Naruto was curled around his abdomen as if in pain, but Sasuke quickly snuffed the concern he felt. He wasn’t going to forgive Naruto, not yet. Not until he got an apology from the blonde idiot.
“Hey, idiot, you OK?” he asked. Naruto looked up and his eyes widened in shock. Sasuke smirked. Stupid Naruto, who did he think it’d be? It wasn’t like he had a big fanclub or anything. Now, if Sasuke were pregnant, his house would be filled with girls, all slavishly doing his bidding.
Not that Sasuke liked girls, or wanted to be pregnant. But if he could rub it in somehow during this conversation, he would.
“I’m fine, asshole,” Naruto said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “What’s wrong with you? You haven’t seen me in a month, you could at least say hi.”
“Hi.”
Sasuke clenched his fist. “You know,” he said testily, “I came here for a reason.”
Naruto looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “What’s that?”
“I’m not telling. Not until you apologize to me for lying to Kakashi-sensei and Sakura.”
Naruto didn’t answer for a long, long moment. Sasuke waited as long as he could stand, then stood with a huff. Fine. If Naruto was going to be a stubborn prick, so was he. He was not going to stick around if Naruto wasn’t going to admit he was wrong. No way. He made his way to the door and was about to exit the apartment when a small sound from behind him made him turn around.
Naruto was hugging himself. His shoulders shook. He gazed at Sasuke with a sincerity that shook him to his core.
And he was crying.
“N-Naruto?” Sasuke said. In all his years of training with Naruto, he’d never seen him cry, and the sight of it now pulled at his heartstrings like very little could anymore.
“I’m s-sorry,” Naruto whimpered. “I’m so sorry, Sasuke...”
Sasuke crossed the room as if in a trance and sat down next to Naruto. Naruto continued sobbing.
“Hey...” Sasuke said, tapping Naruto on the shoulder. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know how to deal with crying women! “Hey, Naruto--hey!”
Naruto had latched onto him, clutching Sasuke like he would disappear. Well, Sasuke thought sarcastically, it wouldn’t be the first time. Naruto buried his face in Sasuke’s shoulder, pressing his torso to Sasuke’s arm.
Sasuke froze, then blushed. Wasn’t this what he’d wanted? Naruto clinging to him, needing him? It felt so wrong, though. Feeling the tears soaking his shirt was almost as wrong as feeling Naruto’s soft, unfettered breasts against his elbow. Naruto wasn’t supposed to have breasts, nor was he supposed to be crying. He was supposed to be laughing and cheerful and determined and male, not... not not all those things.
Sasuke narrowed his eyes. He was not about to have his fantasy ruined by this stupid reality. So, how to make the two one and the same? He thought some more. His mind inadvertently fluttered back to a movie he’d seen on TV before he’d left Leaf Village for the first time. He didn’t remember much of it, as it had been a “chick flick” and as an avenger he wasn’t supposed to like such things, but he did remember one particular scene vividly. The woman had been crying, and the man had pulled her into his lap and hugged her, and then they‘d had sex. Sasuke smiled. Looked like today was his lucky day.
Pulling Naruto onto his lap proved more difficult than the movie had made it seem, as Naruto was significantly heavier than the waif-like girl on the screen. He was also significantly more rotund, putting a damper on Sasuke’s fantasy. The thought of sex with a female, pregnant Naruto was a definite turnoff. Still, Naruto seemed to appreciate his efforts; he snuggled in under Sasuke’s chin, a position Sasuke suddenly found himself very, very fond of.
“I’m sorry, Sasuke,” Naruto sniffled. “It’s just... it’s so hard. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t. I shouldn’t be pregnant, Sasuke. I just shouldn’t.”
Sasuke lowered his face, inhaling the scent of Naruto’s hair as his rubbed Naruto’s back in what he guessed was a soothing manner. His other arm stole about Naruto’s waist. “I know,” he said. “It must be hard for you.”
Naruto nodded, stilling as his last few sobs died down. They remained like that for a time, and then Sasuke spoke again.
“Listen, Naruto...” he started, then blinked as Naruto raised his head. Sasuke instinctively tightened his grip on Naruto’s shoulder as their gazes met.
“Yes, Sasuke?” Naruto asked. Sasuke took a deep breath, then regretted it. The taste of Naruto and ramen in the air reminded him how close they were, and the urge to kiss the other boy was unbearable.
“I--I was thinking,” Sasuke said, then took a second to compose himself. “You know that one of my goals in life is to restore my clan, right?”
“Yeah,” Naruto answered. Then he scowled. “Don’t even think about it, Sasuke. I’m not getting pregnant again.”
Sasuke forced down a bubble of laughter and tucked Naruto’s head under his chin again. “That’s not what I was thinking, idiot. What I was thinking... I just wanted to...” Naruto flinched and nodded. “Well,” Sasuke continued, “I was thinking, um...”
