The shows in Santa Fe and Salt Lake City went off without a hitch. John and I were okay again. We were acting like we had just fell in love again, constantly touching, hugging, and kissing. We were happy with each other and I was ecstatic because we were on our way to Denver.
I woke up alone in John’s bunk. I stretched and ran my hand down the sheet. I wonder where John went, it’s the middle of the night. I got up and quietly made my way to the front of the bus. I found John sitting in the dark looking out the window. I stopped to watch him. He looked so sexy in his soft cotton pants with his bare chest and sleep tousled hair framed by the moonlight. I walked over to him and ran my hands down his chest from behind.
“Something wrong baby?” I asked between kisses on his neck.
“Mmm, no, I just couldn’t sleep.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me around onto his lap. I put my arms around his neck and my head on his shoulder.
“What are you thinking about?” I whispered, sliding my hand down his chest to the soft trail of hair below his naval.
“Not much, I was just looking at the stars,” he whispered, tracing his fingers back and forth on the inside of my thigh.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to be out here alone, but you looked so peaceful asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“That’s okay.” I lifted my head and kissed his neck, his jaw, his cheek, and finally his lips. “I love you, John.”
“I’ll always love you, Wynter.” John pulled me closer to him and just held me tightly. We sat like that while the bus descended from the mountains. We stayed on the bus, when everyone else went into the hotel to get some sleep, and watched the sunrise. I got up off John’s lap.
“Come on, baby. I could use a shower.” I held my hand out to him, he took it and stood up. We grabbed our bags and headed up to the hotel room. We dropped our bags on the bed and I pulled John towards the bathroom. We undressed each other and got in the shower. We laughed and talked while we bathed each other. We got out of the shower and dried each other off.
“Being that your home, what are you going to do today?”
“Ivy is picking me up soon. We’re going to spend the day together and end it at the concert. Speaking of which, I need another backstage pass.”
“I’ll get you one before you leave.”
“Thank you.” I kissed John and went to my bags. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a red tank top. John laid on the bed and watched me dress.
“You are so cute when you do that.”
“When I do what?” I asked, as I searched through my bag for my toothbrush.
“You don’t put on your shirt until you’re done with everything else.”
“I always get toothpaste on my shirt.” I found my toothbrush and went into the bathroom. I stopped brushing my teeth and stared at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t changed much physically in the past year, but I had grown up a lot. I didn’t act like a snob anymore and, on occasion I actually acted like an adult. I was just so different, I thought I knew so much about life before and now I know that I’m not even beginning to understand it all. I wonder how much Ivy has changed. I finished brushing my teeth and went back into the room.
John was asleep on the bed in only a pair of boxers. I pulled on my tank top and walked around the bed. I sat down next to him and brushed some hair from his face. I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.
“Bye, John. I love you,” I whispered. I got up off the bed and pulled the blanket up over him. I ran into Robby out in the hall. “Robby, can you do my a favor?”
“Sure, what do you need?”
“Can you make sure John is awake in time for the show?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks, Rob.”
I took the elevator down to the hotel lobby and saw Ivy standing by the door. She had cut her hair really short like Erin’s, but she still looked pretty much the same. I walked towards her slowly, I was scared to death of what would happen.
“Ivy,” I said slowly, cautiously.
“Oh Wynter.” She took two steps toward me and we hugged. “God I missed you so much.”
“Me too.”
“Well, come on, come on, we’ve got some catching up to do.” We ran out to her jeep and hopped in. We drove to a nearby Italian place and got a table. Once we were all settled with our drinks, Ivy asked me what I had been up to. So I told her about Tarin, Erin, and Ally, about the photography and school, and finally about John and the ring.
“Ally has a crush on you,” was all she had to say. Not even a word about the ring of the fight in Vegas.
“No, he doesn’t.”
“Oh come on, Wynter, is your radar that far down? You always used to pick up on this sort of thing.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe?”
“Okay, okay. You’re right. He’s cute and all, but it doesn’t matter because I love John. I love John more than I have ever loved anyone.” Ivy just looked down into her pasta for a few minutes and I realized my mistake. I hurt her feelings, but I never loved Ivy like that. She was my best friend and sex partner on occasion, but I never fell in love with her. “So, how was Europe?”
“Um, Wynter,” she pushed her pasta across her plate. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“You know you can tell me anything, Ive. What is it?”
“Wynter,” she looked up at me, “I’m, well, I’m a lesbian.” I had always known, I was just waiting for Ivy to figure it out herself. I knew she never really liked all those guys she dated and had sex with. She was into girls and I was okay with that, hell who am I to judge. It’s not like I’m up for sainthood or anything. “Wynter, say something.”
“Oh, uh, well, I kind of always knew.”
“You did?”
“Oh come on, how could I not?” Ivy smiled at me, but something told me that this wasn’t the first big hurdle of the day. She told me all about Europe and how much fun she had and all the girls she met.
“So, what about school or a job?”
“Not doing it.”
“Well, what are you going to do? I mean seriously, you can’t spend the rest of your life living off your parents money.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not practical. I hate to sound like a mother, but really Ivy you need to do something.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Ivy, you are utterly hopeless. I know you’re only 19 and it’s too early to decide what you are going to do for the rest of your life, but you need direction. Everyone needs direction.”
“Wynter, I can’t believe you buy into that high school counsellor bull shit.”
“It’s not bull shit,” I sighed. Ivy would always be a spoiled little rich girl and nothing was going to change that.
We were walking around the mall, when Ivy finally breached the ring subject.
“Are you going to marry him?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Then why are you wearing that ring?”
“It’s a promise, a reminder of the fact that he loves me and wants to marry me.”
