January 18, 2008 1:25 AM
It took several seconds for her words to penetrate the thickness of the pain
surrounding him. Spike gazed into his wife’s face trembling with disbelief.
Angel was staring at him, waiting for him to do something with Buffy, and as
if in a trance Spike made his way to their side. He hunkered down and in wonder,
ran his fingers across her cheek.
“Dru, is that you, ducks?”
Those hands, so warm, cupped his cheeks while those eyes brimming with love searched his face in return. Tears escaped from her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
“You see me, my love, you really see me,” The words came from Buffy’s mouth but they weren’t hers. They belonged to his dark princess and she leaned over and caressed his cheek with her own. “It’s been so long and I’ve missed you.”
Her lips covered his and Spike was lost in the sensation. It was the lips that he had been kissing for years, the ones that loved him, pleasured him, and fed from him, but yet somehow they weren’t. They were soft as they moved over his and he fell forward to his knees. His hand clasped her behind her neck to deepen the kiss. Everything disappeared as he became lost in her. It was only when he felt Angel’s hand on his back that reality bit through the haze and he pulled back. He shook his head as he tried to concentrate on the woman still straddling his Sire.
Spike watched as the love shifted from her eyes to disbelief and horror as Buffy became aware of where she was and what she was doing. She looked from one male to the other and Spike could see her recoil in fear. Trying to crawl off of Angel, her foot got caught in the sheet and Spike had to lift her off of the bed. Carefully, he set Buffy on her feet and tried to soothe the panic racing through her. With a whimper she wrapped the robe tightly around her and ran from the room. Ignoring his Sire, Spike followed her, but was unable to catch her when she slipped on the rug in the hallway and crashed into the table.
“Oh, God, don’t touch me,” Buffy cried, pushing his hands away and took off running again.
Spike shoved his emotions to the side and only focused on making sure Buffy was safe. He still didn’t understand what had happened and cold fury simmered inside of him but whatever it was, Buffy didn’t instigate it. She couldn’t have from her reaction when she came back to herself. And in his heart, he realized that Buffy would never go back to Angel. Not willingly or knowingly, and relief slid through him as he acknowledged that fact. Somehow, he had healed and there was no blame for the small woman that was his wife.
Buffy ran into the bathroom and tried to slam the door in Spike’s face but he put his hand up to stop it. She slid to the floor in front of the toilet and threw up, induced by the force of her sobs. His heart broke and he knelt behind her, brushing aside her attempts to pull away from him and gathered her hair out of her way.
“It’s okay, baby,” Spike whispered, rubbing her back. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
“How can you say that?” Buffy asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “What was I doing? Oh, God…”
The door opened and Raven leaned in startling them both. “Is everything okay? Can I do anything?”
Spike shook his head and gathered Buffy against him. His daughter stepped into the room, wetting a washcloth and handing it to him before she slipped away again. He held his wife tightly and rocked her as she wept into his shirt. His hands continued to run over her back while alternating with fierce hugs as he reassured her over and over that it was all right. Their entire lives had exploded with this latest development and he knew the time had come to make decisions. And every one of them was going to be hell to make.
“Do you hate me?” Buffy asked, her voice revealing the fear and torment she was in.
“No, Love,” Spike whispered, kissing the top of her head, “Could never hate you. Nor do I blame you for that down there. I know you love me.”
It was true. And that certainty brought tears to his eyes. He sighed and pushed her away from him. His fingers wiped away the ravaging remains of her tears before letting his thumb brush across the lip that was still quivering from her emotions.
“You do?” Buffy asked, wonder coating the question and the light returned to her eyes. “I mean, I know you do but…”
“No doubts anymore.”
After all this time of loving her, Spike was finally confident that the woman in his arms loved him and only him. Of course, this awareness couldn’t have come at the worse time. The choices he had to make could permanently destroy what had just been fully accepted. His hands squeezed hers and helped her to stand. He kissed her cheek and waited while she brushed her teeth and washed her face. He stared at the rug that Buffy was standing on, tracing the patterns that swirled around her feet while she completed her toilette, anything to keep his mind from repeating the memory of Buffy and Angel. His scent intimately clung to her and the demon within wanted to erase it. He wanted to force her to obedience, to reclaim his territory and mark her as his.
