The next few days were a nightmare for everyone in Justin's house. Liz was beyond depressed. Her body was feeling better, the nausea and weakness were okay, but the physical effects were hurting her more. She had woken up that night with a hand full of hair on her pillow and when she had entered the bathroom, she could tell right away exactly what the chemo had done to her.
She looked horrible and wanted to just finish the job herself so she brought out a pair of scissors and began cutting her once long thick hair off. It didn't need much help and easily came out but the scream that both Justin and his mother heard was when she cut herself with the scissors.
Once she showed them what was happening, Justin took off. He left the room, and in fact, left the house. He had to get out of there. He just couldn't stand by and watch someone he loved fall apart like that. He was helpless for the first time in his life and he had no idea of how to make things better. He was losing it. He may have already lost it.
Lynn on the other hand, tried to make up for Justin's departure and took the scissors away from Liz. She apologized to her for saying that she understood what Liz was feeling, because she really didn't know anything at all. She told her that, with her permission, she would help her remove the rest of her hair.
Liz was beyond tired now and simply let her slide into the bathroom and the two of them stayed up until Lynn had gotten it all off and even fixed up the scrape Liz received from the point of the scissors. She helped tuck Liz back in bed once everything was cleaned up and didn't mention Justin at all. She knew that his name alone would hurt Liz even more than the way he left.
Lynn knew the time had come to talk to Justin about what was going on with him.
Justin kept his distance for the next week, in fact, he had called the girls to come and check on Liz from time to time because he was busy in the studio working on some songs – or so he told them. He did go to the studio but didn't get a lot of work done and would spend most of the day just hanging out, trying to forget about the woman who he once thought he'd do anything for, lay in her bed at his house.
He couldn't face her any more.
The problem arose when Lynn caught on to what he was doing. The girls had several appearances and interviews around the area and some of them had been late. When asked, they would say that they had stopped by the house to see Liz. Lynn wondered why Justin wasn't there and since the girls didn't know that things were bad between them, they told her the truth – according to Justin.
Lynn was beyond livid with him and was going to talk to him when she got home that evening but it hit her that Liz was to receive her next treatment in the morning. She couldn't risk having her hearing the conversation with Justin so she would postpone it until Liz was better. She just hoped that Justin would shape up before her lecture.
She knew he was afraid and not prepared for this but he had refused to talk about it and that was wrong. He was holding it all in – as was Liz – and Lynn wondered when it would surface.
Soon.
"Hey mom, how was work?" Justin asked as he came into the kitchen, carrying an arm load of mail. He sat it down on the table and began thumbing through it.
Lynn eyed him closely. She wondered what he was up to. "Oh you know, the same old stuff. So, what do you have there?" She returned her own question as she crept closer to him and looked over his shoulder when he sat down.
He grabbed a yellow envelope with little flowers drawn all over it and held it for his mother to see. "Fan mail. I thought I'd read some of this and maybe answer a few. I haven't done that in so long and I don't have anything else to do tonight so…" He started as he opened the letter to read the scribbled words of a child on the inside. "Oh, that's so sweet. Another marriage proposal. Gees, what are these parents thinking by letting their eight year olds write this junk?" He asked, not to his mother but just said it aloud.
Lynn snatched the letter away and scolding him. "Justin Randall, I didn't raise you to treat other people with no respect. Now you may get tons of these a day but this young girl took time out of her life to write to you, probably all nervous and afraid that you'd make fun of her like you are now, but did it anyway because she really thinks she loves you – and maybe she does. Maybe she loves you for who you are and not what you look like. And maybe she wants to be with you because of what's inside your heart and doesn't care what obstacles she has to endure to obtain that heart. And maybe…" Lynn was rambling on and Justin had to stop her.
"Mom, I get it. Sorry. Okay I won't make fun of any other letters, I swear." He replied, calming his mother down and continuing to dig through the stack to read another one.
Lynn sighed heavily. She had just gotten so worked up and without thinking, her brain was feeding her mouth with these words about Liz and what she felt for Justin. He was putting too much on the way she looked and her pain to realize that she was the same loving caring person on the inside that had fallen in love with her son.
