Why Am I Doing This?
Sometimes we do things that don’t immediately seem to make any sense to the people around us. In life, we choose a thousand things every day. Most of our choices are small, but even little bitty choices can change everything. I know that a lot of my family members will come to this page out of bewilderment at my newest choice. They’ll want to see if I can say something on this page that will allay their fears for me and give them some kind of explanation for a decision that they will feel, “came out of the blue.” That’s what I hope to give them.
When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be either a nun or in the Navy when I grew up. As I got older, I discovered boys, and I came to understand the full meaning of the Holy Orders. So…I abandoned my original plan and revised it to being a dentist or in the Navy when I grew up. The dentist thing hung on for awhile until I discovered law in the 9th grade. So then I wanted to either be a lawyer or in the Navy when I grew up. Are you starting to see a pattern here? Well, so did I.
At the end of my junior year of high school, I went to a summer recruiting session at The United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD. This program is designed to give possible recruits a taste of what Plebe Summer is like, and to hype up some hooyah spirit to fuel the young recruits through the torturous application and recommendation process. It was the most exhilarating couple of weeks of my life. We ran on the blue track, we got screamed at, we learned Naval terminology, we slept in “Mother B,” and we drilled for hours at a time in the hot sun…it was great! The best thing about that whole Navy thing wasn’t what I thought it would be. It wasn’t the drill or the PT or the excitement of yelling till your eyes pop out. You have to understand that I had built up this image in my mind of the Navy and Navy life. I thought that boats and planes and dress whites were the end all, be all, and I wanted it all so badly that I could smell it. Never in my life, did I dream that anything could be more glorious or have more honor than a life with the Navy…until the day I saw the men in cammies on the Academy’s drill field. They were beautiful. They were sharp and they made no mistakes. They drilled and shouted and never missed a step. They exuded a confidence and lazy superiority complex that just fascinated me. I knew instinctively that these guys weren’t Midshipmen. They were something…better.
The USNA Midshipmen told us that those guys were the crazy Marines, and that we shouldn’t bother them. I was hooked. I mean, I had come to the Naval Academy in awe of the Midshipmen. They were gods who possessed all that I had ever dreamed about. But it turned out that even gods hold respect for the Marines. My beloved Midshipmen were actually afraid of them. The best of the best that the Navy has to offer practically bowed down when a group of enlisted Marines walked onto their field.
So, I didn’t join the Navy.
I would be lying if I told you that the reason I didn’t join the Navy had anything to do with the small group of Marines that I saw that day. It didn’t. There are a lot of reasons that I didn’t go, but the big ones are these: I was afraid of the mathematics and I was afraid of what my family would think. I chickened out because I knew that my father wouldn’t approve of my being in the military and because the thought of taking 4 years of straight Calculus and Physics scared the hell out of me. I ran away from my dream because I was a coward. Simple as that.
My father breathed an audible sigh of relief when I decided not to go. My mother and stepfather were bewildered and disappointed when I abandoned the Naval Academy plan, but they eventually let it go. No matter how much I wanted it, I believe that my family always viewed the decision as unrealistic and as a weird thing for a girl to want to do. I’m not sure that I didn’t agree with them.
My life moved on. I graduated high school, I got married, and I settled into a rut of being “grown up.” I still perked up whenever a recruiting commercial came on television, but that was about the extent of my military yearning. Then something happened. Fate decided to bring the military back into my life. Though it was kind of a weird way for fate to do it…Four years after my summer at the Naval Academy, my best friend married a Corporal in the Marine Corps. The marriage was short-lived for many reasons, but they were married long enough for a seed to be planted in my heart again. For the first time in four years, I lost sleep over a faint calling in my head. The yearning was back, and I thought about enlisting many, many times over that next year. Little did I know that fate was about to snowball me with a little ironic twist that had never crossed my mind.
John came home one day and announced over dinner and The Simpsons that he wanted to be a Marine. I fought the idea at first...spouting all of the “concerned wife” objections that I could think of. I wasn’t concerned about it though – I was jealous. He had a bunch of recruiting literature in one arm, a pile of forms for us to fill out in the other, and a grin from ear to ear on his face. John was so happy about it that I eventually came down to reality and helped him get ready. We filled out the forms and answered all the questions. He signed on the dotted line, and 6 months later, he left. So…that was it. I rested easy in the knowledge that I was going to be a part of the Marine Corps family. I also rested easy in the assumption that I would really be satisfied with that.
My life history from that point to present is pretty well documented on this website. John went away. While he was away, I supported him the best I knew how. I befriended other Marine families and tried to acclimate myself to the culture. I prayed and I hoped and I waited. Most of you know all this already. What I didn’t tell anyone and what I didn’t really even admit to myself for awhile is that I also wrestled with a jealousy stronger than any I’ve ever felt before.
The best way I know to explain what it feels like is to call it a vocation. It is a calling. I have felt it all my life. Ever since the day I knew what the military was, I knew I belonged in it. It is a physical force pulling me. Some people are meant to be doctors or lawyers. Medicine and law are both professions that call people. God grants some people a physical talent that makes it clear what they’re meant to do – they can play the piano or they can write novels or they can fix things with their hands. For me, it was the military. It’s the only profession out there that has ever called on my heart.
I chose the Marine Corps for a couple of reasons. Obviously, I am familiar with the Marine Corps, now. I have friends who are Marines, and my husband’s association with the Corps – no matter how brief – built up a certain loyalty for me. The other reason is more personal. Since the day I saw those Marines drilling in Maryland, I knew I wanted to be one of them. The Marines are the undisputed best. They are an elite. They have the respect and awe of every other branch in the military, and they are revered all over the world for their skill and their proven power for success. The Marine Corps demands the most of its members, so its members demand the most respect from the outside world. That’s where I want to be.
I want to be a Marine. I want to be a part of the few and the proud. It may sound cliché to those outside the culture, but to me it is a profound and comforting thing to finally have come to terms with what I’m meant to do. I have spent a great deal of my life wanting this, and I have spent the last year praying on it and getting ready for it. I will sign with the Marine Corps and swear an oath on April 1, 2000. I will probably ship out a few weeks after that.
I will apologize for this to no one. I will play this down to no one. It is my life and my decision to make. This is what I want, and this is what is going to happen. I hope that my loved ones will support me in this effort, but even if they don’t, I won’t change my mind. This has been decided and the decision will not change.
Semper Fidelis et Semper Gratus,
Amy Lockyear
27 July, 1999, 2:30pm CST
There is a link below to a page where I have written down a few questions and answers that I anticipate being asked. I am training and I am working, so I know that I’ll have very little time or energy to answer them 50 times to everyone who’ll want to ask them. This page of questions is geared toward my family, but anyone who really wants to read them is welcome…
Questions and Answers
GRAPHICS ON THIS PAGE
The background on this page is an image that I altered from an old WWII recruiting poster. I found it in the Lycos Image Gallery, which is a public domain collection. They've got some really good stuff. Check it out at http://www.lycos.com
Any image that appears on this page that is not listed with its source above was acquired in one of the following three ways: The image may have been given to me by the artist for exclusive use on this site. The image may have been pulled from a reputable public domain graphics engine such as ArribaVista.com. The image also could have been taken directly from the image directories at my host, Angelfire. There are several images throughout this site that were acquired by one of these three methods. Because I believe strongly in making sure that all of the artwork appearing on this site is appropriately used and credited, please feel free to send any inquiries, comments, concerns, or requests regarding the images on this site directly to me via email.
Semper fidelis et semper gratus,
Amy L.
Creator – The US Military Spouses' Club
https://www.angelfire.com/co/militarywives/