Comes The Dawn

Author's Note:

"What a long strange trip it's been." When I started this project I had no idea where it would take me. I guess you could say I had a vision or a destination, but no real plan on how to get there. After many hours and many twists that surprised even me, I think I've written a story that is not only entertaining (I know I think it is - LOL), but one that is in the true spirit of TYR, that wonderful show we all love. I hope y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please let me know what you think - I love feedback!

Without a doubt I must thank two very special people who helped make this story possible. The support, encouragement, feedback and friendship that both Joanna and Kirsten provided before, during and now after the writing of Comes The Dawn is immeasurable. I am positive I would have given up after the first bout of writer's block if I didn't have them urging (and occasionally begging - LOL) me to continue. A special thanks to Kirsten for allowing me to use some of her original characters. The story wouldn't be the same without them. It was great having another Kid & Lou devotee to sound off of. I must also give a huge thank you to Joanna for not only letting me pick her brain (Jo - imagine horses in black patent pumps!) and inundate her with emails full of crisis and neurosis, but for giving me a place to post this story.

In the past several months these two amazing authors have become my amazing friends. I am honored to know them and this "epic" as we like to call it is dedicated to them.

The early evening sky was a whirlwind of colors. Reds, pinks and oranges flowed around and through each other to create a spectacular Nebraska sunset. Lou McCloud sat on the top rail of the corral mesmerized by the natural kaleidoscope, yet also oblivious to the beauty before her. Deep in thought she sat, as she had for the past several hours, contemplating.

Lou knew she should be happy, actually deliriously happy, and she was. Her wedding was only weeks away, but while she looked forward to the upcoming event, memories of a different time, a different life, kept creeping into her thoughts. She knew she had to tell the Kid. It wasn't fair to go into their new marriage with secrets, but she just didn't know how to tell him. Over the past year and a half that they had known and loved each other they had shared everything. They were of one mind, body and soul. Or at least Kid thought he knew everything.

Lou was embarrassed that she had let the charade go on so long. Kid had a right to know everything about her, she was going to be his wife, but every time she dared to entertain the idea of telling him, she lost her nerve. She almost told him three days before, when she returned from Seneca with her wedding dress, but her return brought an increased sense of excitement for the big day from her entire Express family and she couldn't upset them as well. She truly believed what she had to tell Kid would upset him, hurt him even, but she also believed he would take it in, in his calm, solid, level-headed manner and they would move past it. Yet, the actual idea of doing the telling was still causing her trouble.

"Louise!"

Deep in thought, Lou didn't hear Rachel calling her to supper. It took three tries, and a walk to the corral, before the station mistress was able to rouse her from her own thoughts.

"Sorry, Rachel. I just lost track of time. I'll go wash up." Lou scrambled down and started to head for the wash basin by the bunkhouse.

Rachel couldn't stand to see the young woman in so much pain. They had grown so close during her time with the Express that Rachel thought of Lou as more than a friend. She was more like a daughter and the thought of this child - her child, suffering, was more than she could bear. "Louise, wait." She watched Lou slow her pace and turn back to face her. "Are you OK? You were out here all day and hardly moved an inch. At one point, the boys and I thought you'd fallen asleep."

Lou didn't know how to explain the weight of her burden to Rachel. It had been a part of her for so many years that just speaking about it would give it life. Although she had kept it from Kid for so long, she knew it wouldn't help matters by telling Rachel before him. No matter how much she wanted her womanly advice. She put on her best false smile and looked right at her friend. "I'm fine Rachel, really. I've just been thinking, making plans in my head."

"Well, you know that you can always come to me if you want to talk. Anytime."

The guilt started to wrap around Lou's heart. She felt terrible about lying to Rachel and making her worry, but this was too personal, too much a part of her to share right now. Walking back to Rachel's side and taking her hand and squeezing hard, she tried to assuage her concern. "I know that Rachel. You've always been there for me, just like you're here now, but it's nothing. Honestly, don't fret."

Rachel wasn't fully convinced that Lou was telling the truth and felt that it was probably the same nerves that jittered before her own wedding that were bothering Lou now. "If you're nervous about the wedding, it's only normal. It's a lot to plan for most people, but in your situation it's doubly hard. It's OK to be nervous."

