I woke up to Chris shaking me softly.
I felt a warm tingle on my lips, and my fingers flew to them immediately.
That was when I realized it had been a dream. Everything had seemed so. . .real. I just wish it had been real.
"Are you gonna go inside, or what?" Chris asked.
I let my hand fall from my face, and unbuckled my seat belt. "Yeah. Sorry. I guess I was just still a little tired there for a second."
Chris nodded, and opened his door.
I decided not to tell Chris about my dream. He probably already thought I was crazy since I freaked out earlier. I didn't want to give him anymore reason to believe I needed to be committed.
I climbed out of the car, and helped unload Chris's stuff. Then, each carrying something, we entered my apartment building, rode the elevator up to my floor, and brought his stuff inside.
"Where should I put it?" Chris asked.
"My room." I replied. "I don't think I'll be sleeping in there for a while, so, you might as well."
"You sure?"
I nodded. "I'll sleep on the couch."
"If you say so."
We put his stuff in my room.
"I'm gonna take a shower before we have to meet everything." Chris said. "Are you gonna be okay alone?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Don't worry so much. I'll be fine."
Chris shrugged. "I can't help it."
I forced a smile. "I'm fine."
"Okay."
He took a towel and change of clothes and went into the bathroom.
I sighed, and walked over to the sliding glass doors in my living room. I slid it open, and stepped outside onto the balcony.
It had gotten windy since I'd last been outside, and it felt so good to be standing out there.
I stood at the edge, and resting my body on the railing, I starred down at the road below.
I wonder how it would feel to jump. To climb over the railing, and let myself just fall to the rough world below. To have all the pain inside me be over.
I imagined myself jumping, and considered it greatly.
Would it hurt? Certainly no more then what I felt inside right now. Would I fall quickly or slowly? Would I twist and turn? Would I scream? Would I fall half way, then decide I had made the wrong choice? Would I be missed?
That had been what effected me most. Would I be missed? It made me think of everyone who cared about me. Everyone who needed e. My family, my friends. Chris.
I know it seemed like I needed him more than he needed me, but, I realized then that him being there for me was what helped him cope with the situation.
Being there for people was what Chris was all about. What he'd always been about. That's why he was always trying to make people laugh. That's how he showed he cared.
I took a deep breath, and looked back at the world beneath me.
Jumping wasn't worth it.
"Danielle!" I heard Chris's voice from inside.
"Yeah?" I asked, going back inside.
Chris was standing in the bathroom door, only a towel wrapped around his waist, and water dripping down his body. "I can't find the soap."
"Oh," I said. "I must have used it all. There's more in the medicine cabinet."
"Okay." Chris turned around to go back in the bathroom.
"Oh, and Chris?"
He turned back around. "Yeah?"
"Thank you." I said, walking toward him.
"For. ..?"
"Being here for me."
"Ahh, don't worry about it."
"No. You've really been helpful, and caring, and you've been totally supportive and you've helped me out a lot. I know it's hard, with all that's going on. You must feel as bad as I do, but. . . I want to thank you." I stepped forward, and wrapped my arms around him in a hug.
He excepted my hug. "Thank you for saying that. Now, as much as I love hugging you, I'm a bit naked here."
I stepped back. "Sorry." And for the first time since it happened, I laughed. It was a tiny laugh, but even so, it was a laugh. It seemed like an eternity since I had last laughed. "No biggie. It's not like I've never seen you naked. Hell, the first time I met you, you were running around a hotel hallway naked."
Chris nodded. "I was, wasn't I? I remember that day. It was the first time I saw your beau-" he cut himself off, and looked at me. I guess he must have realized how intently I was starring at him.
"You." he corrected himself. "It was the first time I saw you."
He looked down, up, around. Everywhere but at me.
"Well, I better finish my shower."
"Yeah,you better."
He looked up at me as he turned away, and I saw guilt in his eyes.
Guilt?