The next morning brought a new awareness for Liz. She hadn't slept at all the night before. She had been on her own balcony contemplating her next move. She really didn't understand why Justin did what he did…and she wasn't going to let him explain.
Different scenarios had run through her mind all night for his reasons: the moonlight and the shooting star only added to the beautiful Florida night, maybe that's what lured him in. He had also been lonely, he had told her that much so maybe he was desperate…but he had Britney for that.
She was at the hotel with them and in fact, had headed out of town that morning when the group had. If Justin wanted a 'quickie', Liz knew Britney was only a few doors away.
So why did he kiss me? She thought to herself as she continued to look off her balcony onto the ground below. She watched the cars pass by and noticed the way they all looked like bees on their way to work. She shook her head when the thought of her doing the same thing in only a short time raced across her mind. Was she ready to be just another worker bee like the rest of the world or did she want something else?
No, I can't change what I know is the right thing to do she continued to say to herself. I have to keep focused on getting through this summer and returning to school to finish up there. That's all I can think about…nothing, or NO ONE else.
Besides, it doesn't matter why he kissed me, anyway. It'll never happen again, she stated again to herself.
Last night had only reaffirmed her built up feelings she knew she had towards Justin. When she had closed her eyes that day on the bus with him and Lance, it was Justin's face she saw and at the time, it made her feel good. He was so wonderful to her but she would be able to keep that from him…or so she thought.
But, after he took it upon himself to bring her dream guy to reality, she was scared. She couldn't let herself fall for him, any more than she already had.
He wasn't suppose to be the person she was looking for…because she WASN'T looking. She didn't have the time for a relationship and barely had time for a friendship with the girls but those were becoming stronger everyday.
She hit herself on the head after realizing that she wasn't going to get over last night for quite a while but it helped that Justin and the guys were gone and she wouldn't see them again…unless they came to Britney's shows.
Crap, Britney's shows have Innosense opening for her which means Justin will surely come to see his mom, the girls and even Brit herself. I know I'll see him then. What the hell am I going to do about that?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Mandy knocked on the glass door.
Liz turned her head sharply as the sound of knocking woke her from her thoughts. She gave Mandy a small smile before standing and approaching the door.
As she slid it open, Mandy crossed her arms over her chest and looked sternly at Liz. "What the hell were you doing out there all night? I woke up four or five times and saw you weren't in your bed."
Liz didn't want to discuss last night's events to anyone right now. She still had to figure out a way to get the taste of Justin's lips off hers, the feel of his strong arms from around her body, and the scent of him that still lingered on her clothes. Those tasks would be hard enough that Liz didn't want to add anything else right now.
She made her was past Mandy but spoke over her shoulder to her. "If you saw me out there all night, why did you wait until now to come and get me?" She asked, hoping to take the attention off her for awhile.
Mandy swung a hand at Liz and caught several strands of hair that hung down her back. "OUCH! Dammit, let go." Liz yelled at Mandy. She really didn't mean to sound like a bitch but from the lack of sleep to the events of last night, Liz wasn't on her best behavior.
Mandy hung tight to her hair and refused to back down. "I will not let go until you tell me what is going on. You've been acting strange for the past few days, ever since we got on tour with the guys and I want to know what it is right now. I want the stuck up, overly-dressed, conservative little twit that you once were, to come back to us." She said as she gave Liz's hair another tug then let it go.
Liz swung around and felt the urge to smack Mandy for pulling her hair but took a deep breath to calm down a little and noticed the smirk she was giving Liz. "Mandy, I don't really know what you're…"
"Don't even go there missy. You know exactly what I'm talking about so spill it and if you don't do it now, then I will make your life a living hell until you do." She said with a triumphant smile that spread all across her face and up to her eyes.
Liz felt complete defeat. She knew she had no way out of this and no where to run. All of a sudden, something clicked in her head and she prayed her thoughts were right. "Um, Mandy, you and Lance are close right?" She asked hoping to bide her some time to think.
