Part 387
Kevin smiled remembering his phone call to Lynne, as Nick cracked, "No, ‘Peanut’…women don’t like it when he bosses them around."
Becca kicked Nick under the table and before Kevin could come back, she said, "Sarah, Nick said you had some ideas for tonight."
Sarah launched into what she had told the guys last night. It was exactly what she needed to get her mind off her insecurities from earlier.
The more Sarah talked, the more Becca began to obsess. "I don’t know, Sarah."
Thinking Becca wasn’t going to agree to do this, Sarah’s mind began to spin trying to think of ways to convince her. "What don’t you know? I’ve downloaded everything we need and we’ve done the song before, Does He love You. It’s perfect and they all go together with what we want to do. And ‘Blondie’ will be there too," said Sarah seeing how Becca was looking at Nick.
"Baby, you’ll be fine," reassured Nick.
"We can go over early to practice, right after I finish working with Jesse on her lessons," bubbled Sarah.
Becca still wasn’t sure about this. She knew she was going to say ‘yes’ but she was still scared at the prospects of going on stage in front of thousands of young girls who were there to see her husband…not her. What if they hated her? She looked around at the group who was just as eager for her to do this as Sarah and Nick were.
"You have to find me something to wear…and NONE of that tight stuff you wear either."
Sarah laughed, "Not a problem. You won’t regret this."
"I hope you’re right."
Jesse was looking at them all now. "Does this mean Daddy isn’t gonna sing with you, Mommy?"
Sarah looked at Howie as he sipped his coffee. "I don’t know, Jess."
"Daddy?"
Setting his cup down, Howie said, "Why do you ask, Jesse?"
"Just checkin’. Are you?"
"Of course I’m going to sing with your mother."
Sarah let out the breath she had been holding and Howie looked at her. "Did you really think I wouldn’t?"
"No…well, yeah, sorta."
Howie shook his head but didn’t say anything. Instead, he took her hand in his and as the conversation shifted to the day’s plans. He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb watching her as she joined the conversation.
As breakfast ended, Sarah said, "Jess, go get your stuff to do your lessons."
"Yes ma’am" and off she flew to get her things.
"’Hurricane Jesse’ in action," laughed Brian.
Howie said, "Thanks for stopping her this morning, Brian."
"No problem. I can’t wait to see her reaction to us doing the segment for Sesame Street."
Sarah laughed, "We won’t be able to keep her still for the taping. Howie, I need to go get a shower and get dressed. Can you start with Jesse?"
"Sure, Angel."
"I won’t be long. Becca, you hanging out here?"
"Yeah…I would like to see what you’ve done though."
Sarah told Becca where to find the information on the computer and gave Howie a kiss on the cheek before heading off to get ready for the day.
Becca poked around in Sarah's files for almost a half an hour, halfway listening to Howie and Jesse. She smiled at their playful banter as they worked on Jesse's lessons for the morning. Howie and Sarah were really good with her, and so were the other guys, but as she watched them she began to remember the things Jane had said. God, was it just yesterday morning? She needed to talk to Sarah about it, but wasn't really sure this morning was the best time.
"Bec, whatcha got?" Nick asked, looking over her shoulder and peering at the screen.
"This is Sarah's file for the show tonight. Nick, some of this stuff is really disturbing," she said, her voice softening to a whisper so that Jesse wouldn't hear.
"Why, Bec, just because it's Sarah?" Nick laid his hands on her shoulders and squeezed comfortingly. "Sweetheart, if this is what she needs to do to get over this, then we're all for it. You know she's gonna want to talk about your foundation, too. It'll be so much better if you tell that part of it, Bec. The fans will want to hear from your own mouth about what you went through and why you started it up."
Becca leaned back in her chair, resting her head against Nick and reaching for his hand. "I never wanted to ever have to say his name again, Nick, and now-"
"Andrew was a very real part of your life Becca. All the pain you went through with him is part of who you are today and you're so much stronger for it. Baby, you've grown up in the past year, and so have I." Nick smiled down at her. "I remember when we met how timid you were. That night at Kevin's party when I kissed you on the dance floor? You looked like you'd break apart any minute, and now look at you."
"Nick, I-"
"I didn't say you were outgoing and extroverted like Sarah, but you ARE more sure of yourself, and very, very talented." He looked down into Becca's eyes and the love he had for her radiated off of him in waves. "And I’m very, very proud of you."
