Part 267
"Where'd everybody go?" Sarah poked her head in the door expecting to find the usual crowd of family and friends, instead finding only Becca and Garrett.
"Don't tell me you lost Howie?" Becca smiled, knowing full well that wasn't the case.
"As if," Sarah grinned. "No, he's down at the nursery looking at the babies. A set of twins was born last night and he's down there with his nose pressed to the glass."
"Oh no, he's only going to get worse, you know." Becca laughed, shifting Garrett to her other arm and stretching her fingers to bring the feeling back.
"Here, let me have him for a while. You get to love on him twenty-four hours a day, and what do I get?" She sniffed the air and wrinkled her nose.
"A dirty diaper?" Becca giggled.
"Great, just great." Sarah laughed, shaking her head and reaching for the diapers and lotion. Cooing at the baby, she couldn't resist baiting Becca. "Just like a Carter, only a day and a half old and already causing trouble."
"Hey! That's my son you're talking about."
"Check the name on the birth certificate, Bec. C-A-R-T-E-R. As in Son of Nick."
"Sounds like a bad horror film," Becca giggled.
"See? Proves my point," Sarah smirked.
Becca rolled her eyes and tried to sit up. Not quite succeeding, she winced and sighed.
"You okay, sis?"
"No, not really. I hurt everywhere. I'm trying to keep myself cheery for Nick, but it's wearing me out."
"Bec, you don't need to do that. Do I need to remind you what happened the last time you kept something from Nick?"
"No, of course not. But this is different." Becca frowned.
"Oh? And you'll explain why?" Sarah raised her eyebrows at Becca as she wrapped Garrett back up in his light blue blanket.
Becca was silent, thinking about what the next days would bring.
"Bec? Hello?"
"Sorry. I was thinking." Becca leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
"About what?" Sarah sat on the edge of the bed, the baby cradled expertly in the crook of her arm.
"Dr. Anthony won't let me travel. I have to stay here while you all go back on the road."
"I was afraid of that. Nick and I talked about it a little last night. You know Bec, Nick doesn't want to do anything that will set back your recovery."
"I know that, Sarah, and he's being so good about this. He's being so upbeat and optimistic and I know he's hiding the way he feels."
Sarah groaned. "And you're not? Please."
"He's made arrangements for Garrett and me to stay with Julie for the next week."
"Here in Toronto? Bec, that's great!"
"I guess," she shrugged. "How can I let him go?" she asked quietly.
"How? You kiss him goodbye and say 'see you next week.'"
"That's not fair," Becca said as her lip trembled.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound callous. I know if I were in your shoes I don’t think I could do it either. But Bec he has an obligation to finish this tour. They've already cancelled so many of the venues that there's a lot riding on this, both professionally and financially. And I know Nick, Becca. He can't perform when he's worried about you. Two nights ago when I came back, I knew something was wrong. I didn't know where you were, but just by looking at Nick onstage I knew something wasn't right."
"It was that bad?" Becca whispered.
"Maybe only to me and the guys, but Nick needs to be free to do his job, and that job is to entertain. He can't do that if his mind is hundreds of miles away."
"I know you're right. I really do." Becca lay back, rubbing her temples as she tried not to cry.
"You know, I'm glad he's keeping you here, Bec. You're really NOT ready to travel."
Becca sniffled and laughed half-heartedly. "I feel like crap. I hurt, and even the stuff they gave me last night wore off around 5 this morning."
"You didn't take more, did you?" Sarah said with a frown.
"No, I was afraid to. That stuff scares me. Even last winter when I stayed with Nick after I got hurt, he had to practically force me to take painkillers."
"Good. Bec, that shit's bad news."
"I know, but it's not like I'm going to get hooked on the stuff." Becca shrugged.
"It can happen, Bec. A lot quicker than you know." It was Sarah's turn to get emotional and Becca didn't miss the change in her expression.
"I'll be careful, okay?" Becca watched Sarah's face, trying to read between the lines of what she was and wasn't saying. "You've never liked drugs, have you?"
"No, and I never will," Sarah said vehemently.
"Because of Russell?"
Sarah gasped. "How did you-" And then it dawned on her that Becca was only referring to his days as a drug runner.
"Sarah?"
She tried to cover her mistake. "Of course that's what I meant, Bec. I saw firsthand what that stuff did to him and his friends." She shuddered at the memories and turned quickly to put Garret back in his bed. "They'd be out of it for days and then when they were finally coherent their mission for the day was to get another fix, another hit to make them feel good. God, what a nightmare."
Suddenly all the pieces began to fall into place. "My God, Sarah," she whispered, "I've been so blind."
"What?" Sarah asked quietly.
"He did it to you, too. That son of a bitch got you hooked on all that crap just like his junkie friends."
Sarah began to cry softly. "I was so ashamed. Bec, I couldn't get through a day without it and he'd laugh at me. He'd make me wait for it until I was so strung out I'd promise him almost anything and then he'd taunt me. It was so degrading, Bec, I felt so dirty, and then the accident happened…"
"And you went to rehab for your injuries. At least it got you away from Russell, right?" Becca looked up to see Sarah shaking her head. "Sarah, you were in therapy for six weeks for your injuries. I remember, because I wanted to see you but they said I couldn't."
"Rehab, Becca. Think about it." Sarah paused as the impact of her words registered.
"Rehab?" Becca whispered. "Rehab, like-"
"Like Alex. Bec, I was in detox for six weeks getting the drugs out of my system."
"Oh Sarah, I never knew." Becca's eyes were brimming with tears.
"I didn't want you to. I didn't want you to know your best friend was a junkie."
"Sarah, that's not true." Howie was standing in the doorway and had come in just in time to hear what Sarah had said.
Sarah blew her nose loudly and shrugged.
"Sarah, it wasn't your fault." Becca reached out to take her hand. "And you're clean, right?"
Sarah nodded.
"Then that's what counts, sis. I admire you so much," she sighed.
Sarah's head snapped up. "Why?"
"Your courage, the way you've re-defined yourself and gotten past all of that. The woman you've become, all of it."
Howie sat beside Sarah on the bed and wrapped his arms around her. "See, Angel? I told you that you should have told her sooner." He kissed her on the cheek.
"I guess," she mumbled.
"So," Becca said. "If you can do all that then why am I whining about being away from Nick for a week?"
"Because you love him," Sarah whispered.
"Shut UP, okay? I'm trying to make this work and that's not helping," she laughed swatting at Sarah.
"Sorry," Sarah laughed. "Look, we'll hang back tomorrow and Nick can ride with us to Ottawa. We'll send his bus on ahead."
"I don't want you to be late."
"We won't be," Howie said. "Besides, Nick's going to need some company for a few days. Tomorrow it can be our turn to entertain him." He grinned at the sour look Sarah gave him.
"Thank you guys," Becca said softly.
"We'll take good care of him for you. Promise." Sarah hugged Becca who had begun to yawn. "Look, we'll come back later before the show. Get some rest."
"Yeah, besides, I want to show Sarah the new babies," Howie said excitedly.
Becca smiled through another yawn. "See? I told you…" she smiled at Sarah as her eyes drifted shut.