Hello, I Must Be Going

It's not easy being misunderstood.

There's really no denying: Ben's got some serious baggage. But there's a lot to be said about how people perceive and handle issues. Some can be like Noel--pathetically unpacking a suitcase full o' non-existent issues for all to witness, while others can be like Ben--attempting to stuff the bulk of painful, adult problems into a shirt-sleeve in a noble effort to live a normal life. Often Ben's attempts to suppress his feelings fail because his problems are too immense to keep inside.

In Season Three's "Hello, I Must Be Going" (Episode 303), Ben's mother calls him to tell him that his father is missing. His mom wants him to file a missing person's report and search the city for his dad. It's obvious that this situation is not new to Ben, whose alcoholic father has continually disappointed him.

The gang listens to Noel drone about his new wife, whom he married on a whim and is now regretful. He asks Ben what he thinks of Noel's situation and Ben, who was deeply in thought about his father, is caught off guard. He looks confused and Felicity asks him if he's OK. Ben gets up and leaves.

Felicity chases after him and they talk on the street. Ben tells her he just needed to get out of the apartment and clear his head, and Felicity pleads with him to talk to her about his father. He asserts, "Not everything needs to be talked about, all right?"

Felicity insists that he should talk about what he was feeling because it pains her to see him sad and withdrawn. Ben then begins to reveal why her attempt to fix his situation is much more complicating.

"I don't need a bunch of people who have no idea what it feels like trying to figure out why I'm not running around the city looking for my father, OK? It didn't help the first time, it's not gonna help now."

Here it becomes clear that there is more history and depth to Ben's current crisis than we may have realized. Felicity is confused and asks him about "the first time." He replies,

"I was in seventh grade. My dad disappeared for two days-he just vanished. I went with my mom to the police station-tried to help her fill out the reports. Then we called the hospitals, then we called the morgues, and then we just waited, for hours. You know where he was, this man I'm supposed to be worried about? He was in his car. He'd driven like 45 minutes to some parking lot in Sacramento and just gotten crazy drunk. When he got home he didn't say anything-not a thing-acted like nothing happened, like he hadn't done a thing to us. Yeah, if that was the worst thing he'd ever done I would have forgiven him, but it wasn't. So you wanna know why I'm not calling anybody? Wanna know why I'm not doing anything? 'Cause this time I hope he's dead."

Wow. This scene rocks. Ben had many concealed feelings that he needed to communicate, not only for the sake of dismissing the supposed notion that he was selfish and insensitive; more importantly, he needed to express his feelings for the sake of his own sanity.

So much depth in this scene is credited to Speedman's delivery. On a sub-level, we viewers see how much Ben loves Felicity, and how she is the only person who has truly allowed him to express himself. At the surface, Ben's bottled-up thoughts needed to be released, and that becomes obvious as we see and feel his anguish as his words pour out. We also see Ben as very human and passionate, a man who has given his father countless chances in hopes of receiving his love, but is finally overwhelmed by another disappointment.

This scene is integral to Ben's character because it demonstrates how easily his actions can be misunderstood if they are viewed at a superficial level. The expression of his anger, frustration, and angst shows that this "insensitive jerk" is actually a hurting, vulnerable man who still feels like a neglected little boy.

Suddenly we can understand that running around the city looking for his father is not actually the most difficult task for Ben; grappling with his feelings of neglect and anger is a much more difficult feat.

It is important that viewers have witnessed Ben's relationship with his father prior to watching this scene. Andrew Covington doesn't seem to be a monster who is cold and unloving, but rather a troubled man who, as hard as tries, can't conquer his disease. However, since we have only seen a few examples of Andrew's attempts to remain sober, our view of Ben's father is likely more diluted and sympathetic. While we may be more inclined towards pity, Ben experiences a visceral anger and frustration. It's tremendous acting, nonetheless. Not sure how he does it, but that is the magic that is Speedy.

In the end, Ben walks away, obviously needing more time to think. It's not a tidy resolution, making this moment mainly sad, but also realistic and fascinating. Over a short few minutes we learn so much about Ben and desperately want to learn more, to see him find peace with himself and his father, to be understood.

Allow me to step out of the generic viewer group for a second to let it be known that I personally love this scene. My theory is Speedy knew the gist of what he was supposed to say and just flew with it when the camera started rolling. To dear Josh Reims who wrote this scene: you have my sincere kudos. Now please, come rise from the dead, push Laurie McCarthy aside and write more eppies. Understood?

--Dyslexia