Chapter Four- Julius Caesar
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
Over and over and over.
The music around me is blaring, a sea of bodies oscillating to its pulse, stumbling intoxicated under flashing lights.
This mass is my place of employment. A crazed swirl, thickened with the heavy scent of alcohol.
How appropriate that the place I should work just happens to be the place people come to forget, to melt away from the pain and chaos of the world and into a dark abyss of disillusionment.
How appropriate that I am the one brewing their mystical medicine.
How ironic because I'm sure I should be the one out there, forgetting.
It's been two days since Orli took me to the tree. Two days since I promised him I'd try.
I wish it were as easy as it sounds, but it's not.
Nothing ever is.
Fear is a powerful thing.
Fear holds you back, makes the simplest thing the most difficult task in the world.
Fear is at its worse when you don't even know what is it you are supposed to be afraid of.
Try, I keep telling myself, Just try.
Orli will smile at me.
Cloth, I'll tell myself, Not plastic.
Orli will sling a friendly arm around me.
White, I'll tell myself, White lies.
Ever had an argument with yourself? It is like arguing with the most stubborn person in the world. It's exhausting.
Which is why I am hopelessly thrilled to finally move into my new apartment tomorrow. Being around
Besides, the man is driving me up the wall.
He sings along with every commercial jingle, won't allow meat or milk into his fridge, has the energy of a caged six year old after he has had an variant of caffeine, takes centuries in the shower, stomps about in the early hours of the morning solely to awake me, and will not stop making those goddamned crepes.
The worst, however, is this annoying touchy-feely thing, this complete lack of sense of ones personal bubble that he has.
The key, I've learned, is to not react to it.
Let him take your hand, but don't grab back; ignore the chills when his hand rests comfortable on the small of your back; accept the hugs and kisses naturally but don't return them enthusiastically; learn to blink as if nothing has happened when he sweeps a loose hair behind your ear.
Understand the man is just ridiculously affectionate.
Understand that when he sees anyone he knows he gets so excited you'd think he was in the middle of an orgasm. Not just you.
Realize that when attached to leggy, beautiful models all affection dissipates.
Accept it and let it go.
And speaking of...
I spot
I've been expecting them. Tonight is a sort of farewell party for my departure from Orli's apartment. Or so he declared. Of course it doesn't really make much sense because I am working and
Not to mention intoxicated.
Funny. Gorgeous woman and endless alcohol.
And here I thought that tree set him straight.
He struts over with that cursed walk, smiling brilliantly and I'm really tempted to just jump over the bar and give him a good punch. Instead, I look away, down at the bar counter, splashed with alcohol.
"Hey Jules."
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
"Uh...hello Jules."
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
"Oh."
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
"Hey
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
"This is a great place."
Pour, dash, swirl, shake.
"Yeeep."
Oh yeah, I'm pissed.
Why, exactly, I'm not so sure.
Maybe it is simple. Maybe I'm just grumpy. Tired and grumpy, stuffed like a sardine in this building that is practically vibrating, forced to observe that goddamned smile
Yeah. That is exactly what it is.
"This is Krystyn." He pushes his prize forth proudly. "Krystyn, love, this is Juliana."
I go,
Smile, smile, optimism.
Krystyn goes,
Teeth, teeth, plastic.
I glare at their retreating forms angrily, a soft voice halting the rise of my middle finger.
"Hey Juliana."
I'm still following
"Hey Elijah."
His brown head disappears.
"Want a drink?"
He shakes his head, "Naw, I best not."
I nod and turn my attention to orders being thrown at me.
I go, Pour, dash, swirl, shake, and do my best to talk to Elijah in between.
It doesn't work too well, my attention divided.
A few minutes later my manager comes over, eyes glued to Elijah.
"Hey Juliana...you know, we are pretty on top of things tonight...if you want to...go."
I blink.
Go? As in have the night off?
I frown up at Louie. He never gives nights offs. This must be some kind of dirty trick.
"Um...that's alright. I'm fine working." Louie doesn't even look at me.
"No, no," He protests, "Go, have fun. You need to have some fun."
I stare at him stupidly until he finally tears his gaze away from Elijah and places it on me, smiling softly.
I'm thinking that either, a) Louie is rewarding me for bringing in celebrity business, which will in turn bring in more business in general or, b) he's just enthralled to see that I actually have friends and wants me to have a life for once.
Either way, I'm not happy.
"Really Louie, thanks, but I-"
"I'm not taking no for an answer," He quips sternly, before stalking off.
I stand flabbergasted, vaguely aware that my dwindling supply of control is continuing to spiral down the drain.
In front of me Elijah is smiling gleefully.
