“Baby, come on.”
“I’m coming.”
“You know we’re always late because of you. They say it’s the woman whose always running late, but they are wrong.”
I sat on the couch in John’s living room, waiting for him. He was late to everything.
“All right, all right. I’m ready.”
“Finally, come on, I just called a cab.”
“So how late are we? Are we going to miss the plane?”
“We’re not late.”
“But, you said. I don’t understand.”
“Your manager talked to me. We lied to you.”
“What? Why?”
“You’re always late, so we told you the flight was an hour earlier than it was. Now, we’re just on time.”
We got in the cab and headed back to the airport.
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“Oh baby, don’t be mad. How else are we supposed to be on time?” I leaned over and kissed him, but he pulled away.
“You lied to me.”
“John, you’re being unreasonable.”
He stared at me for a few moments.
“I’m sorry, Wyn. It’s just pre-tour jitters.”
“That’s all right, baby. I understand.” I snuggled into him and he kissed the top of my head.
“I missed you so much, Wynter. I wish you could travel with me all the time.”
“Someday, baby, someday.”
“I love you, Wynter.”
“I love you too, John.”
We met Mike and Robby at the airport, and got on the plane on time. Robby and Mike fell asleep the moment we sat down. I leaned into John, who had a white knuckle grip on the chair.
“Does it still bother you?”
“A little bit.”
“Oh come here.” I took his hand in mine and used my other hand to pull his head toward me. I kissed his forehead and put my arm around him. He squeezed my hand tightly as the plane took off. Once we were safely in the air, he kissed me passionately.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
We ordered Diet Cokes and sat back to relax. Well, John was relaxing, I was trying to decide how best to breach the groupie subject. After about twenty minutes I gave up, and just went for it.
“John, I have to ask you something.”
“Hmmm.”
“It’s kind of important.” He sat up straight with a concerned look on his face.
“What is it? Is something wrong? Are you pregnant? It’s okay, we can...” he stumbled over his words.
“No, no, no, nothing like that. It’s just, well, I’m scared that I’m just another groupie.”
“Oh, Wynter, you could never be just another groupie.”
“Thanks, I’ve just been feeling a little insecure about us.”
He kissed me, abating all my fears.
“Besides most of the groupies are a lot prettier than you.” I hit him and we both started laughing.
“John,” I said, when I could breath.
“Yes.”
“Just out of curiosity, what were you about to say we could do if I was pregnant?”
“Curiosity killed the cat.”
“And satisfaction brought it back,” I purred, tracing my finger lightly along his jaw line. I knew that drove him wild, but I also knew it would work.
“We could get married.”
My breath caught in my throat. Marriage. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The fact that he thought it at all, ever, scared the shit out of me. Marriage. Kids. House with a white picket fence. These things weren’t me, but I was suddenly getting the feeling that they were John.
The rest of the flight went so slowly, as my head buzzed with horrible images of me, barefoot and pregnant. We got off the plane in L.A. and headed straight to our hotel.
“So what time is the show tonight?” I asked, as I searched through my bag for my wallet.
“It starts at eight, but we have to be there at five. Are you going to be there?”
“You know I never miss you guys.”
I found my wallet and began going through it, looking for a credit card.
“Are you going shopping today?”
“I thought I would.”
“Have fun.”
“I always do.” I pulled out one of my credit cards.
“That better be the one I gave you.”
“But John,” I protested.
“But nothing, whatever you buy on this tour I’m paying for.”
“You already pay for everything.”
“I don’t care, and while you’re shopping pick up something for the Music Video Awards.”
“Oh, are you up for one?”
“Yes.”
“Good luck baby.” I took the credit card John gave me and gave him a kiss. “Bye, baby, see you tonight.” I left John alone and took the elevator down to the lobby. On my way out the door I ran into Tawny, the girl Mike was dating.
“Hey, Wynter, right?”
“Yeah. Tawny?”
“Yep.”
“I didn’t know you were going to be out here.”
“I didn’t either. Mike surprised me.”
“Oh that’s nice. Where are you headed?”
“Well, Mike’s busy today, so I thought I’d find something to do by myself.”
“I was going to go get some lunch, then go shopping, if you’re interested.”
“Sounds like fun.”
We walked out into the California sunshine and I pulled my purple tinted glasses down from my hair. Tawny and I nearly blended perfectly into L.A. Tawny was tall, leggy, bleached blond, had a Texas tan, and was very fit. I had naturally blond hair, not quite the tan, but was just as fit. I hailed a cab and we headed to Rodeo Drive. John had told me about a little cafe near there that was great.
We were seated immediately and looked over the menu.
“What can I get you ladies?”
“I’ll have a lemonade and a garden salad with ranch dressing.”
“Oh, that sounds good. I’ll have the same,” Tawny said. The waiter left and we both sat back and sighed. “So have you ever toured with the guys before?”
“Yeah, I did last summer.”
“Mike said that we’d be able to spend time together, but I’m beginning to wonder.”
“Don’t worry. Once they get into the swing of things it’s not so bad. The first few days are just kinda crazy.”
“Oh, good, I was worried.”
“You’ll get used to it.” Where was all this sage confidence coming from? No less than three hours ago I was worried I was just a groupie. The waiter brought our lemonade.
“I hope you don’t think I’m being rude,” she said with a soft southern drawl, I found intoxicating. “How old are you?”
