The ride back to the hotel was silent.
When we got there Justin, Katie, Brittny, Lance, and Joey were already waiting for us in the lobby.
We all exchanged greetings and departed to the hotel restaurant.
Everyone sat silently until their food was ordered.
"Danielle?" Joey asked.
"Yeah?"
"Jeff called me not to long ago, and asked me to ask you if you would join us for the press conference tomorrow. A lot of people are asking about you."
"Why are they asking about her?" Chris asked, his tone defensive.
"Because she was there." he replied.
"And a lot of rumors are circulating that she was dating him." Brittny cut in.
My heart clenched. I couldn't help thinking that if he was still alive those rumors would be true.
"I don't think it's a good idea." Chris said.
"Don't you think you should let Danielle decide?" Katie asked.
"No."
"Who died and left you in charge of her?" the second the words escaped her lips, Katie's face was drained of it's color. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
Everyone was silent for a moment.
The waitress came, and gave us all our food.
"I'll do it." I spoke up.
Everyone looked at me.
"Are you sure?" Chris asked.
I nodded. "Yes. People need to know the truth from the people who love him the most. And. . . I think I loved him more then anyone."
"I'll call Jeff and tell him later." Joey said.
"What kinds of things if everyone saying at the funeral?" Lance asked.
"I'm just going to talk about how much of an impact he had on my life." Justin answered.
"And how good of a friend he was." added Joey.
"How sweet he was." Brittny put in.
"What a great musical influence he was." said Katie.
"How important he always made everyone feel." Chris replied.
"How much I loved him." I said quietly.
Everyone was silent again. I seemed to have that effect on people lately. It seemed that every time I said something it drew out some unknown emotion from everyone.
After that, everyone at the table just sort of wandered off into their own little worlds while they ate.
For some reason I couldn't consume my food. Just look at it made me ill. SO, I sat, and I watched.
My eyes rested upon Katie and Justin. They were sitting next to each other, talking quietly.
Katie speared a piece of lettuce from her salad with her fork, as Justin rested his hand on her knee, and squeezed it gently.
"I'm trying to eat!" I barely heard Katie whine, as she playfully smacked him across the chest.
Justin leaned closer to her, and whispered something in her ear, then before pulling away gave it a little tug with his teeth.
A slow smile spread across her face, and she turned her head to him, they're lips meeting softly.
As I watched them I couldn't help but wonder. Would Josh and I have been close like that? After we had professed our love for each other, could we have shared so much more then we already had?
I felt tears coming to my eyes. We would have been closer.
I scooted my chair back loudly. "Excuse me."
And I left as quickly as I could.
I didn't want them to see my cry again. It would just make someone else break down.
So, I stalked into the lobby, and collapsed on one of the forest green and white stripped couches.
Before I knew it, Chris had sat down next to me. Figures.
"What happened in there?"
"You wouldn't understand."
And he wouldn't have. I hadn't told a soul about what had happened the night before Josh died.
"Then make me."
I sat there, still and silent.
"Danielle?"
Still, I said nothing. I didn't move.
"Danielle!"
"Josh and I kissed!" I yelled. "And when I saw Katie and Justin kiss it made me think of him!"
Several people in the lobby glanced my way, and Chris looked taken aback by my yelling.
"You kissed?"
I nodded.
"When?"
"Friday night, when I went in to see him."
Chris starred at me dumbfounded.
"I-I told him that I knew how he felt about me. And I said I loved him, and we kissed. He said that now I could never get rid of him. And then we fell asleep. I woke up. . . but. . .Josh didn't." I looked down at my hands, as hot tears fell burning my cheeks,and blurring my vision.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I shrugged. "I don't know." I looked up. "Chris, why did this happen? Why did I finally fall in love, then have it all taken away in an instant?"
"I can't answer that. Maybe it was God's way of showing you Josh wasn't your true love."
"What we had was beyond true love."
"Then maybe this world just sucks. All I know is it shouldn't have happened. JC should be here with you right now, instead of me." he answered.
I said nothing. I just closed my eyes, and let my tears burn them.