At work, our biggest treat of the year is when we order pastrami and corned beef sandwiches ($11 a pop)from the legendary Katz's Deli. I am pretty much the driving force behind it because I rally everyone against the boss until he says yes to our demands. And since I work in an office in Chinatown where it is predominantly Asian, I guess the only conclusion one can draw is that...
"Chinese people love to eat Katz!"
After going through my first draft every in FFL, I must say had a great draft but the two idiots that me and John are, we drafted 2 kickers and 3 Offensive players with the same Bye week. I guess we should not have been completely fucked in the head while we were doing it. That is my idea of Fantasy Football.
After reading the many fan submitted columns, Michael Brendar got upset and asked me why he didn't get any Chronicle space. I replied by telling him that in order for the article to be posted, there must be one submitted. He got all excited and questioned me about the deadline (which is Thursday at midnight) and told me something would be coming...I guess it will be attached to the poker table he still has to build for me (which I have been waiting a year for)
He has a dog named D-O-G (pronounced deeyo gee)
I have never seen him half naked
One of our Boy Scout leaders used to call him Barney Rubble
I learned the trick of putting french fries inside my McCheeseburger from him
Years ago when we were little boys taking drivers education, our instructor asked us why truck drivers are better drivers and we all panicked for an answer. Michael Brendar was the first and only one to respond with, "They have to pass a really hard test?" Now, I don't know alot of truck drivers but I don't think they would be able to pass a "really hard test." The instructor quickly shot him down and told us it was because they were elevated and that they could see more of the road.
As a weird joke, Pete and I decided to dress up as Superman (me, obviously) and The Flash (Pete) and sneak into Mike's house and wake him up with our costumes on. When we got to his bedroom, we whispered his name and he looked at us and screamed (while his parents where sleeping in the room across the hall). It was all worth it because we captured it on tape,..although you can't see the scream but hear it because we had to put the camera down and calm him
Another time we did it and he jumped under the covers
HUMBLE MOMENT: I was on the phone with my sister as she was walking her new doggie "Rex" and she was complaining to me that her dog wouldn't poop. After talking for five minutes about pottie training the dog, I ended our conversation and headed to the bathroom. Conclusion: Poop only takes five minutes to travel from the brain to the ass.
SIDENOTE: I walked "Rex" for my first time and it reminded me of how warm poop is when it comes out of your ass. Nothing like squeezing it between your hands (with a plastic bag of course)
Oh yeah, another rumor we were spreading when we visited Mike at college was that he was bisexual. I think I'll start spreading that one too.
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Closer...I used to have this running joke that started when I went to visit Michael Brendar for the first time when he was at University of Rhode Island. We would joke to all of his friends and say that I was an actor and that I was in the movie "The Fist of the North Star." One night this week, I was flipping through the channels and it just so happens that the movie was on. Now keep in mind that when we were spreading the rumors, there was no movie in existence and we were just basing our lies on the Japanese anime movie but now that I have seen the live action, I must say that I can still continue spreading my lies. (Due to the fact that I don't think anyone else will be seeing it)
EXAMPLE:
1. Chris Penn wears a bandage around his head to keep it from exploding.
2. At one point of the movie Chris Penn exclaims, "Let's kill some people...and enjoy it!"
3. Downtown Julie Brown is in the movie.
69 Dudes!
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