“Spike?”
Torn from his reverie his eyes met hers in the mirror. He could see the uncertainty with a hint of fear simmering in hers. Her hands clutched a towel against her breast. He stood to take a step toward her and saw that he had switched unwittingly to his vampire guise. If she was truly his Childe, truly his mate, as the world he once dwelled in dictated then she would be punished for straying without his permission. Buffy knew it. Somehow she knew more than he had ever told her. Was it from the memories she had accumulated from him? Or was it from someone else? He didn’t know and he went to shake his head to change back when Buffy rested her hand on his arm. Submissively she came to him, pulled her hair back and offered her neck to him.
“Take it away, Spike,” Buffy whispered, her hand resting on his side, sliding beneath his shirt to knead the flesh there. “Make me yours again.
He nuzzled the softness of her throat, licking and nipping, until her hand pushed him against her.
“Please,” she pleaded. “We both need it.”
Buffy gave a small cry followed by a contented sigh as he broke through the skin. Spike pushed her robe off her shoulders and let his hands caress her body. She was his. He erased his Sire’s touch from her and felt the orgasm that rocked her as he did. Triumphant in winning back his mate, he slipped back to human guise, letting his lips skim across her face and kissed her. The last mouthful of her blood was shared with her and she licked his tongue clean.
“You need sleep,” he said, helping her to put her robe back on.
She nodded and allowed him to tend to her. He put her back to bed, tucking her in as if she was a child and waited by her side until she slept. As he brushed the hair back from her face his thoughts turned to vengeance and the vampire downstairs.
January 18, 2008 2:21 AM
The sweet smell of chocolate drifted on the air as Raven opened the microwave
and pulled her mug out. She sniffed the contents and stirred it before glancing
at the vampire she called uncle.
“So, what happened with Mum?” Raven asked.
Angel chuckled at the teenager trying to act so innocent and coy. The girl had the venomous bite of a rattle snake she just hid it well. He felt sorry for the vamps and demons that crossed her because he had a feeling she was deadlier than her Mum had ever tried to be. All that love and coddling and support that Spike and Buffy gave her had given her a confidence that would be legendary. Now, all she needed to do was work on her interrogation skills and he might hire her to work for him when she was older.
“Don’t think so, little one,” Angel replied, looking up at her over his own mug, except his held blood and not that sweet concoction Raven was slurping. “If your parents didn’t tell you than I’m surely not.”
“But something happened?”
“Isn’t it past your bedtime?”
Raven cocked an eyebrow at Angel and gave him a once over. He laughed again as the newest Slayer tried to intimidate him.
“That seems to be something for my parents to decide,” Raven said. “And if I’ve heard correctly when Buffy wasn’t much older than me, you didn’t seem to much care if she was in bed on time unless...”
Angel had to give her credit. She had found the wound and had kicked it with enough force to make him double over. He turned away from her, put his mug in the sink, and told himself to calm down. This was Buffy’s and Spike’s child and he couldn’t threaten her the way he would anyone else who was playing this game with him. A hand rested on his back and he turned surprised eyes to the girl who was now standing beside him.
“I’m sorry,” Raven said. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just getting scary around here and no one is telling us anything that will make it go away.”
“It’s not going to just go away,” Angel said, trying to be truthful. “And I think it’s going to get scarier before it gets better.”
Raven nodded and hugged him. She wrapped her arms around him and held on for dear life. Angel felt his reserve slip away and hugged her back. He could see why his son was so enamored of her. Raven was an amazing girl that once she worked out a few rough spots would become an unforgettable woman. As unforgettable and amazing as the woman she called Mum and he blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.
“Going to work your way through all the women in my life,” Spike snarled, standing in the kitchen doorway. His game face was back and he flashed his fangs. “Raven is about the age you like ‘em but if you don’t get your hands off of her, I’ll lose whatever reason I have left.”
Angel stepped away from her.
“Go upstairs, Raven,” Angel commanded.
“Daddy…”
“Raven, leave us,” Spike said. “Now,” he shouted when she hesitated.
