Pucker Up -- Or Something
Episode 412: Kiss and Tell

Just picture it

By Litigia

This episode is called "Kiss and Tell." Usually, the title is some clever take on the goings on in the episode. Or at least an attempt to be clever. This one doesn't seem to fit anything that happened in the entire episode. Am I missing something? ["No, I thought the same thing." - Dyslexia]["I was going to say something but I thought maybe everyone else got what it meant, and I didn't want to look stupid. So, I'm not stupid? Wait, don't answer that." -- Bitchavia] Does anyone care? Onto the episode then . . .

We open with Ben and his dad eating dinner at Epstein Bar. ["You know how everyone else who does Felicity recaps always makes a big point of calling Mr. C by the name of Jack Tripper-obviously because of the whole 'Three's Company' thing. Duh.-and they think they're so witty for calling him Jack instead of Mr. Covington? Well! Here's a little something you may not know: John Ritter supplies the voice of Cliffordthebigreddog-all one word-in the cartoon. Aren't you glad that you know this? Now, the next time you're watching that godawful show with your 3-year-old cousin or your 93-year-old grandmother, you can be all like, 'Ooooh, that's John Ritter! Remember when he exposed his balls on national television?!' Anyway, that's what I'm calling him now." --Carmexa]["I already knew that 'cause I'm so sharp like that. And I spend a lot of hanging out with a 2-years-11-months-year-old. Clifford's owner's name is Emily Elizabeth. She is not however voiced by Suzanne Sommers." -- Bitchavia] Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] talks about how amazing (of course) it is to have dinner with his son after all that has happened. Ben agrees and enquires as to what Dad and Mom have been up to. Dad says they haven't been doing anything and it's been great, and they plan to just kick back until he has to go back to work in a month. ["Was I the only one who thought that 'kicking back' was just a euphemism for sex, and poor Ben for having to visualize that?" --Carmexa] ["I think you were." -Litigia]["I was thinking he meant golf." -- Bitchavia] They're both happy and upbeat and having a lovely time. But this is Felicity, so you know that won't last long. Dad does the honors and mentions that he saw Lauren and she told him to say "hi" to Ben. Ben asks how she is doing and Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] drops what he thinks is the bombshell of Lauren's pregnancy on Ben. Ben feigns surprise and Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] rambles on about how she looks great. Somehow, I doubt that. Anyway, he tells Ben that Lauren won't say who the father is and that apparently the guy doesn't want to be involved. Then, Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] goes on a rant about how self-absorbed some people can be when they're concerned only with their problems. ["He would know." --Carmexa] Ben looks really uncomfortable and tells his dad that it is probably more complicated than that. His dad agrees, but says that there is a kid involved now. Ben nods. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] ["All right now, that's getting annoying. I keep picturing Ben having dinner with a big-ass dog." - Dyslexia]["John Ritter sort of looks like a dog." -- Bitchavia] asks if Ben wants dessert and Ben declines. Dad says he's gonna have some and he's gonna have Ben's, too. Ben laughs his high-pitched little giggle that always makes me think that Scott Speedman was genuinely laughing because there's no way a guy as manly as him would intentionally laugh like that. Before you attack me, let me just say that I'm not putting down. I like it! It's cute. And perfect. ["Obviously, the Speedy-Giggle is the cutest, most adorable thing that anyone has ever heard. But I can't think of anyone else who could pull it off." --Carmexa] Of course. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] ["AAAHHH!" - Dyslexia] talks about how much fun it is to hang out with Ben. Ben agrees, but then looks like he wants to die. FYI, Scott looks fucking hot. Yes, even more hot than he usually does. ["Super duper hot!" --Carmexa]

Roll credits. I pause for a while on the last scene of the credits. You know the one. Where Ben and Felicity are sitting up on his bed and he slips his hand under the strap of her tank top and strokes her chest and they both laugh. Back when Ben and Felicity were allowed to be happy. Ahhhh, those were the days.

Ben knocks on Felicity's door. She answers, smiles, and says, "Hey." Ben, who looks ravishing bathed in the yellow light of this scene asks her if she wants to go for a walk. Felicity looks reluctant, but perhaps ["!?!?!?!??!?" --Carmexa] because Ben looks so damn gorgeous, she agrees to go, and leaves to get her coat. Ben stares after her. Cut to a dimly lit street, where Ben and Felicity walk side by side. Ben asks Felicity, "What are you thinking?" I love that choice of words because that is exactly what Ben said to Felicity in the pilot episode on the rooftop after he gave her his whole "You provoke me" speech and because I'm a "Felicity"-obsessed freak, I appreciate little nods to the past like that. ["He also did it in 'The Slump.'" -Carmexa] Back in the present, Felicity asks, "About what?" She knows what he's talking about, but she just really doesn't want to answer him. Ben asks her what she thinks about everything that is happening. She tells him that she is still overwhelmed by it all. Ben agrees, then tells her about having dinner with his dad. He mentions that Lauren had told his dad, but that he doesn't know that Ben is the father. Felicity doesn't really say anything. Ben assures her that it is going to be okay. Felicity responds that she knows, that he already said that. But Ben wants her to know that he's not just saying it and that it is going to be okay. He sounds like he's trying to convince himself as much as he is trying to convince her. Felicity says that she knows. But you can definitely tell that she doesn't know that. And how can she, really? They continue walking down the street, both with their hands stuffed into their coat pockets, because that's a symbol of their distance from each other, in case you couldn't figure that out. Yes, Colleen, I'm talking to you. ["Plus, jamming one's hands into one's pockets is really the only way that one can ensure that one will not use aforementioned hands to maul and paw the person standing next to oneself." --Carmexa]

