Part 318

Howie and Sarah were on their way out when Kevin stopped them. "Sarah, got a few minutes?"

Sarah looked at Howie before replying. When he nodded his head, she said, "Sure, Kev, what's up?"

"Can we talk? Just for a bit, I promise it won't take long."

"Angel, I'll be back. I wanna talk to the band for a minute."

"Okay, D, I'll be here." She smiled at his retreating back, turning only when Kevin pulled her back from her daydream.

"So, how are you today? Really?"

Sarah sighed, something she'd been doing a lot of in the past thirty-six hours. "I'm tired."

"What about Becca?"

"What about her?"

"She seemed … I don't know, Sarah, you tell me."

Sarah shrugged. "I don't know, Kev. She's upset with me, I KNOW she's upset with Howie."

"But not Nick?"

"No, not anymore. I'm glad they're okay, Kevin. I felt so bad for her yesterday."

"But what about the two of you?"

"Its gonna take time, I guess. I just wish I knew what I did that has her so upset."

"You mean you don't know?"

"Well," she blushed, "I know part of it." She thought about the look on Becca's face when she'd confronted her about the story that morning. " I wrote a story, and then I posted it to our list."

"So? Becca's done her fair share of writing, I'd think she'd be thrilled for you."

"I killed Nick."

"You what?" Kevin could have sworn Sarah just said-

"I killed Nick. Howie was so angry with him, and it seemed pretty funny at the time." From the look on her face, it was clear that it had not had the desired effect. "I was going to tell Becca about it, but she saw it before I could warn her. And then Howie blew up on the bus yesterday, and Nick lost it with Becca and-"

"Hell, Sarah, what a damn mess."

"And she's still not speaking to me. At breakfast this morning Fiona told her about me being in the hospital."

"She didn't know that either?! Sarah-"

"Stop it, Kevin, I know I fucked up. But I was trying to protect her. I swear, I just didn't want her to worry."

"Baby, that should have been her decision, not yours."

"I know," she said quietly.

"There's more, Sarah."

"What? You mean with Becca?"

Kevin sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, you need to know all this. Maybe it will help you see what's going on."

"Please, just tell me."

Kevin was silent for a moment. "Sarah, when did you last talk to Becca? I mean, before yesterday?"

Sarah had to think. "Umm … we talked a few days ago, I was on my way out shopping."

"Really? With who?" Kevin asked, seemingly out of idle curiosity.

"Jesse and Lisa."

"Oh, okay. What about before that?"

"Well, she called one night, but I was asleep so Howie told me to call her back."

"So you didn't talk to her?"

"Well, sure, she called me back the next day." Sarah was becoming uneasy at Kevin's line of questions.

"Oh, good. You talked then?"

"No. I was on the other line, so Lisa answered it for me. It was funny, she said it sounded like Becca, but she hung up without talking to me. I called HER back, and we chatted for a few minutes, but then I had to go, so I cut it short."

"You had to go. Out with Lisa?"

"Yes, Kevin, what are you getting at?"

"Did you know that she talked to Howie a couple of days ago, too?"

"Sure, he said she'd called. I was out."

"I know, with Lisa. Did he say how she sounded?"

"No, wait, maybe … he said she sounded tired."

"Sarah, Lynne called me right after Becca hung up with Howie. She'd come in and heard part of the conversation, and she wanted to know who Lisa was. Sarah, think about it. Every time your best friend called you were too busy with your new friend to give her the time of day. She was away from everything that was familiar, with a new baby and no Nick, and you couldn't spare the time to listen to her. I mean really listen to her, not just converse."

"Kevin, I never meant to-"

"Of course you didn't, Sarah, but put yourself in Becca's place."

"That's not fair. I almost died, Kevin, I was just trying to get out and-"

"Becca almost died, too, Sarah. She thought you WERE dead."

"It's not my fault she went into labor early, don't you think I haven't already been blaming myself for that?"

"No one's blaming you, Sarah, I'm just trying to make you see what Becca's been going through, too. Everything that happened happened to all of us, not just you and Howie. Hell, you see how well Howie has handled it."

Sarah was crying softly by now. "What have I done?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed, baby. You need to talk to her. REALLY talk to her. Best friends aren't easy to come by, and you two have been close for way too long to mess this up."

"Why didn't she say something?" Sarah wiped her tears and looked up at Kevin.

"Do you really need to ask that?" Kevin squeezed her shoulder.

"No, I know why. I know how she thinks. Damn, Kevin …"

"You needed to know, baby. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's okay. Now if we could just fix Nick and Howie."

"Nope, I'm out of that one," Kevin laughed. "Hell, there are times I'VE wanted to kill Nick. If I can help, let me know."

"I will, thank you." Sarah hugged him just as Howie rounded the corner.

"Angel, everything all right?"

"It will be, D. It will be."

Part 319        The Dance Index(3)