February 13, 2007 11:30 PM

From the kitchen came the sounds of dishes clattering, pans rattling and muffled voices with laughter. They kept filtering their way into Spike’s fugue state as he was worked on the latest chapter. A quick glance at the clock made him wonder who was here and what the hell they were doing at this time of night. The action in his head made him try to dismiss what was going on so that he wouldn’t lose the mood of what he was working on. A few moments later the door was softly opened but he knew that if it was Buffy she would wait until he responded. So he didn’t bother to turn around right away. But before he did the door shut again.

The voices faded away but were replaced by the scent of cooking onions and green peppers. It tickled his nose making his curiosity grow as to what Buffy was up to. Finally abandoning any attempt of further writing he turned toward the door. A note had been taped to it telling him to stay there until Buffy came to get him. A smile flashed across his face as he imagined what she was doing. Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day. Well, actually it was going to be in about fifteen more minutes. Then the smile became a grin as he realized that she was due in a few days so there was a possibility of romance.

Spike turned to straightening up his desk to keep himself busy until she came to the door. At midnight exactly there was a light tapping on the door. He was there before she was done announcing her arrival. The grin was wiped off his face when he saw her standing there. Buffy was clad in a floor length red velvet dress. The material clung to her like a second skin with the bodice dipping low to show generous amounts of her breasts. His eyes slowly moved over her from her bare toes to her hair that was swept up in a loose knot with tendrils curling around her face. She smelled like heaven too as she slipped into his arms.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.” She whispered to him right before she nibbled on his ear. Then before he could respond she moved back. Taking his hand she led him to the dining room. She stopped in the doorway giving him the chance to see what she had done. The table was covered in white lace with rose petals scattered across the surface. Placed around the room were white candles scenting the air with their fragrance.

Spike walked slowly over to the table admiring the china and crystal champagne flutes that made up the place settings. Between their settings was a silver tray with a dome cover. Finally next to his seat was a wine bucket with a bottle of champagne chilling.

“You did this for me?” His words were soft as he looked at her in amazement. The past month and a half had been so tense for them and this was totally a surprise. It was him that usually planned their celebration of this day. Suddenly she was behind him wrapping her arms around him.

“I love you, Spike. I know I haven’t said it enough lately but I do.” Buffy squeezed him gently then pulled back to guide him into his seat. The dome cover was removed to reveal two perfect omelets, hash browns and bacon. She giggled at the look on his face at what she had made.

“I’ve been going over to everybody’s houses practicing. They are all sick of breakfast foods.”

His arm moved to rest across her back as she served them. Then when she went to take her seat he pulled her down into his lap. He reached across and pulled her chair and plate next to his. This was too much to let her get away from him. She shifted so that her bottom was on her seat but that her legs were draped across his. Together they popped the cork on the champagne.
Spike wouldn’t let her move from where she was against him. He took turns feeding them, sipping champagne and kissing between bites. The slit in her dress had opened to reveal the length of her legs giving him access to touching as they ate the meal. If it wouldn’t have hurt her feelings he would have skipped the food and gone straight upstairs.

He was totally stunned at what she had done for him. It made him feel like he did when she had first come back. They had rarely made it out of bed for the first couple of weeks. Leaving only to eat and visit their family. It had been a time of laugher and making love and bonding. It was something that had been slowly slipping away as they had become comfortable with each other and their routines.

He stood with Buffy still in his arms after he felt they had consumed enough of the food to keep her from being upset.

“Grab the champagne.” He told her as he swung her around so she could reach it. After it was in her hands they headed for the door. Tonight was going to be about them. And only them. The walk to their room was hampered by the stops they made to kiss and to take drinks from the champagne bottle.

Once they reached their room he had Buffy put the bottle on the nightstand before he dumped her in the middle of the bed. She laughed up at him when she landed making him smile in anticipation. Spike walked around the room lighting candles and peeling his clothes off. When he was finished he walked back to the bed watching her. Buffy was lying back on the pillows in the middle of the bed. Her eyes were already heavy with desire from watching him.

The bed gave slightly as he came to lie beside her. His hand moved to the buttons that were down the front of her dress. They were slowly undone as his fingers feathered lightly across her flesh making her stomach quiver with the tickling sensation. Once he had reached the last button the material was moved away from her. Underneath the dress Buffy’s breasts were bound by a red lace bra. She had worn it for him knowing it was his preferred color on her. The air around them became filled with need as he watched the rise and fall of her breasts as she breathed.

Buffy watched him as he slowly undressed her. The past month had been hard on both of them. She needed his touch as much as he needed hers. When his eyes flickered up to catch hers she reached for his hand still resting on her stomach. Slowly she brought it across her flesh until it covered the softness of her breast. She arched up into the palm of his hand letting him know what she needed.

“Whatever you want, baby.” She whispered to him as he began to caress her of his own will. He froze only for a second when she told him. It was a sign of trust and love that she was giving him. That she would be his in whatever way he wanted her. He had never taken her where she was uncomfortable before. But she also knew that there were things that he wanted between them that had never been brought up. Acts that he was afraid would make her stop loving him. Tonight she wanted to give him whatever he needed. For all the things that he had done for her not only in the last month but for all the years he had loved her.

