October 24, 2007 10:25 PM

Spike stood next to the Desoto. He had found it in a parking lot near the freeway. It was locked up tight indicating that she had parked it here for him to find. Unfortunately it was away from the airport and bus station effectively throwing him off her trail. For over two hours he had been driving around looking for her and with each passing minute he had become more distressed. If she had another spell anything could happen to her and he might never find her. No one had heard from her or had any clue that she might run. Willow was tapping into airport and bus computers to see if she could find any clues but so far nothing.

Hurrying he made his way from one store and restaurant to the next at the exit asking about her. Finally at a little convenience store he found a clerk who had seen her.

“Yeah, I saw her. She got a ride with the guy who drives the truck for the milk. As far as I know he was heading to LA to reload.”

“What’s the name of the company he works for?” When the puny man behind the counter hesitated Spike leaned toward him. “She’s my wife and I need to find her now.”

“Okay, okay, it’s Dairy Blossom but I hate to tell you this.” The clerk smirked. “The way she was flirting and hanging all over him she seriously wanted to get away.”

As Spike vamped out and roared his rage the man behind the counter fell backwards into the display as he begged for his life but he had already been dismissed from Spike’s world. The only thing that he could think of was that Buffy was taking rides from strangers and insinuating things that in her state of mind might get her seriously hurt.

He ran back to the Desoto and climbed in leaving his motorcycle on the side of the road. While he peeled out of the parking lot his hand was already dialing his cell phone.

“Angel Investigations,” Fred answered.

“Angel now.”

“Spike, is that you?”

“Yeah, get me Angel. It’s an emergency.”

“He’s not here.”

“Fred, I need help. It’s Buffy. Listen carefully.”

“Okay, go.”

“We’ve had some more problems with her. She got a ride on some dairy truck heading for LA to reload. Dairy Blossom. I need someone to be there when it gets in. And Fred?”

“Yeah, Spike, I got it. What else?”

“She may be dangerous.”

He hung up the phone confident that his message would get to Angel. He had just hung up the phone after filling Giles in when his phone rang with Angel on.

“I’m on my way to the dairy company but what happened?”

“She’s sick and the doctors are suggesting that the pregnancy…” Spike couldn’t say it. “Anyway, she found out somehow and ran before we had a chance to talk.”

“You said she might be violent?”

Spike could tell in his tone that he didn’t really believe him and he laughed.

“She thinks she has to protect her baby. Think about it.”

“Understood. I’ll call you as soon as we have her.”

After he got off the phone with Angel he pushed the old car to its limits as he drove toward Los Angeles. He kept berating himself for leaving her alone with the children. Even though she had snapped out of her delusional state he should have known that she was just too agreeable about going to sleep. Plus, he knew he shouldn’t have left the responsibility of watching her on Raven and Sean. They would be tearing themselves up in guilt over her leaving and it wasn’t fair to them to bear that.

The phone rang again and he was saying hello before he even got it to his ear.

“Spike, its Wes.”

“Did you find her?”

“Yes, yes, we have her. Angel is with her right now.”

“Is she all right?”

“Fine, as far as we can tell. Not a scratch on her but she seemed to…”

“What?” Spike snarled. There was something wrong and the Englishman seemed to not to want to tell him. “Tell me.”

“When we got there she was happy then when she saw us its like she collapsed within herself. She became very docile.”

“Okay, I’m still about twenty minutes away.” Spike hesitated then asked, “Did she…did she have sex with this guy?”

“I don’t know.”

“Put Angel on, he’d know.”

“Spike, I would assume not. Angel was threatening this guy and I wager if he had known something like that he would have done more then threaten.”

“Thanks.”

Spike hung up the phone and threw it across the seat. It was a crude thing to ask but he needed to know before he got there. He knew that Buffy in her right state of mind would never do anything like that but he wasn’t sure of the full extent of her mental problems and what she would do in one of her spells. Especially if she thought that it was a necessary bargaining tool or if she even forgot she was the Slayer and the guy forced her. All he knew was that if he found her and could smell someone else on her then he didn’t know what he would do.