I'm pretty sure this next scene was thrown in as an offering to the Goddesses. ["Note to the offer-folk offering the offering: Offerings should last longer! And they should be frontal! That said, thanks for the initial offering." --Carmexa] The camera pans up on Ben, lying on his stomach in bed, asleep. We see his bicep and part of his back and holy fucking shit, if it is not the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. ["It is." -Carmexa] I literally drooled. And moaned. You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not.["I believe you, but please, spare us any more details." -- Bitchavia] Felicity is lying next to him, wide awake. She gets up out of bed and walks into the kitchen. Noel is there, making a sandwich. They whisper about why they're both up and have the requisite Felicity/Noel chat of the episode. Felicity tells Noel that it feels like everything is changing. Noel thinks Felicity is just upset about her career stuff and so he pulls out a course catalog and decides she should do architecture. He tells her that it is a great way to mesh her artistic interests and abilities with her background in science. I curse myself because when I first heard about this architecture storyline, I said exactly the same thing. ["Well, theoretically, it actually is a pretty good idea. But the notion that Felicity can just help some guy with some model, and BAM!, she's an architecture student, is pretty ridiculous, and you know that they're just going to drop this storyline after this episode. If they actually decided to pursue it, it could have potential." --Carmexa] The idea that Noel and I are on the same wavelength is disturbing. But enough about me. Felicity is interested. Of course, Noel has some friend who is a graduate architecture student and who needs some help building a model. Wow, Noel has a friend. That's cool. ["Yeah, but you've already got to be wondering how great this guy could be if he made the choice to be a friend of Noel's." --Carmexa] Felicity thinks it would be great to dive into something. Noel will fulfill all his lapdog obligations and take care of arranging everything. ["Lapdog! That's perfect! If anyone should be called a dog in this recap, is Noelle. For sure." - Dyslexia] Felicity takes a bite of Noel's sandwich. That sounds dirty, but it's not.

Meghan wants to go out. Sean doesn't. Sean tries to show Meghan his latest invention-shoe covers. Meghan says it's stupid. They fight. Blah blah blah, you're not supportive. Blah blah blah, you're boring. You may remember this fight from every other episode since Sean and Meghan got together. ["I don't even know why they bother to film new scenes. They could just splice in some old ones and nobody would even notice." -- Bitchavia]

Mailroom Advisor Guy ["For the uninitiated, this guy used to play-duh-the Mailroom Guy in the first season, but in a marvel of status-elevation, is now Ben's and Trevor's counselor/advisor." --Carmexa] is meeting with Ben and Trevor. Didn't he quit this job and give it to Noel? I guess I don't mind the continuity mistake because it was a really stupid plot contrivance to begin with and, besides, I like Mailroom Advisor Guy. Anyway, he munches on a sandwich (which again sounds very dirty to me, but it's not) ["I guess this guy likes sandwiches. I kinda like him; he's such a smart-ass." - Dyslexia]["Litigia darling, what is your deal with sandwiches?! If you keep linking sandwiches with impure thoughts, I'm never going to be able to go to Subway again. And I really want to go to Subway so I can lose 800 pounds on a two-sandwich-a-day diet too." -- Bitchavia] and says that he remembers Ben as the guy who got an "A" in organic chemistry. Good for Ben. Trevor pipes in that he got a "B." MAG says that an "A" is better. Hee. ["And Ben is hotter." --Carmexa]["That's worth half a letter grade right there." -- Bitchavia] Ben expositions that they made the appointment to make sure they're doing everything that they should be doing to get into medical school. MAG looks over their records and notes that they're not doing any volunteer work. How could he know that? Do students submit reports to their advisors of all their activities? ["No." --Carmexa] Whatever. ["Plus, I really think MAG should be more concerned with the fact that these two basically started pre-med like two years late, but I'm just going to assume that because Ben is such a god, he managed to pull it off." - Dyslexia] Ben enquires about volunteer work and MAG replies that it is "helping people for no pay. Basically what I do. Every day." Heh. Me, too. Four years of college, three years of law school, and the court clerk makes more than me. I'm not bitter though because my clients are always so appreciative when I save their asses from jail-for free. Or not. ["Oh, shuddup! You made that decision! I'm sure that MAG would be more than happy to have your OLD job, which was about three trillion miles away from any idea of volunteer work. Just because you work for peanuts now....just shut up." --Carmexa] Oh, yeah. The episode. Ben says that they haven't done any of that there volunteer work and Trevor adds that they will if it matters. MAG assures them that it does and offers up Big Brothers as an option. Ben asks what Big Brothers is. Okay, give me a break. I hope they did that because they thought members of the audience wouldn't know what it is and this gives them a chance to have MAG explain it because I cannot believe that Ben doesn't know what it is. He's not dumb. He's not! MAG explains that it involves being a mentor to fatherless kids. ["You'd think the volunteer work would be more medical-related, no? Like maybe Ben should work in the health center or something. Hey, maybe Greg is still there? I think I actually liked him better than Noel. Somebody slap me." -Dyslexia] Ben, obviously uncomfortable with this idea, asks if medical schools really care about this stuff. MAG condescendingly says that they do, and so Ben agrees that he and Trevor will do it. ["Even though it wouldn't have worked for this episode, because the writers were hellbent on the whole Ben-as-daddy thing, Ben could have just been like, 'So, what else is there? That Big Brothers thing sounds like a drag.' But, you know, it's the only volunteer-opportunity in all of Manhattan. Because this is television." --Carmexa] I think Ben should get credit for being Trevor's big brother. Seriously, where would that guy be without Ben? Failing O-Chem and dead from alcohol poisoning, that's where!

