Kell-Lee: “You’re like an elephant out of water!”
Kell-Lee: “Get back here and fight like a bird, you Turkey!”
Kell-Lee: “Just click and it will all go away.”
The Jakal: “I never lied. I said things that were later proved to be untrue.”
Ron Fairly (Giants Football Announcer): “He fakes a bluff!”
(When asked his cap size)
Yogi Berra: “I don’t know. I’m not in shape yet.”
(Describing a fly ball)
Jerry Coleman: “Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall... and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way back to 2nd base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres.”
(Golf Broadcaster): "Arnie, usually a great putter, seems to be having trouble with his long putt. However, he’s having no trouble dropping his shorts."
Jerry Coleman: “And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight... or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter... Kansas City still leads in the 8th, 4 to 4.”
Don Mattingly: “His reputation preceded him before he got there.”
Jerry Coleman: “Larry Lintz steals 2nd base standing up! He slid, but he didn’t have to.”
Dennis Rappaport: “I don’t want to tell you any half-truths unless they’re completely accurate.”
Yogi Berra: “If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.”
Ralph Kiner: “Today is Father’s Day, so everyone out there: Happy Birthday!”
Allexxis: “Kell-Lee Cogetis Eggo Sum.”
Mrs. L--: “And in the more recent future...”
Kell-Lee: “It had a close encounter of the submerged kind.”
(Fortey@--): ”I have no idea what an RPGer is or what’s wrong with them, but I don’t want to hear from you either.”
(Marie’s last words, apologizing to her executioner for stepping on his foot)
Marie Antoinette: “Monsieur, I beg you pardon. I did not do it on purpose.”
Kevin Spacey: “People think I do the movies I do because I’m really evil? People think I do the movies I do because I want to express how great it is to be manipulative? No. I do the movies I do in order to try to say, you see this? This is frightening. This is scary. We should not behave this way.”
Hugh Grant: “I think I learned how not to handle the British press. Attacking them with my mother’s umbrella was not the cool thing to do.”
George Carlin: “Have you ever noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron.”
Hugh Grant: “I had on guy at a gas station in New York say to me, ‘Hey, you look like that Hugh Grant. No offense.’”
Joe Pantoliano: “At 17, I had a third-grade reading level. I was headed for a life as a dope dealer or a crook. Then I discovered acting. Whaddaya know? I could play drug dealers and crooks.”
Oprah Winfrey: “Do you accept films that don’t have a lot of action in them? I mean, when
they come, do you look for as much action as you can find?”
Harrison Ford: “Did you ever see me beat Sabrina?”
Elizabeth Hurley: “I think it would be quite nice to be an assassin... You go off spying with a large AK-47. I always wanted to do it, but I was never recruited.”
Duffy Daugherty (football coach and sports analyst): “Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.”
Bill Peterson (football coach): “Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.”
Dan Quayle, US VP: “Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a -- it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it’s got a particularly unique situation.”
(Discussing why women take longer than men in the bathroom)
Marie Osmond: “You only have to shave 1/16 of your body, we have to shave 2/3 of ours!”
Mary Bly: “Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.”
(On attempting to clarify a previously asked question)
Kell-Lee: “Eggs?”
Allexxis: “Yes Eggs. They are little oval things that come out of a chicken’s butt. Some
people eat them for breakfast.”
(During an interview)
Allexxis: “I think Nickychick should speak German instead of French so he can yell in the language of Hitler, not the language of love.”
(During an interview)
Kell-Lee: “Have you ever chopped worms up into little pieces?”
Allexxis: “Yes, because Mandy (my cronie in Puyallup) said that they grew new heads.
I’m still upset.”
Jim Carrey: "If you want to be a holy man, you have to be committed. When you make a decision you cannot waver in any way. You’d never see Ghandi during a hunger strike sneaking down into the kitchen in the middle of the night. ‘Ghandi... What are you doing down there?’ ‘I, um, I thought I heard a prowler... and was going to hit him over the head with this giant bowl of potato salad.’"
Ellen DeGeneres: “I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They say ‘Because it’s such a beautiful animal.’ There you go! I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
Lynda Montgomery: "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, ‘Oh, my God... I could be eating a slow learner.’"
Tom Arnold: “Our parents got divorced when we were kids and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and car. We’re all excited. My dad got some luggage.”
(Explaining why the Union army took so long to reach Manassas.)
General Irvin McDowell: “They stopped every moment to pick blackberries or get water . . . They would not keep in the ranks, order as much as you pleased.”
(Talking about exchanging insurance information after a fender-bender.)
Woman involved in fender-bender: “I’m more than happy to cooperate... But do I have to give him my name?”
(Talking of Str--’s speeding in a 55 mph zone.)
Student #1: “You could get there in 2 seconds!”
Str--: “I don’t drive that fast.”
Student #2: “You passed me the other day and I was doing *65*!”
Str--: “Oh, well, I drive faster than that.”
(Thinking about cops ticketing people.)
Kell-Lee: "And so they gathered to the rallying cry of ‘Ticket them all! Ticket them all!’"
(Speaking to another Officer about ticketing a large group of people.)
Officer #1: “What am I supposed to do with them?”
Kell-Lee: “Ticket them all!”
Officer #1: “Yeah, right.”
Officer #2: “Stats.”
Judy Gold: "I used to have an apartment in L.A. with roommates that had nose rings, and I couldn’t concentrate on a word they were saying without staring at their nostrils. They could’ve told me that the apartment just burned down and I’d say ‘Uh, did that hurt going in? Can you pick your nose?’"
Paula Poundstone: "One time I tried getting a job at a submarine sandwich shop. Only they wanted me to take a lie detector test just in order to apply for the job. What the hell did they think I am going to lie about in a sub shop? Did they fear someone would ask for roast beef and I’d say no? ‘How much is the tuna?’ ‘Thousands.’"
Kathleen Madigan: "I got to see Don King up close, and even as a woman I don’t know how you get your hair to do that all the time. I guess one day you walk into a barber shop and say, ‘I want to look as though I’m falling out of a building.’ And then pull a little troll doll out of your pocket, ‘This is the look I’m shooting for.’"
On to Bay 02.
Back to People Quotes.
