December 25th 9:05 PM
Content and sated, the two lovers walked into the loft. Without exchanging words, Blair moved to the stereo to turn on some soft Christmas music. Jim automatically went to the fireplace to light a fire, more for ambiance than for warmth. In deference to Blair, the Sentinel was keeping the central heating unit at a much higher temperature than he required for himself.
"What would you prefer," Blair asked from the kitchen. "Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate?"
"Umm, hot chocolate sounds great, Chief," Jim answered.
While the younger man busied himself at the stove, the Sentinel filled the time by checking the messages on the answering machine.
"Hi Blair, hi Jim, it's Naomi. I just wanted to wish you both a Merry Christmas. I'm going to Big Sur this week, and I don't know when I'll be able to call again. Have fun with your visit, honey. Bye."
"Merry Christmas, guys. It's Steven. I just wanted to make sure Blair got there okay, but since you're not home, I'll take that as a yes. Otherwise, you'd be sitting around sulking all day, Jim. Well, I hope you are having a good time. The skiing is great this year, and we're headed out on a hayride in a few minutes. I guess I'll try calling tomorrow. Oh, by the way Blair, thanks for the prints. They're going to look great over my fireplace. I hope you liked your gift. Maybe...well...maybe you'll change your mind about...umm...your return flight. Well, anyway, Merry Christmas to you both. Talk to you soon. Bye."
When Blair's heart rate spiked during the part of Steven's message that was directed to him, the Sentinel was immediately alert. He could hear his Guide sigh in relief when Steven asked about his return flight. Something wasn't right, and ever the detective, Jim wanted to know what it was. Without much to go on, he reviewed the entire message mentally. 'Change your mind about...' About what, Jim wondered. It was obvious that the part about the airline reservations was a substitute for something else, but what? Maybe it was time to do a little subtle fishing.
"Chief, what did Steven mean about your return flight?" the Sentinel asked.
"Huh? Oh, um, Steven offered to send the company jet to take me home, too, but the only time it's available is the 27th, and I really didn't want to go back that soon, so I, ah, I told him that I shouldn't have a problem with my commercial ticket..."
'Bingo!' the Sentinel thought. As Blair was going on about airline reservations, Jim was using his senses to monitor the younger man's responses. Besides the increase in his Guide's pulse, he could almost smell the fear and apprehension rolling off the smaller man. Now that he thought about it, Blair reacted in a similar fashion when he'd opened Steven's present earlier this morning. Was there something amiss between his brother and his Guide? If so, why would Steven have gone to the trouble to arrange Blair's transportation back to Cascade? The younger man was still prattling on when the detective interrupted the obvious obfuscation that was currently in progress. Jim spoke in a tone that wouldn't tolerate any nonsense.
"What's going on, Sandburg?"
"What do you mean, Jim," he asked nervously.
More curious than angry at his Guide's poor attempt to play dumb, the Sentinel shook his head slightly as he answered. "Cut the crap, Chief. That's twice today your heartbeat has spiked, and both times it happened, we were talking about Steven. Now, I'll ask again, what's going on with you two."
Jim watched Blair face carefully, reading the fleeting expressions that moved across it like hieroglyphics. He watched as his Guide created and discarded several options to avoid getting any deeper into this discussion. As each mental scenario was dismissed, Jim could have sworn that the younger man visibly deflated, leaving him looking vulnerable, almost fragile. As Blair gradually accepted that telling his Sentinel the truth was his only viable option, the Sentinel could hear his Guide's heartbeat increase ever so slightly.
Watching the younger man was tying Jim's stomach in knots. When he decided to call his Guide on his unusual reaction, the Sentinel never thought that whatever Blair was attempting to hide was so serious. It was plain to see that the younger man was scared, but of what? Of him? Of Steven? The train of thought was interrupted when his Guide spoke for the first time in what seemed like hours.
"Oh man, this is so not going to be pleasant," Blair mumbled as he kept his eyes averted from Jim's. The Sentinel would have none of it, though. Grasping the younger man's chin, he waited patiently until the deep blue eyes rose up to meet his own.
"What's not going to be pleasant, Chief?" Jim asked as tenderly as he could manage in an attempt to reassure the tense figure in front of him.
Blair took another deep breath to bolster his courage before trying to speak again. "Jim...Steven...the Aspen trip...oh God, where do I start," he prayed aloud in frustration.
”How 'bout at the very beginning?" Jim teased, trying to lighten what looked to be a very difficult moment for his Guide.
"It's a very good place to start," Blair recited with a small smile. "Jim, there's no way easy way to tell you this, 'cause I know that no matter how I say it, you're, like, going to freak on me..."
The way Blair was building this up was worrying Jim, so he interrupted to try and calm the younger man. "Chief, just tell me what's got you so worked up. Please."
Locking his gaze onto Jim's clear blue eyes, Blair finally blurted out what he had been trying to avoid discussing since earlier that morning. "Jim, Steven knows. He's known for months now. About us being lovers."