When he finally pulled up in front of the Hyperion he took a moment to calm down before going in. Buffy would retreat even further if he was in an agitated state. Then he laughed and put his head back as a sob ripped through him. He was using his memories of how he dealt with Drusilla in order to deal with Buffy. He wondered if it was just his cards to play in this existence to have crazy women in his life. More to the point, could do it again after having a sane Buffy in his life. Someone who could really share his life not just be someone he had to take care of. But he supposed that was what ‘for better or worse’ was really about as he made his way into the hotel.

October 25, 2007 12:18 AM

With only a cursory glance at Angel, Spike stepped into the room where Buffy was lying down. He knew she wasn’t asleep from the sound of her breathing. The door closed behind Angel and Spike made his way to sit on the bed with his wife. She was curled in a fetal position facing away from him and he sat facing the door. Only a few inches of space divided them but to him it felt like an ocean between them as he buried his face in his hands and tried to figure out what to say to her.

“I will never forgive you if you take my baby away from me,” she told him without moving.

“You think I don’t know that, Pet? Couldn’t you at least have trusted me enough to talk to me before running off?”

“It’s not a matter of trust. It’s knowledge.”

He glanced back at her before returning his stare to the door.

“Knowledge of what?”

“I know that if they had brought me back wrong then you would have hidden me away instead of letting them destroy the monster I had become. That night you thought I slept with Richard you would have killed him except for the chip. Three years ago when the First came back you would have let the world go into hell if you thought it was the only way to save me. Even when you were with Donna, if you thought that I was in danger you would have been there.” Her hand moved to cover her child. “And now, I know that you would destroy this baby you never wanted to protect me.”

“Is that so bad? Is it? That I love you so much that I would never let anything come before you.”

“Our children need to be first. Every one of them needs to be our first priority now even this one.”

“I can’t make it without you.” He knew there was a sob in his voice but it had always been Buffy. And he honestly didn’t know if he had the strength to live without her anymore. There was a time when he could have but after being with her for all these years it was as if they were one being.

“If the only way to save me was for you to put a gun to Raven’s head and shoot her. Could you do it? Or to Elijah? Or to Sean? Anymore than you could have killed Dawn all those years ago?”

“Buffy, don’t ask me that. Please?”

“Then why is this baby different? I can feel the changes in my body because of this child we created from our love. Elijah communicates with him. But yet because you haven’t felt it yet, you want to take him from me.”

Spike stood and started to pace the room. “I never said I wanted to destroy this child. Never. So, quit assuming I do. How the hell did you even know that they were suggesting termination?”

“I wanted to ask Kate something and followed her and Sara out and overheard them talking. And I knew you would agree so I did what I had to. Why do you lie to me and say that you don’t want to when you do?”

“Do you think that I am that cold and callous?”

Buffy laughed and finally turned to look at him. “I know who you are now. Remember? I know exactly what you were and who you are now. And you would if it would keep your world the way you want it.”

“If I am so selfish and cruel, why are you with me?”

She was ripping through all of his beliefs of who he was and who he wanted to be, down to the very core of his needs. And his greatest need was her. It had been her for a decade now and she was right, they could all die if it would keep her with him. She was his very reason for existing now and everyone and everything else was just extra that in the end didn’t matter as much.

“Because you love me.”

He laughed, “The way you make it sound its more like obsession.”

“It is that, too. But it goes both ways, my love, we are so entwined that I need to know that you are always there.”

Spike stepped from the shadows of the room to look down at her because he thought she was slipping away again but her eyes were the vibrant green that they were in passion. He sat on the bed again as her fingers explored the planes of his face. As he sighed in contentment from her touch, his hand was taken by hers to cover her lower belly.

“This child is destined for greatness. Even if he does nothing more than exist because it is a child born of a Slayer and a vampire into a new world of understanding. How can you even consider destroying him?” She kissed him softly then gently stroked his face with hers so that their tears would mingle. “I love this baby already. And I have no second thoughts of laying down my life or sanity for it. If there is a way to find me or bring me back then I know you will do it. Just like you did tonight. Like you always have and always will.”

“I’m scared, Love,” he whispered as he kissed her. His desperation and fear came through as his lips moved over hers.

