I couldn't stop thinking of Maria that night. I tossed and turned in bed for hours until I couldn't take it anymore.
I pulled on my sweat pants at 2am and left the hotel and went for a jog.
All kinds of things flew through my head, 'why would she say she had feelings for me then run away,' or 'why did I fall in love with someone I met on tour.'
Then it all hit me at once, 'I'm in love with her,' I stopped jogging and looked up at the sky. It was getting lighter. I started jogging back to the hotel. I felt a solitary tear fall down my cheek when I thought about not being able to have a real life or to be able to be with my love.
"I hate this life!" I screamed to noone. I fell to my knees and let the tears pour down my cheeks.
"Fucking Backstreet Boys, I hate being a FUCKING BACKSTREET BOY!!" I yelled.
Thank God noone was on the streets, what a headline in the tabloids that moment would've been.
I dried my face with the back of my hand and sat down on a curb.
I didn't hate being a Backstreet Boy. I loved it. I loved singing, I loved the fans, I loved my best friends. I also loved Maria. And a life of touring was no way for her to live. Alone and waiting for me to come home the few short weeks of vacation we get. No, I couldn't do that to her. I looked at my watch.
"Shit." It was 7:45, I had no idea I had been out so long. I ran back to the hotel as fast as I could. The bus was leaving at 8:30. I got in the room and all the guys were still asleep. 8:05. I started packing my stuff so I could get a shower when I noticed a purse almost under my bed.
"Hmm," I picked it up. It must've been Maria's. She must've forgotten it. I picked it up and a piece of folded paper fell out.
Okay, so it's wrong to invade people's privacy, but just this once wouldn't kill me.
Maria, My eyes scanned down the page.
I just saw you with that Howie Dork. Good pick girl. I couldn't have done better myself. I would've picked one of the cuter ones but hey they all got money and the sooner you and Howie get together the sooner you get some moolah. Well, girly, I gotta go I just wanted to write and say I'm proud of ya.
I folded the letter in disbelief. 'How could she?' I picked up her purse and packed it inside my bag. I took a shower which I thought might ease my anger, and it did. When I got out I felt nothing but hurt and everyone knew it.
"We're leaving with or without you D," Kevin called as I was pulling a Polo shirt over my head.
"Fuck you, I'll be ready, when I'm ready." I spat bitterly.
"What's up? This snapping shit isn't like you,"
"She's just like all the others," I sobbed. Kevin closed the door. I felt like such a sissy as I allowed him to hug me as I sobbed.
"They all want a piece of Howie the Backstreet Boy," Kevin pushed me back and looked at me sympathetically. I shoved him slightly and walked out of the room leaving him baffled.
~Later~
"Ok guys." Our PR said when we were all boarded on the bus.
"What's the big news?" Brian asked.
"I have a new assistant PR I want you all to meet," My mouth hung open when she introduced Maria Chasez.
"Maria," I whispered silently. AJ was the only one who had seen her and he leaned over and whispered,
"Some people will do anything for a piece of Backstreet ass."
I glared and looked at her, she smiled as if nothing was wrong. Of course nothing was wrong with her. Selfish Bitch.
Chapter Four
Chapter Six
Howie Fanfiction Index
BSB Fanfiction Index
Backstreet Island