Vincent Valentine:
But hello.
Sean Catlett:
You ready for that interview of like, goodness we discussed?
Vincent Valentine:
Ready if you are.
Sean Catlett:
Uh, well, that's the thing. It appears that you were, um, kicked off of fanfiction.net. Is that right?
Vincent Valentine:
That's right. Because I broke uhh, like all rules. Or kinda. My theory is that they just don't like me. Want the whole story?
Sean Catlett:
In a sec.
Vincent Valentine:
Kay.
Sean Catlett:
Wait, no, now, tell it now.
Vincent Valentine:
=P Kay, so it was like this-
I met this guy named Draziel, or something like that, and him and I started bitching about how much Ben Stallion sucked. That's when I suggested that he should write a chapter of Sonic Adventure 3.77461½, and so he did - abusing the word manhood like only Ben Stallion could, and somehow good old Ben found that chapter, reported it, and because it was my seventh infraction, they deleted me.
What can I say? I suck.
Sean Catlett:
Riiight. Well see, that's where I was going to do some research, so that I could you know, have actual questions to ask you. But... uh... now I can't.
Bummer, huh?
Vincent Valentine:
Maybe. Uhh, ask Steve? He's a bottle of knowledge. Or whatever.
Sean Catlett:
I would. But he hates me.
So now I'm going to make it up as I go along! WEEEEEEEEEEE!
Vincent Valentine:
My head hurts, and I fell and hurt my knee.
Sean Catlett:
Shut up. When did you first sign on to ffnet?
Vincent Valentine:
A long, long time ago, back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth.
Actually, back in 2000. Or maybe a bit earlier.
Sean Catlett:
Wow. There were computers back then?
Vincent Valentine:
Why yes. Steam-powered, of course. Had to chop down an entire rainforest to get enough wood for it to run for more than an hour, though.
Sean Catlett:
There was wood back then, too?
Vincent Valentine:
Hah! That's just an urban legend. We of course used rocks. That was before they invented forests, see.
Sean Catlett:
Aha. How old are you again?
Vincent Valentine:
Older than you.
Sean Catlett:
Jesus! That's old.
Vincent Valentine:
YES! 'Kay, so I'm 22.
Sean Catlett:
I hear that you invented sarcasm. Is that true?
Vincent Valentine:
Why heavens no! I would never dream of doing such a thing. Everyone knows that Steve invented sarcams, and irony, and stuff.
Sean Catlett:
Just making sure.
So, you signed onto ffnet. Did you read many fanfics?
Vincent Valentine:
Shit yeah, I had over 2000 signed reviews. Before they deleted me, of course.
Sean Catlett:
So you still read them?
Vincent Valentine:
Sometimes. Most of them suck too much these days.
Sean Catlett:
Then it's safe to assume you have no life?
Vincent Valentine:
That it is. Err, sometimes, at least.
Sean Catlett:
How safe?
Vincent Valentine:
Like uhh, this safe?
Sean Catlett:
... So! Why Sonic?
Vincent Valentine:
Because I'm an idiot. And idiots usually fall for idiotic things. That, and I like the characters. I'm like Vdogg, only less v and no dogg.
Sean Catlett:
Quick! Post a smiley!
Vincent Valentine:
:-P:-P:-P:-P
Sean Catlett:
Yes!
Vincent Valentine:
Bwahaha
Sean Catlett:
So, the first thing you posted was... uh... Wild Canyon Remake?
Vincent Valentine:
I....think so? No, wait, yes. Was kinda funny.
Sean Catlett:
It was a comedy?
Vincent Valentine:
Kinda. More like a shitty parody. Or a cry for attention. Take your pick.
Sean Catlett:
When was this? In the midst of Vdogg and Zacharus fiction, pre-List ban?
Vincent Valentine:
Hah :-P No idea. Back before I discovered Sonic Sketchy.
Sean Catlett:
Uh... so that's around.... summer 2001?
Vincent Valentine:
Maybe, I have no idea.
Sean Catlett:
Is it true you are more machine than man?
Vincent Valentine:
I swear on my motherboard that I would never lie about such important things as that.
Sean Catlett:
Which parts are machine?
Vincent Valentine:
If I answered that, then I would have to kill you.
Sean Catlett:
... With metal or flesh?
Vincent Valentine:
Com....bination?
Sean Catlett:
Look out! A bat!
Vincent Valentine:
AW SHIT!! And stuff.
Sean Catlett:
Yeah, that was a close one.
Vincent Valentine:
Sheep one, I say.
Sean Catlett:
A sheep bat? Yes. The sheep of the skies...
Vincent Valentine:
That would be Mac. From NZ and all.
Sean Catlett:
Was Wild Canyon Remake loved by all?
Vincent Valentine:
Oh yes, I remember now... It was back in 1946, and the second world war was over, and I was going home to Sweden...
Sean Catlett:
The Hives are from Sweden too!
Vincent Valentine:
And I got a note, telling me how much my fanfics RULED! And The Hives are shitty.
Sean Catlett:
The note said that? I'll kill the fucker!
Vincent Valentine:
I think his name was George Bush. Wanna borrow a gun?
Sean Catlett:
Nah, plenty here in America.
*social commentary*
Vincent Valentine:
:-P The AIM smileys are faggy.
Sean Catlett:
Very fag-like.
Vincent Valentine:
Yes, yes.
Sean Catlett:
Yeah.
Vincent Valentine:
Buttsexingly gay.
Sean Catlett:
They enjoy cock.
Vincent Valentine:
Mmm, cock.
Sean Catlett:
Yesssss....
Vincent Valentine:
Big, warm, fat, thick, long cock.
Sean Catlett:
All colors, lengths, sizes, places.......
Vincent Valentine:
EXCEPT the ear.
Sean Catlett:
Pfft. Conformist.
Vincent Valentine:
*cries*
Sean Catlett:
COCK!
Vincent Valentine:
BAH!
Continue to Part Two
