“Look what I got you baby,” Josh said as soon as I opened my front door. He was holding a tiny box that was wrapped up.
“What’s this for?” I asked, confused.
“Kind of like an apology,” he said smiling.
I looked up at him. Why did he always have to buy me things to apologize, why couldn’t he just do something original?
“Thanks,” I said, letting him in. It was 7:30 and I knew people would be arriving for my party soon.
“Open it,” he ordered.
I opened the box and saw a beautiful gold bracelet inside.
“Josh! It’s beautiful,” I exclaimed, taking it out of the box and placing it on my wrist.
“Thank you,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.
It wasn’t long before people started piling into my house for my party, and it wasn’t long before it was packed and you could barely hear a thing besides the music that the hired DJ was blaring. I searched the house for Howie. I was really hoping to see him there.
Josh was in the kitchen with a group of people having a drinking contest. I hated it when he did that. As I walked out into the pool area, there were people jumping naked into the pool.
“Oh... my... G-d,” I muttered, turning to walk back inside when I was face to face with Kendra. I know my face fell. I don’t remember inviting her. I didn’t even know if Josh and I were together or what was going on and I think he figured everything was fine since he got me that bracelet.
“Hi Casey,” Kendra smiled. She was wearing a tiny white bikini and her hair flowed down her back, she hadn’t gone swimming yet.
“Hi,” I mumbled and walked past her and into the house. Just as I walked in, I saw Howie and Joe walk in. I smiled and rushed up to them.
“Hi Howie!” I shouted over the music. Howie looked at me and smiled.
“Hi Joe!” I yelled to Joe. He smiled and nodded at me.
“Is anyone else coming?!” I shouted to Howie. He shook his head no. I nodded and looked into the kitchen and saw Josh drinking way too much. I sighed. I wish I didn’t care so much. I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of Tequila he was about to drink from.
“What? What are you doing?” he slurred.
“That’s enough Josh,” I told him. He looked into my eyes and stopped what he was doing. He reeked of alcohol and I thought I was going to vomit from the smell of him.
“Come on Josh, let’s get you upstairs, you need to lay down,” I told him, grabbing his arm and pulling him up. He stumbled and I had to catch him before he fell over. He leaned on me as I slowly led him upstairs. I was surprised he didn’t protest.
“Here you go,” I said, helping him to lay down on a bed in the guest room.
“Come here baby,” he said, pulling me down next to him.
“What Josh?” I sighed.
“I just want one more drink,” he giggled.
“No, Josh. You’ve had enough,” I told him.
“Baby, I love you so much,” he told me, his words were actually not slurred too bad.
“Ok, Josh. Just go to sleep,” I told him.
“Baby, please, just listen to me,” he said. I looked down into his eyes and nodded for him to go on.
“Turn off the light,” he said. I looked at him confused.
“Please, it hurts,” he told me.
I sighed and got up and shut off the light and sat down next to him on the bed.
“What now Josh?” I asked, slightly annoyed. He pulled me down so I was laying in his arms.
“I love you so much,” he told me.
“Thank you, Josh, I love you too,” I said, about to get up, but he held tight onto me.
“No, wait... there’s more. You know the first day I saw you our freshman year, I thought, ’I have to have her. She’s beautiful’,” he told me.
“Ok...”
“And, I looked at you and smiled and you smiled back and I thought I was going to die because your smile was so beautiful. I just wanted to take your beautiful lips and kiss them. Your hair was down and it was against your back and you had on a blue Gap shirt on that fit you so tightly and a pair of tight, but not too tight jeans on and these brown sandals. You had your nails done and you had a tiny blue ring on your finger,” he described to me.
“You remember that?!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, I remember everything, or at least I try to,” he told me.
“I can’t believe you remember that, Josh,” I said, shocked.
“You were so beautiful Casey. I remember asking you what your name was and you smiled and told me so sweetly, ’Casey’. For the next few weeks I tried to think of a way to get you to really notice me and go out with me. Then, I remembered, Homecoming. I’ll ask her to Homecoming. I remember you walking into class and handing out those little stickers that said Vote for Casey, Freshman Maid. I knew you’d win for sure and I wanted to be your date. So, I asked you and you smiled at me and nodded.”
I swallowed hard. I can’t believe he remembers that!
“Josh...”
“Shh... I’m not done,” he told me.
I shut up and looked up at him, my eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I could see him.
