December 17, 2007 6:55 PM

Stepping through the door, Spike could see Angel ensconced in his chair and reading a book. For the first time in a long time, Spike felt like everything was good in his life. He was home with his family and he had made decisions so that their lives would be easier. Buffy had been happy this morning, smiling and affectionate, and he had fallen in love with her all over again. The holidays and even the dog that he was reluctantly accepting were sources of joy. And he just wanted to settle in, drink hot chocolate and bask in the respite that had been given him. Feeling generous he didn’t tell Angel to move and leaned against the mantel while Max settled on ‘his’ couch.

“Where is everyone?” Spike asked, looking around the empty house.

“Del went home,” Angel replied. “Buffy is upstairs and everybody else took Elijah to a holiday thing at the park.”

Hearing a noise the three men turned toward the stairs to watch Buffy coming toward them. Spike held his arms out to her but she stopped just out of his reach.

“SB called,” Buffy said.

“When?” Max asked, sitting up. “Did you record it?”

Buffy nodded but kept her attention fixated on Spike. “She said that you spent the night with her Saturday.”

His immediate thought was Nikki and he turned to Max with a question in his eyes. “It couldn’t have been Nikki. She gave too much personal information.”

“She said that you made love to her,” his wife said, ignoring his comment. Her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke.

The pain in Buffy’s voice surprised him.

“Pet, I told you what I did Saturday. I didn’t have sex with anyone.”

“He didn’t…,” Max said.

“You stay out of this,” Buffy said. “Twice now, I’ve trusted you with my husband and both times you’ve failed me. I want you out of our lives and out of this house.”

It couldn’t be. After what they had gone through since the summer, Buffy couldn’t believe that he would lie to her. Not now and not over something like this.

“You don’t think I did it, do you?”

The hurt in her eyes said she did.

“If you didn’t then how did she know that you have a scar on your chest and that I gave it to you? Were you running around nude in Atlanta? And if you didn’t then how did she know these were in your suitcase?” Buffy asked, opening her hand to reveal the condoms.

“Oh, come on, Love,” Spike retorted, his hand gesturing toward hers. “If I was going to shag someone else, don’t you think I’d be smart enough not to leave these as evidence?”

“You weren’t supposed to come home last night. Maybe you were saving them for Miami or LA and forgot to get rid of them in your hurry to get back?”

Her doubt in him flooded his heart with pain. He tried to rationalize her accusations with the illness and the separation and even his willing confession as to his activities on Saturday night. But no matter what Spike told himself he couldn’t justify this lack of faith and anger followed the pain.

Angel and Max both disappeared from his mind as he bit out. “I didn’t nor have I screwed around on you.”

“Are you telling me that you spent an entire evening with some other woman and you didn’t do anything? That you’re so saintly that it didn’t even occur to you to fuck her.”

“Yeah, I thought about it. And yeah, I thought she was hot and fun to be with but I didn’t do anything about it.” It was then that he remembered Donna and realized where Buffy’s insecurity was coming from. Instead of calming him, it only made him angrier. “This is because of Donna isn’t it?”

“I believed and trusted you when you said never again.” Buffy was trembling in her own anger and stepped closer to him. “If you didn’t lie to me, then explain these.”

The condoms were thrown at him and Spike took a step back from her, shaking his head.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. I’ve told you the truth about everything. Am I supposed to pay forever for caring about a woman that was a friend to me when you were off with another man? What are the rules? Explain them to me. Am I not supposed to look at another woman or think she’s attractive?”

“You’re supposed to be faithful to me,” Buffy screamed. “I’m supposed to be only woman that you want to be with.”

Angel appeared beside them. “Come on, you two, calm down. Buffy, come sit on the couch.” He put his hands on her shoulders to try and lead her.

“Get your hands off my wife,” Spike snarled. “Is this the way it’s going to be? One set of rules for me and one set of rules for you.”

“What are you talking about? Don’t turn this around on me.”

“No, I want to know. It’s okay to call me a liar and a cheat. What about you? Max is around the house all the time. You spent an afternoon in an adult motel with him. You even told me that you wanted him. Gee, did that just stop or are you enjoying having him around?” Spike stepped closer to her, ignoring his Sire trying to come between them. “And what about Angel? I go out of town and you insist on having your ex-lover here to protect you. He even gets invited to spend Christmas with us. Did anyone ask me? No, because I’m supposed to be the understanding husband. I’m supposed to accept these other men in your life while I get fucking crucified for fifteen seconds of indecision. It’s bullshit.”

