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Zep was thin man">
Zep was thin man, he
had refused to eat anything, except honeynut cherios for the past thirty years, he was
making a silent protest about the sudden increase in the price of toilet paper at his
local supermarket. every week he'd go to toilet roll stand, wearing nothing but a shoe
lace around his waist, and a piece of cardboard on his forehead which read - "Ready
Salted Crisps". It should have read " Fight Rising Prices" but he always
glued it on back to front. He would often become frustrated and delusional, and would
speed through the shop singing "My Way" in Hebrew,prior to diving over the sweet
display into the CD's in the popular music section. Over the past 5 years he’s been
arrested on 47 occasions for trying to steal the shop manager. The army had been called
out prior to his last arrest , when he'd taken a small dog and cabbage hostage, and
threatened to shoot them with a sawn off cucumber. He'd managed over time to get a small
band of loyal followers who would wrap themselves in nothing but toilet paper and
gallop down the high street on giraffes yelling, "washing up liquid" and
throwing burnt toast with marmalade at pedestrians. Many people were trampled to death
that summer, as giraffes galloped recklessly through stop lights. Luckily most of the gang
had been arrested at the local hair dressers one Tuesday morning. When they tried to
shoplift four Rinse and Drys, five Perms and a Scalp massage. Eight of the giraffes
had settled for a short back and sides..with one giraffe insisting on looking scruffy,
while the other ran shrieking from the shop with a panic attack, after seeing his
reflection in a mirror. Zep had escaped that day disguised as giant hair brush. He'd
recently got married to an elderly orangutang, the minister having to utter the immortal
words.."I now pronounce you monkey and hair brush", after zep found he
was unable to remove his disguise. He was currently on a plane with his monkey to South
Africa to meet his new inlaws. Unfortunately prior to landing a window blew out and the
monkey fell 30,000 ft towards the pacific ocean. He felt a great deal better as he watched
the monkey crashing into the deck of a passing tanker....he knew she couldn't swim. But
how was he to break this news to his inlaws, he thought carefully for 2.35 seconds
and laughed hysterically for forty days and forty nights. But on the Wednesday afternoon
of the day which was night after the last night of the forty days and forty nights
which was also a Wednesday, he sat, man to monkey, facing his father inlaw..He looked
nervously in the old monkeys eyes but could not bring himself to utter the painful
words. Tears whelmed up into his eyes as he said - |
