Part 68
Howie leaned back shaking his head.
"Well…YOU OBVIOUSLY WEREN’T GOING TO! Don’t get that self-righteous attitude with me, REBECCA! Fuckin’ grow up!"
Howie spoke up, "Sarah, that’s enough!"
Becca got up and stormed out leaving Nick confused and Howie furious with Sarah.
Sarah yelled after her. "That’s it…RUN…FUCKING TYPICAL!"
Nick got up quickly and stumbled after Becca leaving Howie and Sarah alone. When the door closed, Howie looked at Sarah but he didn’t say anything.
"Becca!" Nick caught up with Becca just as the elevator doors opened.
Becca stopped, but didn't turn around.
"Becca, what was she talking about?"
"Nick, I'm tired. I'm going home." She stepped into the elevator, reaching for the 'down' button, but Nick was faster.
"Not until we talk."
The doors had closed, but as the elevator began its descent to the lobby, he pushed the emergency 'stop' button. Again, Becca reached for the controls only to find her wrist captured by a large, strong hand.
"There's nothing to talk about, Nick, you heard what she said."
"Is it true?"
"Nick-" She looked everywhere but up at him, her eyes darting nervously around the confined space.
"Becca, it's time to stop all this. Sarah's drunk, but she's right. NO MORE GAMES." He pulled her chin up so that she would be forced to look him in the eye. He saw the fear in her eyes and was immediately contrite, but they had to get all this out in the open once and for all.
In all their time together this was only the second time that Nick had ever so much as raised his voice to her, or even hinted at anything physical and Becca was frightened. She paled and began to tremble, and he loosened his hand on her wrist, but not enough for her to pull away.
"I –" she began, her voice meek and hollow.
"Bec, just do it. Talk to me." Nick whispered, gentling his voice. "Did you really write all that stuff that we've been reading?"
Becca nodded her head, silent tears coursing down her face. She whispered, "I've been writing for months now."
"Why?"
She shrugged her shoulders in defeat knowing that it was time to be totally honest. "It just happened, Nick. I was looking for information on you, and I found a bunch of sites, so I started reading."
"Reading this stuff and writing it are two different things, baby."
"God, this is so embarrassing." She finally pulled away, turning her back.
"Becca, I’m not angry. And I'm sorry I yelled at you, but shit- we're getting married in three days. Three fucking days! And I have to find out from your best friend that you've been posting our most private moments to some goddamn email list?"
"I NEVER did that!" She whirled on him, defensively angry in her own right. "It was all fiction, Nick. Every time you've ever touched me or made love to me is sacred and I’d NEVER share that! That's no one's business but yours and mine."
"Then why?" he whispered.
"I really don't know. I read some stuff and then one afternoon I just had this … idea. So I sat down at my laptop and in an hour had an entire story finished. For that hour, my mind wasn't on the fact that I'd broken your heart or that I was in a cramped, two-room efficiency at the other end of the damn world from you. My mind wasn't on the fact that I'd never, ever see you again unless it was on MTV or my computer screen. I could almost forget about the 24-hour a day nausea that made my life a living hell, or the leg cramps that woke me from the one measly night of sleep I'd had in a week. Or the nightmares where Andrew came back for me-" She was sobbing now, and pushed him away as he stepped toward her.
"Bec, stop-"
"NO! You don't want any secrets? Then you need to hear all of this, Nick. You know the best nightmare? It was the one that kept coming back again and again. The one where Andrew and I stood side by side at your grave after you'd died from the fucking disease that he and I had given you. THAT was the best one."
Nick watched her purge herself of all she'd been through. It was killing him to listen, but he knew she had to do this before they could move on.
"So I wrote. And I read. Every time I read a story about you, I could picture you. I put myself in the place of whatever faceless girl was featured, and I could feel you with me. For just a little while I wasn't lonely anymore. And as I shared my work with others, I found that I had a talent, a gift for writing and they liked it. They liked *me*. And they never knew that I was the one who'd broken Nick Carter's heart and made him cry on stage every night." She stopped, looking sadly into his eyes. "But *I* knew," she whispered. "I knew, and it was tearing me apart."
"Then why didn't you just come home?" This was the question that had been hanging between them ever since Sarah had found her.
"I was afraid. I was afraid that I'd burned all my bridges and you wouldn't take me back. At least in Denver, I was there of my own free will. If I came home and you didn’t want me, it would have been the last straw. I couldn’t take it if you didn’t want me anymore…" Her voice trailed away to nothing and Nick saw before him a lonely little girl who'd lost everyone and had locked herself away to avoid facing the possibility of losing the last person in her life.
She seemed to shrink before him, and he took her in his arms, holding her tightly. "Baby, I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easily, okay?" He rubbed her back as her breathing slowed and returned to normal. "I love you, Becca, but you need to tell me things. Don't make me hear about it from your best friend. I’m almost your husband, I'M the one you should talk to, ok?"
Becca nodded against his chest. "I'm sorry."
"Damn, I wish I could go home with you tonight," he sighed.
"Me too, but you can’t. The tour starts up again tomorrow night and you need to have your mind on that, not me."
"Bec, you know that’s where my mind is gonna be anyway. I don’t like sending you home like this."
"Nicky, I’ll be okay," she sighed as he kissed her gently on the forehead. "Besides, I have a lot to do to finish getting ready for the wedding. I have to pack, and close up the house, and-" Her steady stream of things to do was silenced as he kissed her deeply.
"I love you, baby," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. He thought for a moment. "Think we need to go back and save Sarah from Howie? He was pissed."
"No," she said emphatically. "She deserves whatever she gets. LET him be pissed, and I know her - she's gonna have a hell of a hangover. She can't drink worth a damn." Becca giggled.
"I dunno, she seems to be able to hold it pretty well. I mean, in all the time I've known her she's been able to party with the best of us. Hell, I've seen her keep up with AJ and you KNOW how he can get!"
"She wasn't like this in college Nick, she's really changed." Becca shook her head. In spite of her anger, she still worried about Sarah. Knowing what she did about the events of the last year made her all the more fearful that Sarah could slip back intro her old ways. She made a mental note to talk to her after the wedding.
"Bec, can I ask one more question?"
"I guess so."
"Umm … you said that your stuff is all fiction, right?"
"Right, so?"
"Well, in that thing you did with me and Howie," he smirked as she blushed, remembering some of the things she'd written, "you said I was 'massive'." He looked at her seriously as she giggled. "You meant that, right? That part wasn't fiction, was it?"
The elevator had begun to move again, and Becca pushed the button for the third floor, planning to exit at the upper-level parking garage. She simply smiled.
"Bec?"
"Nick?" she grinned.
"Please come back up and stay with me tonight?"
"Nope, not till we're married." The elevator slowed to a stop.
"What? You’re cutting me OFF?!"
"Three days, Nicky. Think how wonderful it will be: on the boat, just you and me and the waves…"
"That's cruel."
"Just think, Nick, the next time we make love, we’ll be married." She practically purred at him and was gratified when he groaned in frustration. She kissed him quickly as she spotted security by the outer doors, and darted for the limo wondering how in hell she was going to explain the tattoo.