Part 112
As Sarah slipped on her dress, Howie watched her closely. She had been unusually quiet since they’d gotten back from watching the sunrise and now he was beginning to get concerned. She had been so strong since it had all happened. He knew it was only a matter of time before she ‘crashed’. He just hoped it wasn’t until after the service.
Sarah stood in front of him now and asked softly, "Can you zip my dress?"
Howie reached to zip the dress but stopped to look at the tattoo on her shoulder. He traced the words with his finger and then placed a light kiss on her neck before finishing with the zipper. He turned Sarah in his arms and put one hand on the side of her face. With his thumb, he caressed her cheek. "My beautiful angel…it’s okay to let go," he whispered.
With that, Sarah’s tears spilled over as if his words were a switch. With his thumbs, Howie wiped the tears.
Sarah whispered, "I can’t do it, D."
"I’ll be there with you, Angel. And so will the others."
"I know, but I’m tired, Howie. I’m tired of being strong."
"Angel, no one expects you to be ‘on’ all the time. This is your mother’s funeral. It’s OKAY to show your grief. You’ve lost someone very dear to you. Come on, it’s almost time to go."
Sarah slipped on her shoes then took Howie’s hand and followed him downstairs to where Nick and Becca were already waiting. Becca met Sarah at the bottom of the steps and saw the tears. As the two embraced, no words were spoken, just an unspoken understanding that they would help each other through this morning.
Sarah’s nieces came into the room and Sarah immediately reverted to the ‘other’ Sarah…the one who was strong and confident. She saw they were crying and she went to them. She gathered them in a big hug and gave each one a kiss on the forehead.
Talking softly, Sarah said, "You know, Nana is watching over you now and she wouldn’t want to see all these tears."
Courtney asked tearfully, "Aunt SaSa, is she really watching over us?"
"Of course, she is," said Howie as he joined them. He gave them each a hug too. "She’s your guardian angel now…looking over her children to make sure they are safe," he said as he looked at Sarah. He smiled to say ‘I’m proud of you, Angel’ and gave her a wink.
Sarah asked, "What’s the one memory of Nana that you love the most?"
Ashley piped up, "That’s easy…all the stories she use to tell us."
Rebecca added, "And the home-made cookies she’d give us as she was telling us the stories."
Howie prodded, "Courtney?"
"Christmas morning…how she would set her presents off to the side and watch all of us open ours and then sit playing with us and our toys. I don’t EVER remember seeing her open hers."
Sarah smiled, "Each one of you has a very special memory to hold on to in your heart. When you start missing her, or feeling sad, take that memory and think about it. She loved you all VERY much."
The girls each gave Sarah a hug thanking her and then headed off with their brothers to wait for the cars. When they were gone, Sarah’s tears started again and Howie wrapped his arm around her.
Becca smiled, "That was awesome, Sarah."
"I just wish I could do it myself right now," she answered resting her head on Howie’s shoulder as they sat on the couch.
Kevin, Brian, Carlos, and Raoul joined the two couples and they sat talking softly. Sarah fell silent, choosing to listen and Howie didn’t press her.
Mark, Sarah’s oldest brother, came in. "Sis…the cars are here."
"Okay. Where’s Daddy?"
"Not sure. Thought you’d know."
Kevin said, "I haven’t seen him come down."
"I’ll go check on him," said Sarah. As she got up, she took Howie’s hand and asked, "Come with me?"
The couple went back up together and Sarah knocked lightly on the door, pushing it open at the same time. "Daddy," she called softly.
Mr. Taylor was on the bed looking around and looked up at his daughter. Sarah and Howie saw the confused look in his eyes and the room was a mess. There were clothes scattered everywhere.
"Daddy, the cars are here to take us to town."
Mr. Taylor looked at Sarah and said, "Jeanie, where is my tie to go with this suit?"
Sarah’s tears spilled over and she said, "Daddy, it’s me…your daughter…Sarah."
"What did I call you?"
"You called her Jeanie," said Howie.
"I’m sorry, Babygirl. You just remind me so much of your mother. What did you two need?"
"The cars are here, Dad," said Howie gently.
Mr. Taylor looked at himself and said, "I guess I need to finish getting dressed then."
Sarah picked up a tie off the floor and handed it to him. "Here you go, Daddy."
Mr. Taylor took the tie and began to fumble with it. He was having a hard time tying it and Sarah saw his hands shaking. She looked at Howie scared by what she saw in her father.
Howie whispered, "Give him a hand, Angel."
Sarah moved to her father, standing in front of him. She took the tie in her hands and said, "Let me, Daddy."
Mr. Taylor gratefully let Sarah take over and he watched as her fingers nimbly tied his tie. "You have your mother’s hands. She use to always have to tie these for me when I was nervous."
"I remember. Where do you think I learned how to do this?"
Mr. Taylor smiled, "You were the light of her life, Sarah…a true miracle."
Howie’s curiosity was peaked. "A miracle?"
"Sarah was a twin and in her mother’s third month, she had a miscarriage. The doctor thought she’d lost BOTH fetuses so when she went back for her checkup six weeks later, he was surprised to hear a heartbeat."
Howie smiled, "I always knew she was special."
"That she is and Howard, I can’t tell you just how thrilled we were when Sarah told us that she’d met you…found the man of her dreams. We’d heard her describe you so many times and when she called to say that she had ACTUALLY met you, we were thrilled."
Howie took Sarah’s hand in his and kissed it. "She was the answer to my dreams too."
Mark stuck his head in and said, "Dad, it’s time to go."
Mr. Taylor got his jacket and said, "Give me a minute with Sarah."
Howie left with Mark after giving Sarah a kiss.
With the two gone, Mr. Taylor reached into a drawer of her mother’s dresser and pulled out an envelope. He handed it to Sarah saying, "This is from your mother. She started this the day you were born and each year on your birthday or on special occasions, she’d add just a little bit more. I think she wrote on the day Jesse was born, when she died, and when you married Howard. At any rate, it’s for you, Babygirl."
Sarah took the letter as she looked at her father. In front of her stood an old man…much older than his 58 years and she hurt for him. "Daddy, are you going to be okay?"
"She was my life, Sarah…like you are to Howard. I watch the two of you and see your mother and me at your age. Sarah, don’t EVER take for granted what you have together."
Sarah hugged her father, "Never, Daddy!"
The two headed downstairs where they found Howie, Nick, and Becca were waiting for them. The others were already out in the cars waiting.
"Dad, why don’t you ride with Becca and Sarah?" suggested Howie. "Nick and I’ll ride alone."
"No…that’s okay. I want some time alone. You four go ahead and I’ll see you at the church."
"Are you sure?" asked Becca.
"Positive. You girls should be with the boys. That’s where your place is. Nick, Howard….don’t ever take for granted that they’ll always be there. You never know when life is going to throw you a wild card."
Both men hugged their respective wives and Howie said, "Every day is a fresh start to build on the love we already share."