*Without You*

This was when Lizzy began smoking. The cigarettes seemed to calm her frazzled nerves. She hated herself for smoking, when her grandpa died from cancer she swore she would never start herself. Oh well, she was doing lots of things that weren’t good for her or anyone else right now, so what was one more thing.

Lizzy began sleeping with the male groupies that snuck backstage. Actually sleeping was a bad term because she could never bring herself to sleep with them. She always made them leave or left herself. One time she tried to stay with the boy but she ended up having a dream about Johnny. When she called out his name in her sleep the boy was obviously offended.

She hated herself for doing this but the boys were a distraction. She didn’t like herself but they like her and that made her feel better for a while.

Devon was in just as bad of shape. When Lizzy broke off their short lived affair he turned to drugs and alcohol. The girls weren’t enough of a distraction but drink enough and you’ll forget your problems for a while.

Oz didn’t notice what was going on because he was wrapped up in something new. He had asked Silvia to come on the tour with them. He was making more than enough money to support them both and he missed her all the time. She missed him too, so she agreed. They were both thrilled about staying together all the time. They even worked on staying apart when they needed time to themselves. Oz was on cloud nine and never noticed the problems that were building.

“Deliriously Dreaming” hit number one that December, December 5th to be exact. Robby and Mike had planned a surprise party for Johnny’s birthday. Lizzy thought it would be hard to feign happiness but the good news made it rather easy. Her gift to Johnny was a song, probably too personal considering their current relationship and history. The song was called “Without You” and it was way too much. She sang it to him after the party, when it was just him, her, and Robby in the room. She left the room crying. He followed her out to her own room in the Love Dolls’ bus.

“Lizzy.” No response came from inside the room. “Liz,” he was the only one she had ever let call her Liz, “let me in, please.” She yanked open the door and stumbled into an explanation.

“Look Johnny, I shouldn’t have done that. It was way too much. Way too personal. I’m sorry, okay, just forget about it.”

“Look, can I come in please?”

“What more of an explanation do you want from me? What else can I tell you?”

“Please, I just want to talk.”

She sighed deeply and moved aside. “All right come in.” He went in and she leaned against the door to shut it behind him.

“Look, I still love you and this is really hard on me...”

“Really hard on you! Really fucking hard on you!” She blew up at him before he could even finish. “Do you know what it’s like to be in love with a married man? Do you know what it’s like to dream of nothing but him all night and wake up with the realization that you can’t have him?” She was in tears by this point in the conversation. Johnny just stood and stared at her, he was speechless. “If you don’t have anything else to say, would you just leave? I’m sorry about the song. I really am.” She couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“Well, I, um, uh,” he didn’t know want to leave but he still didn’t know what to say.

“What?”

“I don’t know what to say but I don’t want to leave?”

“I’m sorry but you have to. Come back when you’re not married and maybe I’ll be single.” He left and she threw herself on the bed to cry. Someone knocked on the door.

“Go away,” she sobbed. The door creaked open and a red, shaggy head peaked in.

“Can I come in?” It was Robby to the rescue again, he always seemed to be there to pick up the pieces of her heart right after Johnny left.

She sat up, “Oh Robby, I shouldn’t have written that song.”

“Shh, don’t regret doing what you have to do. That was necessary,” he said as he walked over, sat down next to her, and wrapped her in his arms.

“Oh, why do I let him do this to me? Why can’t I just get him out of my head for good? I’m using all of these poor boys and even that seems to work less and less now. All I can think about is Johnny and my band is falling apart around me. Devon is so deep into drugs and alcohol that he won’t even pay attention to girls. That isn’t like Devon at all. Oz is so into Silvia that he has become completely detached from us. He doesn’t even see what’s going on anymore. My career has barely begun and already my band is falling apart, but all I can think about is Johnny.” Robby sat patiently and listened to her.

“Maybe you should talk to Oz. Forget about Johnny for now, get your band together then you can worry about him.” Robby’s advice was always logical, it made her wonder why she didn’t think of it.

“I will, tonight after the concert.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m gonna go now.”

“All right, bye.” Robby pulled the door open and was about to step through, “And Robby, thank you so much.”

“Anytime, Lizzy.” Robby pulled the door closed behind him.

God damn it! Why did Johnny have to destroy what he had with Lizzy? What was he destroying it for, a miserable relationship with Laurie? It’s not that Laurie is a bad person, she’s just not right for Johnny and Lizzy is. Robby left to go slap some sense into Johnny.

Devon hit rock bottom that night during the concert. Literally, he fell off the stage and into the orchestra pit. He had passed out from too much coke and too much alcohol. He was taken to the hospital in critical condition.

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