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OAKLEY RACE SHOES THE COFFEE BREAK - Monday, May 24, 2004------------------------------------------------------------ Subscribe/unsubscribe links at the BOTTOM of the page. ************************************************************ Greetings Fellow Java Junkies, A U.S. congressional committee is looking into the feasibility of cable TV subscribers paying only for channels they want, the Washington Post said. A bi-partisan group of members of the House Commerce Committee formally asked the the Federal Communications Commission to study the issue and report back within six months. Most satellite and cable companies require their customers to subscribe to packages of channels, arguing the system allows them to maintain robust lineups at affordable rates. But so-called "a la carte pricing," has been gaining momentum among some lawmakers and consumer groups as costs have risen and concerns have grown over television's decency standards. Cable operators were quick to respond. "As the General Accounting Office has found, 'a la carte' pricing would likely lead to a choice of fewer cable channels at higher prices for consumers," the National Cable & Telecommunications Association said in a statement, referring to a December GAO study. The NCTA is the trade group representing the largest cable companies, such as Comcast and Time Warner Cable. However, the American Cable Association, which represents smaller cable companies, endorses a la carte pricing, the newspaper said. Would you be interested in "a la carte pricing" for your cable or satellite? See you at the water cooler, Jeanie mailto:jeanie@gophercentral.com Email Jeanie ------------------------------------------------------------ Bishops call for recant on gay ordination WASHINGTON, May 20 (UPI) -- Eighteen Anglican archbishops representing more than 55 million people worldwide are urging the Episcopal Church to "repent" its pro-homosexual policies. "This deliberate disobedience of the revealed will of God in the Holy Scriptures is a flagrant departure from the consensual and clearly communicated mind and will of the Anglican Communion," said the letter, which was dated April 16, but not released until this week, the Washington Times reported Thursday. Should the denomination refuse to comply, the letter from predominantly African and Asian bishops said the Episcopal Church eventually could be suspended, then expelled from the 70-million-member Anglican Communion, the worldwide church body of which the Episcopal Church is part. Specifically, the Episcopal Church was asked to revoke the Nov. 2 consecration of Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, the world's first openly homosexual Episcopal bishop. Asked if the Episcopal Church could be expelled from world Anglincanism, church spokesman Dan England said he didn't know "how that would happen." ************************************************************ The Prayer Box Charm Pendant Is A Heavenly Delight Plus FREE New Testament Bible on CD Rom with every order Write a heartfelt prayer, put it inside and let God do his part. It's sure to make an ordinary day special. This unique Silver-toned pendant floats on a 18" chain with lobster claw clasp. A keepsake that's great with any outfit. This gorgeous Prayer Box is a testament to God's love and the power of prayer. And now, for a limited time only, get the Bible's New Testament on CD ROM with every order-absolutely free. Prayer Box Pendant and Bible CD ROM is yours for only $9.99. Visit: http://ads.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=1776&ent=2058 The Prayer Box Necklace ************************************************************ Champion blind golfer's vision questioned A blind British golfer who won the world championship for the second time is being investigated over claims he may have some vision. The Times of London reported the English Blind Golf Association began the inquiry into David Morris after he became the first player successfully to defend the title at the competition in Melbourne, Australia. The inquiry began after a complaint to the association that the 61-year-old Morris may have had an advantage over his rivals in the category for totally blind golfers. The criterion for blindness is that competitors are unable to recognize the shape of a hand at any distance. Association spokesman Barrie Ritchie said Morris was tested before joining the association and had provided medical evidence to support his application. Morris, who is currently traveling to Japan for the Blind Open Tournament starting Friday, has been told of the complaint but was unavailable for comment. ************************************************************ FACT: Your bones act as a calcium store - if you don't get enough in your diet your body will extract what it needs from your bones leaving your bones brittle! FACT: