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July 19, 2000 11:23 p.m. I've been in a weird mood lately. I don't even know how to explain it… I would say that I am happy, but I just don't feel like it. When I am with my friends, I find myself not really being the outgoing socialite that I usually am. Lately, I've been asked the question, "what's up BJ?" In a very apathetic, half-hearted tone, "Nothing, I'm just tired from work…" Maybe that's it..sitting in front of computer punching in numbers isn't exactly my idea of an energy boosting job. It's more draining than anything. So, I come home to catch a show or two on tv like "Will and Grace" or crochet an afghan that I started at the beginning of the summer…(can I be any more gay?!) But…for some reason, I think that the mood I am in goes much deeper than that. I was talking to Katie the other night at the park. We've known each other since high school, and we've both watched each other grow up. We're always there to keep each other in line, and I love her for that. I told her that I was in dire need of a relationship in my life. It's been a while since I've had someone of my own to cuddle with in bed…and I'm not counting my female friends or even some of my gay friends. I want someone who I know I can be intimate with on a higher level than…"just friends…" I came for training at Pacific Sunwear tonight….I found myself leaving the place asking myself what I have gotten into. It seems like a really laid back place where I can have a lot of fun, but I've never really worked around so many high school, skater-type people. I'm definitely going to keep an open mind to this new situation because I really do want to make the best out of this experience… I'm going to hop into bed soon, only to wake up six hours later for another fun-filled day of punching in numbers… Wish me luck… Any ideas on how to spice up my life a bit? Email me... :) :) 
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