“I remember you got so into Spirit Week and you were so excited when they announced court and you heard that you had won Freshman Maid. I was so proud to be going with you too, everyone knew and liked you. I didn’t know how I managed to get a date with you, but I didn’t want to question it. I remember seeing you on the float during the parade, I was watching you and I just felt like screaming to you that I loved you, but I was 14 what did I know about love? Anyway, I remember we rented a limo for Homecoming and when I walked up to your door to pick you up, you looked so amazing. Your dress was absolutely gorgeous and I couldn’t get enough of just looking at you. Everything was so perfect and I remember all the guys saying I was lucky to have you as a date. I was so proud.” He sounded like he was drifting off to sleep. I slowly got up and wiped the tears from my eyes. I can’t believe he remembered all that, I hardly remembered it. I mean, I was a senior, that stuff happened so long ago. I walked out of the room and took a deep breath then walked downstairs to see what these people were doing to my house.
“Casey!” I heard. I turned and saw Howie.
“Hey!” I exclaimed.
“Hey, I’ve been looking all over for you. One minute you’re here, the next your gone,” he laughed.
“Yeah, sorry about that, let’s go outside,” I suggested. Howie nodded and looked at Joe who was talking to some girl, I didn’t know who she was.
We walked out front and we sat down in between two cars in my driveway.
“Oh man...” I groaned and leaned up against a car.
“What’s wrong?” he laughed.
“I have such a headache. Now I remember why I hate throwing parties,” I smiled.
“There are a lot of people here,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I don’t know some of them,” I shrugged.
“So, how’s everything with Josh?” he asked.
“Um, he was actually really nice tonight,” I blushed.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
I held up my wrist and showed him the bracelet.
“That’s beautiful Casey,” he said studying it.
“You don’t like it?” I questioned, noticing the look on his face.
“No, it’s nice,” he shrugged.
“He got it for me...” I trailed off.
“That was nice of him,” Howie replied.
“Yeah...” I continued to tell him what Josh had told me up in the room.
“Hey actually said all that?” Howie asked, in disbelief.
“Yeah, I was a little surprised,” I smiled.
“Was he drunk?” he asked.
I stopped messing with the bracelet and looked up at him.
“Well...um, yeah,” I muttered. Howie nodded and looked away.
“But, it was really sweet,” I said.
“Yeah, he’s a real romantic,” Howie said, obviously being sarcastic.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing, why don’t we go back to the party. Do you want to dance?” he asked.
“Sure,” I nodded.
We both got up and went back into the house and we walked to the living room, where everyone was dancing and we started to move our bodies together. We started laughing and goofing around, grinding our hips into each other, enjoying each other. Suddenly, Howie pulled away, his face was bright red.
“I think I’m going to sit down,” he muttered and walked off. I looked after him confused.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, grabbing his arm.
“No, not at all,” he said.
“Ok...” I trailed off.
“I just need to breathe,” he told me and walked off. I looked around and sighed.
“Casey,” someone touched my arm. I turned and was face to face with Josh.
“What are you doing out of bed?” I scolded.
“I wanted to come down and party. I’m sober now,” he told me. I looked down at my watch.
“You’ve only been lying down for an hour sweets,” I told him.
“I know... come upstairs, I want to talk to you,” he said. I sighed and followed him upstairs and into my room this time. He sat down on the bed and I sat down next to him.
“What’s wrong Josh?” I asked, concerned. He didn’t look too good.
“I wanted to finish telling you what I was telling you earlier,” he said.
I looked up at him. I was shocked he remembered that.
“You remember saying all that stuff to me?” I asked, confused.
“Yeah, I meant it, besides, I told you I remember everything,” he laughed. I smiled and waited for him to continue.
“Ok, well... before I fell asleep I was telling you about how beautiful you were at that Homecoming. Well, I remember at the end of the night, we both were a little shy, me more than you and when I walked you to your door, I kinda just looked at you and said good night and I walked off. I felt really bad because I really wanted to kiss you, I just didn’t have the balls to do it. Well, we talked Monday and I remember sitting in class and you like marched right up to me and smiled down at me as I sat in my desk. I smiled back and you just shook your head at me and giggled and said, ‘Were you planning on asking me out or am I just waiting for nothing?’. I remember laughing at your boldness and then I said, ‘Well, if you’d do me the honor’, I was trying to sound so mature and old, but now that I think about it, I felt kinda dumb too for saying it because it sounded too mature. But anyway, you said you’d go out with me and you know what Casey?” he asked, now turning to me.