“Nineteen.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No.”
“I thought you were young, but I didn’t think you were that young.”
“Why, how old are you?”
“Twenty-nine.” She paused for a moment, unsure of whether or not she was about to cross a line. “Is it hard? The age difference, I mean.”
“Other people have a problem with it, sometimes even John does, but I don’t.”
“I’d imagine the press is brutal.”
“They can be.”
“I assume you get used to it though.”
“Yeah, it becomes a way of life. If the boys can get used to it, we can get used to it.” See what I mean, there it was again. This know-it-all confidence. I was telling her things that I wasn’t even sure of myself.
The waiter returned with our salads and we ate in silence for a little while. We eventually began to make small talk and finished a rather pleasant lunch. We went shopping, hitting every little boutique and major shop along the street. I ended up with bags and bags full of clothes and shoes. We dragged ourselves and our bags back to the hotel.
“John, are you here?”
No response. I glanced at the clock, five p.m. That would explain it, he was already gone. I put my bags on the bed and began to undress. I walked into the bathroom and started the water running. I undressed completely and slid into the scalding bath water. I breathed the steam in deeply and sighed, sliding slowly down until I was completely under water.
I was feeling such mixed emotions. On one hand, I loved John very much, but on the other I wasn’t feeling any desire to get married anytime soon. Or maybe even ever. Oh well, I didn’t need to be thinking about that, it’s not like he proposed to me or anything. I came up for air and grabbed my shaving cream.
I decided to wear the red dress I had bought that day. It was over doing it a little bit, but I wanted to surprise John.
I got out of my bath clean and refreshed. I slipped into my little red dress and put my hair up. I put on black eyeliner and red lipstick. I buckled my strappy, silver heels and grabbed my purse.
I caught a cab from the hotel to the venue. I had my backstage pass on hand just in case, but most of the crew knew me so I rarely needed it. I got backstage just as the Goo Goo Dolls went on. I stood off to the side of the stage and watched. I was mesmerized by John’s movements and voice. It amazed me that I could still feel that much passion and lust from seeing him onstage, after I had seen it so many times.
I hid from John when they came offstage before the encore. I didn’t want him to see me quite yet. Half way through their last song, I went back to the dressing room. I gave myself a once over in the mirror and then sat down on the couch.
I heard voices and the door opened a crack.
“So has anyone seen her?”
“No, man.”
“She never misses a show.”
“Sorry John.”
“That’s okay. It’s not your fault.” The door opened the rest of the way and suddenly I wished I had my camera. John stood in the doorway in skin tight, black leather pants and black tank top. He was wearing a little bit of makeup and had a melancholy look on his face.
I smiled and stood up. The second he caught sight of me, his whole face brightened.
“Wynter!”
“Hi.” He took two steps toward me and enfolded me in his arms. I kissed him passionately, forcefully, making him very aware of my every desire. He pulled away and looked me up and down.
“What is it with you?” he asked with a slight laugh in his voice.
“What?” I purred.
“Every time I come off stage you maul me, despite the fact that I’m all sweaty and wearing makeup.”
“It’s the rock star thing, it’s an incredible aphrodisiac. It makes even the most wholesome girl want to be fucked.”
“I was afraid you didn’t come.”
“You know I always do.”
“Yeah, I know. I just got a weird vibe off of you on the plane today.” Oh shit, he had picked up on the marriage jitters.
“Everything’s fine.”
“Seriously?”
“Let me show you how serious I am.” I pulled him into the bathroom, where I knew we wouldn’t be disturbed. We made love on the bathroom floor. We fixed our clothes and John washed his face. We left the dressing room, so John could sign autographs and meet fans with Robby and Mike.
Finally, John, Robby, and Mike decided it was time to go. Tawny and I got into a limo with them and we went back to the hotel. We parted ways and went to our rooms. I and sat down to take off my shoes.
“So, I heard you went shopping with Tawny.”
“Yep.”
“What did you think of her?”
“She’s all right. I got the feeling that she disapproved of our age difference, but she’s perfect for Mike.”
“I don’t think Mike ever told her how old you are.”
“I know he didn’t.”
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“I’m hungry, I was going to order room service. You interested?”
“Yeah. Order me something, you know what I like.” He walked into the bathroom and started the shower. “And, Wynter,” he said, peeking his head out.
“Yeah?”
“You look great in that dress.”
I smiled and ordered us some dinner. I changed into one of John’s t-shirts and sat down on the bed. I couldn’t believe he noticed my reaction on the plane. I tried to hide it, but initial shock is nearly impossible to hide.
The room service arrived right as John got out of the shower. I set our dinner on the table and got us each a Diet Coke. John came out of the bathroom and pulled on a pair of boxers. He sat down with me and we ate our dinner quietly, staring out at L.A. I am continually astonished by the fact that you can just sit in a room alone with someone you love, and feel closer than you do when you have an intimate conversation. We finished our dinner and stood up.
“You want to go to bed?” I asked.
“Um, there’s something I want to talk to you about first.”
“What?”
He walked over to the dresser and I moved to the end of the bed. He came over and stood in front of me.
“John?”
He kneeled in front of me and produced a black box from what seemed like thin air.
“Wynter,” he began.
I sat down and held on to the edge of the bed for dear life. Maybe he hadn’t picked up on as much as I thought he had on the plane.