December 13, 2007 4:25 PM

Spike knew he was supposed to be paying bills. That was the whole reason for him to hide away in his study but his mouse kept clicking through his favorite sites, checking out things that he enjoyed instead of things he had to do. Buffy was napping, Del was baking in the kitchen, Elijah was with Tara and Sean and Raven were parked in front of the television. He wasn’t needed anywhere at the moment and Spike couldn’t concentrate on something as mundane as the electric bill when he could look in on some old demon friends of his.

“Dad,” Raven said, appearing at the doorway. “Mum just headed outside.”

“What is she doing?”

“I don’t know but she’s in one of her…you know…she was mumbling about something matching.”

Sighing, Spike hurried out of the room followed by his daughter. Del and Sean were standing at the back door and stepped out of his way as he came through.

“Doesn’t match, doesn’t match at all, won’t do, it just won’t do,” Buffy rambled, kneeling at the flower bed in front of the porch.

“Go back inside. I’ve got this,” Spike said and knelt beside Buffy. “Hey, sweetheart, what’s going on?”

“The flowers are wrong. Don’t match the house,” Buffy answered, pulling plants from the ground and throwing them aside. “Can’t stand, abide, bear, don’t like them. Have to go, they have to go.

“We planted them for the fall, remember?”

“We should have painted the house then. Do it now but,” Buffy said, reaching her arms up. “I can’t reach the top. No, no, can’t reach, so they have to die, they’ll die, just like everything else I touch. No, that’s” Her hands rubbed her temples. “Me, they go away. All go away.” She turned to look at Spike. “Why haven’t you gone away like the others?”

Spike tucked her hair behind her ear but Buffy pulled away to yank more plants from the ground. He shook his head at the dirt that was flying everywhere as she threw her victims haphazardly away. The last few days had been relatively calm ones for his wife. Feeling her baby move had put her on this high that she had been determined to maintain.

“Because I love you, Buffy, that’s why I stay.” Spike answered, feeling he was talking to himself as Buffy scooted away to attack some more of their flowers. “Told you I’d always be here and I will.”

“Fool,” Buffy declared, crawling back to him. Her hands cupped his face as she searched for something. “You don’t love me. Prize. Won me, no, maybe you do.” Her hands rubbed her belly for a moment then came to cup his face again. “I’m a Mummy now and you like to fuck your mums. But I’m not your Mum, not nearly but you made me a Mum, does that count?”

“What are you talking about?”

Glancing back at the house to make sure their family was still inside, Spike contemplated Buffy. Her words had hit something inside of him that he didn’t like to think about. Something he tried to forget but Buffy had seen it and had never brought up until now. She had known that it was something of great shame for him and best left alone.

“Your Mummy. You loved her very much didn’t you? Yes, you did. She always petted and caressed you. The only woman that would touch William.” Buffy leaned to whisper in his ear. “Wet dreams about your own mother. How very very naughty. William was a bad boy with his hands, then your other Mummy came and you could play with her all you wanted. Fuck your Mummy, finally got to be inside, crawl back, where you wanted to be.”

“Stop it, Buffy, please,” Spike pleaded, aghast at her words. This couldn’t be happening. Buffy could be bitchy and mean to him but never had anything crueler come from her. He tried to tell himself it was the insanity that she couldn’t help it but the humiliation was almost overwhelming. His hands grasped her arms and shook her to try to snap her out of it.

“Fuck Mummy, lick her, and kiss her, and,” Buffy stopped for a moment and her eyes opened wide. “You beat your Mummy with a whip and paddle. Is that why you want to play games with me?” Her head tilted to the side and her hand drifted down to his chest. “When your Mummy, the one you murdered, spanked you, did it make you all hard?”

Spike slapped her.

“Oh, God, Buffy, I’m sorry,” Spike said, trying to pull her up from where she lay on the ground. She refused his help and remained on the ground, holding her cheek. He brushed her hair out of her face. “Baby, come on, let’s go and get you cleaned up.”

“Nothing is right today. Can’t find it.” Buffy said, looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “It doesn’t match and my face hurts.” She rested her hand on his arm. “Pain it calls out to me.” She dragged her nails down his arm, leaving a trail of scratches that broke the skin and drew blood. She pulled him to her and her tongue lapped at the blood. “Mine, always mine, bad women, from before, didn’t understand.”

Blood and tears flowed as he watched Buffy lick at the scratches. Someone had ripped his soul from him that afternoon as he saw a new level in Buffy’s illness. Somewhere in his mind, he could see traces of Drusilla in the woman before him but it had to be similarities of the insanity. The memories were still there, mixing with the present creating this mess that existed only in Buffy’s slowly crumbling mind. Finally he stood, picking her up in his arms and carried her upstairs to the bathroom; he ignored their family that sat at the kitchen table. He couldn’t help them right now or reassure them because there was no one to do that for him.