His eyes searched hers for a moment. The gift she was offering was appreciated for the gesture that it was. But what he needed more at the moment was to reestablish their bonding. He needed to feel the love that was between them.

“Just you. All I want is you.” He whispered to her as his mouth covered hers. Buffy was surprised at the gentleness that he was showing. Then her hands moved to pull him closer to her until his chest was heavy on hers. The lace scratched at his skin adding more sensation to their already overburdened nerve endings. Their mouths moved together while their tongues played together. In a game of catch that would never be won. But he wanted more as his hand moved down her body to slowly pull her dress up until it was bunched around her waist. He gave a grunt of satisfaction as he was finally able to reach what he wanted. Buffy opened her legs to his touch as he slowly caressed her through her panties making her wet for his touch.

Time slowed down as they explored flesh that was already known to them. There was no hurry only an aching need to be together. Her hair was undone from its clasp so that it tumbled around her in a golden cloud that invited him in. When he left trails of kisses down her body the dress was leisurely leading the way until it pooled on the foot of the bed. Eventually it was kicked off when they rolled each over and over in their feverish need to reconnect.

Spike shifted her onto her back again as he came to kneel above her. His fingers began to pull her panties off of her, down her legs, finally over her feet. After they joined her dress on the floor his eyes moved over her. Nude except for the bra she was waiting for him. The whiteness of her skin flushed with need. Her breathing and heartbeat erratic with want. And it was only for him as he moved to lie above her. Buffy brought her legs up to wrap around his waist as he began to enter her.

“Keep your eyes open.” He demanded as he leaned on his elbows above her. The descent into her warmth was as slow as the play that had come first. She did as he requested maintaining eye contact as he filled her. As the sensations he was causing began to build her hands moved along his waist to his chest then finally to rest on his arms. At first he only grinded into her rotating his hips as he stayed buried in her. Then with small motions back and forth he began to take them where they wanted to go. Her hips moved involuntarily to meet his thrusts as she began to lose control.

Spike watched her as she started to come undone changing his movements to stay with her. Eventually moving harder and faster to her demands he watched her crest. Her face showed every nuance of her pleasure as she cried his name out. But he wasn’t done with her as he continued to take her bringing her over again before allowing himself his release.

Buffy pulled him down on top of her as he came within her. Slowly she caressed his back as he shuddered from the force of his orgasm.

“I love you and I always will.” She whispered into his neck as she rained kisses there and across his shoulders.

“I know you do.” He told her honestly because it was the only thing that he was holding onto at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~

March 6, 2007 1:45 PM

Buffy waited until the stick confirmed her suspicions. She was ovulating and now was the best time for them to have sex. Spike was napping in their bed at the moment because they had been out late last night on patrol. Some vampires had desired to make trouble leading them through cemetery after cemetery before they had been able to take out the last one. And sunrise was only moments away as they had hurried through their door.

The calendar had already told her that today was most likely the day. But she couldn’t relax until she had known for sure so she had forced herself from his side to check. The tea they Spike had been drinking had raised his level some but Kate said it could also be because they were pretty much limiting their time having sex. The last time they had been together was on Valentine’s Day. And Spike had been getting grouchier by the day.

When she returned to the bedroom he was lying on his back on top of the covers clad only in a pair of faded jeans. One arm rested on the pillow behind him. Buffy climbed into the bed next to him then moved so that she was straddling him. After settling against his still sleeping form she pulled her t-shirt from her body letting it fall where it may. Then she leaned forward over him letting their skin come into contact. Kisses were slowly placed against his chest as she moved over him.

“Hey, what’s up?” He whispered to her as she moved upwards to his neck. His hand tangling in her hair that brushed against him. Then as he remembered that today was circled on the calendar he stiffened up. She looked down at him in nervousness afraid that he would become angry. But then he relaxed as he pulled her down to kiss her.

If he had to do it on command he was going to at least enjoy it he told himself as his hands caressed her back. He felt almost lonely as she led the way. Their touching was only to bring one goal. It was nothing but movements that were guaranteed to bring results. There was no spontaneity of passion. No laughter and love.

A little while later when he tried to lower her down onto him she had pulled back. His eyes were quizzical as she rolled them over so that she was on her back. A pillow below her hips as she positioned herself for him. Then he remembered when she had told him that this would be the best position for conception. Their eyes met in mutual understanding as he started to lower himself on her bringing a connection to this act that had been absent before. They realized that they both felt the loneliness.

Spike leaned forward to kiss her before he began to move.

“Its okay, Buffy, I want you to be happy.” He tried to let her know that although he wasn’t thrilled about a lot of this that she was still his first concern. That his love for her wasn’t diminishing by these days. She would always be his heart even though hers wanted more than him.

When he had moved off of her he continued to lie beside her. Kate had told her to stay in that position for at least twenty to thirty minutes. The comforter was lovingly pulled over her as he snuggled into her side. His head nuzzled on her shoulder.

“Thank you.” She whispered to him as she kissed the top of his head. Their hands entwined across her belly.

