With the disheartening retirement of Chuck Norris from small-screen acting (he wants to do movies again) the nation will now be without direction. Yes, if you have not heard it already it is now time to face the sad fact that the paragon of American culture, and highlight of everyone’s weekend, CBS’ “Walker-Texas Ranger” will soon be off the air.

But do not despair America, I have thought up a wonderful solution to this awful dilemma.

George Walker Bush, this country’s new president select, should be petitioned to fill the void with a new CBS powerhouse of entertainment—“Walker-Texas Governor (Goes to Washington).”

Stay with me here, it would chronicle the exciting adventures of a high livin’, drunk drivin’, force of justice, and his deputies.

Where the original “Walker” series warned us about which minorities are by their very nature evil, and that road rage is one of the most dangerous forces in present day America; this one could bring awareness of the danger of listening to Democrats.

The first episode would have to explain a little background and establish his cabinet of uprightness: John “Adolph” Ashcroft, Gail “Hippie Hurtin’ ” Norton, and his lead deputy Dick “Heart Failure” Cheney. The real drama and environmentalist-whuppin’ would have to wait until the next episode.

Episode number two—now it is Walker’s time to shine. He’ll have to establish his character from the start as an uncompromising conservative who truly stands by his word. Statements like “If you’re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.”

He will have to do something ridiculously unconstitutional to show he’s a tough president who must be listened to without hesitation, perhaps something like a piece of legislation that will give federal funding to religious organizations with the weak explanation that it is to help poor people. Shattering the First Amendment of the Constitution in his second week of office will definitely show that he is not a president to be messed with.

Episode number three—time to establish the character of good old “Heart Failure.”

Perhaps he could go on national television and erroneously say that the country is approaching a recession. It would show why he’s only a sidekick when someone, probably Colin Powell because Walker would be busy painting by numbers, teaches us all an important lesson about how recessions require the economy to have negative growth for half a year and how vice-presidents lying about the economy is amazingly bad for the country.

From that point who knows? The story should be based in current events, spattered with Walker’s gems of wisdom like “I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to Califor nia. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.”

The possibilities are endless—the things that could happen, that he could say, in the next four years are beyond anyone’s wildest imagination.

So join me in petitioning CBS and the White House, this is a merger that must be enacted for the good of the country.

And remember, as our new president select said, according to members.tripod.com/~TheCosmicDivide/quotes.html, “What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.”