart.

“You still got James driving you everywhere?” Louise asked as he took the phone next to the bed and the pile of sport magazines on the edge of the desk.

“Yes” Justin answered scowling. Louise came back into the room and sat on the edge of the youth’s bed.

“He means well Justin” Louise reminded him, ducking for the playful swing he knew was about to come. They both burst out laughing, Louise satisfied since it was what he was trying to accomplish; getting the young boy to smile. Louise ruffled his hair playfully as he stood up, walking towards the opposite closet to get the last few things; his discman, a gameboy and the laptop. Louise brought the last few items outside and placed them on the cart going back into Justin’s room his eyes fell on something sticking out from underneath the mattress. Justin followed his gaze and finally realized where Louise was looking at; his journal with all the stories about Josh. In the beginning he couldn’t tell anyone about the wonderful man he’d met and how fantastic their relationship was. That was when he’d started the journal, well it was more like a notebook with all the things he couldn’t talk about, needing to tell ‘someone’ he wrote it down so it felt like he’d shared it with someone. He often wrote things in it when he was grounded and didn’t have anything else to do and now Louise had spotted it, shit!

Justin looked up to him with pleading eyes, begging him to pretend he never saw it but when Louise extended his hand with accompanied ‘hand it over’ look Justin’s face fell. He grabbed the journal, pulled it out from under his mattress and reluctantly handed it over to the middle-aged man. Louise quickly scanned through the writings while Justin watched defeated, with all the expansive stuff he had in his room this was his most prized possession; not only did he write in it he often read it as well. Re-reading how they’d met and it was better, way better than some useless movie because that was fake and his story was real.

He already saw images of Louise showing the journal to his father and him reading his deepest secrets, his private happenings. Louise closed the journal softly, having seen that it were private writings, he watched Justin’s defeated posture and felt sorry for him. He slowly handed the journal back to the teenager who accepted it hesitantly, this wasn’t what he was expecting,

“Thanks” he whispered gratefully. Louise ruffled his hair again.

“He doesn’t have to know everything” he said with a wink before starting to move towards the door.

“Make sure you hid it more carefully” Louise called over his shoulder before he stepped out on the hallway driving the cart to the end of the hallway. He opened the door to the small closet and placed the cart inside before closing the door and locking it carefully. On his way back he checked on Justin once more.

“See you at diner kid”

Justin nodded in response.

“Thanks” he said again.

Louise nodded his ‘your welcome’ before he pulled the door shut, walking downstairs to hand the key to the closet to his boss while wondering how many times he’d have to do this.

“Very good, Justin. Good job” Howard praised his son as he got up from his chair. Justin was a smart kid, always had been.

“Thanks” he blushed. Howard looked at his son, yeah this kid would make it big someday. Howard nodded approvingly and it took everything for Justin not to sigh in exasperation and tell him to fuck off.

He’d spent the last two days in his room, doing his homework trying not to think of Josh. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his work if he allowed Josh to enter his mind and so he firmly kept him out, knowing his father would notice if he’d slacked off for just an hour. So he kept his mind on his work and only when he was lying in his bed at night did he allow the beautiful picture of Josh to overtake him. He fell asleep with the image in his mind which produced the best dreams he’d ever had, wishing they were reality. But another day of school and homework started.

Today they’d been going over the work he’d done in the last few days and his father was happy, thank God. Justin glanced at the clock; almost three hours! He sighed inwardly, three hours they’d spend looking at the work he’d done. Well more like his father looked at it and Justin tried desperately not to let his mind wonder. It was finally coming to an end, Justin thought grateful as his father stood up and walked towards the door.

“Oh I almost forgot, I’ve decided you can tutor your friend. Once a week as long as it doesn’t affect your own schoolwork” Howard announced, laying down the ground rules for the tutoring.

“Really?!” Justin asked excitedly, he hadn’t expected him to agree with it but he guessed he’d satisfied his father with the amount of work he’d done and this was his reward. He didn’t care about the terms of his reward, he’d get to see Josh again and that was all he cared about.

Howard nodded to his son’s question.

“Thanks dad!” Justin said thankful.

A simple nod from his father told him he was welcome but still held the warning glance in his eyes to not do anything wrong or the tutoring was over.

“Here” Howard said as he stood by the door, ready to leave. He threw a key in his son’s direction who caught it easily.

“Get Louise to help you” Howard added before he opened the door.