Noel and Zoe pass each other in the hall at work. They talk about the awkwardness and agree to just be professional. Then, Noel invites Zoe to a party that the girls are having at their place. Um, okay, that was very professional of you there, Noel.

Felicity goes to meet Adam the architecture guy at some sort of big architecture workroom. Adam is on his cell phone, begging some girl named Dina not to hang up on him. She hangs up on him. Felicity introduces herself and starts blah blahing about trying to find a career path, but Adam is totally distracted. Adam is very mopey. ["He's like the Second Coming of Owen: Always looks like he's high, and really wants to get into Felicity's pants." --Carmexa]["And completely useless in terms of the overall storyline." -- Bitchavia] He interrupts her and asks her if a girl told him that she loved him and then broke up with him, if that means she's seeing someone else. ["I'm just glad the guy has as sort-of girlfriend, because Felicity is so damn wishy-washy and dangerously cute that I really worry about her doing something stupid again." - Dyslexia] Felicity's says she's not sure and changes the subject back to this model Adam is doing. Adam points to his partially completed model and mentions that Dina used to help him with it. Felicity offers to help. Adam thanks her and mentions again that Dina used to help him. So, let's see. Adam's ex-girlfriend has moved on to someone else, but he can't seem to stop pining away for her. He and Noel must have a lot to talk about.

Ben races into his bedroom, buttoning up his shirt. ["Again with the pathetic-ass offering! If you were going to have a scene wherein Ben buttons up his shirt, at least have him start with it all the way off! For the love of Jesus! Happy Easter!" --Carmexa] If I pause my tape at just the right spot, I get a nice little semi-bare-chested shot of Scott. So, I pause it for a long time. Ben apologizes to his dad about being late. Apparently, they're going to a basketball game and Ben forgot it was tonight. ["Riiiight. Like Ben would forget about a Knicks game, no matter how shitty the circumstances." --Carmexa] Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] is understanding, but then he has to go ruin the mood again by mentioning Lauren. He wants to stop by her place after the game and give her the "What To Expect When You're Expecting" book. In virtually every television show or movie I've seen that has dealt with pregnancy, they talk about that book. Either it is the only book on the market on the subject or the author has pictures of every studio head in Hollywood having sex with animals. Or, maybe it's just the best one. ["I've never known a pregnant person or new mother-and lately, I'm meeting a whole fucking lot of them-who didn't have that book." --Carmexa] ["The book ain't all that. I have a bun in the oven, and I've only opened it like five times." - Dyslexia]["My sister had that book and didn't think that much of it. Wait until you get "What to Expect in the First Year". It makes new mothers crazy thinking their kids is either a super-genius or retarded." -- Bitchavia]. I don't know. Anyway, Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] says that he figures that if the father of the baby isn't going to help Lauren out, then he will. Ben decides it's time to break the news to Dad. He tells him that he is the father of Lauren's baby. Dad looks shocked. Ben explains that he and Lauren slept together while he and Felicity were broken up. Interesting how Ben wanted to assure his father of his fidelity to Felicity. Ben says that he knows his dad thinks it's selfish and Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] starts to apologize. Ben begs off the apology, but adds that he doesn't know what to do. He asks if he is supposed to drop out of school and get a job. He tells him that he is not ready for this. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] agrees that it is complicated. No shit. By the way, Ben calls him "Dad" in this scene five times. It was almost distracting. I got the feeling that he was trying to make up for lost time. Maybe I just pulled that out of my ass, but it got to me. I'm a sap when it comes to Ben and his dad.