Reaching the bathroom, he started the shower and undressed the momentarily docile Buffy. After undressing himself he led her under the warm spray and she shivered as the water flowed over her.

“Hold still, Luv, I’m going to wash your hair,” Spike said when she tried to move from under the water. He squirted shampoo onto her tresses and started to work it in as her hands flowed over his chest.

“Don’t get it in my eyes. It stings, please, no sting, like a bee.”

“Put your head back.” Buffy acquiesced and he rinsed the shampoo from her, his hand gently wiped all the suds from her face before pulling her out of the stream. “See, all done, now…”

“Want to take a bath.” She whined and opened the shower door. “Do you want to take a bath? Want to swim. Why don’t we have a pool? My Daddy had one in Los Angeles. He doesn’t love me anymore.”

Spike wrapped his arm around her to try to keep her in the shower but she struggled against him. In resignation he turned the water off and walked them over to the tub.

“Hold on, let me get the water right,” Spike said when she tried to climb into the tub. He adjusted the temperature and flipped the stopper while keeping an eye on his wife who was sniffing all the bath bubbles and oils.

“This one, please, can I have this one,” Buffy asked, thrusting a bottle of pear scented bubble bath at him. “First date, lick, slam, suck, rode Spike, no, they stopped us. Why did they stop us?”

“I don’t know, Love, just didn’t understand I guess.”

“Never understand.” Buffy pouted as she climbed into the bathtub. Her fingers chased the bubbles created as Spike poured the scented gel in. Spike put the bottle away and grabbed a hair clip and slid in behind her. She slid forward enough for him to fit behind her and put her head back when requested for him to put her hair up. With a sigh, he let his hands trace along her back when he was done. She seemed sad and lost and he regretted the slap from earlier.

It had been too much at the time and it had hurt. Buffy had never gone that deep before into a place that was so tender and once again he tried to justify it with the illness. In a way it made sense to him along with the familiar tones of Dru because she had all those memories locked away inside of her and it wouldn’t take much for them to blend together and with Buffy’s own interpretations come out tainted and twisted.

“Did Angel fuck his Mummy?”

“What?” Spike asked, shaken from his reverie.

Her hands feathered down his legs and her fingers twisted his toes.

“Did Darla and Angel have sex?” Buffy tilted her head. “Of course, they did. They made Connor from their incest. Does that make Darla both his mother and grandmother?” She giggled and looked back at him. “That makes Connor your uncle either way. Need to respect your elders, you do.”

“Is that what you’re trying to do? Figure out family lines?”

“Belong…” She pointed at the marks on her neck. “Angel and Dracula both bit me and you too. Who do I belong to?”

“You belong to me, Pet.”

“Are we mates?”

“Not in the vampire way, exactly, but in a way that counts for us.”

Buffy turned away, pulling her legs up and resting her face against them. She started to hum some tune that Spike didn’t know and he ran the sponge over her back, watching the water as it ran across her flesh. Except for her humming and the lull of the water it was quiet. An eerie, almost surreal, tone had taken over the day and he almost wished this part wouldn’t end for awhile.

“Child,” Buffy whispered, leaning back against him. She took his hands and laid them on her stomach. “Our child, not made from blood, who does she belong to?”

“He belongs to us.” Spike answered, placing a kiss on her temple. “You’re not a vampire, Buffy, you’re human, you know who you’re family is.”

“No, I don’t. My Daddy doesn’t want me. My Mommy is dead. My sister wants what is mine and the others,” Buffy growled. “The others don’t want me anymore. I wanted you to be my Daddy and protect me and love me but the baby was coming. You saw before I did and I couldn’t be your childe. The baby will fix everything and the family will fall into line again. Yes, such days to come.”

A chill ran through Spike and he wanted to question her some more but someone knocked on the door.

“Yes,” Spike called out.

“Max is here and dinner is going to be ready in ten,” Sean called.

“Max, I want to see Max,” Buffy said, scrambling up and hurrying toward the door and Spike just managed to stop her before she went tearing downstairs, wet and naked.

December 13, 2007 6:10 PM

Max leaned back in his chair and took a sip of his beer. His eyes flickered between the members of the family in front of him. Elijah had been dropped off about the time that he arrived and was the only one that seemed to be upbeat. Del had whispered that Buffy was having a bad afternoon and it was left at that.

”Raven, you still going to the dance on Saturday night?” Max asked, trying to ease the tension a little in the room.

The Slayer stopped in her tracks on her way to the table with a handful of plates. She turned deadly eyes to Sean before proceeding. “No, I’m not. Ask Sean why.”

“Sean?”

