September 22, 2007 5:15 PM

Her first thought was ‘ugh’ and she hates that she even thought it. Waking up surrounded by heat, with her back sticking to Spike’s chest and his groin pressed into her bottom, Buffy pulled away almost hearing the sticky glue made of their sweat giving away in the separation of their flesh. The second thought was thanking God that they didn’t have sex and she didn’t have hot stickiness between her legs and then her stomach rolled. She sat up on the edge of the bed and quickly stuck her head between her knees commanding her stomach to stay still. She heard Spike rustle, woken from not having her there, she could feel his eyes on her, then the inevitable touch of his hand on her back and she flinched from the heat. Since the brief incident in the van she had returned to the now inevitable lack of sexual desire and the intense need not to be touched at all.

Guilt poked at her as he removes the offending hand and she peeks at him through the curtain of her hair. The hand covered his face and his Adam’s apple moves as he swallows away his hurt and tears. She hates herself for this. The refusal of him. Because to him it was a rejection of all that he was and not just his flesh that currently makes her skin crawl. She longs for the return of the cool flesh beneath her and wonders if they were right after all. That she has a thing for only vampires and now this one more human than vampire was the reason for her body’s rejection and not just her hormones.

Her stomach refuses to cooperate and she runs for the bathroom, throwing her robe on as she goes. This time he didn’t come to check on her like she expected. He wasn’t there to hand her a washcloth and hold her hair back as she emptied her stomach.

Spike walked into the bathroom behind her. He didn’t ask, didn’t sympathize for her, he simply grabbed his razor and turned to leave again.

“Gee, thanks, hon,” Buffy threw out sarcastically. One hand rested on her porcelain altar as she held the other one over her mouth.

She heard him sigh as he hesitated under her words.

“What can I do?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry.”

Buffy opened her eyes to find him kneeling next to her, “Is there something you need, Buffy?”

His hand came closer to her as if to touch her and she closed her eyes bracing herself and then he was gone.

“Spike,” Buffy called out to him but it was too late as the bedroom door closed behind him. “Damn it.”

Buffy couldn’t stand an argument right now. Actually she just wanted to curl up somewhere in something cold so she turned to the one thing she could: a cold shower.

By the time she got out from under the cold water her teeth were almost chattering. She hurried through the rest of the things she needed to do and moved across the hall into the bedroom. Spike was lying across the bed with his eyes closed and she watched him warily hoping that he wouldn’t start anything as she pulled clothes out and got dressed. Finally she sat at her new vanity table to comb out her hair and hurriedly piled it on her head with a clip. She couldn’t remember the last time she had worn it down or had taken the time to really fuss with it.

“Why don’t you have it cut?” Spike said.

“Because you like it long.”

“And it’s impractical for you and you don’t like it anymore.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Buffy moved to grab some shoes from the closet and sat on the far edge of the bed. They both knew she was trying to keep from making contact.

“It’s okay if you do. You’re not the girl you used to be.” Spike softly said as he propped himself up on one elbow.

“Thanks, anything else you want to throw out.”

“Didn’t mean it be rude. I just meant you’re all woman now. More than you ever were before. In a good way, taking care of everything, more assured and you’re moving forward, knowing what you want, and having a baby.”

His words only made her guilt more than it already was and she wished that she wanted to throw herself on him and ravish him. Buffy buried her face in her hands unable to look at him.

“I’m sorry, Spike, I love you so much. The doctor said…”

“Don’t okay,” Spike said. “Don’t tell me what the doctor said, I was there. Don’t tell me you’re sorry, don’t tell me it will all pass, don’t tell me you’re trying and that Anya has ideas. I don’t want to hear you trying to placate me.”

He lay back down on the bed with his arm flung over his face. And she wondered how they could go from a compliment to a tirade in such a short amount of time. They were both feeling the lack of communication that they normally had in each other’s arms. And now once again they had withdrawn to neutral corners both hiding their faces from the other.

There was the slightest touch on her arm and then it was withdrawn.

“Buffy, look at me.”

She pulled herself out of her hands so that she could meet his eyes and they were filled with love and pain.

“Buf, I know you love me. I know that as much as I know I love you. And as long as I know that I’ll deal and I also know that you’re worrying its other stuff. Don’t. Get through this phase and if it doesn’t return we’ll deal with other possibilities then. I can’t really bear to think of it right now and you don’t need to be. So, we blame normal pregnancy hormones and as long as my hand doesn’t break up with me, I’m not going anywhere.”