Ben walks into Felicity's room and asks what's going on. Apparently, Ben has called several times and Felicity never picked up. Also, she was supposed to go over to Ben's place that night and didn't. Felicity is busying herself on the floor with her architecture model thingy. She offers up the model as an excuse for avoiding him. Ben asks her how it is coming, and Felicity complains about Adam being so concerned with his love life that he never explained to her what she was supposed to be doing. She asks Ben how the game was, and Ben tells her that they didn't go. ["Jesus! I know that the going is rough, but how much money do these people have to throw away!??! Last episode, Felicity and her mother just decided, last-second, not to go to the play. No problem! And then tonight, with the basketball game. At least scalp them, people!" --Carmexa] He says that he told his dad about Lauren and that his dad just listened to him, like a real dad. Felicity thinks that is good, and Ben agrees. Ben asks her if she wants to come over later. He is practically begging her. Felicity says that she can't because she needs to finish the model. Ben, who can obviously tell that something is wrong, asks her if she is okay. Felicity lies, and says that everything is fine. Ben asks her again and tells her that she seems upset. ["She is upset. I feel bad for her, but damn, why can't she hug him or something. It just breaks my heart." - Dyslexia] Felicity lies again, only even worse than the first time, and says that she's fine. I hate it when she's like this. Ben accepts her lie and leaves. Felicity watches him walk out and, in case you didn't get this before, she looks even more like she is not fine. ["This scene killed me. Just throw something at each other already!" --Carmexa]

Noel and Sean walk into a conference room for a meeting with Zoe and some of the other Webb Graphics people. Noel introduces himself to a woman at the conference table, and they make small talk before beginning. Zoe jumps in and asks Noel to update them on the CGG account. Noel has barely started when Zoe starts attacking him, telling him what a moron he is, and pretty much embarrassing him in front of everyone. ["And why the hell does he stand? That was super lame. Nobody in the real world stands at meetings unless they are making a presentation, especially with only six people at a table." - Dyslexia] Sean tries to save him, but let's face it, it's Sean. Noel just stares at Zoe. This "let's be professional" thing doesn't seem to be working out.

Sean and Noel walk on the street as Noel assures Sean that he'll work things out with Zoe. They walk up to a coffee cart as Sean is explaining his latest lame invention. The coffee cart girl thinks it is a great idea. ["In all my days of buying 85-cent coffee from coffee carts on the sidewalk, I have never, ever had a cute girl running the cart. In fact, I've never seen a girl working at one of those carts, period, let alone cute ones. All of the people who man those things are either fat and/or balding." --Carmexa] Her name is Clancy and she and Sean start to flirt. Sean invites Clancy to the party. Noel wonders what the hell he is doing flirting with a girl and inviting her to the party when Sean is married. Because Noel, former husband of the lovely Natalie, is an expert on marriage. Anyway, Sean says he invited Clancy for Noel. This is lame.

At the same time ["Oh, these writers are so clever!" -Carmexa], Meghan is doing a scene from "Romeo and Juliet" in her acting class with some guy named Rocco. They share a kiss which looks much more like a real kiss than a stage kiss. Javier watches, disapprovingly. Rocco invites Meghan to see his band that night. Meghan tells him she has to go to a party. Rocco says they don't go on until 1 a.m. Meghan gets all excited, and then invites Rocco to the party. Rocco accepts and leaves. ["Rocco and Clancy? What is with these names? The show is becoming more soap-opera-ish every day. Next week we'll be introduced to a character named Magnus." --Dyslexia]["Or Rock. Or Clint. Or Cassandra. Or Bradley. Or Erica Kane." -- Bitchavia] Javier plays the Noel role in this scene and reminds Meghan that she's married. Again with the marriage advice from someone who's marriage failed. Did you catch the parallelism in these two scenes? Did ya? These writers are just so damn clever. ["Agh, shit. Right. What I said." -Carmexa]

Felicity shows Adam the model, and tells him she's not sure if she did it right. Adam, still mopey, asks her to call his girlfriend's number and see if a guy picks up. Felicity doesn't want to, but Adam shoves the phone in her face, so she obliges. Adam then takes the phone from her and tries to talk to Dina. She hangs up on him. Adam mopes some more. Felicity asks him to look at the model again, but Adam isn't through moping. He can't understand how this happened and opines that sometimes things don't work out the way you think they will. Felicity agrees and says that sometimes love sucks. Adam finally notices the model and freaks out because Felicity did it all wrong. ["How did she do it wrong? It looked good to me. Maybe she put the trees inside the buildings or something." --Dyslexia] Felicity apologizes and agrees to help him finish it tonight. ["Even though the party is supposedly TONIGHT." --Carmexa]

