My co-worker told me that he has never met anyone who takes morning shits as consistently as I do. I always go to the bathroom as soon as I get into work that way it seems like I am being paid to pooh. The scary part is that I sometimes go poo-poo before I get to work also.
My sister just got a new dog and named it "Rex" (after my father's old dog) but for some reason, she insists on calling the dog, "Doggie Dooh." Maybe it's because he craps a big load for a small dog. Oh what fun it was trying to scrape his warm pooh off the pavement.
Last weekend, I awoke to my girlfriend's dog diarrhea all over the kitchen floor and since she was sick, I cleaned it up myself. This week, my sister's dog had diarrhea and she thought of me when she was cleaning it up. She called to tell me the details. Welcome to the Chew Family.
Why is my facial hair red (more like a light brown), why do I have hair on my legs but not my arms, why do I have hair on my nipples and chest when no other asians do and most importantly, why does my poop float all the time thus preventing me from getting a clean one-time flush? Who am I!?
After reading my Chronicles, she was convinced that Michael Brendar was really his name and that she had it wrong for 15 years. Keep in mind that I change people's names to protect them in the real world. For example, Mike Brendar's real name is Michael Brennan.
Girl: "All you do is watch football"
Boy: "All you do is complain about football"
(Please Note: This skit is not a reflection of my life but thank God for sports. It keeps the workday going and it's better reading about sports than it is reading about our world)
Like I say in My Will...Without Chris, I would always be the winner. I must say that his Top 10 submission in last week's Chronicle earned some high honors amongst me and my critics. He usually beats me at every game we play (sometimes even Scrabble) and winds up coaching me through the fundamentals of sports but damn him for beating me at my own game...My own Chronicles!
SIDENOTE: I won big in cards last night but Chris won bigger.
Not me...My Stunt Double. My job doesn't deserve the effort of me tying a tie everyday
NOTE: All this anger stems from me staying at work late with no overtime while everyone else goes home, all because I am good at what I do. Damn.
Chink Links
home Page
Superfly
Cowbell SNL Skit
