After my scene with Karen, I had calmed down, and everyone talked about the funeral arrangements. Everyone handled it so well that I was embarrassed about my earlier episode.
After everything was planned, Justin, Katie, Joey, Lance, Brittny, Chris, and I decided to meet in the hotel for dinner.
"Chris?" I asked, as he was gathering up some things to bring back to my apartment from his hotel room.
"Hmm?" he asked, pulling a pair of rolled up socks out of one of the drawers.
"Why don't you just pack up all your stuff, check out of the hotel and come stay at my place?"
Chris stopped.
"I mean. . .if you want to. . .Lord knows I need you there."
"Alright. That's a good idea. Come on, help me pack everything."
So, we packed up his stuff, checked him out of the hotel, and drove back to my apartment.
Everything we had done that day wore me out, so, almost the minute Chris started up the car, I fell asleep.
"Danielle. . . "
The voice again.
"Josh?!" I called out.
"Dani!"
"Is that you?"
And he appeared before me, suddenly, like a bursting ray of light.
He was so beautiful, all dressed up in a white suit, his hair slicked back, and his eyes gleaming.
"Josh! Oh my god! It's you!" I ran to him, and gave him a tight hug. I could not even begin to describe how incredible it felt to hole him in my arms for him to hold me.
"What are you doing here?"
"I promised didn't I?" he asked, smiling.
"Yeah. Yeah, you did."
"I can only stay long enough to make sure you will be all right without me."
"Then your staying forever?"
"I wish I could, but I can't."
"But, I'll never be all right without you. Life isn't worth living."
Josh took my hand, and we both sat down. "I know you may think that right now, but, it is. It so is. I saw that stunt you pulled. Don't you ever do that again."
I looked down at the white, foggy, cloud like ground. "I just wanted to be with you."
"Suicide is never the answer. Promise me you'll never try to hurt yourself like that again."
"I promised." I said, still looking at the ground.
"Danielle, look at me." he demanded. "Look at me and promise me." his piercing eyes with my own.
"I promised." I whispered.
"It's going to be so hard not being with you." Josh said softly.
I nodded. "Why did you have to go so soon? We were just beginning to realize how much we meant to eachother, and you were taken away from me."
Josh shrugged. "Everyone is born with a plan. Mine just happened to end like this."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"Yes it is!" I jumped up.
"Danielle it wasn't your fault. We talked about this. Please don't think that. I don't blame you one bit. No one does." he stood up next to me, and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"I can't help it. If only I had-"
"You can't change what happened."
We fell silent, staring into eachother's eyes.
"Did it hurt?" I whispered.
"Did what hurt?"
"When you. . . " I trailed off.
"No. I didn't feel a thing. I could see you crying, and then, that's when I felt pain."
"Are you an angel?"
"No. Not yet, if ever."
"You will be. I know you will."
"You've always been my angel. And now, just maybe, I'll get to be yours." he murmured.
Tears filled my eyes. "I love you so much. God, I love you."
"I know. I love you, too." he lifted his hand to my face and wiped a tear from my cheek. His index finger lingered on my chin, and he ran his thumb over my lips.
His own lips met mine in a sweet, soft kiss.
And then he was gone.