“Trust us. Always trust us but you’re a father now. Not just to this child but to the three at home. They are precious gifts given to us and we need to put them before us.” Buffy cradled his face in her hands. “Promise me that you will let this child live and if it means letting me go then you’ll let me go.”

“And if I don’t?”

“You already know,” she whispered as she laid her hand over the heart she had carved into him.

Fear coursed through him and he knew that for her children she would destroy him. His eyes studied her face as he contemplated her words and in the end he nodded his head. “I promise.” It wasn’t a decision made from fear or desperation because he knew she was right. It was a decision made in the knowledge that if she in one of her spells attacked Elijah then he would protect Eli before her. Their children had to come first whether already there or still nestled in her womb. “I promise, Buffy, that I will put our children first. All of them but it doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you.”

“Asshole,” she said as she smiled. “You had better not give up on me.” Then she grew sober again. “As long as I have your promise that you won’t take this child from me, I’m going to trust you enough to come home. I know your promises are sacred to you.”

“I love you, Baby, no matter what.”

She pulled him down onto the bed with her and curled him against her. “It’s going to be okay. We have faced too much to let this separate us. Understand?”

He shifted so they were facing each other and his hands slowly traversed her body as he gazed into the depths of those eyes he loved. They shone clear and bright and filled with love for him. When her lips parted as her breath picked up he smiled. There wasn’t a moment that he was going to waste with her until this was over. He refused to believe that the fates would be so cruel to take her from him forever and he decided that he would continue to fight for her and for them until he had no choice in the matter.

October 25, 2007 1:14 AM

Spike moved down the stairs of the Hyperion in search of some sustenance. He knew that Angel used to keep some blood in a small refrigerator behind the counter and hoped that he still did. As he rounded the corner he saw that the office light was still on. His first priority was finding blood though and after locating some and heating it, he made his way into the office.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey Spike,” Fred said as she vacated a chair and gestured him into it.

The other occupants of the room were Angel and Wes and he knew they wanted an explanation for the evening’s events. As he took a seat he smiled wanly at Fred, “So, how’s Max?”

Fred’s face lit up, “He’s fine. Still in Tennessee,” then when she saw the smirk on Spike’s face she realized that he was teasing her. “That wasn’t nice.”

“Just protecting my friend.” With a sigh he leaned back in the chair and took a long swig of his drink. His gaze drifted from one friend of his to the other. “She’s finally asleep. It’s been a long day and she’s exhausted. Hope it’s okay if we spend the night.”

“You know it is.” Angel replied. “We talked to Giles and let him know that the two of you are here. He said to tell you that Elijah is still at Xander’s and Raven and Sean are at his house.”

“Thanks, that was next on my things to do.”

“He also told us what happened today.”
“Good. Didn’t really want to go over the grisly details again.” Spike blinked back tears that he thought was dried up by now. “She made me promise that I wouldn’t hurt the baby. It’s the only way that I know that she would go home with me and won’t try to run again.”

“Do you mean it?” Wesley asked.

“Of course, I do. For her.” He noticed the glance that occurred between Angel and Wesley at his pronouncement and fear curled in his belly again. “Have you two come up with something?”

“It’s a theory. Only a theory.” Wesley said. “When Darla was pregnant with Connor she shared his soul giving her a touch of humanity.”

“And what does that have to do with Buffy?”

“Spike, if this child was conceived while you were still a vampire then maybe it was conceived without a…soul.”

“That’s impossible. Buffy’s human and I have a soul.”

Fred looked quickly at Wes and Angel before turning back to Spike. “Spike, you’re soul was forced into your body. It wasn’t there naturally.”

“Angel and Darla didn’t have a soul.” Spike said and then laughed sardonically. “Sorry, forgot, Angel is special. Of course his kid would be different.” He looked away from the others in the room then sighed. “I’m sorry. Okay, my baby is a soulless demon what does that have to do with Buffy’s state.”

Wesley took over again. “Darla was influenced by Connor’s soul and if this baby doesn’t have one then it could be influencing Buffy the same way. Or slowly taking over hers and when it is born that is why Lorne saw Buffy disappear. It will leave her without a soul thus making Buffy nothing more than a hollow shell after she has given birth.”

TBC