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Kevin Chew Chronicles: Some 41!

After you finish reading this weeks Chronic, you will be saying to yourself, "Wow, that was SOME 41!" (You know, like the band Sum 41...get it?)

This Calls for a Cigar

It could be a cigar, it could be a pen

After hearing about my good fortune last week, I was in a celebratory mood and wanted to sit down and enjoy a cigar. Too bad I have no idea when the trip to London is and for how long so it's not like I officially won anything yet. So when I got home, I wanted to rejoice but I still had my big audition to worry about so I couldn't smoke a cigar due to fears of a raspy smoky voice the next day. So I continue on with the week and I have not received a call yet from the radio station with more prize info or from Law & Order for a callback. I just wanna smoke that damn cigar!

Don't Believe the Hype.

A-Rod is a Yankee and he promises to bring a championship to NY.
I can see it now, the "Ken Griffey Curse." A season ending injury plaguing the lineup making the Yankees one game short of a World Series title. At least we beat Boston.

Charlize Theron is magnificent in "Monster"
Who wants to see a hottie look like a trailer trash man for ten bucks when I see that everyday on the subway for free.

Mel Gibson's "The Passion" will spark anti-semitism against the Jews
We don't need a movie to do that. Who cares anyway? No normal people I know want to see the movie. If I do, I guarantee I will not be sober.
Disclaimer: I am Chinese, therefore part of a minority group, thus granting me immunity from being prejudice.

Chew's or Lose

Downloading music is not a crime.
It's those damn Idiots who incorrectly name files that should be tortured.
(EXAMPLE: Naming the file "Coldplay" when the song is obviously by "U2")

If I had a Million Dollars...

I would install a urinal in my bathroom so I can pee straight when The Morning Missile (AKA: Morning Wood) strikes.

A Note for the Ladies: It is difficult for us to aim into the toilet when the cannon is shooting for the sky.

HUMBLE MOMENT: When you know you had a crazy night simply by the smell of your own urine the next morning. And it is always look like a toxic yellow in the toilet bowl.

Closer...After a day of reading the morbid newspaper, I get the feeling that we are already in Hell. I have come to a conclusion that nothing we do will ever change the world. We will always have to play victim to somebody else's crime.

Solution: Party like Hell!

Check out the evidence of my Grand Prize Winner Glory...
My life has not changed one bit...YET! (I hope. All I do is Hope nowadays and it always seems to work?)

Exhibit A

My Grand Prize Winner Evidence
Courtroom
Free Dumb