Buffy laughed and took his hand, held it up and began to speak to it. “Be nice to him until I can. He’s a good man who deserves better than I can give him right now. And tell him when you satisfy him that I love him more than anything.” She put it back on his stomach and patted it.

A quick glance at the clock and she realized that she had only an hour and a half to get everything done and she wasn’t going to ask Spike for help. Not now.

“I need to go and finish stuff up. I slept too long.”

She was halfway to the door when he spoke to her again.

“Give me ten minutes to take a shower and I’ll be down to help.”

“Thanks.”

As Buffy hurried down the stairs her mind shifted from Spike to the list of things still left to do before the party. When she heard voices in the kitchen she moved even faster and then came to a full stop at the doorway.

Mrs. Armstrong, their neighbor and one of her students was sitting at the table fixing a vegetable tray, Raven was standing at the counter mixing a dip, Connor was washing dishes, and Sean was covering a completed meat and cheese tray while Elijah was busy being a taste tester.

“Hi, what’s going on?” Buffy asked.

“Hello, did you sleep well?” Mrs. Armstrong asked and then after receiving a nod she continued, “I came over to see if I could help and Sean put me to work. Your list is almost completely done.”

“As soon as I’m done here, Connor and I are going to go pick up the wing trays,” Raven said.

“Sean is a lovely boy. A beehive of activity and just got everybody moving to help. But that is a Brownie for you. Never met one before today but have heard a lot about them.” Mrs. Armstrong said.

“A Brownie?”

“Of course, dear, did you really think that I have lived in Sunnydale for sixty-four years and not know about these things? Like that your lovely husband is a vampire. Someday you really must tell me everything and like how he can go into sunlight now. Fascinating.”

“I need to sit down.” Buffy said as she moved to the table in shock. She looked over at the older woman sitting across from her. “You know about these things? And they don’t bother you?”

“Well, of course not. I also know you’re the Slayer. Well, I just learned the term today but I’ve known there was something different about you. My granddaughter went to school with you. Told me all about you. That’s what got me to take your class; knew the class protector would know how to teach others to protect themselves.”

A cup of tea was placed before Buffy along with a sandwich and when she looked up she found Sean smiling down at her.

“Thank you, Sean.”

“You’re welcome. Is there anything else that needs to be done other than what was on the list?”

“No, that was it.”

“Everything is done then. It will just need to be put out when the time is ready.”

“Thank you very much. Everyone, I appreciate it.” Buffy smiled at everyone as she leaned back in her chair feeling some of the tension leave her body.

“You appreciate what?” Spike asked as he walked over to the table then as if he remembered ‘no touching’ turned the other way to head toward the refrigerator.

“Everything is done, Dad. Sean took over the list, delegated it out and we are ready for tonight.”

Spike turned toward the boy in surprise, “It seems a thank you is in order. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sir. Raven is very important to me so that makes her family important, too.”

“And something else, Spike,” Buffy said. “It seems Mrs. Armstrong knows all about you being a vampire and me, being a Slayer.”

“Take a nap around here and everything changes.”

“That’s life.” Mrs. Armstrong said.

Sean took his tray out to put in the rented refrigerator on the back porch followed by Raven with the bowls of dip that she had made. Spike looked into the refrigerator, shrugged his shoulders and poured his blood out. If the neighbor knew then there was no need for secrecy.

“Hello, anyone home?” Cordelia’s voice drifted from the front hall. “We’re here.”

“Back here, Cordy,” Buffy called out.

“Great,” Spike muttered as he put his blood in the microwave. As far as he was concerned it would be good to see everyone but Angel.

“And look who we brought along. Showed up in LA yesterday.” Cordy said as she walked into the kitchen followed by Angel, Fred, Lorne and finally Max.

“Uncle Max, you came,” Raven said as she launched herself at him.

“Well, it’s nice to know we where stand,” Angel commented.

Raven laughed as she finished hugging Max then turned to Angel. She knew her father had tension with this vampire but he was Connor’s father so it was, “Uncle Angel, it’s good to see you.”

The others laughed at the expression on Angel’s face as he found his arms full of teenage enthusiasm and being called Uncle Angel.

As Raven finished greeting everyone else, dispensing hugs and being followed by Elijah looking for attention. The guests were greeted and then introduced to Sean and Mrs. Armstrong, who insisted that everyone call her Delores since they weren’t just neighbors anymore.

Buffy looked around at everyone that was crowded into her kitchen and when Cordy came to give her a hug, she stood and started backing up.

“Cordy, it’s not you,” Spike explained. “Buffy is going through a ‘don’t touch me phase’, the only one getting any affection is Elijah. So, don’t take it personally.”