Over 157 diseases are caused by calcium deficiency. SOLUTION: CORAL CALCIUM! Don't wait... add Coral Calcium to your daily diet for the following benefits: - Strengthens Bones and Prevents Osteoporosis - Oxygenates the Body for Greater Health - Normalizes the Body's Acid/Alkaline Balance - Cleanses the Kidneys and Intestines Best of all you don't have to pay $39.99 as seen on TV or in health food stores... We've Got Coral Calcium for JUST $4.99 for a 60 capsule bottle. Visit us at: Coral Calcium ************************************************************ Saudi edict bans Muslims watch al-Jazeera Saudi Arabia's highest religious authority issued a "fatwa" or religious edict Thursday banning Muslims from watching Qatar-based al-Jazeera TV. The edict issued by Sheik Saleh al-Fawzan, a member of the kingdom's committee of ulemas, described the Arab satellite channel as "Zionist television," which hosts "so-called reformists who have a podium for airing their poisonous ideas." "There is no need to set up satellite dishes to watch the news on al-Jazeera ... Saudis can have access to all the news and information through Saudi newspapers, radio and television," the edict said. It cautioned Muslims against "introducing evil to their homes and destroying them by watching al-Jazeera, which is a provocative and evil channel hosting people who interpret religion as they please. "Watching al-Jazeera is an evil in itself," it added. The popular satellite TV channel hosts Saudi opposition figures and activists calling for political and social reforms in the Muslim conservative kingdom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reader Comments ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What are your thoughts if the US banned smoking in all public places? "I do not believe that smoking should be banned in all public places. Although, I do agree that most public place do not do a good job at seperating non-smoking sections from the smoking sections. Most non-smokers must walk through the smoking section in order to get to their seats. It is unfair to them. The smoking sections should be toward the back of restaraunts. I am a smoker, and feel for those who just can't stand the smell, nor do I blame them. But to be honest, many people who smoke will find other places to go if there is no smoking section where they chose to go. I believe it would hurt businesses in the long run. And lets be honest, no smoking in a bar?!?! Who are we trying to kid, if you are a smoker you tend to smoke more while drinking. I say leave it like it is." Tracy "I'm an asthmatic who reacts each time I'm around smoke. I usually have an asthma attack and have to leave the area. However, I think we're taking too many freedoms from people in the name of doing good. I think we need to stop making more "don't" laws. I'm against any more bans of personal habits." Barbara "If the US banned smoking in public places, it would be all my friends and I would need to pack up all out stuff and move to New Zealand! It's enough that all the bars in my area are going to go out of business because of the ban. America has taken a serious turn for the worst and every new idea that comes out makes me want to leave more. What happened to freedom of choice? I'm not blowing my smoke in your face, I'm not even sitting next to a non-smoker and lighting a cigarette, I'm in my car or walking down an already polluted sidewalk. Great, I get to be Pagan and not be harassed, I've been made fun of at the hospital though, but I can't do anything else I enjoy because it either hurts others or my country wont let me make enough money to afford it, because they rob my paycheck every week. I can't wait to get away from America, and the man I will not admit to having for a president." Bekah "Great idea to ban smoking in all public places!" ------------------------------------------------------------ Questions? Comments? Email us at: mailto:jeanie@gophercentral.com Email your comments ------------------------------------------------------------ To UNSUBSCRIBE: http://news.gophercentral.com/s/?a=u&n=439&s=49160041 Unsubscribe You are subscribed as: tff@flashmail.com Please do not reply to this message This is computer generated. If you are having problems unsubscribing please email us at: Problems? * PLEASE allow 48-hrs for removal from this list when emailing * To SUBSCRIBE visit: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-coffee.html Subscribe ************************************************************ Want some Fun and Amusements sent by email F-R-E-E? Visit: More Fun and Amusements ------------------------------------------------------------ END OF THE COFFEE BREAK Copyright 2004 by PENN LLC. All rights reserved. Go ahead and forward this, in its entirety, to others. Cop yright 2004 by Uni ted Pr ess Internati onal |