Lou knew it wasn't the same kind of nerves that Rachel was talking about that made her stomach clench and the overwhelming desire to throw up steal through her body. Recent talks with Teaspoon and Jimmy and even her chats with the dressmaker in Seneca and the kind hearted Emmitt in Fenton had pushed all her doubts, and even most of her fears, about marrying the Kid out of her mind. Her conversation with Emmitt stuck out the most in her mind. He had put it all so simply when he explained that marriage was a wonderful thing and that at the moment he said "I do" any doubts he had about marrying his wife and staying married to her forever, disappeared. She knew she had no doubts about loving the Kid and she knew she could live with him forever. In reality, she knew she couldn't live without him, but still she feared telling him her secret.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Lou laughed softly. "I'm not nervous Rachel, I promise. I have no doubts about this. Jimmy was right when he told me I was 'doin' the right thing'. I love the Kid. It's just a little strange right now. There's so much still to do."

Still not convinced, but willing to let the sleeping dog lie for a while, Rachel started to walk with Lou towards the bunkhouse. "Well, you know I'll help you anyway I can to get ready. I just love weddings! Why don't we fit your dress tomorrow? I was going to suggest tonight, but we don't want to do it on a full stomach, you'll look all puffy."

Lou felt a slight grin tug at the corners of her mouth as the image of herself puffed out like a stuffed pillow appeared in her mind. She agreed to the morning fitting.

As Lou started to round the corner to wash up for the evening meal, Rachel called out to her. "Lou, when did you and Jimmy talk? I mean, when did he help you see how right this marriage was?"

Lou smiled at the thought of the heart-to-heart she had had with her dearest friend. "On the way to Seneca. He was tired of me acting like a sourpuss, so he tried to cheer me up."

"I guess it worked."

"I guess so. I'll be right in so, don't wait on me. Cody's liable to eat the dishes if you make him wait much longer."

Rachel chuckled as she opened the bunkhouse door and Lou quickly slipped around the corner so no one inside would hear the gentle sob escape her lips. Just the effort of light banter and fake merriment had taken everything out of her. She would have to tell Kid tonight. It couldn't wait any longer. Once it was out in the open they could move forward and she could share in the mirth surrounding their wedding.

By the time she sat at the bunkhouse table, Lou's earlier mood had returned. Rachel was shocked by the sudden change. After the talk they just had, she was convinced that Lou would be back to her old self when she sat down with them. Everyone watched as Lou moved the food around her plate, barely touching the stew and biscuits.

Kid just stared as Lou pushed at her meal and felt his heart breaking. All afternoon he sat by the window watching her at the corral, but he had been too afraid to approach her. She seemed happy on the day of her return from Seneca. He loved the way her face lit up when she spoke of her wedding dress. She had been very playful when they'd slipped off that night to the hayloft for some "quiet" time, but he watched her descend into this sadness the very next day.

He was convinced that something had happened to Lou on her ride or that she had thought about their wedding and changed her mind. Jimmy tried to convince him all afternoon that Lou had been fine on their ride. He even replayed their talk by the creek for him, as well as their trip to the Seneca dressmaker on their way back, to assure him that Lou was committed to their marriage. However, Kid was still convinced that all was not right and he couldn't write it off to party planning jitters.

Lou made a hasty retreat after dinner. She scampered out so quickly that everyone seated at the table looked directly at the Kid for some insight into her sudden melancholy.

Kid kept staring at the food he was pushing around his plate and tried to avoid the determined stares. He felt their eyes boring into him and finally broke. "What are y'all looking at me for? She hasn't said nothing to me about anything."

"Son, did you two have a spat or something? Maybe you don't like her ideas for the weddin'? In my experience, women can be a might bit touchy over their big day. And I've been through enough to know."

Kid just shook his head dejectedly. "No Teaspoon, no fighting. She's just been like this for a few days. You should've seen her today. All she did was sit on the corral fence and stare at the mare and her foal, still as a statue."

"Ahhh…The call of motherhood."

"Teaspoon!" Kid and Rachel chastised the older man at the same time. The rest of the boys tried to hide their smiles. Getting Kid anymore worked up would not benefit them in anyway.

