Part 93
Howie closed the door behind Nick and turned to see Sarah standing by the window. His heart was in his throat as he watched her and thought about what had happened over the last two weeks. His heart was aching for AJ, his best friend. He knew AJ was going through so much and needed their support. And he hurt for Sarah. She had been betrayed by someone she truly trusted and now he felt like he was betraying her as well.
Sarah turned to see Howie watching her and she smiled sadly. Seeing the pain in his eyes, she moved to him quickly and took him in her arms as his tears began to fall. They stood there for several minutes holding on to one another needing each other.
Howie pushed Sarah back from him to look into her eyes. He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "My beautiful angel…you’ve been hurt so bad and I promised to protect you," he said, his voice faltering.
"Don’t, D! You have protected me and I wouldn’t trade a single minute of my life with you for ANYTHING," said Sarah as she put a finger to his lips. "Come on, let’s go to bed."
Settled in for the evening, Howie lay with his head on Sarah’s stomach and said softly. "I can’t wait to feel this little one inside you."
Sarah ran her hands through Howie’s hair. "What happened in Kevin’s room?"
"We told Brian what’s happened to you and Becca and we agreed we need
to support AJ."
"And?"
"Kevin’s gonna talk to him tomorrow."
"What happened to upset you?"
Howie chuckled softly, "You know me too well."
"I just know that we’ve dealt with all this…or at least, I thought we had."
Howie moved up to be able to look at Sarah as he talked. "Nick questioned my defending AJ and I have to admit, I’m not sure why I’m doing it. He ‘touched’ you."
"D, you have watched us make love…several times."
"Yeah, but that was consensual. What AJ did in Nashville was wrong…a violation of your trust and of you. I can’t stand the visions I have of him forcing himself on you. It absolutely turns my stomach. Then when I saw him holding Becca, I saw you in his arms. I saw the fear that you must have felt. But I’m still standing behind AJ. How twisted is that?"
"It’s NOT twisted. You’re supporting your best friend because he’s sick and he needs help. You aren’t supporting or condoning his actions. If he weren’t doing all the partying, drinking, and drugs, he wouldn’t have hurt me or approached Bec."
Howie thought about what Sarah had said and then asked, "Are you okay?"
"I guess. I’ve had you and Kevin for the last two weeks and now the others know. Becca suggested I get counseling."
"It wouldn’t be a bad idea. You could always talk to AJ’s counselor and maybe the dreams would stop."
Sarah laughed softly, "How do you ALWAYS know?"
Laughing, he ran a finger down her nose. "Angel, you talk in your sleep. So, are you gonna talk to him?"
Sarah searched his eyes and saw that he really wanted her to do this. "Yeah, I’ll talk to him."
"Now, let’s change the subject. What did you and Becca do tonight?"
"Uhhh….looked at videos."
"I saw ‘Gone With the Wind’ was in when we got back but what other video did you watch?"
"The one in your bag that Jive sent up for us to watch."
"NO! You didn’t!" groaned Howie.
Sarah laughed, "Yes, we did! You were such a dork…’I have to look good for the people of my home country’…God! I thought only Nick could be THAT dorky!"
Howie rolled so that he was on top of Sarah. "I’ll give you dorky," he said as he began to tickle her.
Laughing, Sarah managed, "Stop! D!"
"NO! Not until you say I wasn’t a dork!"
"Okay! You weren’t a dork but NICK WAS!"
Howie stopped and gave her a kiss. "That’s better. Now, seriously, what did you think?"
"I loved it, D. Why didn’t you tell me you had my Pooh Bear with you?"
"I don’t know. Guess I was worried you’d want it back or something. I know how much it means to you and I just wanted something of yours…that was close to your heart."
"All you had to do was ask, D. I gotta know one thing. When we were separated…?"
"I had it and I slept with it along with one of my jerseys you use to wear all the time. It still had your perfume on it."
"Where is it now?"
"With my stuff where we change during the show along with a picture of you and Jesse."
Tears welled up in Sarah’s eyes. "A picture of me and Jesse. Why?"
Howie smiled, "Because she was a part of you. She’d be my step-daughter now and I wish with all my heart that I’d had the chance to love her and spoil her…the way I love you."
"God! Why do you do this to me?" she asked as the tears spilled out.
Howie pulled her into his chest and stroked her hair. "Do what, Angel? I just want to love you…all of you."
In a whisper, "You keep giving me more reasons to love you…as if I didn’t have enough. You have all of me, Howard, heart and soul."
Howie lifted her chin to kiss her, a tender, passionate kiss. The couple made love, slowly, tenderly…exploring, touching, feeling…celebrating their love together. Afterwards, they fell asleep holding each other close.