1001) When you and a friend are being chased by a madman/serial killer/monster/etc., you have one chance for survival - trip your friend.
1002) Be wary of hard objects in award-winning chili.
1003) You should not try to maneuver a wheelchair through a heavily wooded area. It only results in death - yours.
1004) If you live in a town that had a some awful massacre happen say, oh, fifteen years ago, it's really, REALLY important for you to own a gun. And you should be ready to use this gun at all times, but especially every five years or so (i.e. the fifth anniversary of the massacre, tenth anniversary etc.). It's amazing how people overlook this.
1005) Beware the billowing curtains.
1006) Get a car with a remote starter, and automatic locks. These are worthwhile options you should consider when investing in a vehicle. Those portions of a second it will take you when the maniac is on your heels may just cost you your head. Also consider shatterproof windshields. This will add time to any other small duties you may need to do before pulling away (fastening seat belt, put in a CD, adjust rearview mirror).
1007) While in real life the police are well-trained men and women that you can trust your safety to 85-90% of the time, in horror movies it's a bit different. You're better off protecting yourself as they are either a) the killer in disguise or b) just there to add to the body count and show the audience how talented the killer is.
1008) Pig blood is not now or ever funny.
1009) Never use teleporters!!!
1010) Ladies! Never wear high heels when camping!!
1011) If you find yourself on a rollercoaster, enjoy the ride... It is only one more hill before you go into some sort of meat grinder.
1012) Majority rarely rules... If the main character does or does not want to do something... GO WITH IT!! 1460) Avoid the character who describes things as "creepy" and "yucky". They are like balloons they float a while and then pop in an abrupt grim manner. Face it, cutesy people are toast on a stick.
1013) Never abuse an artistically inclined child that likes to fold and crumple his pictures and then burn them. The next picture he draws might be of you.
1014) Don't walk on your hands after having sex with your girlfriend.
1015) DON'T EVER leave any spears, spearguns, machetes, chainsaws, axes, knives, arrows, cleavers, hacksaws, or hammers around accessible camps, cabins, houses, or anywhere!!!!!!!
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