“What?” I asked.
“We haven’t broken up once during that time. I mean, we made cutest couple for the damn yearbook, but do you ever feel like it’s just getting old?” he asked.
“Huh?” I asked, shocked.
“Sometimes, and I mean no offense to this, but, I feel like I’m only with you because I feel like I owe it to you,” he said.
“What do you mean?” I asked, on the verge of tears.
“What I mean is, I wouldn’t have near as much popularity as I do now, if it weren’t for you,” he said.
“So, your only with me because it makes you popular?” I asked, hurt.
“No! I’m just saying. I’m with you because I feel like I owe you something,” he said.
“Well, let me tell you Josh, you don’t owe me a damn thing. I think I liked it better when you were drunk. And I especially liked it when you weren’t popular,” I snapped and jumped off the bed and stormed out of the room.
“Casey! Wait!” he called. As I was walking out of the room, I was face to face with Kendra.
“What the hell are you doing up here?!” I snapped at her.
“I was looking...”
“No, no one comes upstairs! Damn it, go!” I yelled. She hurried up and walked downstairs and I leaned against the wall and slid down, and felt the tears begin to spill down my cheeks.
“Casey,” I heard. I looked up and saw Josh looking down at me.
“Get the hell away from me,” I ordered.
“No, I want to talk to you,” he said.
“Why? You already made everything quite clear to me,” I said.
“No, I didn’t.”
“What else would you like to say Josh. As if you can’t make me feel any worse or anything,” I said sarcastically.
“Baby,” he said, sliding down next to me. He put his arm around me and I didn’t have the energy to push him off.
“I don’t want us to break up. G-d, I don’t know what I would do without you,” he whispered.
“Josh, you aren’t making any sense!” I told him.
“Casey, I just think we aren’t together right now for the right reasons. Look how much we fight. Maybe we should take a break,” he said.
“A break?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he nodded. I looked downstairs and saw Howie walk by. My whole face lit up.
“Fine, a break would be nice,” I whispered.
“You’re still my girl Casey, I just think we need to think about our relationship,” he suggested. I got up and walked downstairs to find Howie. I saw him talking to a girl. I stopped and just watched him laugh with her. For some reason, a jealous feeling washed over me.
“Hey Howie,” I said walking up to him.
“Oh hey Casey,” he said and looked away. What the hell is wrong with me? Doesn’t anyone want to be around me?
“Can I talk to you?” I shouted over the music.
“I guess,” he shrugged and he followed me upstairs and into the guest room. I didn’t want to be in my room, simply because everything in my room reminded me of Josh.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“Why don’t you want to be around me?” I asked bluntly.
“What do you mean?” he asked, looking up at me confused.
“Well, when we were dancing, you just stopped and walked off for no reason and then you hardly looked at me when you were talking to that girl. Did I do something wrong?” I asked.
“No,” he laughed, “I just had a little problem.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Um... nothing unfixable. Don’t worry about it. So, where did you disappear to when I walked off?” he asked.
“Upstairs. Josh wanted to ‘talk’ to me,” I told him.
“Oh? Not good?” he asked.
“No,” I mumbled.
“What happened?” he asked as I sat down next to him on the bed.
“He broke up with me,” I said.
“HE broke up with YOU?” Howie asked.
“Yeah, I don’t understand why. He said we are together for the wrong reasons. I guess it’s kind of good that he broke up with me. I mean, he puts everything before me, he doesn’t listen when I talk, and he’s always making me cry, maybe this break should be for good,” I whispered. I looked up and saw a concerned, but relieved look on Howie’s face.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Are you ok?” he asked.
“Yeah, I think I just want to lie down for awhile,” I said.
“Ok, I’ll try my best to keep people from coming up here, ok?” he asked.
“Wait, Howie,” I said as he was at the door.
“Yeah?” he asked, turning around.
“Will you just lay with me?” I asked.
“Uh, sure,” he smiled and walked back over to the bed. I turned over and turned off the lamp next to the bed and the room went dark. I felt Howie crawl into bed and he seemed pretty stiff.
I sniffled, and moved closer to him, hoping he would wrap his arm around me and I could lay my head on his chest.
He didn’t move.
“Howie,” I whispered.
“What?” he whispered back.
“You don’t have to lay here if you don’t want to,” I told him, turning over and facing the other way.
“I don’t mind,” he told me.
I rolled my eyes and just stared straight in front of me.
“Are you ok?” he asked, I felt him turn and I could tell he was facing me.