Clearing his throat, and trying to will the blush he felt creeping in away, he turned in his seat to face the wise old Marshal. "Teaspoon, it's not what you think. Lou's not, well, she's not…" He couldn't continue and just buried his face in his hands. Dragging them over his weary eyes he just shook his head, suddenly feeling very tired. "She would've told me if it was that. I'd be happy. We want children, but I truly think this is something else." His voice started to break as he spoke, out loud, his biggest fear to these people whom he loved like kin. "She's pulling away from me, I'm afraid I'm losing her."

Rachel felt her breath catch and thought her heart would break watching the sad young man. Sitting beside him on the bench, in the place Lou had vacated only minutes before, she took his shaking hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. "Honey, don't you worry about a thing. You and Lou will be married in a few weeks. I promise you that. I know that there's nothing more important to her than this, than you."

"Rachel, a few days ago I would have agreed with you, but now, I'm just not sure."

"Kid, and the rest of you boys too," she raised her head to look over all her charges. "Y'all have to realize that this is a big change in Louise's life. In yours too Kid, as well as for the rest of us. Remember, she has lived her life a certain way for years, doing everything and anything she had to do to survive, then she comes here and although she's safe to be Louise with us, her family, she's almost never been anything but Lou to the outside world." Rachel used her fingers to raise Kid's chin and make him look directly at her. "She's been alone for a long time and now she has you, forever, and in a way she never has before, but at the same time she gains you, she loses a little bit of the rest of us. You two will always be a part of this family, but you'll start your own life and your own family as well. Addin' all this up, it's a lot of change for one young lady to take. Give her some time Kid. I know she'll come running to you when she's ready."

"You're right Rachel. It'll be OK. I think I'll just go check on her and then turn in. It's been a long day."

As Kid pulled the heavy door closed behind him, all eyes turned to Rachel. Nobody spoke until Jimmy dared to ask the question that was on everyone's mind. "Do you really believe what you just told the Kid, Rachel? I ain't ever seen Lou like this before. Not when she and him broke up before, not when that Wicks fellow was here, not even when Emma and Sam left."

Rising to move away from the table, she was barely audible over the rolling thunder of an evening storm moving in, "I won't let myself believe otherwise."

Nervous looks passed between Buck, Jimmy, Cody, Noah and Teaspoon, but none of them dared to speak again. The thought of Kid and Lou not getting married was enough to keep even Cody quiet. If this wedding didn't go off as planned, they knew it would be the end of their friends, in more ways than one.

"Lou, you in here?" Kid looked into the darkened stables and saw the faint glimmer of a lantern at the end of the hall. He called out again and walked towards Lightning's stall.

"Down here Kid." Lou wiped at her face hurriedly and hoped the low light would prevent Kid from seeing her tears. She knew she had to tell him the truth tonight, but she just couldn't do it yet. She felt like such a coward.

"What are you doing out here Lou? Is Lightning OK?" Kid knew his best approach would be to keep the conversation to a minimum - just check on her and get out. No matter what was going on, a fight wouldn't help them any.

"He's fine, I thought I felt something on his leg earlier so I was just checking. He's a little spooked by the thunder and lightning, go figure, so I'll just stay here for a bit more with him. You go on inside, I'll be along soon."

"Storms blowing in pretty fast, so don't stay out here too long. You might catch your death and then who would I marry?" He smiled at her and tried to let her see he was joking.

Lou recognized her fiancé's attempt at humor and tried to joke back. She didn't want to upset him anymore than she would have to. "Well Kid, there's always Samantha."

Kid heard her playful tone and knew her jab about the since departed schoolteacher meant nothing. Hoping this was a turning point for her, he stepped closer and pulled her to his chest in a tight hug. "Nah, she wasn't any fun to do this with." Without hesitation, he leaned down and gave Lou a tender, heartfelt kiss. She felt the tears spring forth again and knew there was no way to hide them this time.

Kid felt her tears against his cheek and pulled back in surprise. "Lou, sweetheart, what's wrong? Why won't you talk to me, you're obviously hurtin' about something."

Lou felt the words form on her tongue, but couldn't do it. She backed down again and just buried her face into his chest. Speaking without looking into his eyes, she inhaled his scent and burned it into her memory. "I'm just crying 'cause I'm happy Kid."