“It’s all right, love. I know how much this means to you.”

“I know it’s not fair to you. You seem to be doing all the sacrificing right now.” Buffy wanted him to understand that she knew how much this was tearing him apart and that she appreciated it.

Spike moved so that he could look down at her. Tears were slowly falling down her cheeks as she looked up at him.

“Don’t cry. We’ll get through this. Hopefully, you’ll get your baby from it.”

He gently wiped the tears from her face.

“Our baby.” She corrected him softly. “It will be our baby.”

Her words were filled with so much love that for the first time he began to believe that there would be room enough for both of them in her heart. And with that he began to hope that this would lead to a baby for them. He lay back down against her as they begin to drift off to sleep together.

~~~~~~~~~~

April 17, 2007 8:35 PM

Over three months of trying had led to nothing.

Buffy moved through the cemetery with a predatory air just hoping that something would appear. The need to use up her pent up anger and frustration was her driving force. The tension between Spike and her were almost at the breaking point. But what she needed and wanted seemed to be low on someone’s list to take care of. After several hours of searching she only found one fledgling and one demon that had run from her. The fledgling was dust and the demon had gotten away.

At midnight she finally turned for home hoping that Spike was in his study or had already gone to bed. His continual switching from tender support to whining about his frustrations was driving her crazy. Most days she could handle him but earlier she had found out that she wasn’t pregnant again. She just wanted to be alone to lick her wounds in private.

According to their agreement there were only two months left to try. She would honor that no matter how much it hurt. Because she knew that to push anymore beyond that would start to erode the very foundation of their relationship. Their promises to each other had always been honored. It was something that Spike demanded between them and she readily agreed. He had always kept his even when it was almost too much for him. Like now.

Buffy slipped through the back door trying to get a feel for where he was before she saw him. But he was there sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of blood in his hand almost like he had been waiting for her. He glanced up at her as she came in. Neither of them knew what to say to the other. She went to the refrigerator to get a soda before coming to sit across from him.

“I’m sorry.” His words were soft as he tried to reach her. He had found the tampon wrappings in the trash that afternoon. When she had left to go patrolling alone he had let her go knowing that her emotions were too volatile for a confrontation. As much as he hoped for her baby it was becoming more evident that he had been right. It was never going to be. And to hope was only going to lead to hurt.

“No, you’re not. You don’t want any of this.” Buffy snapped at him wishing that she had just gone upstairs instead of sitting here. A fight was not really what she was looking for but the words had slipped out of her. She stood to get away from the hurt look in his eyes.

Spike followed her pinning her between him and the kitchen counter.

“What I want is you back.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere.”

Spike reached up to move a lock of hair behind her ear. Then slowly his fingers trailed across her face coming to brush against her lips. His eyes glittered with the emotions filling him.

“Yes, you have. I can’t reach you anymore.” His voice soft with pain from her wanting something he knew he couldn’t give.

“No, what you mean is you don’t have me fucking you everyday anymore. It always has to be your way. Your conditions.” She pulled back away from him leaving his hand suspended in mid-air. Spike let it drop to his side as he contemplated her words. He knew that she was hurt and frustrated but it wasn’t true. His eyes flickered down as her hands pushed against his chest. Then he looked back up at her as he grabbed her hands in his own. Just so that she would hold still.

“Everything that I have become is shaped by you. Everyday I deny who I truly am for you. Because this is the way Buffy would want it. Because being pure and righteous is the way I am supposed to be. Not the demon that screams at me to let him loose. Do not talk to me of conditions and who is giving up the most.”

With that he let go of her hands to turn to walk out the door. Buffy stood in stunned silence as his words reminded her of how much he had changed. To not only love her but to fight on the side of good. When she heard the motorcycle start up she grabbed the keys from the counter, slammed out the back door and ran toward the driveway. He was just coming out of the garage when she got there.

There was only a momentary hesitation as he stopped for her. With a grateful smile and tears on her cheeks she climbed on behind him. Her arms wrapped around him as he took off. The night was theirs as he pushed the limits of the bike for speed. The three of them moved as one. The bike, Spike and Buffy. As they turned corners going too fast they would lean with the bike trying to keep from sliding. The wind pushed at them as the anger was left in its wake.

Spike took them along the coast road as if he was trying to chase the ocean. She clung to him even tighter as they moved along the cliffs. Here, together, they could feel the power of life around them. The power of their love between them. Here it was as he secretly wanted it. Just the two of them and the night. He wished that they could just keep going. That they never had to go back to the responsibilities, the family and the life they had created. Even as much as he loved that life occasionally it felt like a weight holding him back.

Sometimes, just sometimes he wanted to let the demon loose just to feel one more time the way he used to. In the kill. In the fight. In the sex. But he knew that it would never be. Not as long as Buffy was there. Not as long as the family was there. Not as long as his soul and heart were still intact. Usually when these feelings and thoughts took him over he would go to find Buffy. To lose himself in her arms. There he found all the power and freedom he needed. But lately that had been taken from him so that night he was just trying to outrun his demon. And was grateful because Buffy was there to remind him of what he had to lose.

TBC