The knowledge sent the detective reeling. Dozens of emotions ran through the Sentinel at high speed -- embarrassment, relief, hope, anger, confusion -- all fighting for control at the same time. The last one emerged victorious. In a flurry of activity, his brain struggled to recall if what he either said or did to somehow alert his brother of the change in their relationship, but nothing came to mind. Since it seemed as though his Guide knew the answers, Jim quietly whispered one simple question.
"How?" Either he spoke too softly, or Blair was too far gone in his own thoughts to hear him; regardless, the Sentinel repeated his question in with a sharp edge in his voice. "How did he find out, Chief?"
The wave of shame that rolled off the younger man was almost palpable. When he spoke, it was almost too softly for even Jim's enhanced sense of hearing. "I told him."
"You told him," Jim parroted in a tone so cold, it made liquid nitrogen seem warm by comparison. As it was, the Sentinel was furious; how could Blair have betrayed him like this? To his brother no less? Sure, he and Steven were growing closer as time went on; but Jim wasn't certain that the friendship they were working so hard to construct could weather a blow like this. What if Steven was repulsed by the idea of his older brother sleeping with another man?
There was a lag time before the Sentinel's higher reasoning kicked in to motion. Once the initial panic wore off, Jim recalled Blair's words from just a few moments earlier. 'Steven's known for months now.' The detective began taking all the aspects into consideration; his brother's constant inquiries about Blair, including the younger man in the Aspen trip, even making sure that his Guide came home for the holidays.
Feeling drained by the turn of events, Jim sank back into the sofa. Sighing deeply, he turned to his Guide. "All right, talk," he demanded tiredly.
Buying some time to gather his thoughts, Blair drank the last of his hot chocolate, and carefully set the mug down on the coffee table. A slight shadow of fear hovered in his deep blue eyes. As he began to speak, the Sentinel could clearly discern the hesitation in the normally soothing voice.
Jim listened patiently as Blair told the tale of Steven's visit to Virginia, of his late night confession, of Steven's compassion and acceptance of the situation. His Guide held nothing back; and for the first time, the Sentinel learned of how much pain and hurt Blair suffered through from Jim's rejection. A sense of shame overcame him as the story continued, so combated it with the first thing that came to mind.
"C'mere, Blair," Jim said tenderly as he pulled the younger man into his arms. Weaving the fingers of one hand into the soft strands of curls, he used the other to soothingly stroke along his Guide's back. As the gentle caresses continued, he could feel the tension draining away, until Blair's smaller form almost melted into his own. "I'm sorry I got so upset. You should have told me that he knew months ago. I just can't believe he never said anything to me about it."
"That's my fault," Blair's voice was muffled by his chest. "He wanted to tell you, but I...," he trailed off, choosing instead to tighten his hold on Jim's solid form.
"But what, Chief?" the Sentinel prompted as he increased the pace of his comforting strokes.
"I knew you'd be upset, and I didn't want to risk what we were trying to build. I know it was wrong, but I was nervous that it might set you off again. I couldn't take the chance that you wouldn't understand why I told him," Blair confessed softly.
Jim understood all too well why Blair had turned to Steven for a confidant. In his anger, the Sentinel completely pushed his Guide away. Alone and bereft, Blair managed to find someone who was close enough to the situation to offer good advice, and Jim would be eternally grateful to his younger brother for being there just when Blair needed him.
"Well, I guess this solves the problem of whether or not we tell Steven about us before we leave for Aspen this Spring," Jim joked weakly.
The younger man pulled back enough to look up into the Sentinel's soft blue eyes. "Then you're okay with this?" he asked carefully.
The pleading expression on that beautiful face made even the smallest white lie impossible, no matter how good his intentions were. "I'm not real happy that you said anything to Steven without my consent, and I'm even less thrilled that you kept it from me for so long. I'm just happy that Steven is okay with us being together. But, that doesn't mean that I've changed my mind about keeping this quiet for the time being," Jim warned sternly.
Blair snuggled back closer to his Sentinel before he answered. "I'm haven't either. I guess this is as good a time as any to ask, but has anyone made any comments about us yet?"
Caught off guard, Jim tensed up. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, Jim," Blair chuckled. "I'm your Guide. Don't think that I haven't noticed you using your senses to pick up any stray comments about us. So, has anybody noticed a difference in our behavior since I came back?"
"No, nobody has said anything that they haven't said before. From what I've overheard, most people are just assuming we're staying close to each other since we've been apart so long."
"You know, Jim. Steven pointed out something a couple of months ago. He said that we've always been more touchy-feely than most guys who are just friends. I don't think that most of our friends are really going to notice much difference in our behavior now, especially if we are careful," Blair stated confidently.
"You're probably right." With a kiss to the top of the smaller man's head, Jim rose from the sofa to turn the floorlamp off, leaving the loft bathed in the soft light provided by the fireplace and the Christmas tree bulbs. With a quick stop by the stereo to raise the volume, the Sentinel returned to stand in front of the sofa.
Jim saw Blair's eyes flare in surprise when he extended a hand and tenderly asked, "May I have this dance?" A gentle smile crossed his Guide's face as Blair reached up to place his elegant hand into the larger one that was waiting for him. The Sentinel stroked his thumb carefully along the soft skin at the base of Blair's thumb as he led the younger man to the open spot in front of the tree.