Pushing her gently away from him he looked directly into her moist eyes. "You could have fooled me."

As she prepared to tell another white lie, the next wave of thunder roared to life as if to warn her that someone above was listening. Blocking the sound from her mind, she tried her best to smile and forced a light tone into her voice. "Really Kid, it's childish. This whole thing is just making me a little crazy right now, you'd be best to just ignore it."

"How can I do that Lou? I'm a part of it, therefore I'm making you crazy."

"No Kid, really, it's not you. It's not even getting married It's just everything that goes with it. The party has grown out of control, my sister and brother arrive in a few days, my last run is coming up, see it's just all that stuff. Not you and I."

Kid wanted to believe her and locked his arms tighter around her tiny waist. She felt like skin and bones. "Well, all this worrying is keepin' you from eating and I can feel it, Lou. You're fading to nothin'."

Rising on her tiptoes to place a soft kiss on the tip of his nose, she gave him a small smile. "Well, if I promise to start eating more, will you promise to stop worrying?"

He would promise anything to have the old Lou back again. "I swear. Now come inside, it's gonna rain any minute."

"I'll be there soon. Don't wait up." She gave his hand a last squeeze as he turned to walk out of the stable. Feeling a sudden panic rise within her as she watched him walk away, she called out to him. Her voice was a little louder than she'd planned. "Kid!" He turned to look at her. A flash of lighting lit the stable allowing her to catch full sight of the smiling man in the doorway. "I love you, Kid!" She never heard his response. His reply was lost in the rumble of thunder and then he was gone.

Lou woke with a start. She looked around with quick nervous glances and tried to gain her bearings. She was still in the stable! She must have fallen asleep in Lightning's stall and the storm wind blowing through the walls must have put out the lantern. She had no idea what time it was or how long she had been asleep, but from the stiffness in her legs she figured it must have been a while. She could hear the rain pouring down and dreaded crossing the muddy yard to the bunkhouse.

She knew, even before she opened the door to leave the stable, that she was going to have to go in and wake Kid, tell him now, before she lost the steely resolve the fitful sleep had brought her. With a mad dash, she ran for the bunkhouse and desperately tried to stay dry. The spring storm would not cooperate and by the time she stepped into the shadowy room, she was soaked through.

The sounds of slumber could be heard throughout the bunkhouse and guided by the dim light of the candle they had left burning for her, Lou padded over to Kid's bunk. All she wanted to do was change out of her wet clothes, slip under his covers and lay beside him absorbing his strength, but she knew she had to tell him right now. No more waiting, no more thinking, the festering secret was going to come out and face its dawn!

She reached over and placed a gentle kiss on his brow, whispering his name. "Kid." When he only stirred and sleepily wiped at the water droplets her hair had showered on his face, she tried again, a little louder. "Kid!"

Slowly becoming aware of someone calling his name, he opened his eyes to see Lou bent over him, wetter than anyone he'd ever seen before. He sat up with a jump and nearly knocked his head into the bunk above him.

"Lou! You OK? What happened?"

The words just started to tumble out in incomplete sentences. "Raining hard, slept in the stable, we need to talk…"

"Slow down Lou, you're not making sense."

Frustration set in and she couldn't understand why Kid couldn't follow her seemingly simple logic. Starting to walk away she was brought to a stop when he grabbed her wrist.

"Wait! Don't walk away. Just give me a second here, Lou. I've been asleep for a while. I couldn't wait up for you any longer and drifted off. " Standing up, he pulled his trousers on over his long johns and walked her over to the table in the center of the room. They straddled the bench facing each other. Pushing her dripping hair away from her sad face, Kid spoke quietly so as not to wake the others. "Now what's going on here, Lou? What's got you so worked up that you're sleeping in the barn and running around in the rain?"

Suddenly, it was as if a dam broke within her. She heard the words coming out before she could even stop herself, before she could even preface them to soften their blow. "I was married once before, Kid."

To Be Continued...Chapter 2

Copyright 1998-This work is not to be reproduced without the permission of the author

The Way Station
Campfire Tales

Email: gliterin@bellsouth.net