"STARSTRUCK"   by  Tanith Watertower

                        	     Your Horoscope

	AQUARIUS (20 Jan - 18 Feb). You are humanistic and progressive. You lie a great
	deal. You are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the
	same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid. Aquarians are
	alcoholics.

	PISCES (19 Feb - 20 Mar). You have a vivid imagination and often think you are
	being followed by the CIA or MI5. You have minor influence over your associates
	and people resent you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence and
	are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.

	ARIES (21 Mar - 19 Apr). You are the pioneer type and hold most people in
	contempt. You are quick tempered, impudent and scornful of advise. You are not
	very nice. Aries people are child molesters.

	TAURUS (20 Apr - 20 May). You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
	determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull
	headed. Taurus people have B.O., fart a lot and have to masturbate for
	pleasure.

	GEMINI (21 May - 21 Jun). You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like
	you because you are bisexual, however, you are inclined to expect too much for
	too little. This means you are cheap. Gemini's are known for committing incest.

	CANCER (22 Jun - 22 Jul). You are sympathetic and understand other people's
	problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, which
	is why you will never make anything of yourself. Most dole recipients are	
	Cancer people.

	LEO (23 Jul - 22 Aug). You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you
	are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain dislike honest criticism.	
	Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves and have bad breath.

	VIRGO (23 Aug - 22 Sep). You are the logical type and hate disorder. This
	nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
	sometimes fall asleep while making love. All Virgo's are into bestiality but
	make good bus drivers.

	LIBRA (23 Sep - 23 Oct). You are the artistic type and have a hard time dealing
	with reality. If you are a man you are more than likely queer. Chances for
	employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes.
	All Libra's have venereal disease.

	SCORPIO (24 Oct - 21 Nov). You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
	You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.
	Most Scorpio's are the scum of the earth and should be stomped on with hiking
	boots.

	SAGITTARIUS (22 Nov - 21 Dec). You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
	reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. Most Sagittarians are
	drug addicts. People laugh at you a great deal.

	CAPRICORN (22 Dec - 19 Jan). You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
	You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of
	any importance. Capricorn's should avoid standing still too long as a dog might
	think you are a tree and piss on you. All male Capricorn's have small penis's
	and female Capricorn's are flat chested.