Mandy sat on her bed and tied her shoes while answering Liz. "Yeah, why?" She replied, not knowing where Liz was going with this one.
"Well, did he tell you about Julia by any chance?" She hated to go behind Lance's back and say something about his feelings for her but she had to get the attention off the real reason for her strange behavior.
Mandy sat up and adjusted her T-shirt. "Yeah, I know about him going out with her but she ran right back to her lousy boyfriend, who will probably just cheat on her again, lie about it, make her come running back to Lance who will get his hopes up again, only to be crushed when she forgives that bastard and goes back to him. Yeah, I know." She finished and looked like she had sat in front of a fireplace too long. Her cheeks were tinted red and Liz could almost see the smoke rise from her head.
She knew within that instant that Mandy cared deeply for Lance. She hoped she could use that to get herself out of this situation. "Well, he told me about it too. Actually, it started when I hitched a ride to Ft. Lauderdale with them. See…" She started as she sat beside Mandy, hoping this little story would divert Mandy's nosey little mind into leaving her alone from now on.
"I was in the back of the bus with Lance and Justin just talking and we were discussing relationships and stuff. Well, that night I saw Lance out by the pool and he looked beyond awful. He was so lost in thought that I felt so bad for him. I've been worried ever since but the other night, he told me about Julia and I've been talking to him about it. I guess that's why I've acted kind of weird. I just feel really bad for him and hope that he can get over her. She doesn't deserve him." Liz glanced towards Mandy and from the sympathetic look on her face, it appeared that Liz's plan worked.
Mandy sighed and stood from the bed. She looked back at Liz and patted her on the shoulder. "You're a good friend to the guys, you know that? They trust you. You should feel very lucky. And I know you care about Lance, too. He is a great guy and NO Julia does not deserve to be with him. But nice try. I don't buy your little act at all."
Liz's eyes widened and felt as though they would pop out of her face at any time. "What…what do you mean?" She stuttered out.
Mandy gave her an evil grin but walked over to the door to leave. "You have way more on your mind than what Lance is doing but you seem to need some time to think it through. I'll leave it be for now but please, if you want to talk, I know of five girls and one boss that would love to help you if they could." She finished and gave Liz a little wave before heading out of the room.
Liz just sat there unable to move. She was always lousy when she lied and now was no exception. She glanced up at the ceiling and thanked God that she didn't have to tell Mandy just yet. She hoped that the feelings she had would just go away so she wouldn't have to ever tell anyone about it. As long as no one else knew…
"SHIT LANCE!" Liz yelled. She lowered her head then threw her body back on the bed. She covered her eyes with her hands. There was one person who knew about her feelings…sort of, for Justin. She had tried to play it off as being a simple schoolgirl's crush but if Mandy could tell she was lying just then, could Lance? Did he know that what Liz felt for Justin was far beyond a simple crush?
"God, how did this happen?" She said from underneath her hands.
She laid there for all of five minutes trying to wallow in self pity but soon realized that when Mandy came back, she might have reinforcements so she had to look as though nothing was wrong. She quickly jumped up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. She figured that the girls were downstairs eating breakfast and that wouldn't take too long. She had to hurry since they would be leaving soon.
Liz made it through the morning avoiding Mandy the best she could. She had gotten out of the shower and gathered her stuff together before Mandy returned from breakfast. She knew the girls only had a few minutes to grab their stuff then head down to their bus to return to Orlando. She hurriedly made it down to the bus without the accompaniment of any of the girls and found her spot to set things up.
She had several things she needed to work on and although the trip to Orlando would take a mere hour or so, she needed to appear to be busy.
It worked.
When the girls made it to the bus, they said their 'hellos' but left her to her work. Mandy gave her an evil look and mouthed that they would talk later, then went towards the back of the bus with Nikki and Veronica.
Liz sighed and slumped in her seat. She would have a few more minutes of freedom but had to think of how to get Mandy off her back.
