She stared at all the beautiful girls on the screen, and felt so envious of what they had. They were it, the epitome of perfection. She was just an average girl from a little town in Mississippi, slightly overweight, with limp auburn hair past her waist and dark blue eyes. Everyone always commented on what a “pretty face” she had. That’s what he had told her, just before he left. Four years ago. She was just 13 at the time, but the memory stung as if it were just yesterday.
“You take care of yourself, you hear?” James said, before embracing her once more.
That’s exactly what happened, though. He boarded the plane to Orlando minutes later, joined ‘N Sync, adopted his middle name, and forgot all about the little girl he left crying at the airport terminal back in Clinton. He had called her exactly 2 times in the last 4 years. The first time had been after his family had settled into their new house, and then three months later for her 14th birthday. Since then, no contact whatsoever. Mackenzie wanted to feel betrayed, but she understood. He was an international pop sensation now (she followed the career of ‘N Sync with a passion, because it was her only glimpse into James’ new life.) She was just the 13-year-old tomboy who had hung around the older boy and looked up to him as a brother. She had always had a crush on him, but she knew it was futile, so she settled on being his friend. But now she knew that he had regarded her, as little more than an annoyance and he was just too good a person to break a little girl’s heart. Unintentionally, that was exactly what he had done. The sound of a familiar song brought her back to the present.
So close together
Didn’t know just what I had.
Now I toss and turn,
‘Cause I’m without you
How I’m missing you so bad
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone, in the dark...
James’ face filled the screen for a fleeting second. He looked different, with his bleached hair, and his matured face. He was wearing a tailored tux, and she had to admit that he looked amazing. He had changed in so many ways, which was less than she could say for herself. Nothing drastic had happened to her physically in the last few years. She looked into his eyes on the screen, again only for a moment. No matter how different he looked, in his eyes, in his soul, he was still the same James Bass, the guy who rescued her kitten, Cinders, from the nasty dogs next door, the same guy who carried her piggy-back all the way home after she got a good grade on a test. He was the boy who taught her how to play poker, and then let her win every hand they ever played. And, he was the only man who would ever so completely capture her heart. Tears filled her eyes, as they often did when she thought of her love for him. James was a rock star-he wasn’t even James anymore, he was “Lance”, the second N in ‘N Sync. Mackenzie would always be a nobody. Watching the girls on the TV once again, envy filled her stomach once again. Not only were they physically perfect, any man’s dream, they were also noticed by the world. She was lucky if the mailman noticed her. And, the most important reason she was jealous of them was the simple fact that they were so close to James. She hadn’t been afforded that privilege for a long time. Those girls didn’t know how blessed they truly were.
“And if you think you have what it takes to be part of the Miss Teen USA Pageant, contact the Miss Universe Organization at 1-888-323-1983 for information on how you could be here next year!” The woman’s voice filtered through Mackie’s ears, and she glanced down at her body. She recognized all of her flaws immediately- her hips and stomach were too big, her calves too small. Her arms needed to be toned; her butt was the size of Clinton itself. She knew all of these things before, and they had always seemed unchangeable. Her parents were both overweight, and they were still happy and successful people. She didn’t mind too much; the teasing had all but stopped in Jr. High, but every once in a while, somebody slipped and called her by her old nickname. But, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she felt empowered to do something about the way she looked for the first time ever. She was going to make herself beautiful. She was going to reinvent herself, and she was going to find James again. She knew it would be an effort, to be a girl with “what it takes” to be in a beauty pageant. But, if it meant seeing James again, it was worth a shot.
“I’m going to do it!” Mackenzie said to herself, looking at the framed picture of she and James at the fair the week before his flight to Florida. "What was that number again?"