The girl carefully skirted by her father before taking off at a run. The kitchen door swung shut behind her leaving the two vampires alone. Angel forced himself not to answer the challenge Spike was issuing. His growls resounded around them as Spike advanced on his Sire. Angel swore he wouldn’t fight his Childe. No matter what the personal cost was. Spike had every reason to be angry with him and even more reasons to need to release the emotional pain he was in. Spike was wound tight from the pressure he was under and since the trip to Atlanta he hadn’t made a peep of a complaint. Angel was forced back against the counter as Spike wrapped his shirt in his hands and pulled him closer to his Childe.
“What the hell happened?” Spike barked. “Why didn’t you stop her?”
“I woke up with her on top of me,” Angel said. “It was just a few minutes before you got there. I was afraid of hurting her and she kept fighting me.”
“So, what the hell were you going to do? Say, oops, she didn’t listen to me and oh, well, she just fucked me but I tried to stop her.”
“It wouldn’t have gotten that far,” Angel swore, looking away. It had seemed like a dream when he had woken to Buffy seducing him. A distant dream that was haunting him and he hated that a small part of him still wanted her. “I would have found a way to stop her.”
“Would you have? You’re weak, Angel and it had to seem like you had hit the fantasy jackpot to find her on top of you. You could’ve finally gotten what you wanted and it wouldn’t even have been your fault.”
Angel shoved Spike away from him. The truth hurt and he knew where Raven had gotten her bite from. He closed his eyes but it was too late. Spike saw it and the first punch wasn’t a surprise. Angel stayed down as Spike stood over him.
“I won’t share her,” Spike growled. “She’s mine. My mate and I won’t have you destroy her anymore.”
“She’s not Dru,” Angel fired back. “She’s Buffy despite what she said. I talked to the guards two days ago and Dru is still a prisoner. She could have nothing to do with this. Think, boy.”
Spike squatted beside him, wrapping his fingers in Angel’s hair.
“I do know its Buffy,” Spike whispered. “She’s my mate and now she has been fully claimed. You touch what is mine again and I won’t hesitate to kill you.”
“What have you done?” Angel asked horrified at his Childe’s words. “Buffy is mentally ill and is imitating Dru. Clinging to vampire rituals is only going to make it worse.”
Spike shoved Angel’s face into the ceramic tile of the floor with enough force to crack his cheekbone and still he didn’t fight back.
“Maybe vampire rituals are all I have to cling to,” Spike said. “Maybe it’s what she needs. Maybe it’s the only way.”
“Then you should have turned her when you had the chance but then you wouldn’t have been satisfied with that either. Just never really fit in anywhere did you? Always clinging to something or someone else to define you,” Angel mocked, trying to get through to Spike. “Your mother, Drusilla, the nickname, and you always think the grass is always greener on the other side. Even now you say you’ve chosen your mate but you sniff around other skirts. You still haven’t learned have you, Spikey, that you have to stand and fight where you are instead of looking for miracles elsewhere.”
“I have stayed through everything,” Spike cried. “Every damn wretched tortuous moment and every fucking pleasure, I’ve stayed and I’ve loved her and its still being taken away.” He slammed his fist into Angel’s chest. “And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”
The fists from his Childe rained as hard as his tears and Angel accepted it. If Spike didn’t get the pain out, he would be unable to continue the fight. As a father sacrifices for his child, Angel offered his body as a recipient for the rampaging emotions. And when the tears were stronger than the need for violence he offered his arms as a refuge. When the need for comfort was the dominating factor he offered his throat and petted his Childe as he drank from him. Spike was right. Sometimes being a vampire was all they had to hold onto in a life where they tried to be more human than demon.
January 18, 2008 3:15 AM
Spike extracted his fangs from his Angel’s neck swallowing down the last
bit of blood. He insanely thought that Buffy should have been there to taste
the power of his Sire’s blood. It swirled in him. His Sire’s and
a Slayer’s force surging along his veins and his mind and emotions cleared
leaving a cold starkness to the reality around him. He stood and held a hand
out to help Angel to his feet. They took a moment to stare at each other in
the knowledge that they had come full circle. While Spike retrieved the whiskey,
Angel cleaned the blood from his face and changed clothes. They met back in
the kitchen and sat across from each other at the table. With a flourish they
took the first shot and it was time to talk. To discuss the things that needed
to be decided.