"Elizabeth, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Liz raised her head to eye her boss and the mother of her affection. She felt as though Lynn knew of what happened last night with her and Justin. She could feel her cheeks growing hotter by the second but had to try to remain calm.
"Um, yeah Lynn. Is everything okay? Do we have a change in the schedule or something?" She knew if she kept the subject of work on the table, maybe Lynn would revert to that and not to her and Justin.
Lynn sat beside Liz and gathered the papers in front of her. She glanced at them for a brief moment before putting them away in their designated folder then turned her attention back to Liz.
By this time, Liz knew Lynn didn't want to talk business and she could only let her shoulders drop. Her head soon followed and she let out a loud sigh. It was now or never. She would lose her job for sure. Liz took a deep breath before raising her head and looking Lynn straight in the eyes. She wouldn't go down looking like a frightened child. She had that much dignity left…or so she thought. She fought hard not to just let it all out in front of Lynn but held off. Maybe she didn't know. Liz didn't have time to debate that because Lynn spoke up.
"Dear, are you okay? You slump your shoulders and look like someone just ran over your dog or something one minute. Then the next, you look like you're ready for round 10 of a fight. Are you sure everything is okay with you?" She asked as her hand hesitantly reached to touch Liz's arm.
She jumped at the contact but tried to play it off. "Oh, um yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't get much sleep last night and…" Oops, she slipped and said last night. She had tried to not say anything but she blew it.
Lynn looked at her and a small smile began to spread across her face. "Funny you should mention last night. I wanted to talk to you about what happened after the show was over."
Liz completely lost it at that moment. Without thinking, she started speaking and what came out was beyond comprehensible.
"Lynn I swear I didn't mean for anything to happen. I mean, I wanted it to happen but then…well I didn't and when it did, I didn't know what to do but I do now. I promise it hasn't happened before and WON'T happen again. It was wonderful…but wrong. Completely wrong and I regret ever doing it in the first place…okay, so I don't regret it. It was AMAZING but still…still I won't let it happen again or let it effect my work. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't spoken to Justin since it happened and I don't plan to. I just think the best thing is to pretend it never happened. I can…can you?" She asked as she finished and looked at Lynn.
Lynn could only merge her brows together and look at Liz with a confusing expression. "What are you talking about? I was meaning that Nikki and Jeremy were found running around the pool naked last night. I wanted to know if you knew anything about that. But it seems that you and my son had other things going on so what's that about?" She said as she crossed her arms over her chest and gave Liz a stern look.
Liz thought she was going to die right there. Lynn didn't know anything about her and Justin but she did now…thanks to my BIG mouth, Liz cursed herself.
She had to think fast in order to save face on this one. "Oh…um, Nikki and Jeremy went skinny dipping? Well, I didn't know about that. I'll talk to her and see what that's all about and…" She started but was interrupted by Lynn.
"Elizabeth, I KNOW about Nikki's little escapade last night but what I want to know is about yours and how does that effect my son." She said, looking very impatient.
Liz prayed for a miracle but knew one was not in her future. She tried to think of something…anything that would make sense from all of her rambling. She came up empty. She had to admit defeat. She took a deep breath and willed the tears that were brimming in her eyes not to fall. She had never been fired or given up but both were about to happen.
She cleared her throat and coughed to keep the tears back. She tried to look Lynn in the eyes but it was more difficult than she imagined. "Um…oh God, this is so hard to say. I, um…I just want to start off by saying that I have loved every minute I've been here. I found five…no six people that I care about and grew to become friends with and for that, I am truly sorry. I let you all down. I should have tried harder to keep the personal side of myself out of this but I let my guard down and in the process, I let Justin in. I didn't even know I was doing it until it was too late. I just wanted…wanted, oh, I have no idea what I wanted. I only knew that he couldn't be a part of my life but somehow he wormed his way in and for the life of me, I can't get him to leave. He is just so frustrating but at the same time, absolutely amazing."