“It’s bull shit.”
“Why?”
“There is no in between on this one, Wynter. You are either going to marry him or you’re not. You’re being selfish, using him for what you want.”
“When did you become so cynical?”
“I’m not cynical, I’m stating a fact.”
“Ivy, is something wrong?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. I think I would know if something was wrong with me.”
“Okay. Do you want to go to the concert early and hang out backstage?”
“Sure.” We left the mall and drove down south to Fidler’s Green. We got out of the Jeep, but Ivy stopped.
“Ivy, come on.”
“Wait, Wynter, there is something else I need to tell you.” She leaned against the front of her Jeep.
“What?” I turned to face her.
“Wynter, I love you.”
“I know that.”
“No, I mean I’m in love with you.” I just looked at her. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.” She leaned forward and kissed me, but I pushed her off.
“Ivy, this isn’t fair.”
“It’s not fair. What about me? It’s not fair to me.”
“You are being so selfish, Ivy. You know I love John.”
“You don’t love John. You’re just in love with being spoiled by him. You’re in love with his money.”
“Ivy!”
“Oh please Wynter, you wanted out of your mother’s house so bad, it didn’t matter who you left with.”
“You don’t mean that!”
“I do and I always will. You don’t know what you do to me. I just can’t take it anymore. When you figure out what you really want I’ll be waiting, but until then I don’t want to see you.” She turned and got into her Jeep. She started it and looked up at me. I waited for her to get out of the car. I wanted her to say that it was a joke or that it never happened at all, but she pulled out. She just pulled out and drove away. I stood in the parking lot, waiting for Ivy to come back.
Finally the reality of what had just happened hit me like a ton of bricks. I ran into the amphitheatre and asked everyone I saw for John. They all directed me to the tour bus out back. I ran to the bus and yanked open to the door.
“John,” I called my voice shaking with emotion.
“Wynter, I’m back here.” I ran back to the bunks and collapsed at John’s feet with my head in his lap. I started sobbing and put my arms around him. “What, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“She never wants to see me again,” I said between sobs.
“Who? What are you talking about?”
“Ivy. She said she loved me and then she left.” John slid down onto the floor next to me and put his arms around me.
“Tell me what happened.” I told him everything that had happened and then I cried. He just held me while I sobbed and sobbed.
“She was my best friend.”
“Shh, I know, honey, I know.” I pulled John closer and buried my head in his chest. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“It just hurts so bad.”
“I know.” He pulled me up and brushed the tears off my face.
“Thank you for being here.”
“It’s all right. I’ll always be here for you.”
“Oh shit,” I sat up completely. “What time is it? Don’t you have to get ready for the show?”
“No.”
“Yes, you do. Go ahead, I’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, go.” He looked at me with concern in his eyes. “Go!”
“Okay, I’m going.” He got up and changed into green cargo pants and a white tank top. “Well, how do I look?”
“Sexy as usual, now go. Stir has already finished and SR-71 is half done with their set.”
“As usual?” he pouted.
“Sexier than ever, now go!” He kissed me and then held me by the shoulders.
“You’re going to be okay.”
“Go!”
“Okay, I’m going.” I followed John outside and went around the bus to face the mountains.
“Daddy, everything’s going to be okay, right? Everyone I love is not going to leave me, right? God, I hope you’re listening. I’m going to go watch John now, daddy. I love you.” Lightening flashed over the mountains.
I went into Fidler’s Green, I could smell the fresh cut grass from the Lawn. I watched John start their with Dizzy as usual, but when he got to Iris he did something different.
“I want to dedicate this next song to someone. Someone very special to me. Her name is Wynter,” and then he started the song. It was so amazing and romantic, it brought tears to my eyes. And as romantic as the song was, only one line stuck in my head.
“And sooner or later it’s over.” I don’t think that’s what John meant for me to get out of the song, but that’s what I heard. Nothing lasts forever, everything has to end. It’s inevitable. I couldn’t control what happened between me and Ivy, anymore than I could control the weather. Just then thunder rolled through the amphitheatre and the audience cried out in response to the sudden downpour. I could see the raindrops sparkling through the spotlights.
I watched them finish and waited for John to come backstage. We ran out to the bus and they took us back to the hotel. John and I went up to our room. I went out on the balcony, while he changed into his pajamas. The lights went out behind me and I heard John step into the doorway.
“What are you doing?”
“I love the rain. It feels so good. Come out here.” John stepped out behind me and put his arms around me.
“Mmm, that does feel good.”
“I told you.” I turned around and put my arms around his neck. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For the song, that was so sweet.” He smiled at me and started swaying back and forth.
“I’d give up forever to touch you,” he sang in my ear. We danced on the balcony in the rain, while John sang for me. For me and me only, it felt so good. When he finished the song I kissed him. He started pulling at the bottom of my soaking wet tank top. I lifted my arms and he pulled it over my head. He ran his hands around to my back and unhooked my bra. He kissed my shoulder as he slid the bra off my wet arms.
I kicked off my shoes, while John unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them off my hips. I untied John’s pants and let them fall. I pushed John back onto a deck chair and straddled him. My skin flushed and the cool rain felt wonderful. John and I made love on the balcony and then he picked me up and carried me to the bed. He made love to me for hours, before finally exhausting himself. He fell asleep with his head on my chest, I played with his hair while I watched the rain fall outside.
We had one more full day in Denver before we left for the next concert. Maybe it was time for John to finally meet my family. I’ll call grandma in the morning and tell her to expect two more for lunch and to invite mom. Mom. Now there was a scary thought. I wonder how she is going to take John. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I laid back and fell asleep too.