"Come on!" He grabs my hand and pulls me through the bar opening. "Let's get you a drink."
I glance around the room and spot Orli and Krystyn, already on the dance floor, grinding shamelessly into each other.
Uhh...
I'm thinking alcohol won't sit so well in my stomach.
"I can't get drunk in my place of employment Elijah!"
He blinks. "You can when you work in a club, Jules."
I pout, "But I just wouldn't feel comfortable."
"Well..." Elijah bites his lip in thought.
I go,
Pout, pout. Flutter, flutter.
"I guess I know a place we could go." I give him a gleeful grin. "Let's just go tell Orli we are leaving."
"Um...Let's not."
Elijah follows my gaze and grimaces with a slightly amused twinkle in his eyes. "Good point." And off he drags me, out far away from the comfort of disillusionment.
----------
Grass prickles lightly against my bare arms, blurred stars shimmer before me. I can hear Elijah's even breaths next to me, perfectly coordinated to mine.
In, out. In, out.
A soft breeze blows over us peacefully, the buzz of traffic humming in the distance. I can feel Elijah's fingers resting beside mine, our pulses synchronized.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
We're lying in a small grassy field somewhere near the
I like this. I like this about Elijah. I was expecting more pounding music, more grinding sex hounds and more dizzying alcohol. Instead he brought me here, to lie peacefully under the night sky and dream of better places.
And I like that. A lot.
I can breathe, the oxygen momentarily unscrambling my mind, and for once my body isn't aching with constant tension.
I can feel and not think.
A shadow sounds overhead.
Zoom, zoom, zoom.
"Where to?" Elijah asks.
I'm thinking cold, I'm thinking blue.
"
"Hmm," Elijah goes.
I poke his stomach, giggle, wonder when the hell I started giggling and babble, "You think we can catch it? Fly away? Never come back? Swim around the world?"
Elijah laughs but I am serious.
I giggle in return anyways. Just because.
And it feels wonderful.
Zoom. The plane disappears.
"Let's build an igloo."
"We've got no ice."
I whack him. "Hence Alaska."
"Ohhhh."
A lapse of silence, then another shadow sounding.
Zoom, zoom, zoom.
"Where to?" I ask.
"Switzerland."
"
"Sure,
"We should hide out in the moors."
"Hide from whom?"
"Caesar."
"Julius Caesar?"
"Yeah."
Elijah goes, "Hmmm."
Zoom, zoom, zoom.
Elijah says, "Next stop..."
"
A long pause, then, "Juliana?"
"Hmmm?" I wonder detached.
Really my mind is racing. Really I'm fretting over that abrupt tone, wary and grave.
Really I'm berating my stupidity, forgetting my laughter.
Goodbye feeling, hello thinking.
"Why did you lie about
I've got my stoic mask glued on perfectly.
"To piss
Another pause.
"Why?"
"Because he-"
"No. Give me a real answer. Why?"
He doesn't seem to understand that I've no real answer to give.
Ambiguity will have to do.
"I've always wanted to go to
Elijah sighs and shrugs. "Why's that? Why not
Because
Because
"Why anywhere?" The best way to beat a question is to answer with one. "I don't know."
Zoom, zoom, zoom.
"Where to?" I ask.
Elijah thinks, smiles, "Bolivia."
"Why Bolivia?"
He looks at me, pins his blue eyes on me hard. His forehead is crinkled, deep in thought. It makes my blood boil in anticipation, makes my mind race in wonder.
His gaze is so intense I'm sure his thoughts are matching mine. Empathizing.
"Well...why not?"
Oh.
Disappointment sucks.
Disappointment sucks, but when you experience it so much, you learn to brush it away, to not let it affect you.
I shift on my side, facing Elijah with a grin. When he turns to look at me our noses are almost touching.
We go,
In, out. In, out.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
I notice that Elijah's hand has been laced through mine for quite some time. It's soft and warm and has a magnetic pull on the rest of my body.
I'm thinking about
Zoom, zoom, zoom.
"Lij?" I whisper quietly.
His blue eyes smile back at me, his thumb drawing circles over my skin.
"I have to go get some stuff tomorrow. At my house. Will you come?"
This is big. I hope Elijah realizes it. This is really big.
I'm inviting him to my house, to where all my dirty secrets lie and dwell, building up dust. I'm inviting him to catch a glimpse of exactly what I don't want him to.
Whether he'll be able to see it or not, it doesn't matter.
This is huge.
Please don't abuse it, I'm pleading with him silently, please don't abuse it.
And he doesn't.
"Of course I will," he whispers back, lips twitching into a smile.
He squeezes my hand.
And then something really amazing happens.
I squeeze back.