“Thanks” Justin said again as he watched his father retrieving from the room. Justin stared at the key, knowing what it meant; his grounding was over. Not only that he would get to see Josh again, he hoped Josh wasn’t too worried about him, he still didn’t have a way to contact him and he hated that. If only I could call Josh he sighed longingly. He pushed that thought out of his head as he went in search of Louise, asking him to help him with putting his stuff back to where it belonged.

“Joey please” Justin pleaded with his friend, again. Justin felt bad for involving Joey in this but he needed him to make the plan work. His father had agreed and that had been the biggest obstacle but he still needed Joey to cover for him if necessary.

“Justin” he sighed, not happy with the question. He hadn’t been happy with the first request but had caved when Justin was literally on his knees, begging him to help. He didn’t mind helping his friend once but to lie for him on a weekly basis was a bit much.

“If you want me to b…” Justin started, getting the same gleam in his eyes as when he first requested his help.

“Don’t even think about begging Justin” Joey cut him off harshly, he knew he was too soft and if he’d see Justin begging on his knees again he would cave in immediately and he didn’t want to cave in, it was too much!

“You can’t ask me this Justin” Joey said softly, hoping to talk some sense into him.

“I know Joey, I know this is too much to ask but please, it’s once a week” Justin reminded him, getting a sad look in his eyes as he realized Joey was a bigger obstacle than he’d estimated him to be. Joey didn’t reply, Justin tried a different technique.

“How much time do you to spent with Kelly?” Justin asked knowingly, talking about Joey’s girlfriend. They’d been dating for a few weeks and Justin knew they saw each other practically every day and called each other almost every night.

“Justin…” Joey whined, knowing Justin had a point.

“Answer the question, Joey” Justin persisted.

“A lot, I spend a lot of time with her…” he admitted slowly.

“But that’s different!” he added quickly.

“How’s that different Joe?” Justin asked a little angry now.

“Because….” Joey started, desperately trying to think of something why it was different.

“Because… it just is!” Joey finished when he came up empty; it wasn’t different and he knew it. It was exactly the same only he had parents who supported him and were happy for him he found someone he loved. Justin’s parents were different, especially his father.

“No it’s not Joey and you know it. Is it because I’m in love with a boy and not a girl?” Justin asked, pressing the issue.

“No!” Joey dismissed, it wasn’t that, well a little since if Justin had been in love with a girl they wouldn’t have this conversation.

“Then what is it?” Justin asked softly again. Joey didn’t respond because he didn’t know what it was, it was the same he guessed, they were both in love but….

“I love him, Joey. I really do and I want to be with him is that so difficult to understand?” Justin asked, the puppy dog eyes making it harder and harder for Joey to deny his request.

“No, it’s not Justin,” Joey answered sympathetically, putting his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders.

“It’s understandable but just you’re father…”

“I don’t care about him, he can’t control who I love. He might control everything else…” Justin said with a sad smile.

“But not this” he finished determined.

“So please, think about it. It’s only once a week, please Joey” Justin asked, back to pleading.

“For how long?” Joey asked, taking pity on him.

“I don’t know, as long as he allows me to” Justin replied with a glimmer of hope in his blue eyes.

“But if you want to quit, it’s fine, just please a few times” Justin added, knowing that doing this for an unknown time could make Joey change his mind again.

“Alright, I’ll help you” Joey said finally giving in completely.

“You will?” Justin asked happily, lunging himself at the older boy.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you” he repeated, hugging him tight.

“If you want to quit just tell me alright? I’ll be forever grateful!” Justin promised, still holding onto Joey to thank him.

“Alright, alright” Joey said smiling as he pulled back. He looked at Justin who was smiling from ear to ear, knowing he’d made Justin this happy brought a smile to his face as well. He’d only have to lie a couple of times, it wouldn’t hurt anyone and he would make Justin so happy with it. It would be worth it….

“Justin!” Josh exclaimed when he opened the door, surprised and happy to see his lover on the other side.

“Hi Josh” Justin smiled his million dollar smile, they were frozen for a second, Josh blinded by the smile and Justin too busy looking Josh up and down. The man he couldn’t wait to see for a week, a very long week.

“What are you waiting for?” Josh asked with an urge in his voice, pulling Justin in roughly and closing the door with a loud thud before pinning Justin up against it. Their lips met in heated passion, craving for one another.

“I missed you” Justin said in gasps for air.

