Jason Fellenbaum's How I Date Girls Imformative

With Help from Bryan Payne

Editors Note: If you follow these directions you won't get girls. Together these males have had a total of 3 girlfriends. Only 3 of them belong to Jason. Take that however you want.

Step 1: Eat Alot, Is there anything sexyer than love handles?

Step 2: Pretend to be Injured and in Payne alot. Bloody Noses aren't much of a help though.

Step 3: Only talk to girls online, be as shy as possible in real life, if they can't see you, they can't see how unattractive you may be.

Step 4: Act like you don't care, even if a girl is throwing herself at you, play hard to get.

Editors Note: This is Paynes idea. This has never happened to him, but he swears it will work.

Step 5: Be friends with God. One man's garbage is another man's treasure.

Editors Note: Fuck you Willy.

Step 6: Always run with your shirt off....atleast it will look like your trying.

Step 7: Listen to Jewel, girls will think your sensitive...........................or gay.

Step 8: Pretend you're a competent three-sprot athlete.

Editors Note: You don't need to start in any of them.

Step 9: Grow lots of facial hair. The 45 year old guy look really attracts the girls.

Editors Note: As opposed to the 16 year old Virgin look (Payne).

Step 10: Make Arby's your favortie 5 star RESTURANT.

Step 11: Make the Big Mac Song "your" song.

Editors Note: Even better if you can sing the whole thing to her.

Step 12: Steal Clothes that were once woren by really hot guys. They'res some kind of rubbing off effect.

Step 13: What they don't know can't hurt them.

Editors Note: Huh?

Step 14: Get free haircuts from your bald family members.

Step 15: Have annoying brothers.

Editors Note: Mental Handycaps are a plus too.

Step 16: Race online.

Editors Note: It's kinda like anal sex, don't knock it until you've tried it.

Step 17: Have a father who is in better shape than you.

Editors Note: It's a plus if your friends like him more than you.

Step 18: Memorized every Simpsons episode in exsistance.

Editors Note: Jason has not mastered this techineque...he only knows.."In my house we call them uh-oh's. (Ralph Wigum)

Step 19: Wear Pink attire..from your shorts to your shoes.

Step 20: Drive a glorifyed soapbox derby racer. That slows down 20 mph going up the 999 hill.

Editors Note: If it gets flat tires often, all the more better!!

Step 21: Chew Tobacco.

Step 22: Clear out your History Folder so that People can't see what SCAT sites you go to.

Editors Note: Willy........ http://www.scat.net

Hope you enjoyed the list. And remember if you use any of these tips and they work...well then we'll be surprised and have to take them off the list.