Max watched in amusement as Raven slammed the plates down as she set the table and Sean, ignored her as he piled biscuits onto a platter.

“SHE didn’t think about asking me and just assumed that I would escort her. I have a date, thank you.”

“With a girl and that doesn’t count.” Raven exclaimed.

“With a friend and that does count.” Sean said, bringing the platter over. “And besides it’s none of your business.”

“Shhh,” Buffy said as she walked into the room. “We have company.” She stopped in front of Max for a moment before reaching down to take his hands. “Are you company or family?”

“Hoping I’m family since it’s almost dinner time and I’m starving.” Max joked, his eyes growing big as his hands were shoved under Buffy’s blouse.

“The baby moved. I felt it. It’s life inside, growing in me. Spike says it belongs to us. What do you think?”

Max glanced around the room but the others continued their chores and Spike just looked sad at the exchange as he walked toward them. Max shook his head, Buffy wasn’t bothering him and he didn’t need her husband to take her away. Instead, he splayed his hands against her stomach and smiled up at her.

“Did it feel like a butterfly? I heard that said one time, that it felt like the fluttering of butterfly wings.”

“I like that. Butterfly, maybe that’s what we’ll call her.” Buffy giggled. “Rebirth, metamorphosis, renewal, new start, yes, my baby is a butterfly. She is going to change everything.”

“Is it time, Mummy?” Elijah asked.

“No, hush now, time for everything later,” Buffy answered, stepping away from Max. “It’s time for dinner. I’m hungry now. Everybody eat. Have to go potty. Be back.”

After Buffy moved into the hallway, Max finally turned to Spike, questions piled on the tip of his tongue but was silenced by the shaking of his friend’s head. The children were here and although they knew almost everything that happened, there were still things kept separate and the questions would wait.

“So, she’s still funny?” Raven asked, glancing up at her father as she took her place at the table.

“Yeah, she is,” Spike answered. “Elijah, what did you mean? When you asked about it being time?”

The boy looked up at his father and shook his head. “Mummy said we’d play later and I wanted to play now.”

Spike crouched down to talk to his son directly and Max smiled at the gesture. It was something he figured that he would never have and watching moments like this made him almost regret his decisions.

“I don’t think Mummy is going to be up playing with you tonight. Maybe Raven or Sean will play,” Spike said, glancing at his other two children who both nodded. “See, after dinner, they’ll take care of you. Okay?”

“Okay,” Elijah answered.

“Spike,” Buffy wailed from the back of the house and Spike and Max both took off to find her.

“Children, sit and eat.” Del said as they watched the two men disappear into the hallway.

December 13, 2007 6:30 PM

The crying was coming from the study and the two men rushed in. Buffy was rocking in the middle of the couch with her feet pressed together. In her hand was the phone which she held up to Spike.

“He doesn’t understand. Angel can’t explain.” Buffy said. “I told him you slapped me and now he’s angry.”

Dreading what was coming Spike took the phone from Buffy and sat on the couch next to her as Max sat on the other side. Giving the instrument one last glare, he reluctantly held it to his ear.

“Hello,” Spike said.

“Spike, what is going on?” Angel asked.

Angel was back to that tone of voice that let Spike know that he was never good enough and he didn’t have it in him to fight tonight so he just leaned back into the couch and told the truth.

“She’s having a bad day.”

“You slapped her?”

“Yeah, I did.” Spike said. “I know it was wrong, so you don’t need to tell me. She said something that really hurt and I reacted.”

Spike was drawn back to his wife as Buffy took his hand and then reached for Max’s, pressing them together as she inspected them. She held the two together with one hand while the fingers on the other, floated over them, moving them. Spike realized that Angel was speaking again and he tried to catch at least some of what he was saying.

“You need to watch yourself and not take it so personally, Spike. I know it can be hard.”

There was a multitude of things Spike could say in response but didn’t. One of which was ‘How would you know? You always sent Dru my way when things were bad’. But he didn’t, he just let it go.

“You’re bigger than Spike,” Buffy said as she let their hands go. Her gaze turned to Max, her hand cupping his cheek. “You’re strong, too but I’m stronger. I could kill you before you could move.”

“I’m sure you could.”

“But I won’t. You’re family. My family. I had sex with Angel. Spike had sex with Angel. Did you have sex with Angel?”

“Buffy, stop it,” Spike said, interrupting her.

“What the hell is she talking about?” Angel sputtered.

The indignation in his Sire’s tone did it and Spike couldn’t help laughing as he tried to answer Angel’s query.

“She’s asking Max if he had sex with you. Right after she told him she could kill him.”