"Justin, I'm sorry too. I just got carried away. I guess I was thinking of something else. Justin?" She asked, noticing the intense concentration he was giving to one particular letter. "Honey what's it say?" She asked again when he didn't answer.
He merely handed her the letter and said he'd be back later. With that, he left the room and Lynn heard the door shut behind him. She glanced at the words on the paper and had to sit down when they made her heart stop.
Someone knew.
Someone knew about Liz and about Justin's fake illness in Europe and that he was keeping his girlfriend at his house because she was sick. The letter wasn't a threat by any means but was a sympathy letter written by a woman – from the writing, it didn't appear to be a young girl.
In it she wrote that she was keeping Justin's girlfriend in her prayers and hoped for a full recovery. There was more but Lynn couldn't read it. Someone outside of their circle had found out and if this one person told ANYONE, Justin's privacy along with Liz's would be nothing more than a memory. The press would have a field day with it.
Lynn examined the letter, took in the postmark – stamped Orlando, Florida - and wondered if perhaps it was someone from the hospital that had recognized Justin when he was there with Liz. It could have been an employee with kids who were fans of the guys and knew that Liz was sick. That had to be it. This woman wouldn't say anything – would she?
She took the envelope in her hand and hurried to the counter to open a drawer and grab the phone book. She thought that if she could find this person and talk to her, maybe she could stop her from saying anything. It wasn't that Justin didn't want the world to know he had a girlfriend but that he didn't want her struggle to go public and become a circus – knowing the press would eat this up if they knew.
She had to help her son and Liz if she could. She flipped through the phone book, found three people with the same name as the woman who had written the letter. She grabbed the phone, dialed the first number and waited for an answer.
Lynn brought Liz home the next day after her treatment. She didn't mention that Justin had received the letter. She had gotten a hold of the right person and everything was fine. The woman apologized to Lynn for worrying her family. She indeed worked at the hospital and was one of Liz's nurses. That was how she knew Justin was her boyfriend and she had cancer. The woman had two daughters that were fans and when she heard that the group was taking a break, she just assumed it was so he could be closer to Liz.
She said that she hadn't mentioned a word to her daughters about it and no talk was going on at the hospital. She was just a concerned person making sure Liz and Justin knew she was thinking about the two of them. She had even sent a letter to Liz's family in Indiana telling them the same thing.
Lynn was glad to hear that she was concerned and more happy that she wouldn't say a word. She explained the situation and the woman agreed. Lynn didn't want Liz to know about it. She didn't want her to worry about what might have happened. She had enough on her mind.
The two of them made it safely home and Lynn helped Liz into bed to rest. She had to go to the office for a late afternoon meeting but knew that Justin would be home – at least she thought he would be. After he ran out again last night, she wasn't able to talk to him and tell him that things were okay. In fact, she didn't see him that morning before they left and hadn't heard him return the night before. She wondered if he was even there.
She searched the house and finally found him in his own private play room, sound asleep. It was nearly one in the afternoon and she had to get going but wanted to tell him about the news. She woke him up and dragged him whining up to the kitchen to get him something to eat and tell him what happened.
He listened with one ear shut, merely grunting and nodding every once in awhile. Lynn wasn't sure he had heard her but was running behind schedule and only prayed that he had. She kissed him on the cheek and hurried out of the house, telling him that Liz would probably be asleep for a few hours.
He waved his hand to her to say goodbye then lowered his head to the table.
That was how JC found him an hour later.
"J, man wake up." He said as he began shaking him. JC and the others knew how to get in, bypass security and had keys to the house so he just let himself in without knocking.
Justin stirred and took a deep yawn before lifting his head to look confused as his friend. "JC? What are you doing here? Heck, what am I doing here?" He asked, unaware that he had slept on the kitchen table.
JC pulled his chair out for him and made him stand up. "Dude, I have no idea why you're in the kitchen but I'm here because you called me last night yelling about something I couldn't make out and said to meet you and the others here at 2:00 p.m. Well, it's two now and I seem to be the only one on time."
