"Danielle. . . " his voice whispered, blowing by my ears like a crisp autumn wind. "Danielle. . . "
"Josh!" I cried, my voice echoing back to me as if I were standing alone in a large room screaming at the top of my lungs.
"Danielle. . . "
"Josh!" I screamed. I could hear his voice as clear as day, but couldn't see him anywhere. All I saw was darkness. "Josh! Where are you?!"
"Danielle. . . "
"Josh!" my throat was raw, and now tears burned my eyes. I began to sob. "Jo-o-osh! Where are you?!"
My eyes popped open. It was only a dream. Even so, tears dripped down my face.
There were strong arms wrapped around my body. Josh! I tilted my head so that I could stare at Josh's sleeping face.He was so beautiful and peaceful when he was sleeping.
Only the face I was looking at wasn't Josh's.
Fresh tears filled my eyes as I realized who I was lying with, and everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.
Josh was. . .Josh was gone. He had. . . died in my arms that morning. In my arms. And so the face I was now starring at Chris Kirkpatrick.
Neither of us had wanted to be alone when he brought me home from the hospital. So he stayed to comfort me, and so I could comfort him. We had fallen asleep in eachothers arms.
I sat up, my eyes now adjusting to the darkness. Not that it made much difference. My eyes were blurry from crying. I stroked the softness of my comforter. How many times had Josh and I fallen asleep together in this bed? How many nights
had be spent laying awake talking in this bed? How many times had we just laid there, just happy to be in the presence of our best friend?
Gasping for air, I jumped out of the bed.
Such a sudden movement jolted Chris awake.
It didn't matter to me. I couldn't be in that bed.
"Danielle?" Chris asked, sitting up.
My only answer was a sob.
"Come back to bed. You need to rest." he said softly.
"No!" I managed to get out.
"Why not?"
I was crying so hard I could barely breath.
He stood up, and walked over to me, pulling me into a tight hug.
"Josh. . . Josh. . . and I. . . we used to. . . " I choked out, between sobs.
"Shhh. . . " he murmured, stroking my hair. "It's ok."
"No."
"Shhhh." he held me until I was able to breath again.
"Josh and I used to always sleep together in that bed." I whispered.
"Oh, I-"
I pulled away. "There are to many memories in that bed." I pointed at it accusingly. "I-I can't be near it right now!"
Chris wrapped one arm around my shoulder, and led me out into my livingroom, and we sat down on the couch.
"I can't do this. God, I can't do this. How can I live without him? I can't. I can't live without him."
"I don't know." Chris said. His voice was beginning to shake. "I don't know." "I can't. . . " I trailed off.
Chris let his arm fall from my shoulder, and suddenly, I jumped up, and ran into the bathroom.
I threw the medicine cabinet open, and grabbed the fullest bottle of pills I could find.
"What are you doing?!" Chris cried.
I began to shakily twist the cap open. "I can't live without him, Chris," I sobbed. "I won't!"
"Yes, you can!"
"What the hell do you know?!" I yelled. "I'm not going on without him!"
I poured a pile of pills into my hand.
"STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!" Chris shouted. He smacked the pills out of my hand.
"You son of a bitch! Leave me alone!"
"No!"
; I began to pour more into my hand, but Chris smacked the whole bottle to the floor. Pills scattered everywhere.
"STOP IT!" I screamed. "Just let me die!"
I knelt down to grab whatever caplets I could, but Chris grabbed my wrists and pulled me back up, squeezing them tightly.
"Could you be more selfish?!" he shouted. "How the fuck do you think I feel? One of my best friends just died, Danielle! And you expect me to let you die, too? I don't want to go on without him either, but, if you kill yourself, I won't be able to live with myself. Do you hear me? Don't out me or anyone else through that!"
I broke down again. "Oh my god." my voice was high and shaky. My knees grew weak and caved in. I fell into Chris, who was still gripping my wrists rightly. "Oh, god, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He released me, and I cried into his shoulder.
"Don't you ever scare me like that again." he ordered.
"I'm sorry!" I looked up at him. Tears stained his face. "Oh, god."
"It's okay. Just. . . just don't do it again. Ok?"
I nodded. "Okay."
"We'll get through this." he whispered.
"I don't think I can."
"We'll get through it," he repeated. "Together."
"Together?"
"Together."