“Me too… so much” Josh said in between kisses. The kisses slowed down from heated, craving and rough kisses to long and passionate ones before they parted slowly. Josh took Justin’s hand and led him to the couch, positioning himself in the corner before pulling Justin down to lay against him, holding him tightly in his strong arms. Silence regained the room, neither one of them feeling the need to talk just to hold and be held.

“I’m so glad you’re here” Josh said softly as if not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence, all the while fingering the soft curls of his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner” Justin said while stoking the left hand of his lover, tracing the veins on the strong hand.

“I don’t care, I’m glad you’re here now. Let’s not think about anything else” Josh said still in hushed tones. Justin nodded against his chest, savoring the smell and the feeling of Josh, trying to store it in his memory for the times they couldn’t be together.

“It’s hard” Justin whispered ten minutes later with closed eyes.

“I know baby” Josh said in a comforting tone.

“I had to lie to be here” Justin told him, needing to share it with the one person he wanted to share everything with.

“What did you tell him, guppy?” Josh asked, feeling Justin’s need to talk about it. It was amazing how well they felt each other, knew what the other needed by some unexplainable connection they’d had since the first moment they’d met, making it believe they were meant to be. If only Justin’s dad could see that.

“I said I was tutoring a friend of mine at school” Justin told him sadly. Justin was silent for a while and Josh didn’t say anything either. He knew Justin would continue when he was ready.

“Why can’t I just tell them? Why do I have to lie about it?” he asked sadly, tilting his head upwards so he could look his lover in the eye. Josh had been waiting for this.

“They just don’t understand guppy, they’re scared and confused” he said softly, caring.

“But I’m their son, they should accept it!” he said indignantly, Josh tightened his grip on the youth, knowing there was nothing he could say that would make him feel better, it would only make him feel worse. Josh kissed the top of his head, rocking them slightly,

“I love you Guppy” he whispered, it was the only thing that would help he figured. Justin sat up slowly and Josh reluctantly released his grip on Justin as he turned towards Josh with a smile.

“Thanks Josh” he said as he leaned in, pressing their lips together, wanting to make it last; Justin deepened the kiss till they pulled apart breathless. The separation necessary since they needed to breathe but still reluctant about actually parting. Justin stood, grasping Josh’s hand when he loomed over him.

“I have to go” he said sadly, pulling him up so their feet touched. Justin wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist who in return wrapped his arms tightly around the young boy’s shoulders, never wanting to let go. They stood like that for a couple of minutes, neither one wanting to let go but both knowing damn well that at some point they were going to have to. Justin had buried his face in Josh’s chest and Josh had placed his head on top of Justin’s. Justin slowly lifted his head to look into Josh’s eyes, kissing his lips again before parting all together. They held hands to the door before Josh reluctantly opened the door.

“I love you Guppy” he said kissing the back of Justin’s hand before releasing it.

“I love you too” he said with a sad smile, knowing it would take another week before they’d see each other again and for two people being in love a week was just way too long. But they both knew they’d make it through the week because with the prospect of seeing one another again they could do anything. Josh stood in the doorway as he watched Justin turn and slowly walk towards the stairwell, disappearing completely when he walked down the first staircase. Josh savored the image of him before he quietly closed the door and heavily sat down on the couch, just seven more days….

Justin ran back to school, he knew he was on time but he didn’t want to take any chances. There was no way in hell he was going to blow this and ruin his only chance to see Josh on a weekly basis. He ran inside the school gates, almost slamming against it in his haste but he managed to make it before James pulled up. Inside he took a few moments to calm himself down, to get his breathing under control and more importantly make sure the picture of Josh, his Josh, would stay out of his mind until he was safely in his own bedroom. When all of that was taken care of he slowly walked out of the school building and made his way towards the waiting car with James standing next to it.

“Good afternoon, sir, had a good study session?” James asked his ever friendly self.

“Yes, thank you James” Justin said as James opened the door for him.

“Where is your friend Joey?” James asked, simply repeating his boss’ orders.

“He already left, his mother called, he had to leave a little earlier” Justin answered with a straight face, kind of seeing that one coming.

“Oh, should I come earlier next time?”

“No!” Justin said abruptly, wincing when he saw the surprised look on his driver’s face.

“That’s quite alright, it was only this once and it was only fifteen minutes or so, I’m fine” Justin said as he got in the car.

