Thoughts
* I sit and think what it would be like to be someone other than me. I don’t know who I want to be maybe just someone other than myself. I seem to be happy and content on the outside. I am seen as someone who doesn’t have any major problems. Just a normal college aged student in today's world. I am viewed as the silly friend or the crazy nut that can make you laugh no matter how stupid the joke may be. I stop though to think about the laughter. I sometimes wonder why I put myself into those situations. Maybe it is not because I want to be someone else though. Maybe I am just unhappy with who I am as a person. * I have tried to sit back and find myself. The time I feel most comfortable is when I am all alone. When there is no one around to impress. When I can just be myself because who is then there to judge me. If no one else is around, then I don’t really even judge myself. I just sit and contemplate things. This is when I sit alone and want to cry those "different" tears. The tears aren’t always tears of sadness or are they tears of joy. They are just tears. They help me to cleanse myself of what has been bothering me. I reflect on the past and anticipate the future. I don’t really know where I have come from or what I will become. I guess I just have to except the fact that there is a path for me, a right one to follow, and if I listen to my heart I will be on that path. * I think though sometimes I may miss that call. I may not realize what it is that I should do. Maybe I am putting this too much into my own hands and not enough into the hands of God. He should be in control of my life, not me. I should give Him my life and have His will be done. Have I heard the call? I don’t know! I wish answers in this world were easy. Why can’t the answer be a flashing neon sign telling me which way to go? It is in learning that we grow more as persons. We come to see more about ourselves as people. But what does it mean to be me? * I don’t know who I am! I know that I was born and baptized Jaclyn Lorraine Smith in 1983. I became Jaclyn Lorraine Lisa Smith in the eighth grade after Confirmation. What do these names mean though. They just cover me up as a person. Who am I as a person? I am this little girl who goes about as a princess in a dream world. No one sees my pains and troubles… I hide them to all with smiles and laughter. I just have not been able to really find myself as of yet but I am working on it. * I don’t have direction, I don’t have plans, I don’t really have any idea. The only thing I know right now is that I am confused. I wish I knew what I was doing, but I guess for now I will just sit back. I can’t force anything, nor do I want to. What would I force? There are many questions that I just do not have the answers too that I wish I did! Maybe soon I will come to peace with myself and better understand what my life is suppose to mean. 10-25-01 ... The only way to let people really see you is to let them read you... this is what I feel maybe I will be better understood :o)
Songs for thought
Rich Mullins.. Hold me Jesus
Rich Mullins, Mitch McVicker, and Tom Boothe... Nothing is beyond you
Kathy Troccoli... Go light your world