But his laughter had his wife turning to him, guilt written on her face and he slipped his arm around her, pulling her against him, in an effort to reassure her that it wasn’t directed at her.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been bad today.” Buffy said, her eyes filling with tears again. “I can’t get it. It’s right there but it’s all mixed up.” She reached a hand out in front of her. “Why can’t I get it? Let me talk to Angel.” Her hand reached for the phone but Spike evaded her and stood as Max held her away.

“Buffy, let me finish talking to Angel then I’ll let you talk to him.” Spike said as sat on the corner of the desk, sighing as she clicked the speaker button on the phone base.

“Angel, Spike doesn’t want me to talk to you.”

“You can talk to me anytime you want.”

Frustration was evident on Spike’s face as he clicked the phone off and took a seat on the coffee table. There was nothing in his control at the moment and all he could do was try to keep up as more and more sinkholes were created.

“Will you come take care of me when Spike goes away?”

“Isn’t Delores going to be there?”

“They’re around. They are flying about my head and the noise is too much. Need an Angel to protect the butterfly.”

“Spike, pick up the phone.”

Spike did as he was told and returned to sit at the desk while Max kept Buffy occupied. His hand covered his face and for a moment wanted this whole day to start over.

“You there?” Angel asked.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Giles was right. You are too close to see.”

“Oh, that is just bloody great. Buffy is over here thinking you’re going to protect her when you’re in cahoots with the Watcher.”

“Spike, do you really think that I would let that happen to her?” Angel asked. “I wouldn’t. I don’t know something just isn’t right with this whole thing. Maybe I see it because I’m not in the middle of it everyday. When did this episode start?”

“This afternoon, she’d been taking a nap but woke up upset.”

“And what were you talking about before she lay down?”

“What are we going to do play twenty questions?” Spike asked. He wasn’t in the mood for games and although Max seemed to be comfortable with Buffy, Spike didn’t want to take any chances. Her moods had been erratic and at any moment she might be ready to take off again. “What’s your point?”

“Just trying to get you to realize that this was probably prompted by the fact that you are leaving tomorrow and she’s afraid of being without protection. Giles wants to put her in a hospital and Xander and Willow have power of attorney if you are unavailable.”

“Bollocks,” Spike exclaimed. His Sire was right. It had to be and he hadn’t figured it out. “I’m going to cancel the trip.”

“Don’t cancel. Cordy and I’ll be there by midnight. We’ll talk then.”

Before Spike could answer, Angel hung up. His gaze returned to Max and his wife who were in an earnest conversation.

“So, should the house be brown for the winter?” Max asked. “Since everything is darker.”

“No, Max, orange would be better,” Buffy answered. “The airplanes wouldn’t crash into it and neither would the angels.”

“Are you worried about someone crashing into the house?”

Buffy shook her head, “If it’s brown then it would look like dirt and they might think they are supposed to land here. No, it’s orange. We need to go buy paint.”

Shaking his head, Spike took her hand. “No painting tonight. Especially orange because the demons could find us easier too.”

“Is Angel coming?” Buffy asked, allowing Spike to pull her to her feet.

“Yep, he’ll be here in a few hours.” Spike answered, slipping his arms around her as they headed for the kitchen. “All you have to do is relax now. You’re all safe.”

Spike kissed the back of her head and hoped he was right.

December 13, 2007 9:50 PM

Elijah waited until his father had reached the bottom of the stairs before opening his door all the way. He did a quick sweep of the second floor and once he was assured that only Mummy and he were upstairs, he hurried across the hall. His Mummy had been calling for him for hours and no one would let them be alone. Why didn’t they understand that she wouldn’t hurt him? No matter what mood his mother was in, she loved and protected him.

“Mummy, you awake?” Elijah asked, approaching the bed cautiously. For a moment he hesitated and using the visual wall that Auntie Tara had told him about, he protected himself from the onslaught of his mother’s mind. With everyone else, it was still rare that he could pick up anything other than feelings and emotions but his mother was different and it was growing stronger every day. Since he had gotten home this afternoon, she had been calling to him, using him to hold onto while the world around her fragmented.

“Yes, I’m awake,” Mummy answered, holding her hand out to him and he scrambled onto the bed beside her.

His hands caressed her face, running from forehead to chin and then repeated the motion. She had once told him that it gave her a focal point that relaxed her and helped her deal with everything.

“Is Great-Grandfather coming?” Elijah asked. “Did you call him?”

“Yes, he is. So, we’ll be protected while Daddy is gone. Just remember if Mummy has to hide that you come with me.”

“Okay, why can’t we tell Daddy?”

“It’s not time yet because the baby is still too little.”

Mummy pulled him to her and he let himself cuddle into her. He liked to be held like this because it made him feel safe and the expectations not so big. It was his job to protect the baby because he was the only one who knew all the secrets and it frightened him to be so important.

to be continued…