It has been the dictate of the high editors above us all, that I, Miguel East, must write a eulogy to the greatest writer to ever grace the pages of the Perspective. That's right; it is my pleasure, my passion, and, most likely, my crowning achievement to be given this awe-inspiring assignment.

It is a decisively overwhelming task to be given. One can only imagine the initial shock and pleasure having been given this assignment when I first learned that I was the lucky one. Of course, that was quickly followed by sheer terror as I realized the footsteps I was being asked to follow in. The Loyd is no easy man to pit oneself against, even without the fear of retribution.

Among the biggest problems facing me was The Loyd's incredible vocabulary. He has this way with words that no one, NO ONE, in their right mind can emulate. That, and He uses some bizarre phrasing that even people in their left minds can't acquaint with his actual denotation. This is one whacked dude we is talkin' aboot here.

Yet, I am pressed to try my hardest to do the man, affectionately (sometimes) dubbed 'the big red clown,' justice in this 'Eulogy to the Loyd.' Or as devil-editor Kim Nguyen would put it, 'a loogie to the Loyd.' Can't you just feel the fondness, the affection, the pure and undying love that this man inspired in people? I, personally, never met Him, but I'm sure that I too, would have had similar feelings towards Him.

Not that I am gay or anything, but… well you get the drift. Being gay is flinging ones' self through the gates of Hell with a nefarious intent, as the Immense One would point out. Just ask the largest cult in the… I mean, just ask the fundamentalist Christians.

Which leads me onward to my next wondrous remembrance of The Loyd. I was, quite obviously, a die-hard, once a month reader to The Loyd's column, and He took some hard views on things. Oftentimes He would take the unpopular side of an issue and, in His own rye, dry way try to spread the illumination of His superior thinking on the unenlightened masses.

Or when He got bored, He would use as many big words and wonky placing of them as He could in an effort to confuse as many people as possible. This boredom occurred more than many people would like to admit. I occasionally had to reread some of His scribblings (as He deigned to call them) multiple times before I got the drift of what He was saying. And even then, I am sure I missed some of the subtleties.

But it seems as though most of His grievances can be summed up in a few simple words: the dirty, rotten, no good, hair-brained, paranoid, simple-minded, idiotic, nincompoop, moronic, petty, little whining conservatives. Politics never seemed to bother Him much. It was always the schizoid bellyachers trying to make the world a worse and more dangerous place to live. He never said outright that this is what annoyed Him so much, but I would call it a healthy guess.

Yet hitherto, in His never-ending quest for sanity and intelligence and reason to prevail over all the idiots in the world, He still found the time to be nice to people. And not just certain people. Not just the people He liked, not just the people He wanted to weasel something out of, not just fly chicks or their cute boyfriends. No, He was nice to everyone. Which is why He was voted the Nice Guy of the Week two weeks before He left Pomona last semester, never to return.

Well, not really 'never to return.' He is still taking one class here, and He will be here for His graduation, but beyond that… good luck finding Him.

I shall try to end this reminder of our sad loss not on this somber note, but I would like to ask all the readers of the Perspective to look upon Mike West (the author of a column that had the gall to attempt to mock the Immense One) with forgiveness, for it is my belief that he knew not what he did, (and even if he did, imitation is the purest form of flattery).

I shall, instead, end with a quote from The Loyd. "The following article contains gratuitous satire and large amounts of sarcasm. Parental guidance is suggested. Or at the very least, a sense of self-control and common sense regarding one's actions after reading the article."

And now my eulogy is done.

All hail Loydism.