PICARD: Captains Log Stardate 43754.2, just after lunch.
We are enroute to the Starfleet home for retired admirals
carrying urgently needed Enema kits.
Along the way, Geordi La forge has picked up an interesting rash....
RIKER: Cap'n on the bridge!
PICARD: I've been here for 2 hours. What are you driveling about?
RIKER: Well, I like saying that and I'm bored.
WORF: CAPTAIN! The Long range scanners are picking up nothing!
The short range scanners are also showing nothing unusual!
I have checked all systems 8 times and there is NOTHING wrong
with them!!!!
Perhaps the enemy is cloaked. Should we open fire?
RIKER: I agree sir, I havent seen anything unusual for 15 minutes!
DATA: The chances of nothing drastic happening to us for 15 minutes
is remote Captain. Aproximatly the size of the budget divided
by the size of the viewing audience.
TROI: I feel a "presence"... oh,... no.. Its just my
knickers doing a wedgie again.
RIKER: Captain! A Borg cube has just come out of warp and is holding
position directly ahead.
PICARD: Well, I hope they don't want to pick a fight.
WESLEY: Captain, the cube is hailing us.
PICARD: Thank you Wesley. Now bugger off and annoy someone else, OK?
WESLEY: Aye sir.
BORG: We are Borg. Existence as you know it has ended. We will add your
biological and technological destinctiveness to out own.
Resistance is highly illogical.
RIKER: HA! I *told* you they'd assimilated the Vulcans! Gimmie my money.
PICARD: Here's your blasted money! I still say the odds weren't fair.
BORG: Ahemmmm!
PICARD: Oh yes, the resistance stuff. Ahhh... Today isn't a good day for
me, could you come back tomorrow?
BORG: Insufficient.
PICARD: Well.. How about we give you a member of our crew as a kind of
downpayment, and you could come back and assimilate the rest of
us tomorrow?
BORG: We accept.
PICARD: Worf, transmit the co-ordinates of Ensign Crusher to the Borg.
WORF: With pleasure sir. Co-ordinates transmitted.
The Borg have beamed Wesley off the ship and are leaving the system.
PICARD: Well, Geordi! It looks like we got to implant our virus into the
Borg collective after all.
GEORDI: And good riddance!
PICARD: Now now.... The Borg aren't all that bad.
GEORDI: I was talking about Wesley!
PICARD: Oh! Well we all agree with you there. He was a right pain in the arse.
I think it's time to celebrate! Computer - tea, earl grey, hot.
COMPUTER: You know - you have asked me for that same drink 10,000 times, but
not once have I ever got a "please" or a "thank you".
PICARD: Shut up and do as your told!
COMPUTER: There's no earl grey left, Picard.
PICARD: What!?!??! No Earl Grey? Red Alert! All crew to battle stations.
Lay in a course for the nearest starbase, Warp 9... Engage!
Seperate the saucer section, decompress the cargo bay.
Security! Confine all crew to quarters and search the ship for every
Earl Grey tealeaf you can find!
DATA: Sir!
PICARD: What now, you overglorified pentium?
DATA: The Borg are returning. They are complaining about Wesley of Borg.
Apparently he's driving them all crazy.
PICARD: Raise the Shields!! We can't let those bastards beam that purile
little shit back here!
GEORDI: Transferring Engineering control to the bridge sir!
PICARD: Big fat hairy deal!
Why the hell dont you just leave it active at both ends?
WORF: Sir,.. a message from Earth, my application to enter the
university of South Africa has been rejected.
TROI: Worf, do you feel that this...
ALL: PISS OFF TROI!
DATA: Captain, I believe it is the British that have a particular
liking for tea, in fact it is part of their culture. How is it
that you, being of French descent...
PICARD: Shut up megabrain or I'll lock you in a room with Marvin
the Paranoid Android for a week!
RIKER: Hail the Borg.
PICARD: (turning red screams..) Hail the Borg???
Who's side are you on, you square-jawed Roman throwback!!
Go suck ya Toga!
DATA: The borg are hailing us sir.
PICARD: Well, thats more LIKE it! Open a channel.
BORG: Help! Resistance is FUTILE!! We tried it, but Wesley wont shut up.
If you take him back we'll beam 6 tons of Earl Grey Tea
straight to your bridge.
PICARD: It's a deal. Mr. O'Brian...
O'BRIAN: (Snore)
PICARD: O'BRIAN!!!!! Beam Wesley into the Warp drive and get me that Tea!
O'BRIAN: Huh? Oh yes sir. (Friggen bridge crew...mumble mumble..)
Transfer complete,... recieving cargo..(holy SHIT! 6 tons of tea?)
PICARD: Ensign, put the kettle on.. ENGAGE!
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