George Burns: “When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was just sick.”
Ed Gardner: “Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Rita Rudner: “My grandmother was a very togh woman. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.”
Robin Williams: "In England, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, they say ‘Stop, or I’ll say stop again.’"
(The usually daring Cher, wearing an elegant floor-length black number says.)
Cher: “Damn this dress. You’ve probably noticed already that I’m dressed as a
grown-up. . . I promise never to do it again.”
Elaine Equi: "At school, they called screaming ‘recess’ or sometimes ‘music.’"
Leonard Schiff: “Electric clocks reveal to you precisely when your fuses blew.”
John Lehman, US Secretary of the Navy: “Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.”
Kermit the Frog: “Time’s fun when you’re having flies.”
Benjamin Franklin: “The greatest monarch, on the proudest throne is [still] obliged to sit upon his own arse.”
Dr. Leo Troy: “Never say ‘Oops’ in the operating room.”
Yogi Berra: “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
Frank O'Rourke: “A writer’s work, if it speaks at all, speaks for him.”
Steven Wright: “I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.”
Steven Wright: “If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”
Robert Frost: “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
Allexxis: “Thank you for the belated happy birthday wish, which was not belated when you wished it.”
(When surrounded by 8 enemy divisions at Chosin Reservoir, Korea.)
Chesty Puller, USMC: “All right, they’re on our left, they’re on our right, they’re in front of us, they’re behind us. . . they can’t get away this time.”
Henry David Thoreau: “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”
Isaac Asimov: "Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what’s right."
Helen Keller: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Dave Barry: “I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
Alfred Hitchcock: "It’s not true that I said ‘actors are cattle.’ I said ‘they should be treated like cattle.’"
Dave Barry: “How are you going to respond when the Clock-Radio of Challenge emits the Irritating Buzz of Opportunity? Are you going to roll over and hit the Snooze Button of Complacency? Or are you going to wake up and, after performing the Bodily Functions of Preparedness, boldly grasp the Toothbrush of Tomorrow?”
Frederick Langbridge: “Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars.”
Vince Lombardi: “We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.”
Henry Adams: “No one means all he says, yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.”
Bob Hope: “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”
General Douglas MacArthur: “We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.”
Darrin Weinberg: “It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.”
Trey Parker: "I have to go to my 10-year high school reunion next week. . . Access Hollywood wants to cover it, and I’m, like, ‘No way, dude, that’ so uncool to come to your high school reunion with the press.’"
(On arriving at Oscar Night.)
Christina Ricci: “It’s sort of intimidating, and I have to pee really bad.”
(When she couldn’t help as David Duchovny’s lifeline on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.)
Téa Leoni: “Oh gosh, you’re so screwed!”
H. Woolfe: “You cannot hope to bribe or twist, thank God! the British journalist. But, seeing what the man will do unbribed, there’s no occasion to.”
Charles Kettering: “The only time you can’t afford to fail is the last time you try.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.: “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
Aristotle: “Wit is educated insolence.”
Aristotle: “The secret of success is to know something nogody else knows.”
General George Patton: “The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.”
Goethe: “Nothing shows a man’s character more than what he laughs at.”
Benjamin Franklin: “If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower: “Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he WANTS to do it.”
Galileo Galilei: “All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
Aristotle: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then is not an act, but a habit.”
Thomas Jefferson: “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”
Confucius: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall.”
Plato: “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.”
Albert Einstein: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”
Edmund Burke: “All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing.”
Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943: “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
Charlie Chaplan: “In the end, everything is a gag.”
Stephen Covey: “We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.”
Alice Roosevelt Longworth: “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
Mark Twain: “Always do right -- thise will gratify some and astonish the rest.”
Frank Lloyd Wright: “The truth is more important than the facts.”
Geralk Burrill: “The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.”
On to Bay 04.
Back to Bay 02.
Back to People Quotes.