“Peachy,” I mumbled and closed my eyes.
“Casey,” he said, placing a hand on my waist, which sent fire up through my body and caused me to tremble slightly. I hope he didn’t notice. I don’t know why I was thinking of Howie like this. I mean, sure he was cute, smart, and so nice, and I loved his laugh, and his big brown eyes, and his body... Wait, what the hell am I thinking?! Howie is my friend. He wouldn’t think of me as anything more.
I turned to lay on my back and his hand slid and then rested on my stomach. He went to move it, but I moved again and I was now facing him and his arm was still around me. I smiled to myself. I was practically face to face with him. I could smell a mix of cologne and shampoo and I inhaled the scent deeply, trying to remember it.
“Howie...” I whispered.
“Yeah?” he whispered back.
“Thank you,” I said, smiling.
“For what?” he asked.
“I always come to you about my problems and I never think to ask things about you,” I said.
“Oh, I don’t mind listening to you,” he chuckled.
“Can I ask you some questions?” I asked.
“Sure, go ahead,” he said.
“When was your last girlfriend?” I asked.
“Um, a few months ago,” he replied.
“Why’d you two break up?” I asked.
“Because, she wasn’t the one for me,” he sighed.
“Why not?” I asked. I smiled, noticing he still hadn’t moved his arm.
“She didn’t like my car,” he laughed.
I laughed, “Why?”
“How old are you?” he questioned.
“18, why?”
“You keep asking why... you sound like a two year old,” he laughed.
“Sorry,” I smiled.
“No, I don’t mind... um, she didn’t like my car because it wasn’t brand new. So, I dumped her,” he laughed.
“You dumped her because of that?” I asked, shocked.
“She was stuck up Casey, I didn’t want someone like that. I want a girl who is so sweet that I can never resist her. I want to be able to sit down and listen to her talk, even if it is about how much she likes Martha Stewart or something,” he laughed.
“That is something I’ve never heard before.”
“What? You don’t like Martha?”
“No, she’s cool, I guess... I just haven’t ever heard a guy say he likes to hear a girl talk, except from you. Josh definitely would rather suck face or talk to his friends than sit down and listen to me for more than five minutes.”
“Well... don’t get me wrong. I love kissing,” Howie laughed.
I laughed, “So do I, but it’s nice to just talk sometimes,” I smiled.
“Yeah, it is,” he agreed.
“Howie, why don’t you have a girlfriend?” I asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. Haven’t found anyone yet,” he said.
“Are you interested in anyone?” I asked, hopeful.
“Well, uh...”
“Come on, you can tell me.”
“Yeah.”
I felt my heart sink.
“Who?” I wondered.
“Oh, this one girl,” he said.
“Does she have a name?” I asked.
“Yeah, uh...”
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I groaned and got up, Howie sat up quickly, so whoever was at the door didnt get the wrong idea. He quickly switched on the lamp and I opened the door. Josh was standing at the door.
“What do you want?” I snapped at him.
“Who are you in here with?” he asked. I blocked his way so he couldn’t see who was in the room with me. Not that I cared if he knew, I just knew it would bother him if he didn’t know.
“Why?!” I asked, annoyed.
“Casey, I don’t know why I said what I said earlier, but I’m sorry. Can we please talk?” he asked. I looked into his eyes and saw emptiness.
“What happened to me a year ago that changed my life?” I asked, feeling the tears swell my eyes.
“Huh?” he asked, confused.
“What happened a year ago that changed my life?” I repeated.
“Um... I... dont...”
“My brother died Josh,” I told him, angry. He could remember everything that benefited him, but he couldn’t remember what affected me.
“Well, yeah, but...”
“No, Josh. You try to make yourself look so great for remembering things, but you never remember the important stuff,” I told him.
“Casey, why are you acting like this?” he asked.
“Because, I’m glad I finally realized that I don’t need you and I don’t want you,” I told him.
His face dropped and he stared at me.
“You can leave now,” I told him. He walked off, solemnly. I almost felt bad, but the feeling washed away as fast as it had come.
I shut and locked the door, I didn’t want him barging in here. I leaned up against the door and sighed.
“You ok?” Howie asked, walking over to me.
“Yeah,” I smiled. Howie put his arm around my shoulder and led my over to the bed and we sat down.
“So, you never told me her name...”
Chapter Three
Chapter Five
All I Have To Give Index
Howie's Intoxication
The Ultimate Intoxication
Backstreet Bar