Moving fluidly, Jim brought one hand up to cup the back of Blair's neck, leaving the other free to wrap around his Guide's waist. The Sentinel let out a sigh of contentment when he felt Blair's hands caress the muscular planes of his back. Holding his Guide like this felt so right. Blair's smaller form fit perfectly into his larger frame, almost as though they had been made for each other.
They swayed gently together as the radio played a cover of "Blue Christmas." Neither man missed the irony of the lyrics, and as the haunting words filled the loft, they both clung to each other a little tighter. Turning his head slightly, the Sentinel nuzzled into the sweet-smelling curling that adorned the top of his Guide's head. Blair's lips were resting motionless against the side of Jim's neck. Each of his Guide's breaths tickled the Sentinel's flesh like a feather, raising goosebumps up and down his body.
Focusing intently on the soft whispers of warm air, Jim was startled when Blair placed a gentle kiss on his throat. Moaning at the sensation, the Sentinel rolled his head back in invitation. Slowly, Blair kissed a trail along the older man's neck, only lingering when Jim's soft groans indicated that he had found an especially sensitive place. Once the younger man reached the soft flesh just under his Sentinel's ear, he varied his course and moved directly to Jim's waiting mouth.
As their lips brushed together, both men involuntarily moved closer to each other, drawn by an inner need to have as much contact as possible. Blair's lips were warm under his, their soft movements coaxing Jim's lips apart. Once he had gained access, the younger man swept his tongue lightly along the moist flesh of the Sentinel's inner lip, almost daring the other man's tongue to come out and play. It was a silent request Jim wasn't about to refuse. He thrust his own tongue forward to dance around his Guide's, chasing it into Blair's mouth only to retreat back into his own.
Time lost all meaning as their game continued. Jim sensed the younger man's arousal, not only by the burgeoning erection that was drilling into his thigh, but also by the nasal-sounding moans that Blair generated with each breath he exhaled. The soft noises were doing just as much to inflame the Sentinel as the deep kisses they were sharing.
With a final sweeping lick to Jim's lips, Blair broke the kiss. As he leaned back, a long sigh of contentment escaped the younger man. The Sentinel forced his eyes open only find his Guide already staring at him, as though he was waiting for Jim to catch up before they went any further.
Blair's eyes were almost completely black, dilated by passion, not a lack of light. With his Sentinel vision, Jim could clearly see the reflection of the tree lights in the gleaming gaze of those sensuous eyes; he probably would have been able to count the number of individual bulbs. That is, if he wanted to. However, at that moment, the tree lights were absolutely the last thing on the Sentinel's mind. Not with this beautiful man standing before him waiting to consummate their love.
Blair's lips parted as he focused his concentration totally on his Sentinel. Raising a hand slowly to Jim's face, he softly brushed the back of his fingers against a stubble-covered cheek. Leaning in to increase the pressure of the touch, Jim closed his eyes in an effort to magnify the intensity of the caress. The next time he opened them was when the soothing motions ceased. Jim was about to ask if something was wrong when Blair spoke.
"Make love with me, Jim."
It wasn't said as a question or even as a request. It was a promise. Blair's choice of syntax was a correct one. This relationship wasn't about control, it was about sharing, about partnership. There would be no domination or submission, neither man wanted to control the other. Their love was like their connection as Sentinel and Guide; symbiotic, halves of a whole, each man incomplete without the other. It took so long for them to reach this point, to be physically and emotionally ready to love each other body and soul, but the wait was necessary. If this situation had happened any sooner, they might not have been ready to make the commitment that would forever bind them to each other.
Blair's hand was still cupping his cheek. Jim raised his own hand to cover it, squeezing it tightly as he pulled it away from his face. Smiling gently, he led the younger man towards the stairs, only to stop when Blair squeezed his hand to gain his attention.
"What?" Jim asked, worried that his Guide was experiencing a change of heart. Truth be told, the Sentinel didn't think he would survive it if Blair were to change his mind now.
"I know this is kind of a mood killer, but I'd like to...well...um...get ready for bed, as it were," Blair mumbled, his face burning red with embarrassment.
A matching flush was creeping up Jim's cheeks as well. With a nod of assent, Jim stood at the base of the stairs waiting for the younger man to do what he needed to. Feeling restless with anticipation, the Sentinel walked over to the stereo and increased the volume so that they would have some background music when they were upstairs. He wasn't consciously aware that he had tuned out any and all noise from the bathroom, until his Guide startled him with a hand on his back. He never even heard the younger man's approach. With a quick kiss to his lover, Jim headed to the bathroom to freshen up himself.
When he returned, his Guide was waiting for him. Hand and hand, they ascended the stairs with Blair leading the way. Their constant stops to exchange kisses and tender caresses slowed their journey somewhat. The stairs leveled out the differences in their heights, and both men were enjoying taking advantage of it. Long moments later, they stood face to face a scant foot away from Jim's bed.
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