She stopped suddenly, realizing the feelings she was expressing for Lynn's son to her face. Liz felt her cheeks grow even more red than they were at that moment. She tried to open her mouth and finish her thoughts but Lynn cut in.
She let out a chuckle under her breath before actually speaking to Liz. "Honey, I figured that much already. So, what happened last night?" She said and noticed Liz's shocked expression. She mouthed 'Justin?' but Lynn held up her hand to interrupt again.
"No, Justin didn't say anything to me but I could just tell. I've seen the looks you two have given each other and knew from the other day when JC and Justin came to get you that something was definitely up. Justin doesn't get up early for anyone or anything unless he has another agenda. Now, you just confirmed what I was thinking so go right ahead and spill it. What happened last night?"
Liz wasn't sure she was believing this. Lynn seemed upset at first but the longer Liz rambled on, the softer Lynn's face became and now she was even smiling at her. Liz was beyond confused at this point. "Um…um what happened last night was that…that well, Justin and I…we, um…" She was having a difficult time getting the actual words to come out. She still worried that Lynn wouldn't approve of the kiss her and Justin shared.
Lynn though was beyond tempted. She wanted to know what her son had done to turn this poor girl into a raving lunatic. "WHAT? You and Justin what?" She demanded. She wanted to know and Liz wasn't saying.
Liz wrung her hands together tightly until the sweat formed and she had to wipe them off on her pants. "Um…we, well…he kind of, um…"
"JUST TELL ME!" Lynn yelled, which caused the other passengers of the bus to come running. Liz though had no idea anyone else was around. She was just too miserable at that moment and decided to just let it all out.
"I KISSED JUSTIN!" She yelled back but immediately heard the gasps of the others that had ran up to the front of the bus. She slowly closed her eyes and prayed they hadn't heard her but she knew she wasn't that lucky.
"You kissed Justin?" Mandy asked as Nikki jabbed her in the side. It really was none of their business what Liz did on her time off.
Liz opened her eyes when she realized what was just said. "Oh, um, no Justin kissed me." She retracted but either way, the news was out and she couldn't take it back.
Mandy went to say something else but this time Danay got the word out first. "DAMN, so that's what's been up your butt all week. You have the hots for 'fro boy'." She said but was met with two very distraught eyes that shot her a warning.
Lynn did not want to have the girls making fun of Liz. She could tell she was in agony at that moment. "Danay, please refrain from calling my son 'fro boy'. And girls, excuse us." She said as she motioned the girls back to the lounge and away from the two of them.
They all nodded their agreement and went towards the back. Mandy though had to get a word in, it was killing her. "I KNEW this wasn't about Lance. Girl, you better be ready for a talkin' later." She finished as Nikki drug her down the hallway of the bus.
Liz kept her eyes shut the whole time. This was beyond embarrassment at the moment. How could she let this happen in the first place but then go and tell everyone else?
What concerned her the most was the fact that Justin was probably balled up with Britney on his bus heading to their next destination and not even thinking about her. When they would finally meet again, she knew that the girls would say something to him. He would think she was a fruit for going gaga over him and laugh in her face. That thought alone made her want to cry.
Her whole life she had been taught to have the upper hand when it came to men. Never let your guard down, that's what her mother would say. Always keep them in their place, her sisters added. Liz was failing in both aspects right then.
She suddenly felt a warm hand touch her arm and Lynn's soothing voice speak to her. "Elizabeth, please look at me." She started. Liz slowly opened her eyes and raised her head back up. The look in her eyes almost made Lynn want to cry. Here was this woman who could go twelve rounds with Marie St. John, one of the toughest women that worked for Johnny Wright but after spending one night with her son, she looked like she was ready to crumble. She had to shake her head at Liz. She was just too cute looking this miserable.
She smiled warmly at her before speaking. "Dear, why exactly are you so upset that my son kissed you? I'm sure he must find you special if he chose to share himself like that. I know for a fact that those lips of his don't touch just anyone's. He may seem like a…oh what is that word everyone keeps calling him…"
"A PLAYER!" Yelled Veronica from down the hall.