“Does she remember?” Angel asked, twisting the glass in one hand while the other hand held an ice bag to his cheek.
“She knows what happened. I don’t know how much of it is deduction from where she came to or from remembering what she did. I didn’t really question her. She was too upset.”
Angel nodded. “What now?”
“I’ll take her to Sara in the morning. See what she says about this whole Drusilla impersonation. It explains a lot though especially the familiarity that I’ve sensed when Buffy is…off.”
“Does it feel like Dru?”
“I don’t know,” Spike said, taking another drink. “I could point at things and say yeah, but it’s still Buffy. Still my girl no matter what she’s done.”
“Kind of like Dru covered Buffy,” Angel quipped, pouring them another round.
“Or Buffy covered Dru,” Spike said, glancing up with awareness dawning in his eyes. “Or Dru tempered by a soul.”
Spike quickly shut down the slim light of hope for an easy explanation. The implications and whys of what was happening had been all examined and researched so many times and always with the same empty results. What would be the use of traveling that same futile path again?
It was time to focus on the practical matters that needed to be handled. His wife’s insanity had led her to impersonate someone that he’d once loved. Someone who was purely evil and not prone to reason either and the repercussions of such a masquerade could be deadly.
“Are you considering finding…putting…” Angel floundered, waving his hand. “I mean have you changed your mind?”
“No, I haven’t. I couldn’t Angel,” Spike said. “Even if I thought she was lost for good. If she ever woke up and found that I had locked her away, it would kill her. Destroy any hope that she had.”
“What about your children? I know that so far they’ve been safe but…”
Angel was right. It had been there and it was one of those things he had to decide. But Spike knew he had made the decision already. Somewhere in the time since Thanksgiving he had known it would come to this. It had never really been a question of if but when. Spike drained his glass and met his Sire’s gaze.
“I’m going to ask Giles and Kate to take in Sean and Raven and Xander and Anya to take Elijah until I figure out a more permanent solution.” Spike said, with a laugh. “Maybe Raven was right. Maybe I will end up Mrs. Rochestering her. Fix a nice padded room for my wife up in the attic.” He put a finger to his lips for a second then turned toward the door. “Okay, you two. Get your arses in here.”
The door opened and Raven and Sean stepped into the room. His daughter crossed her arms defiantly and stared at him. Sean hovered behind her. Fear radiated off of the young man and Spike knew that he didn’t want to lose the home he had just come to find.
“It’s not permanent, Sean,” Spike said. “I’m not going to send you all away for good. It’s just Buffy has taken a turn and I’m afraid she’ll get violent.”
“She’s never done anything to make us afraid,” Sean said. “I’d rather stay here. So, would Raven and if something happens then we’ll go.”
“I’m not asking. I’m staying,” Raven said.
It was hard not to admire the determination of his two oldest children. They were both going to fight for the home they had and it made Spike love them even more.
“And Elijah?” Spike said, coming to stand in front of them. “He’s the one I’m most worried about. He’s too little not to be influenced by the games they play.”
“With Xander and Anya? And only for a little while? And can we still see him?” Raven asked, stepping closer to her father.
“Yes, yes and yes,” Spike answered. “I don’t want to but it seems to be the best solution for now.”
“Dad,” Sean interrupted. “Mum’s birthday party is tomorrow. Can he stay until then? Raven and I promise not to leave them alone until then. Please?”
“Actually, that would be good,” Spike said. “Xander will be here anyway and we’ll just send him home with them.”
It wasn’t what he really wanted but as he hugged his children to him, Spike knew it was the only thing he could really do. He kissed them both and sent them off to bed. After a few more attempts at conversation that went nowhere Angel left for home. They both felt that it would be better if he wasn’t there when Buffy woke up and she had time to deal with what happened before she faced him again.
Spike made his way upstairs and crawled in next to his wife. He wrapped his arms around her sleeping form and whispered his promises of love to her. As he drifted off to sleep, he felt his child move for the first time beneath his palm. It was just a small push as a tiny foot or hand tried to find more room in Buffy’s womb and everything he was fighting for became even more real to him. He scooted down and whispered to her stomach of all the things he wanted to do with his baby. It was fitting that Buffy would wake, her fingers drifting through his hair and they met the morning together.
to be continued…