Ben walks out of his room at the loft carrying a big green Army bag. As he gathers up some things, there's a knock at the door. Mr. Covington enters and they exchange "Hey"s. Dad lies about just being in the neighborhood and jokes with Ben about how it looks like Ben is working hard. Ben tells him about Big Brothers and that he is supposed to meet his kid today. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] tells Ben he has been thinking about their talk the night before and that he thinks Ben is making a mistake by not being involved in his child's life. Ben starts to get defensive. His dad says that he knows it's complicated, but Ben interrupts him by saying it's simple-Lauren decided to have a kid and he didn't. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] tells him that the child needs a father. Now, Ben has had it. He tells his dad that he is the last person he wants to hear something like this from. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] says he knows that he wasn't the perfect father. Ben says he wasn't a father, period. Ouch. True, but still, ouch. His dad says that he is trying to be a father right now. Ben tells him it's a little late. Ben walks out. Okay, I totally understand where Ben is coming from about how it is hypocritical for his dad to be telling him it's wrong not to be involved in his child's life. But, I have to give his dad credit for trying. Sure, he screwed up and basically made Ben's childhood a living hell. And, frankly, he's lucky that Ben was willing to forgive him and give him a second chance. And a third. And a fourth. You get my point. But I really do think that his dad's heart is in the right place here. And he realizes how much he hurt Ben and how much he hurt himself by not being there for Ben and he doesn't want Ben to experience either of those things with his child. So, basically, I don't blame either Ben or his dad for the stuff they said and did here. They're both right. And wrong. And well, this whole thing pretty much sucks. ["I really loved this scene, because the Ben/Dad storyline was really the only one with any continuity: you still see how deeply Ben's resentment of his father runs, and you see Ben's father trying to make up for lost time, and both of them are trying so hard, and it's just hard and impossible, and you get the idea. But, yeah, good job, boys!" --Carmexa]

Ben walks down the street. He's wearing a toque. I love him when he wears that toque. ["Only with the toque, huh? How disappointing." --Carmexa] On anyone else, I'm sure I would think it looked dorky. But on Scott, yum. ["Yum, squared." --Carmexa] Ben sees a little kid, sitting on some steps. I guess this is his little brother. Ben stares at him for a while, looking conflicted. ["Conflicted, hot, whatever." --Carmexa] Finally, he turns around and walks away, opening himself up for the wailing he will take from evil Ben-bashers on internet message boards around the world.

Noel confronts Zoe about the incident at the meeting. Zoe acts like a bitch. I would feel sorry for him, but I just can't. It's Noel!

Noel confronts Zoe about the incident at the meeting. Zoe acts like a bitch. I would feel sorry for him, but I just can't. It's Noel! ["Worse, it's Noel and The Bangs. Lethal combination." - Bitchavia]

Felicity and Adam put the finishing touches on the model. According to Felicity, it's four in the morning. Adam apologizes, but Felicity said it was nice to have a distraction. Adam agrees. He asks Felicity what she is trying to escape. Okay, that sounds like a pretty personal question coming from someone who has known her for all of two days, but whatever. Felicity tells him that her life is "kind of intense right now." Adam asks if he shouldn't have asked. Ya think? Felicity says it's okay and then says how great it was to work on the model. Adam tells her how great at it she was, and Felicity acts modest and shy. Adam reminds her that she said she was searching for something, and maybe this is it. Felicity agrees that maybe it is. ["How sad and pathetic that it took a suggestion from Noel the Wonder Loser and a few hours with Adam the Random Guy of the Week for Felicity to realize that architecture is an option for someone studying art. Will someone please tell me when Felicity got so stupid about everything?!" - Bitchavia] I suppose if Ben can go pre-med his last year, Felicity can swing an architecture degree during her last semester. Honestly, if it gets Felicity to stop whining about her career worries, I'll accept any silly and completely unrealistic plot contrivance. ["Word." --Dyslexia] Adam offers to take her to dinner tonight to say thanks, but Felicity says she has a party to go to. That's weird because Meghan and Sean seemed to be under the impression that the party was last night. That's two big continuity mistakes in one episode. I swear, if I were writing for this show, this type of stuff wouldn't be happening. ["If you, or any of us for that matter, were writing for the show, NONE of this bullshit would be happening." --Carmexa] Anyway, Felicity invites Adam to the party. Adam tells Felicity to go home and get some sleep. As she is leaving, Adam tells her that whatever it is that is bothering her, he's sure it's going to be fine. Nothing like a meaningless platitude to make all your worries disappear. Felicity halfheartedly agrees that everything will be fine. ["Felicity's like a Buddhist monk with the whole mantra thing. I've never really been too big on chanting monks." --Carmexa] ["Except for that one time with the monk with the gorgeous blue eyes and sexy voice. You know what I'm talking about." -Litigia]["You two are lusting after a monk?!! Please tell me 'monk' is a euphemism for something else, something that's not a celibate member of a religious order." - Bitchavia]