“Very well, sir” James said before he closed the door carefully. Justin breathed a sigh of relief, hoping he didn’t blow his cover. James smiled at him in the rear-view mirror before he started the engine and drove them home.

Justin stepped inside, leaving the door open so James could come in once he parked the car.

“Dad, I’m home” he called, not yelling, just informing. His father came out of his office down the hall when Justin added,

“I’m going upstairs”

He already went for the staircase, the picture of Josh harder and harder to keep out of his head.

“Hold on Justin” Howard interrupted the flee of his son. He wanted to talk to him before he disappeared out of site, wanting to make sure everything had gone alright. Justin froze in front of the staircase, silently sighing in frustration before he turned towards his father, impatiently waiting for orders.

“I want to have a word with you, go to the living room and wait there” Howard said before he turned to James who just came in the door.

“James, I’d like to have a word with you, would you follow me into my office?”

“Very well sir” James replied respectful. Howard shot Justin a glance before he walked out in front of his employee. Justin let the backpack fall from his shoulder and it landed with a thud on the floor. He shrugged his jacket off before looking down the hallway towards his father’s study, wanting to know what they were discussing. He had a fair idea and he would probably find out about it soon enough he thought. The door to the office opened with James stepping out, his father’s words, “Thank you” could be heard down the hall and Justin quickly scrambled towards the living room, knowing his father wouldn’t be happy if he would find him still standing here. He dove for the couch and seconds later his father appeared in the door opening.

“Justin” he addressed his son who looked up in acknowledgement.

“I’m proud of you son” Howard informed his son. Justin held back the sigh of relief that it wasn’t about Josh, it wasn’t about him having to wait for James, it was all alright.

“Thanks” Justin said ducking his head a little.

“You helped the boy and came home straight after, James told me you had to wait?” Howard said his sentence beginning with a praise, ending with a question that was dangerous. Justin realized it and answered carefully,

“Yes, but only a little while. Joey had to leave a little earlier because his mother called but it was only this one time” Justin explained.

“Alright because I don’t want you hanging around there any longer then necessary” Howard said, Joshua Chasez was still on his mind, he needed to protect his son from him. Howard was sure Josh would take his chance at any given opportunity and he didn’t want his son to run into him, although it was very unlikely, he wouldn’t take the chance.

“It was alright, it was just this once” Justin assured him, knowing now where James and his father had talked about. He also knew why his father had asked the question but he pushed it out of his mind. He needed to keep his mind on answering the questions as believable as possible and it seemed to be working.

“Ok, well done son” Howard praised and Justin beamed; the plan had worked and he got away with it, he pulled it off!

Finally he plumped down on his bed. They ate right after his talk with his father and that left Justin with the hard assignment to once again push Josh out of his thoughts for the whole thirty more minutes of diner, all the while praying to God to please let this diner be over soon. When it finally did he scrambled towards his room with the excuse he had some homework to do leaving his father behind with a satisfied smile on his face.

A smile appeared on his face and only grew, he couldn’t control himself as he started jumping up and down on the bed; knowing full well how much his parents, especially his father, hated it but he just couldn’t help it. He almost had a heart attack when the door opened, a shocked and scared look on his face praying it wasn’t his father checking up on him. He quickly sent a thank you prayer when Louise stood in the doorway with a face that was obviously trying to hide a smile. He sank to his knees on the bed,

“Ooh thank God it’s you” Justin said grateful.

“Happy to see me, youngster?” Louise asked still trying to hold back his smile.

“Happier than ever” Justin answered which caused the smile to fully appear on Louise’s face.

“I’m glad to hear that” he said.

“Just getting the laundry” he informed the young boy as he quickly walked towards the other end of the room, grasping the pile of clothes before making his way back towards the door.

“You know you shouldn’t jump on your bed, youngster” Louise couldn’t help the lecture. Justin rolled his eyes, something he’d never think about doing when it had been his father catching him.

“I know” Justin sighed with a smile.

“I will never do it again” he added robot wise. The response drilled in him ever since he was a little boy.

“Good” Louise said with a fake stern tone in his voice before the smile came back.

“Behave, little one” he ordered smiling.

“I will, I always do” Justin countered indignantly.

“Right” Louise said smiling before stepping out onto the hallway closing the door behind him.

“I do” he mumbled to himself,

“Well most of the time anyway” he added softly with a mischievous grin finally letting the picture of Josh enter his mind.