Naruto raised his head again, and Sasuke did let himself smile a bit at his shocked expression. “Sasuke?” he asked. “What are you saying?”
Sasuke bopped him on the back of the head, knocking Naruto’s face forward. Almost enough but not quite, and he squashed his disappointment. “I’m trying to say... I’m sorry, too.” He immediately kicked himself for not saying what he’d meant to. What was it about Naruto that had him saying things he didn’t mean to say, doing things he didn’t mean to do?
Naruto’s mouth dropped open. His eyes shimmered. “Sasuke...” he said quietly as he drifted forward. Sasuke’s eyes widened. This was even better than he’d planned! He must have completely won Naruto over! And he hadn’t even needed to use his own version of “Sexy no Jutsu!” Naruto’s mouth was only centimeters away. Sasuke held his breath...
...and let it out in a whoosh when Naruto bypassed his lips entirely and instead gave him an enthusiastic hug. After spending a moment wallowing in his disappointment, Sasuke hugged him back. One step at a time, he reminded himself, one step at a time. He may have been female and pregnant, but Naruto was Naruto, and he’d take any chance he could get to be close to him. They stayed like that for a time, until Naruto shifted and Sasuke’s left leg exploded in pain.
It was the worst case of pins-and-needles Sasuke had ever experienced. He shoved Naruto onto the couch and stood up, shaking his leg around.
“Shit, shit, shit--”
“Sasuke, what’s wrong? Are you OK?” Sasuke looked at Naruto, who was wringing his hands in concern. He managed a weak smile, but gasped as his right leg joined his left in protesting the severe blood deprivation he’d put them through.
“I’m--I’m fine,” he gritted out. “My legs just fell asleep, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry.” Sasuke glared at Naruto, who was looking down at his hands. What the hell was with him? He should be yelling at Sasuke about how it wasn’t his fault. Why couldn’t he be regular old Naruto? This was why he hated girls! They never stood up for themselves!
“Shut up, idiot,” he said. “It’s not your fault you’re so damn heavy.”
“Hey, are you calling me fat?” Naruto retorted.
“Yeah. ‘Cause you are, idiot!”
“Well, at least I have a reason!” Naruto yelled. Sasuke smirked. This was more like it. “You’re a jerk for no good reason!”
“Oh yeah? I’ll show you a good--” Sasuke was interrupted by a loud rumble and instinctively dove under the table. After a few moments of confusion, he realized that the sound had not been caused by an earthquake, but by Naruto’s stomach.
“Eh heh heh,” Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “I was about to make some ramen before Kakashi-sensei came.”
Standing and shaking the last tingles from his legs, Sasuke nodded. “Where do you keep it?”
Naruto smiled at him. “You gonna make me ramen?”
“...Yeah.”
“Top cupboard on the right. Thanks, Sasuke. I couldn’t get up before.”
Sasuke nodded and went to find the elusive food.
“You want beef, pork or chicken?”
“All three!”
Sasuke took down one each of the prepackaged cups, rinsed out of of the dirty pots in the sink, filled it with water and set it on the stove. He turned on the burner and opened up the packages. His nose wrinkled when he peered inside.
“Naruto,” he called, “how can you eat something that’s flavored with powder?”
“’Cause it’s good, that’s why!” The sound of a ringing phone stopped him from saying more.
Sasuke sighed and prepared to shut off the stove. “Where’s your phone?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” Naruto answered. “It’s right here.” The phone rang again, and then there was a click as Naruto answered it. Sasuke noticed that the water was boiling and, ignoring an aunt’s half-remembered exhortions against mixing meats, dumped the three ramen packages in. Besides, he reasoned, anything flavored with powder couldn’t really be meat.
“Hey hey, this is Uzumaki Naru--oh, Sakura-chan? Hi, Sakura-chan! What’s up?” Sasuke smirked. This felt almost like they were a family alre--
“One step at a time,” he reminded himself.
“Eh? Sasuke?” Sasuke was about to answer when Naruto continued. “Yeah, he’s here. Why--hey, Sakura-chan, you’re breaking up. What was that again?”
Sasuke swirled the noodles around in the water with a pair of chopsticks he’d found in a drawer. The water was turning a disgusting yellow color. Sasuke wrinkled his nose. Wouldn’t this kill the baby or something? He put the thought out of his mind and tuned back into Naruto’s voice.
“No, everything’s all right on this end--Sakura-chan? What’d you say?” A pause. “Oh, Iruka-sensei’s coming? Great! But why’d you want to talk to Sasuke for that?” There was a knock at the door. Sasuke made sure the ramen wouldn’t boil over and made his way to the door. He paused when he spotted a purple ball on Naruto’s kitchen table. Curious, he picked it up and squeezed it. It quacked.
“Naruto,” he called, “you do realize this is a dog toy, right?”
“Yeah, I know. Kiba gave it to me. Now, what was that, Sakura-chan?”