“Everything’s okay though?” Fred asked.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Buffy said. “I’m just feeling prickly all the time.”

Buffy leaned back against the wall as thankfully everyone’s attention turned elsewhere and she watched her friends and family greet one another. Finally she began to relax and she looked up to find Spike watching her. He came over to her and whispered in her ear. “Why don’t you and I go get the rest of the stuff and let you get some air?”

She nodded gratefully and in a moment she was blessedly outside and able to breathe again.

“Love those people but my God, not all at one time and not all in one room,” Buffy said as Spike helped her into the van. “Thank you, Spike.”

“Don’t give me too much credit. I was hoping riding in the van might trigger some more horniness.”

She laughed as they pulled out of the driveway.

~~~~~~~

September 22, 2007 8:41 PM

The party was in full swing. There were people everywhere, teenagers screaming and running around, the food was being eaten in large quantities and Raven was having the time of her life. And that to Buffy was the most important thing. She took another sip of her drink and ran her eyes around the festivities again. She spotted Angel alone by the porch and made her way toward him. After sitting on the steps she patted the spot next to her and he sat down.

“How are you doing?” Buffy asked.

“Don’t do the party stuff much.”

“I remember.” Buffy smiled as she looked around again.

“Could have stayed in LA with Gunn and Wesley working on that case but wanted to do the family thing for Raven. I didn’t want her to feel unloved on her first birthday with us besides this gave me an opportunity to check on Connor without checking on Connor.”

“Parenting is best done when they don’t even know it.” Buffy laughed. “I can’t believe I did this much for her fifteenth birthday.”

“I do.”

“And what would that be Mr. I Know Buffy more than Buffy does?”

“It’s because when you were in high school all of your birthdays were bad. One of them thanks to me.”

“Angelus, not you.”

Angel nodded unwilling to argue the point with her. It was the past and couldn’t be changed now.

“You are going to do everything that you can to see that Raven gets as much normal as she can in her life.”

“Yep, that I am.” Buffy nodded.

“So, what’s up with Spike? He hasn’t been rude to me all night.”

Buffy searched through the crowd to find her husband. He was standing with Max and Xander watching the kids gyrating on the dance floor.

“He’s fine. I think there is just too much going on to be willing to take you on too.”

“I’m still trying to deal with what he did.” Angel said. When he had first found out it had taken him a few days to work up the courage to speak with Buffy or with Spike. The burden that he carried that he had given up Buffy and humanity to fight for the cause and Spike was given the choice that he was, it didn’t seem fair to him. Spike had what he had once wanted, humanity, the ability to still fight the fight and Buffy. It hurt like hell and Angel had needed time to deal with it.

“He’s an amazing man.”

“Sounds like a woman in love.”

They exchanged a smile as they once again acknowledged that everything they had gone through was only a stepping stone to where they actually belonged.

“Mum, come on, it’s time for us to sing,” Raven said as she reached for Buffy’s hand. When her mother resisted she pulled on her. “You promised and you can’t break a promise to the birthday girl.”

“She’s right.” Angel agreed before leaning over and softly kissing Buffy on the cheek. “Go on, Mum, make your daughter happy.”

“Yeah, you just want to see me make an ass out of myself,”

He watched Buffy and Raven walk off together then looked around to find Spike glaring at her before turning it toward him. Angel sighed and swore that he would talk to Spike somehow before he went home.

Lorne had agreed to be the DJ for the party with some time set aside for Karaoke. So, that no one would suspect that he was actually a demon they told everyone that it was a disguise and his name was ‘The Green Machine” and the kids loved him. Suddenly the music stopped and Lorne called out for attention. “Okay, kiddies, it’s time for Karaoke and first up is the birthday girl, Raven, and her Supremes doing ‘Stop, In the Name of Love’.

Raven followed by Buffy, Willow and Tara went up on the small stage and were soon stumbling their way through the song. They put their hearts into it though and appeared to be having a good time. Everyone applauded when they were done with Spike doing the latest clapping and whistling for his girls.

“No time like the present,” Angel decided and headed toward Spike.

On the way toward the blonde vampire he saw Lorne waving him over so Angel changed direction and headed toward his friend.

“What’s going on?”

Lorne turned his back on the microphone and stepped toward Angel. “Has Spike or Buffy said anything to you about something bad going down? Or something wrong with the baby?”

“No, why?”

“Then, Cupcake, we’ve got a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“It’s Buffy. Her aura was screaming at me. That little girl is in danger and if something doesn’t change she’s not going to live long enough to be a mother to this baby.”

TBC