Max took his arm and pulled him away from Buffy. “Stop it, remember she’s pregnant and this isn’t good for her.”

“I told you to get out of my house,” Buffy screamed as Angel turned her toward him.

It was when she stepped into his Sire’s arms that Spike lost the last thread of control he had.

“Tell me, wife, is it even my baby?” Spike said in a voice that was too calm. “What did you say? What’s wrong with you? Angel has a kid. Did you go to him to get knocked up?”

“How dare you?” Angel yelled. “Stop it now. Maybe if you’d learn how to control yourself these things wouldn’t happen.”

The fight had gone out of Buffy as she gazed at him. She only looked defeated as the heartbreak showed on her tear ravaged face. Spike wanted to go to her and comfort her but he didn’t think it was his right anymore. She didn’t have any faith in him and without that there was nothing between them. He knew it was his baby. The words had been chosen to wound her as badly as her mistrust had wounded him.

It was confusing to figure out these things in a world that was still foreign to him. A part of him had been serious when he had asked for the rules. The world he had grown up in was nothing like the world he lived in now. The life of a vampire had been simple compared to the complexities of living as a married man. There had been no dating, no social integration, just this family and this town. Out there in the other world, trying to navigate it as a human was hard for him and as always it was difficult for him to ask for guidance. And in the usual Spike way, he had once again fucked up and he was alone in the aftermath to figure it out.

Broken and hurt, the anger left him and he stared at the woman that was still standing in another man’s arms. There was nothing left to say and he simply walked away. No one tried to stop him as he climbed on his bike and drove away. There didn’t seem to be anything else that he could do except to leave.

December 17, 2007 7:45 PM

Max clicked off his cell phone, grabbed his duffel bag and returned to the living room. He still couldn’t accept how the evening had turned out. And, unfortunately, he could see both their sides in the argument and didn’t want to have to choose sides. Not that it mattered because he was told to leave by Buffy and Spike had already left and was refusing to answer his cell phone. He took one last look around at the decorated living room and felt a pang of regret that he wouldn’t be here for Christmas. Instead he would probably be alone in some hotel room but he had made a mistake worse than Spike’s. He had let his friend down again and deserved the banishment.

Buffy was curled up in her chair staring off into space and Angel was pacing the floor. Neither of them looked very friendly but he stopped anyway making the vampire hover protectively over Buffy.

“I’m on my way back to Atlanta to check things out,” Max said and when neither responded, he offered an explanation that might help Spike out. “I know you don’t want to hear it but I don’t think he did anything with Nikki. He didn’t flirt with her or lead her on. He told both of them that he was married and not interested before we went to dinner. I wasn’t with him all night but when I was walking Amber back to her room, he was coming off the elevator after leaving the bar. He walked with me and we separated at the doors to our rooms.” He hesitated but there still weren’t any comments from the other two. “I’ll call when I know something. Have a merry Christmas.”

Swearing that he would find a way to stop this woman from harassing this family that he cared about, Max walked outside to wait for the taxi he had called. This time she had left too many clues and he would find her if it was the last thing he did.

December 17, 2007 11:45 PM

Spike leaned back against the headboard and idly flicked the remote control through the choices of the television. He didn’t have anywhere to go so after driving around for hours he had checked in at the Sunnydale motel. His cell phone rang and he looked at the ID. Nervous flutters invaded his stomach when he saw that it was home.

“Hello,” Spike answered.

“Daddy,” Raven said. “Is that you?”

“Yeah, Princess, it’s me.”

At his acknowledgement his daughter burst into tears causing guilt to flood his system.

“Come home, please, everything is a mess.”

“What’s going on?”

Spike grimaced when he realized that it was a stupid question. He was the problem and the source of whatever was going on at the house.

“Daddy, I came back from patrol and Angel and Cordy are arguing, Mum is hiding in the bedroom crying and Sean, Eli and Candy were all in my bed. Please, come take care of it.”

“You want me to come get your brothers and dog out of your room so you can sleep?”