Sasuke put it down and hurried to the door when he heard another knock. Naruto mouthed “thanks” at him, then went back to his conversation with Sakura.
“Hey, Sakura-chan, Iruka-sensei’s here, so I’m gonna go now. See you later, OK? Bye!”
“NO! WAIT--” Sasuke could hear Sakura’s outburst from across the room. Naruto quickly hung up and motioned to the door.
“I think it’s Iruka-sensei, Sasuke. Would you let him in, please?”
Sasuke nodded. “Not like you can move, idiot.”
“Hey, I can still kick your ass!”
“Yeah, sure,” Sasuke snorted as he opened the door.
In less than a second, he was backing away from a furious Iruka, a kunai to his throat.
“You,” Iruka said, trembling with rage. “You, him, now!”
“I-Iruka-sensei?” Naruto asked. Sasuke looked into Iruka’s eyes and knew his time had come.
“You!” Iruka barked. “Him!” He gestured to Naruto with his free hand. Sasuke edged his own hand toward his kunai holster, but aborted the movement when Iruka pressed his own kunai deeper into his throat. “Hands where I can see them!” Sasuke quickly put his hands against the wall above his shoulders. “And marry him, now!” Iruka continued.
“What?” Naruto shouted. Sasuke, though silent, was of the same opinion. “What are you talking about, Iruka-sensei?”
Iruka glared at Naruto. “He’s the father, right?”
Naruto met Sasuke’s eyes, putting the decision of whether to tell the truth or not into his shoulders. Sasuke considered his options. On the one hand, if they told Iruka the truth, Sasuke doubted Iruka would let Naruto accept his help in raising the kid, especially considering Naruto’s deception. The man was just too honest. On the other hand, if he told Iruka that he was indeed the father, he could very well end up in a kunai wedding, and while he did care for Naruto very much, he wasn’t quite ready for that kind of commitment. And if he refused the wedding, he could very well end up dead.
Still, the thought of a life married to Naruto wasn’t too bad. He nodded slightly.
“Ah, yeah, Iruka-sensei. He is,” Naruto said.
“Well, then,” Iruka said, “he needs to take responsibility for his actions and marry you. It’s the right thing to do.”
“But Iruka-sensei, we can’t do that! I’m a boy!” Sasuke felt his heart drop at the genuine distress in Naruto’s voice. Naruto made it sound like to marry Sasuke would be the end of his life.
“You’re a girl right now,” Iruka retorted.
“Well, I won’t be after this pregnancy!”
“What guarantee is there of that, Naruto?” Iruka’s eyes softened, and he looked at Naruto pleadingly. “Who’s to say you won’t stay like that forever? And that doesn’t change the fact that you’ll be stuck with a child as a single parent. Do you want that kind of life, Naruto?” Naruto shook his head. “Then you should marry this guy,” his hand tightened on the kunai, and Sasuke backed away as far as he possibly could, “while it’s still legal.”
“But Iruka-sensei--”
“No buts, Naruto. Get up, we’re going to the Hokage.”
“Wait,” Sasuke said. Iruka looked at him curiously. Sasuke took a deep breath and steeled himself. When it came down to it, he couldn’t bind Naruto to himself, not if Naruto didn’t genuinely want it. “Naruto and I don’t have to get married. I’ve already offered to help him raise the kid.”
Iruka raised an eyebrow. “Is this true, Naruto?”
Naruto blinked stupidly, then managed a tiny smile. “Ye-Yeah.”
There was a tense moment, and then Iruka let the kunai drop. He coughed. “I... think I may have misjudged you, Sasuke. I apologize.” He fell silent. “Well, I think I’ll go now. And, ah, here. For you, Naruto.” He dropped a shopping bag on the floor and was out the door before either Naruto or Sasuke could stop him.
Naruto turned to Sasuke. “Sasuke,” he said, dead serious for once, “did you mean what you just said?”
After a short hesitation, Sasuke nodded. Naruto’s eyes filled with tears. “Sasuke...” he said. Then he wiped at his eyes and grinned. “I--I think the ramen’s ready.”
Sasuke nodded, acknowledging his need for privacy. He turned the stove off and poured the ramen into a large bowl, which he handed to Naruto, along with the chopsticks he’d used to stir it. Then he made his way to the door.
“Bye, Naruto,” he said as he left, but Naruto was too busy contemplating something in his bowl to answer. Sasuke closed the door and leaned back against it before pushing himself into action. He left the apartment building and walked along the sunny side of the street, smiling softly. People around him gawked at the unusual event, but Sasuke paid them no mind. Today was a good day, and he was going to enjoy it. He looked up at the sky, feeling the sunshine warm his face and his soul.
Suddenly, though, the sky darkened. The wind picked up.
And then, you guessed it, it rained. Sasuke glared at the falling drops. “Oh, c’mon,” he said. “Today was a good day. Why can’t you leave me alone for once?”
As if in answer to his prayers, he was hit in the eye by a falling hailstone.
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