At the party, Trevor asks Ben if he met his little brother today. Okay, see, there is that whole timeline screw-up again. Is this supposed to be the same day as Ben blew off the kid? Everything in the timeline makes sense except for the scene with Felicity and Adam, which is just totally out of whack. I don't know why I care so much, but it bothers me. I guess I'll get over it. Ben lies to Trevor and says that he did meet his kid. Trevor gushes about how great his little brother was at some video game. He asks Ben what he did and Ben says he and his little brother just hung out.["If by hanging out you mean, I stood on one side of the street, and he was on the other and I stared at him'" - Bitchavia] Elena shows up and gives Ben the phone. Ben walks off to take the call. Then, she asks Trevor if he is going to hang out in the bathroom all night or if he's going to dance with her. Trevor says he wants to hang out in the bathroom with Elena all night. Fourteen fucking seconds! ["Elena's screen time, for anyone who's confused." --Carmexa] That's all I'm saying. ["Well, at least the Continuity Monster decided to spit up the Elena/Trevor relationship. That's kind of been AWOL for a while. I thought it was because they couldn't afford to hire the guy who plays Trevor for every episode. I think it's money well spent. It's certainly a wiser way to spend cash than hiring has-been pop singers like Lionel Ritchie. Right, right, right, it's not our show. And it's been cancelled. The math is easy." - Bitchavia]

Sean and Noel discuss the odds that Clancy will show up. Noel chides Sean about acting like it is a date. Sean denies it, but then asks Noel if he looks okay. Jesus, this is dumb. Noel notices Zoe walking in. He ditches Sean.

Felicity is stuffing her face with chips. Hee. Keri looks funny shoving that food in her mouth. Ben comes up behind her and tells her that he has to leave. Apparently, his dad called and told him that he was at a bar downtown and that he's about to have a drink. Felicity looks scared. Ben says he needs to go down to get him and Felicity offers to go with him. Good girl, Felicity. ["No kidding. I was really glad that she offered." -Dyslexia] But Ben wants to go alone and tells her he'll call her when it gets worked out. Ben leaves and Felicity looks after him, worried. ["Even if it was only three seconds, I loved this scene. Siiiigh." --Carmexa]

Meghan asks Rocco what instrument he plays. Apparently, Rocco's band is a spoken word band. Oh, please. For some reason, this intrigues Meghan. ["Why? I think it would annoy her. I think the only person who could ever get away with a spoken word album is Henry Rollins. Oh, and Jello Biafra. I'm old." --Dyslexia] Sean marches up and demands to know what's going on. He introduces himself to Rocco as Meghan's husband. Sean and Meghan snark at each other. With the kind of timing only television writers could script, Clancy shows up, and yells at Sean from across the room. Sean tells Meghan that he's off to hang out with her and that he might be out late. Rocco tells Meghan he's "into the open marriage thing." Whatever, Rocco. Meghan heads over to Sean and Clancy and introduces herself as Sean's wife. I guess Clancy isn't as into the whole open marriage thing as Rocco, because she looks pretty stunned. Meghan then tells Sean that Rocco kissed her on the lips in theatre class and then leaves. Sean chases after her. When he catches her, they fight about Sean and his inventions and Meghan and her wanting to party. They end the fight by basically daring each other to go off with their respective homewreckers. And there are still people out there who claim that Meghan and Sean have the healthiest relationship on this show. I kid you not. ["Scary shit." --Dsylexia]

Adam finds Felicity at the party. She's still stuffing her face. She is also acting like she's drunk. Or at least a little tipsy. ["I think so too." --Dyslexia] They make small talk about the model and Adam asks Felicity twice if she's okay. Both times, she says she's fine. Adam asks her if she wants to get a drink and Felicity says that would be great.

Noel and Zoe talk outside in the hall. She tells him his ideas were great and apologizes for being a bitch at the meeting. Apparently, she got jealous because Noel sat next to that other girl at the meeting, instead of sitting next to her. Okay, what is this? Seventh grade? Zoe tells Noel that she likes him. ["But does she just like him or like like him?" - Bitchavia] And then he asks her if she wants to go steady. Okay, he didn't really ask her that, but that is about the emotional level of this conversation. In reality, Noel tells her that he didn't sit next to her at the meeting because he was nervous about being near her. Zoe asks him what he thinks would happen. In the absolute cheesiest moment of the episode, Noel says, "I don't know. Maybe this," and then leans in for the kiss. Thank God the director dimmed the lighting for this scene, so we don't have to witness full-on the horrible, mouth-sucking monstrosity that is a Noel kiss. Zoe notes that what they did wasn't very professional. Noel asks if it's a problem, and Zoe says yes. They kiss again. Snore. ["It would have been more interesting if her bangs came to life as he kissed her, and latched onto Noel's eyebrows and tried to yank them out." - Bitchavia]

Felicity and Adam sit on a bed drinking beer. Felicity asks him if things with Dina worked out. Adam mopes that they didn't , and then asks if her stuff is any better. Felicity says that it isn't and takes another swig of beer. Adam tells Felicity that he thinks she's great. Felicity laughs and thanks him, completely unaware, I suppose, that he was totally coming onto her. He leans in for the kiss, and Felicity pulls away. She asks him what he's doing. Adam says he's not sure. Felicity informs him that she has a boyfriend and looks at him as if he knew this already. ["If Adam knew she had the boyfriend she has, he'd know that he could never, ever, ever, ever stand a popsicle's chance in hell with Felicity." --Carmexa] Adam asks her if she really does. ["Even if she doesn't, and is lying through her teeth, the words 'I have a boyfriend' are the signal to back off. Now! Do we have to spell it out for you, Random Guy of the Week?" - Bitchavia] Felicity confirms that she does, in fact, have a boyfriend, and that this isn't a good time for her. Adam gets up to leave and then says that the party was fun. Felicity falls back onto the bed in frustration.