“Daddy,” Raven wailed, sounding like the insecure girl she still was deep inside. “I don’t know everything that happened but we need you. The four of us outnumber everybody else. And even if she is upset with you, you know that Buffy needs you. And Christmas is in a week; our first Christmas together as a family.”

Spike sighed. She was right and he knew it. “I’ll be home in twenty minutes.”

He made it in fifteen. Angel and Cordy were still arguing in the kitchen when he walked in. Cordy stopped in the middle of a rant to stare in surprise at his entrance. Angel gave him the once over and started to open his mouth but Spike stopped him with a raised hand.

“Go home,” Spike said. “Angel, take your wife and go home. Buffy is my wife…”

“That’s what I’ve been telling him,” Cordelia interrupted.

“And I’ll take care of her and my family.”

“I don’t think she wants you here.”

“Well,” Spike said, laughing humorlessly, “She shouldn’t have married me if she didn’t want me around. You should know by now that in spite of it all I love her and I’m trying. And if you don’t know that then we haven’t done much to clean up the past.”

Angel nodded and Spike knew they would be heading home to deal with their own lives. He stopped at the kitchen door and turned to look at the couple who had taken care of his wife and home for the past few days.

“Thanks, for helping out. If you want to come back for Christmas, I’d like for you to be here.”

His shoes were kicked off as he crossed the living room and his socks were discarded on the way up the stairs. Barefoot he padded into his daughter’s room and smiled at the scene before him. Sean and Raven were lying facing each other, obviously deep in conversation, and between them lay Elijah and Candy fast asleep. Spike smiled and crossed over to them, pulled the covers higher over them, kissed Raven on the cheek and turned out the light.

“Go to sleep. You have school tomorrow.”

“Night Dad,” Sean said.

“Thanks,” Raven whispered.

Spike closed the door behind, took a deep breath and stepped into the bedroom he shared with his wife. Buffy was curled in a fetal position with his pillow held tight in her arms. Her eyes flashed when she saw him and she sat up.

“Go away,” Buffy said.

“No,” Spike answered, dropping his shirt on the floor and sat on the bed. “I’m not going anywhere. Angel and Cordelia are hopefully on their way home and the kids are asleep and I’m all you’ve got.”

“I want a divorce.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do, you arrogant pig. Get out of my bed and my house.”

“I paid for both so you can leave if you don’t like it.”

Spike caught her wrist before she was able to make contact with his face and when she tried to retaliate with her other hand, he caught that one too.

“Buffy, stop it now. You’re five months pregnant and I am not going to fight with you. And I’m too tired to let you beat me up.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”

Buffy scooted to the other side of the bed, drawing her legs up, and eyeing him like he was going to do something to her. Instead he kicked his jeans off and slid under the covers, recovered his tossed pillow and put it behind his head.

“I fucked up and I’m sorry.” Sighing, he turned to look at his wife. “The promise I made to you was to remain faithful and in the end I kept that promise. Sorry excuse I know but one of these days one of us is going to have to realize that I’m not your Prince Charming. I’m just a reformed evil vampire trying to make it in the suburbs and very prone to being human. But I love you, and sometimes it scares me with its intensity. And I look at other women and I wonder if they could take your place but I realize in the end they won’t. This time I didn’t get as far as I did the last time and maybe I’ve finally gotten it in my head that eventually you’re going to consume me and won’t even bother to fight it anymore.”

“Is this where I’m supposed to say poor baby and forgive you? Because I’m not.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. I have to pay for the sins of every man that has come before me. Just promise that you won’t castrate me in my sleep.”

Spike turned on his side, leaving Buffy his backside to ponder.

“You’re being awfully flippant for someone who did what you did.”

“Too bleedin’ tired to be anything else.”

Her hand curved around his arm and pulled him onto his back again. He raised his arm and waited for her to settle against him before wrapping it around her.

“You’re only staying because I…we need you.”

“I know.”

“Don’t think I’ve forgiven you because I haven’t.”

“I know.”

“And I’m still angry with you.”

“I know.”

Spike kissed the top of her head and smiled at the small sigh she gave. He continued to rub small circles on her back until she drifted off to sleep. He knew it wasn’t going to just disappear because he came home and she allowed him to hold her. But they were both where they belonged and it was a start.

to be continued…
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