Lynn leaned her body out of the booth they sat in and gave the group of nosey girls a stern look and motioned them to go into the lounge and close the door. She heard a few whispers like 'ouch, well you told me to listen' and 'I told this was wrong' and 'shut up Nikki' as the group closed the door behind them.
Lynn leaned back in and shook her head before collecting her thoughts again and speaking to Liz. "Sorry about that but yeah, a player I guess is what they say but he really isn't like that. You probably know how him and Britney have a strange relationship but don't think about that. The way he looks at you, he has genuine concern and care for you. I can see that much." She finished and squeezed Liz's arm.
Liz took a deep breath and wanted to come clean about everything but Lynn hadn't said anything about her firing Liz. She wanted to know about that. "Well, I just wasn't looking for any kind of…of 'thing' whatever it is that I have with Justin. I have all these plans and a guy is no where to found in them. I can't go against that. I can't follow…follow my…my…" She couldn't get it out but Lynn knew what she was trying to say.
"Your heart?" She said as she smiled at Liz.
Liz could only nod her head slowly. She brought a hand up to her chin and balled her fist under it. She turned her head to gaze out the window and watched as they pulled into the parking lot where they were to be dropped off. She was glad to finally be back in Orlando. Now, maybe things could get back to normal for her. She knew she had to talk to the girls but then hoped they would drop it and go on with business.
"Elizabeth, does Justin know how you feel about him?" Lynn interrupted her thoughts.
She kept her eyes on the road but opened her mouth to quickly explain. "No, I don't think he does. And I didn't give him time to explain why he even kissed my last night. I ran out of his room and hadn't talked to him since. I just need to get over it and move on. It probably didn't mean as much to him as it did for me and I would really appreciate it if you didn't say anything to him about it. I have already embarrassed myself beyond belief and I can't imagine it any worse." She glanced at Lynn to see if that was okay but before she could answer, she had to finish her thought.
"Oh, and I was wondering if now that I am…or was…or whatever with Justin…am I going to lose…lose my, um job?" She ended with a whisper. She couldn't help it but she didn't want to even say the word.
Lynn smiled yet again at Liz. She was beyond help now. She had it bad for Justin and was so worried what Lynn would think.
"Elizabeth, you aren't going to be fired if that's what you're asking. I would be foolish to give you the axe just because you have whatever with Justin. You are one of the hardest workers I have had in awhile so I won't let you go that easy. Now, break my son's heart and then we'll have to talk, okay?" She said, trying to lighten the mood and make Liz smile.
It didn't work.
The bus came to a stop and the two heard the girls whispering as they made their way up to the front. They kept their voices down but Lynn could still hear them. "Are you going to be okay?" She asked Liz.
"Yeah, but is it alright if I go home instead of the office. I need to get some sleep." She hoped that would be okay. That way, she would be able to avoid talking to the girls today. So much had happened already and she needed time to sort out her feelings.
"That would be fine. Please call me if you need anything okay?" Lynn said as she stood and reached for Liz to do the same.
"Yeah, thank you." Liz said as she grabbed her things then looked out into the hallway. "You can come out now. We're done talking." She said as the five girls piled out of the hall. They each gave Liz a shit-eating grin but Liz could only roll her eyes. "Yes, I'll tell you everything later. I'm going home to get some sleep."
She excused herself as the door opened. She walked out and went straight to her car. One of the bodyguards came up to her and helped get her bags into her trunk and saw her off. She thanked him and waved to the girls as she left the parking area. She was heading back to her apartment and back to normal, if that was possible.
She slowly walked up to her door, unlocked it and entered the desalinate area. No one was around to give her advice, no one to condemn her, no one around to kiss her.
Dammit Justin, why?
She said to herself as she slammed the door behind her, plopped down on the couch and closed her tired eyes. She just wanted to drift into darkness and forget about the decision she was going to have to make.