Ben arrives at the bar and is not happy. His dad says that he didn't know who else to call, but Ben reminds his dad that he is not his sponsor. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] ["AAAAHHH! I'm going to set my hair on fire!" --Dyslexia] tells Ben that he doesn't understand what it is like to see his child making mistakes. Whoa. That was wrong. Why did he have to do that? Making his sobriety Ben's responsibility is so wrong and manipulative and bad and, well, just really bad. Thankfully, Ben calls him on it and tells him that using his sobriety to threaten him is manipulative. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] ["POOF!" --Dyslexia]["Woof?" - Bitchavia] tries to apologize, but Ben tells him that his apologies mean nothing to him. He tells him that if he wants to drink, he should go and do it, but that he will never forgive him. Ever. His dad says that he doesn't want to drink, and that is why he called him. Ben grabs him and walks him over to a cab. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] ["My scalp is scalding. Must stop, drop, and roll." --Dyslexia] tells Ben that he knows he is a bad father, but that he also knows Ben, and that he knows that Ben won't be able to live with himself if he doesn't do the right thing. Ben doesn't want to hear it. His dad tells him that he is too good a person. Ben puts him in the cab, lets his father's words sink in for a few seconds, and then walks down the street. Wow, that was the best scene of the episode. ["Hands down. And, if Ben had been naked, and Felicity had been going down on him, it would have been the best scene ever. Whoa, there." --Carmexa]

Ben lets himself into Felicity's apartment. Felicity is asleep in her bed, but there is still a lot of light in the room, which leads me to believe that she was trying to wait up for him. The sleeping arrangements in this place really confuse me. I thought Elena shared Felicity's room. Maybe since the evil freshmen never came back from Thanksgiving, Elena's gotten her own room back. And where's Javier? Oh, forget it. ["Don't try to make sense or it. It'll just make you angry and insane. Just go with it. Afterall, that damn student apartment is so freakin' huge, they probably could have coverted some space into extra bedrooms to house anyone who cared to drop by." - Bitchavia] Anyway, Ben slowly approaches Felicity as he watches her sleep. I might be imagining this, but I swear that I see this subtle smile cross Scott Speedman's face that I interpret to mean, "Wow. She is so beautiful" or something like that. ["Regardless, he gazes at her for quite a while before sitting down." --Carmexa] Whatever, he looks good. He sits down on her bed and gently touches her arm, waking her. For some reason, just the way he touched her there made my heart melt. Felicity smiles at him and gives him a "hey." Ben just gazes at her. She asks him how everything went with his dad. Ben tells her it was okay. Then, he asks her again, "What are you thinking?" Felicity tries to pull the same, "About what?" routine again. ["How frickin annoying." --Dyslexia]["Oh, about global warming, Felicity. And after that, Ben wants to know what you think of the crisis in the Middle East. About what???!!! Lame-o was her name-o." Bitchavia] Ben tells her he wants to know what she is thinking about "this whole thing" (read: Lauren's pregnancy and Ben's decision). He says that he wants to talk to her about it, but that it feels like she is avoiding him. Surprisingly, Felicity admits that she has been avoiding him. Ben asks her why. She says that it is because she doesn't know what to say. Ben says, "You can say whatever you want . . . Hey, I mean that. I just want to know what you're thinking." Felicity thinks about it for a moment and then finally answers that she keeps thinking about what Ben said last week, about how this wouldn't change anything. And she's trying to believe that, but doesn't know if she does. Ben just listens. She adds, "I know you. I know how you are. And this choice that you've made, I just . . . I don't know if you're gonna be able to live with that." Ben thinks for a moment and then tells her that his dad said the same thing. Have I mentioned how much I hate this pregnancy storyline? ["So many fans hate this storyline so much that people are actually wishing Felicity was raped as was originally planned for the storyline until the WB nixed it because they thought it was too dark. I'm so glad they went with the sunny, happy story of a drunken old hag carrying Ben's child and potentially destroying Ben and Felicity's relationship. Oh yeah, this is much better." - Bitchavia] But if I have to suffer through it, I want to have more scenes like that. Until it sort of abruptly cuts off, because I really think there was more to that scene. Am I the only one? ["No. I really felt like there was more coming, and then whammo, it just ended. But what was there, was amazing. Second best scene of the episode. A little honesty goes a long way, boys and girls!" --Carmexa]