Justin stood and stretched his back out. "It's two? Damn, I knew I was tired but not this tired." He said as he pushed past JC and stumbled over to the refrigerator to get something to quench his thirst. He grabbed a Coke and popped the top to take a long swig.
He let out a loud burp that shook the house before he turned back around and was a little more awake now. "Oh, you're still here?" He asked as he saw JC standing there watching him.
He simply shook his head then heard the doorbell ring. He told Justin that he'd get it and opened it to find the others, minus Lance standing there. Lance was back in Mississippi visiting family and actually doing something on their break.
"Hey guys, come on in. J just got up and has no idea what is going on. Do any of you know why he wanted to see us?" He spoke as he ushered the others inside the corridor.
Chris gave him a shrug and Joey just shook his head. No one knew what was up. "I know." The three of them turned to the doorway and saw Trace standing there. "Yeah, Lynn called me earlier to come over here and check on Justin. She left him and he was still asleep so she filled me in on what might be wrong so I came straight here."
JC nodded and let Trace inside as well. The four of them made their way into the living room where Justin was now laying on the couch with the TV on. He immediately shut it off when he saw the others enter. "Good y'all are here. I remembered what I needed to talk to you about. Hey Trace, I didn't call you last night, did I?" He questioned, not remembering if he had.
Trace crossed the room and made his way beside Justin on the couch by moving his legs out of the way. "J how messed up were you last night anyway? I called your cell and you sounded like you were at some wild party."
Justin groaned and looked nervously at his friend. "Well, I went to this club last night…"
"BY YOURSELF?" JC yelled, getting everyone's attention.
Justin just held his head in his hands. "Yes DAD, by myself but I went straight to the VIP room. There weren't a lot of people in there but I did stay awhile and had a few too many." He replied, still feeling the effects of last night.
"Dude, are you stupid or what? You could have been trampled or attacked. You know you can't do that, especially around here." Chris said as he sat in front of Justin on the coffee table, getting right in his face.
Justin stood up, clutched his head and had to sit back down. "Man, I didn't care. I had to get out of here. I couldn't take it any more."
The others looked at him and wondered what he meant. "Justin, what's going on?" Joey asked, taking his place on the floor by the TV. "Is it Liz? Is she okay?"
Justin just raised his head in the air and stared blankly at the ceiling. "Joe, someone knows about her."
"What do you mean?" He asked but Trace stepped in.
"J, your mom…"
"Trace, my mom knows too. You see, I got this letter telling me how sorry this lady was that Liz was sick and she was proud of me for taking care of her."
"But Justin…" Trace tried again, only to have JC interrupt this time.
"Justin, how could anyone know? I mean, only a few of us do and we wouldn't tell anyone. There's too much at stake."
"I agree. We need to find out who this woman is and get a hold of her." Chris chimed in.
"But guys…" Trace tried to no avail.
"Look, what's done is done. This woman has probably told every newspaper in the country that I have a girlfriend with cancer or something like that and they're gonna stake my house out and make a spectacle of this whole thing. Why did I do this to begin with?" He finished, mumbling the last part to himself.
He thought no one heard him but they did. They ALL did. Trace was about to tell him that the woman was harmless now, since Lynn had spoken to her but he asked a question instead. "J, why did you do what?"
Justin leaned back against the couch and let out a deep sigh. "Nothing. I didn't mean anything at all."
The others weren't buying it. His face showed that he did mean something and by him staying out at a club all night instead of being here with Liz, they knew that she was involved. "Don't give us that. This has to do with Lizzy, doesn't it?" JC asked, starting to get concerned. He was one of the ones strongly against Justin concocting this plan of having a break so he could be with her but folded because he knew how much she meant to him. Was he reconsidering?
"JC, it's nothing okay so just drop it." He said as he stood and tried to leave the room but JC stopped him by grabbing his arm and making him face his friends.
"Justin it IS something and we have a right to know what is going on. You called us here because some woman knows about Lizzy. You stay out all night at a place you had no business being at all alone. You've been hanging around the studio instead of being with your girlfriend, who you begged me and the others to let you have your way and be with but now you're not with her. So don't give me 'its nothing' because it sure the hell is something."