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OAKLEY RACE SHOES CLEAN LAFFS - Tuesday, June 29, 2004------------------------------------------------------------ Subscribe and Unsubscribe links at the bottom of the page. ------------------------------------------------------------ Good morning crew, We had another promotion test at the school this weekend. Usually the tests are 8 weeks apart, but for some scheduling reason they held this test only six weeks after the last one. Subsequently I had to cram a lot of classes in over the last few weeks get ready. Usually I will go to the gym 2-3 times a week, but for the last two weeks I've been there Monday through Thursday. It's been tiring. It was a little distressing to watch this one, too. Usually I'm an advocate of the Beach Boys philosophy, "Be True to Your School" but it would be nice if they were a little more consistent. Most of the tests are cut-and-dry affairs where you demonstrate your knowledge and command of the skills for that rank and thanks for coming. But for some reason, during this test, they were working the students hard, especially the kids. One of the master instructors actually reduced two of the girls (ages around 10-12) to tears. I don't necessarily approve of that. But other than this bit of drama it was pretty anticlimactic. It always is. When I first learn the material it seems impossible, but after two months of training there is not much chance of failing. Of course, now I've probably jinxed myself. Laugh it up, Joe mailto:joe@cleanlaffs.com Email Joe *** "6" YEAR ANNIVERSARY JAMBOREE SPECIAL Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, hang on to your hat! We are NOW offering you "3 for the price of 1" on all NEW equivalent EPSON and CANON Inkjet Cartridges. Prices from $6.75 for 3 black and $10.50 for 3 color. LIMITED TIME OFFER http://ads.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=7109&ent=2115 3 for the price of 1 *** My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog. *** Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. *** "My girlfriend is not a ball and chain--she's more of a spring-loaded trap." --Kevin Hench ------------------------------------------------------------ FREE Bugs Bunny Cell phone Flashing Key chain - The Smart and Fun Way To Receive Calls Are you like me, one of those types that always seems to miss cellphone calls? Well not anymore, thanks to the Bugs Bunny Flashing Cell Phone Chain. It blinks (in three wild colors, no less) BEFORE your phone receives a call signal. (It's like ESP....) Now you can turn off the ringer, put the phone away (or listen to headphones) without ever missing a call. Carry it with your keys, hang it from your car mirror or attach it to your cell phone case--it works up to 3 feet away from your phone. Cute and functional (and a surefire conversation starter), this makes a great gift.... If you want one of these, please HURRY or they'll be gone in a...uh, flash. (Limit 5 per order) http://ads.gophercentral.com/al/a?aid=505&ent=643 Cell phone Flashing Key chain ------------------------------------------------------------ The Bachelor Diet Monday Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. Tuesday Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. Wednesday Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps. Thursday Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner - Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives. Friday Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. Saturday Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. Sunday Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup. Call home and ask about renting our old room. *-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------* An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." _____________________________________________________________ W H Y D I D T H E C O W B O Y B U Y A D A C H S H U N D? Want to know the answer to this important question? Then you need to get a copy of THE BEST OF CLEAN LAFFS! Order Joe's laff diary for F-R-E-E...all you pay is postage and handling. Check it out: http://af3.gophercentral.com/book/clean.html The Best of Clean Laffs ____________________________________________________________ To SUBSCRIBE: http://www.gophercentral.com/sub/sub-jokes.html Subscribe UNSUBSCRIBE: http://www.cleanlaffs.com/unsub.asp?n=437&e=aportorclass@flashmail.com Unsubscribe You are subscribed as: aportorclass@flashmail.com Change Your Email Address by Visiting: Change your email address * PLEASE allow 48-hrs for removal from this list when emailing * ------------------------------------------------------------ AOL Links ------------------------------------------------------------ Visit the Clean Laffs Site More FREE Fun & Entertainment ************************************************************ END OF CLEAN LAFFS Copyright 2004 by PENN LLC. All rights reserved. Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to others. |