Instead of getting the rest of that beautiful scene, we cut to Meghan, walking up the stairs of the loft to her bed. Sean sits there, on the bed. They each get in bed, facing away from one another. They exchange some semi-nasty comments about their respective dates, and then get to the point. Meghan says that she just wants to go out once in a while. Sean tells her that he just wants her to like one of his ideas. Meghan spins a yarn about how her shoes were uncomfortable and Sean asks her if she ever heard of shoe covers. We get a nice, little overhead shot of the two of them in bed, as they talk and make up. Everything is all lovey dovey again. Whoopdeefuckingdoo. ["For those keeping score at home, that's #378 on the Meghan-Sean-fight-then-make-up list." - Bitchavia]

Felicity looks at some sort of architecture book as she sits at a table at Epstein Bar. Noel walks in and Felicity yells to him and waves him over. ["She seems way too excited to see him. That's just sad and annoying. She should just eat a mound of French fries. That's better for the psyche than Noel." - Bitchavia] Noel asks how things went with Adam and Felicity said they went well and, trying to be nice, says that he was a great guy. Noel mentions that Adam called him after the party and moped about how bad he felt about what happened. Felicity admits that it was a little awkward. Noel says something like, "Who could blame him?," I guess attempting to make Felicity feel better by telling her how kissable she is. Um, right. That oughta cheer her up. He asks how she is doing and Felicity lies that she is okay again. You'd think she'd get better at lying about how okay she is, but she's still really bad at it. Noel wonders what is up and Felicity just says that she has a lot going on. Just as she invites him to sit down, Zoe walks in. Noel kisses her hello and introduces her to Felicity as someone he works with. Felicity smiles politely. Noel tells Felicity that he and Zoe are going to get a bite to eat and walks off with Zoe to a booth. Felicity sits down at her table by herself. She watches Zoe and Noel, chit-chatting in the booth, happy and kind of nervous at the start of their relationship. She stares at them jealously. I really think she is jealous of where they are in their relationship, just happy and carefree and enjoying the newness of it. Meanwhile, her relationship is being bogged down by a stupid storyline which takes all the fun out of it. Would it kill the goddamn writers to let Felicity and Ben just have some fun?!?!? Yes, I'm bitter.

Ben's dad arrives at the loft and Ben lets him in. They sit down on the couch. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] asks Ben what is going on. Ben tells him that he just wanted to talk to him. He's doing it again. This thing Scott does in scenes with Ben's dad where he makes himself somehow almost look like a little kid. It's just great acting. His dad apologizes for what happened the night before. Ben stares at him for a moment and then says that it's okay. Then he tells him that he thinks his dad might be right about him being involved with his child, but that he doesn't know where to start. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] remarks that it is all new to him, too, and that he will help him in any way you can. Ben thanks him. Then, the two of them do this thing that I guess I missed the first time I watched this scene. Mr. C ["Cliffordthebigreddog. --C] awkwardly touches Ben on the knee for a second and then pulls his hand away and Ben sort of looks at him and then looks down. It was a little moment that says a lot about the still awkward state of their new father-son relationship. ["How did you miss that? Did you not hear me screaming, 'John Ritter, you lucky bastard! Getting to touch Scott's knee!'?? Anyway, I love this scene, too. Any scene with Ben and his father is usually great, and this one, coupled with the last one, really sums up their new relationship: Clifford is trying to change, Ben can't quite accept it, they work through it together, etc." --Carmexa] ["Maybe I missed it because you were screaming in my ear and I couldn't concentrate on the actual scene, bitch." -Litigia]

Ben walks down the street, in his toque again, carrying his army bag. He sees the same kid sitting on the steps with a woman that I take is his mom. After staring for a second, Ben approaches them. He introduces himself to the mom, who then leaves the two of them alone. The kid's name is Oscar. I wonder who on the set has a kid named Oscar, because that is the second kid on the show who has been named Oscar, and I really don't think it's that common a name. Anyway, Ben sits down on the steps, next to Oscar. He tells him that he brought some stuff and then digs into his bag. He kind of looks like Santa Claus with his big bag of toys. ["Yes, Santa, I will sit on your lap. Ooh, hellllooo, Santa." --Carmexa] ["I almost said that, but then thought it sounded too naughty. What was I thinking?" -Litigia] He pulls out a water gun and hands it to Oscar. He tells him that he has a frisbee and a basketball and continues to dig through his bag. Finally, Oscar says, "A basketball?" Ben looks up and lights up. A match made in heaven. The kid likes basketball. Ben tells him he knows a great court nearby and asks Oscar if they want to go shoot around for a bit. Oscar just looks at him, but Ben gets all excited and kind of claps his hands and tells him they should go. ["It's so damned adorable! Awww! When Scott has kids……" --Carmexa] ["With Keri……." -Litigia] Oscar starts to cross the street, but I guess cars are coming because Ben says, "Whoa whoa whoa, wait up," and holds him back. Then, they cross the street, with Ben watching for cars, and his hand protectively on Oscar's back. ["Double awwwwwww!" --Carmexa]

The previews for next week look like the episode is full of tension for Felicity and Ben. What a surprise! Aw, fuck. Maybe a big fight is just what the doctor ordered. It seems to work for Meghan and Sean