Justin was tired, still a little hung over, and emotionally drained. JC being in his face was the last straw and he snapped. "FINE, you want to know the truth? I'm second guessing myself and my decision to have Liz move in here."
"WHAT? You sat here in this same room weeks ago and told us all that you were doing this with or without our blessings. You were determined to play the role of the noble boyfriend to her and stand by her, putting us and the group on hold for an indefinite amount of time. We all tried to talk you out of it but you were stubborn. You weren't backing down but now…now you're SECOND GUESSING YOUSELF! Shouldn't you have done that…oh, say… BEFORE letting us go on air and tell the world?" Chris said, joining in on the arguing session.
Justin just fired back. "YES I'm second guessing myself. I thought when I did this that I could help her. That I could be of some use but I'm not. All I do is watch her suffer. Dammit, it's only been her second treatment today and I can't handle what this week will bring. The first one changed her so much that I don't even see my girlfriend when I look at her. She's gone. She doesn't exist anymore."
He took a few deep breaths before continuing but his voice was still loud enough to wake anyone. "She's a walking zombie. She throws up all the time. She can't even make it down the stairs without having to stop for a breath. Her body is so cold. Her face looks worn out and now that her hair has fallen out, she's nothing more than a poster child for Jerry Lewis."
That made everyone in the room angry beyond words. "I don't believe you just said that. You are upset because your once beautiful girlfriend that was so full of life is bald and disfigured now. Justin, I thought you weren't that shallow. Liz is up there fighting to stay ALIVE. Don't you get it. It's not about whether she'll win a beauty contest or if she'll look right on your arm at an awards show. She just wants to make it to see tomorrow no matter what she looks like." Chris yelled, so disgusted with his friend that he couldn't finish his thought. He had to excuse himself from the room to get some air.
"Guys it's not about her looks. Yes, I'll admit that I can't look at her but it's the whole package, inside and out. She's not my Ebby anymore. She's someone I don't know." He began and finished his last part in a hush. "Someone I don't want to know."
They heard him again and Trace began seeing fire. "Justin, I have sat here with my mouth shut wanting to hear you out but I can't any longer. Your mother called that woman and she found out that she was Liz's nurse in the hospital just trying to make sure she was taken care of by someone who LOVES her. She wrote that letter in hopes that it would find Liz in good spirits and feeling better because she was with you but all I hear from your mouth is how much you are regretting ever bringing her here. Is that it? Do you regret making the decision to help her?"
Justin stood with his back to the entry way and his face towards his other three friends in the room. He thought about what Chris said. What JC said. What Trace said. Even what Joey would have said if given the chance and came to a decision. He lowered his head, ashamed he would even be saying this but he had come too far already, a little more couldn't hurt.
"Yes I regret it."
He heard Joey gasp and saw JC cover his mouth. Trace just glared at him. "Well, its about damn time you admitted that. Now what I want to know is if that is all you regret?" He was challenging him to dig inside, be honest with himself and get it all out. Maybe if he did, then he would see the real reason behind these feelings and could start to deal with them.
Justin kept complete eye contact on Trace as if they were in staring match, neither one wanting to look away. "I regret so much you have no idea. I regret inviting Liz here. I regret telling her that I'd be there for her. I regret not being strong enough to help her. But what I regret the most is ever listening to all of you and…and letting myself fall…in love with her."
The others were in complete shock when he admitted that last part. Not because of what he said, which that would have shocked them anyway, but because during his confession, Chris had returned from getting a breath of air with…
"LIZZY WAIT!" JC yelled as he saw her frail figure rush out of the room and heard her footsteps going up the stairs. "YOU'VE DONE IT NOW!" He yelled at Justin, getting in his face and having to hold himself back from actually hitting him.
Justin just screamed out in frustration, pushed JC back away from him and followed her up the stairs.
The guys let him go – knowing that they had to work it out on their own and not interfere. The guys were too worked up as it was. They would only get in the way.