Becca sighed as he kissed her forehead.
"I'm proud of you, too, sis," Sarah said, coming to stand beside Nick. "You can take charge when you need to, and god help anyone that gets in your way. Nick is right, you need to share your story tonight. Be thinking about what you want to say."
"Mommy?" Jesse called. "I'm tired of work."
"Baby, you're not even halfway done with your lessons." Sarah looked over at Howie who shrugged.
Becca took a deep breath. This was just the opening she needed. "Sarah…"
"What, Bec?"
"Well … I was thinking."
"Bec, you're going to be fine tonight," Sarah insisted. "We have plenty of time to rehearse later this morning."
"No, actually I was thinking about Jesse."
"Jesse?" Howie asked.
"What about Jesse?" Sarah wanted to know.
"Promise you'll hear me out?" Becca asked hesitantly.
"Of course I will. Becca, what's wrong?"
"Nothing! I mean, nothing 'yet'."
"Becca, you're being vague," Sarah laughed. "Spill it." She saw the way Becca was looking at Jesse, and then realized she didn't want to talk in front of her. "Jesse, that's enough for this morning. You can go watch TV in the bedroom for awhile, okay?"
"Thanks mommy!" She grinned and scooted off, having escaped her lessons for the time being.
"Okay, Bec, what's on your mind?" Howie asked.
Taking a deep breath, Becca forged ahead. "I'm concerned about Jesse. I've been around her a lot in the last several days and … well …" she stammered.
"She's been a pain in the ass, Bec, we all know that," Sarah laughed. "What's your point?"
"My point. Well, I guess my point is, that unless something is done about it, she's only going to get worse."
"I agree, Bec. It's not like we let her get away with it, she's punished when she gets out of line."
"By sending her out to sit in a bus with a bodyguard." Becca paused and let her words sink in, watching Sarah and Howie's faces. Howie was the first to begin to see what she was trying to say.
Howie sighed. "You're saying she needs something more, aren't you?"
"She needs stability, Howie. Sarah, I know you two are doing your best, and I know that you want the best for Jesse-"
"Of course, we do, Bec," Sarah insisted.
"Maybe the best thing for her isn't living out of a bus," Becca said gently. "The older she gets, the more she needs to be around other kids. That's where she's going to learn some of the most important lessons in her life, not hanging out with roadies and musicians. She needs interaction with her peers as much as she needs you and Howie. Nick practically grew up on the road, and he missed out on so many things, Sarah. That's no life for a small child."
"But what about my career? Traveling with Howie?"
"There will be times when you can all be together, but there are going to be times when you need to put Jesse's welfare first. And in a few months, you'll have the twins to think about, too."
"What do you suggest, Becca?" Howie asked.
"After the tour, think about enrolling her in school. You have a place back home, so find a good school and let her be a child for a while."
"If it helps any, Bec's gonna be settling down, too," Nick said.
"Bec?" Sarah asked with a frown, knowing how Becca disliked being away from Nick.
Becca shrugged. "I never said it was going to be easy, but I need my house back, Sarah. I want to be able to put Garrett to bed at night in a bed that doesn't have brakes on it." She paused as Sarah giggled. "I miss my house," she said wistfully. "I miss my kitchen and my stuff … and the nursery that has never been used. I actually miss getting in the car and doing something as mundane as grocery shopping."
Sarah laughed outright now, remembering her shopping trips with Howie, AJ and Kevin. "I know what you mean. It does have a nostalgic ring to it, you know?"
"Becca, it’s something for us to think about. Sarah and I will talk it over, okay?"
"Of course, Howie. I just didn't want to overstep my bounds."
"Sis, you’re family. You're just trying to help." Sarah got up and hugged her, laughing as Garrett began to cry and Becca groaned.
"Bec, sit," Nick said. "I'll get him."
"Thanks, but I need to get cleaned up anyway. I have a show to obsess over."
Sarah and Howie laughed as Nick pulled Becca up out of the chair and spun her around.
"Come on girlie, let's go pamper you and make you into a hot pop star."
"Yeah," Becca snorted, "as if."
"See you at the venue," Nick grinned, picking a shrieking Becca up and carrying her through the door to their bedroom.